Hi everyone. I know it's been awhile since I've posted a new chapter. With schoolwork, social activities and some personal stuff, not to mention MAJOR writer's block out of the way, I've finally been able to sit down and let my ideas flow into this new chapter. I've changed the title and the summary of this story and that's about it. I hope you guys enjoy it. Comments and Flames welcome! 

I don't own Passions and I don't own the song Behind These Hazel Eyes by Kelly Clarkson.

Chapter 3

Theresa's P.O.V

I make it back home right as mom finishes lunch.

"Hey Mama." Shutting the door behind me, walking up to the kitchen island and leaning against it, watching Mama.

"Hello Mija how was your walk?"

"It was nice."

"Something wrong Mija?"

"No Mama, I'm fine, no need to worry at the moment." Giving my mother a soft smile as she sets lunch in front of me.

"Where's Whitney?"

"She went home, but she wanted me to tell you she'd be back later and that's she's glad you're better."

"So am I Mama, so am I." Getting up and kissing mama on the cheek, heading upstairs to my room and plopping down on my bed, looking around my room and seeing pictures of my family, my friends, and him. I stood up and walked over to the small shrine I dedicated to Ethan and me. Picking up the picture of him and I at our engagement party, framed in silver, us smiling at each other, love shining in our eyes. Closing my eyes, feeling tears start to build and willing them away. I move back to my bed and pull my diary out of it's hiding place, setting the picture on the bed as I laid my diary on my lap.

My diary was a midnight blue color with silver embroidery all over it in intricate designs, in the center a crescent moon and half a sun and butterflies in the corners. On the back of it was more embroidery, but it swirled around to the center where the symbol of a silver phoenix laid. Its wings gracefully spanned out, its head held high. I always felt a connection to this diary, never really understood why, maybe it was because I found it the day my father disappeared or it was the only thing I could tell my hopes, my dreams and my thoughts to, without being judged. It was the true constant in my life, it was always there, beckoning me to share my thoughts, my life with it, and after I wrote in it, I felt so much better, like even though things were bad there was always a chance, a hope that they would get better. This book is sacred to me. It's more than just a friend; it's a part of me. What I wrote in it was my true feelings, my thoughts, and my secrets, pure and untainted by the world and its people. Flipping through the pages, seeing the various thoughts, drawings, poems, and songs I've written since I was a little girl. Stopping on the first empty page, and grabbing a pen from my nightstand. My free hand moving towards the picture frame, fingertips gliding across the glass, my eyes closing as the memories of him and I wash over me, the feelings I've been holding in for the longest time start to surface. My eyes open, looking down at the paper, the pen gliding over it flawlessly as I let my emotions out.

Seems like just yesterday

You were apart of me

I used to stand so tall

I used to be so strong

Your arms around me tight

Everything it felt so right

Unbreakable, like nothing could go wrong

The memory of Ethan proposing to her after he broke off his engagement with Gwen coming to mind, remembering the sincerity and love in his eyes as he proclaimed his feelings, telling her how much he loved her and wanted to be with her. The memory floating away and another one replacing it, smiling bitterly as she remembered the day of their wedding and how he still blamed her for sending his paternity test to the tabloids. That should have been a sign to me then. He didn't love me enough to believe me.

Now I can't breathe

Now I can't sleep

I'm barely hanging on

Here I am

Once again

I'm torn into pieces

Can't deny it

Can't pretend

Just thought you were the one

Looking up

Deep Inside

But you won't get to see the tears I cry

Behind these hazel eyes

Another memory entering her mind, the night before their wedding, the first time they made love. She had given herself to him, trusting him with her mind body, heart and soul, but it hadn't been enough.

I told you everything

Opened up and let you in

You made me feel all right

For once in my life

Now all that's left of me

Is what I pretend to be

So together, but so broken up inside

Remembering when she watched him propose to Gwen and marry her, the tears she cried that night and the next few nights, not believing after everything she did they still weren't together.

Cause I can't breathe

No I can't sleep

I'm barely hanging on

Here I am

Once again

I'm torn into pieces

Can't deny it

Can't pretend

Just thought you were the one

Broken up

Deep inside

But you won't get to see the tears I cry

Behind these hazel eyes

Her mind drifting to L.A. remembering how she left her home for him so Gwen wouldn't lose her baby, yet they all ended up in the same place, her and Ethan even in the same bed then making out on the beach. Gwen finding out and attacking her causing her to defend herself and Gwen losing the baby. Ethan, Gwen and Rebecca blaming her for it. Rebecca taking it out on her and her family, and taking away her precious little boy, ripping him from her arms with Ethan's help. Him shattering her completely and leaving her to pick up the pieces, sending her into the recesses of her own mind and heart.

Swallow me then spit me out

For hating you I blame myself

Seeing you it kills me now

No I don't cry on the outside

Anymore

Anymore

These memories swirling around in her head, knowing how blind she has been and knowing she needs to see again.

Here I am

Once again

I'm torn into pieces

Can't deny it

Can't pretend

Just thought you were the one

Broken up

Deep inside

But you won't get to see the tears I cry

Behind these hazel eyes

Closing my journal and taking a deep breath, I know what I have to do. I have to leave Harmony and start over and when the time comes I will come back and get what is rightfully mine, my son. Standing up and moving over to the shrine of Ethan and I that I made so long ago, pulling off a picture and looking at it.

"Here's to the first step." Smiling, ripping up the picture and tossing it into the trash, humming to myself as I pull and rip the pictures off the walls, knowing that I'm ready to pick up the pieces of my shattered life.