Disclaimer: See Ch.4
A/N: at the Bottom
SYMBOLS or FORMATTING:
things in "BOLD" are the durseleys speaking in Flashback mode.
Things in "ITALICS" are full Flashbacks in Harry's POV.
Also: this switches from normal to prose since it is Harry's POV and he's a bit…unstable…to say it one way.
On to the Story!
Chapter Five
My mind wanders, or perhaps its my feet in the hallways, empty and silent. I think I ran into Mrs. Norris but she only stared at me and walked away, perhaps to Filch who knows.
The dorm was silent when I left, the snores and such were overwhelming, my eyes should be bloodshot, I haven't slept since...I can't...remember...
"Filthy Whore...I'll teach you..." A meaty hand came down
again
again
and emptiness
pain
as he was taken
again
again...
I shake my head and look towards the window outside. It was a full moon and the lake seemed like a mirror of the outside. It was glass in an open plain...a freedom that I could not- did not deserve.
"Go Clean up the attic you pathetic freak...for all we do...care...clothe...you..." she screams...I run upstairs, into the dusty silence. The attic was full of boxes and a small window on the roof. The boxes were blank and seemingly empty…or so they felt.
I couln't open any of the boxes, I had dusted to a shine the whole place, I even organized the positions of the boxes, still everyone I tried to open, they remained shut.
I first tasted magic, in the filthy air, in the dust, in the silence.
The shimmered and tingled with something…different. I comforting wave of…something…magic in the air and box I had my hands on plopped open.
There was a thin sheet of tissue paper, deep jade.
Under the sheet of leather bound book.
A single picture in the front page: it was a smiling lady with my eyes, a small baby and a tall man man with my hair who was smiling too.
It was-
"WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS!" he screamed. My uncle
he took it away….
The smiles died
And the darkness overwhelmed them
Burned by the flames…
" Potter." A soft voice murmured behind me.
"What. What more?" I whispered. I didn't turn around, the magic wove around me, I was so vulnerable…pitiful…exposed…
"They're gone now…you must realize that you cannot hold this to yourself." The voice whispered barely a foot away.
I frown. "It's not your place to decide that…you are to blame as much as they are." I spat, though without hatred, more self-loathing.
"It's illogical to hold- "You did it too, and now you swore an oath; you'll keep it and tell no one. Stop following me, I'm not an invalid, or a child. I never was." I snarled.
Steps receeded. Leaving me, to my own darkness and demons. It started to rain, if only the heavens knew…
And Yet…
He does. He can't speak of it, but still, the glances perturb my veil of denial.
He did it too,
Still he left me in the coffin
Alone
And dying.
I was in the Great Hall when Draco and the rest of my dorm mates decided to come down.
Draco stared at me and shrugged, it was nice to leave questions unanswered.
I mechanically spread jelly on my toast. It was too sweet, but the at the moment I couldn't tell the difference.
It was all numb and cold. I couldn't even place it- the reason.
I stared at my schedule without emotion and hardly noticed the disgusted remarks on some of the classes.
Gryffindors and Transfigurations.
My dear son,
Having you read this means the inevitable to all men in sometime, our death must have occurred…
……..Foul Creature! Get DOWN, NO MORE of THAT NONSENSE.
Bruises and cuts and something worse
Tear me
It hurts
Does it not?
'……James often…then…Sirius, he's your godfather, I do hope you two are well and together…Remus…the other Marauder and dear friend..he'll be so…..'
The perfect handwriting of her, I nearly grinned as the tears came down.
'Mum'
YOU HAVE KNOWN THAT OTHER WHORE SOLD YOU AWAY..'
It's not true….
IT"S NOT TRUE…
If and when the time comes, I hope never to remember.
They're staring at me and following me. I know what they want, what I will not give.
Someone, I wish, would stop them…in time.
Before they got me…Before…
The Reason-I've found is me.
They're all gone, my own my family,
Everything
It's me
I'm the cause.
I never noticed that I had yelled out loud. In the hall, I barely noticed Draco grabbing my arm as I fell.
I could only hear…her voice…the singing…the comforting sounds…
The bitter cold of darkness…
There is warmth…it's so foreign…a pulsing warmth…
I should let go
I'm too volitale,
I'm only a weapon, a tool
I'm a hope fallen.
If only I knew why he's calling me
Calling me back to this life
The hellish reality of it all and pain
Too much pain in the abyss
Who's to fall
And caught.
It's me
It's me
See my final act…
The great Fall…
Of death.
End…of Chapter.
A/N:
Teeny-Weeny: Thanks For your Review! I made this chp a bit longer, though it had meant to be two chapters, but oh well. Harry actually formed for a page or two coherent and logical..somewhat…thoughts and sentences. Just to clear things up, he's having flashbacks as he's getting used to Hogwarts. Unfortunately, there are some things or rather people who keep bringing his worst memories again. And no you didn't dissuade me from H/D they're still a high possibility, but there is someone else who will have a rather large impact, im not revealing him yet but he's the one who talks to Harry. He IS getting better, but some of the memories have gone far deeper than even he realizes and his magic is trying to stabilize him thus all the "falls".
Why havent' people noticed? Well, that's another story… THANKS for the Lovely review, I was having a bad day so it cheered me up quite a bit. -
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