Title: Dissolution
Author: Jaymi1
Rating: T…one bad word…sorry.
Summary: In the end it had just been harder to beapart than to be together.
Disclaimer: In no way am I gifted enough to own these characters, I just take 'em out for a spin sometimes so don't sue me.
Author's Note: It's been so long since I've done this, I usually stick to reading, but inspiration struck around midnight and I had to write this. Ever notice how most people just assume that there'll be a happily ever after, well I just wanted to think about what it'd be like if there wasn't. I usually hate these stories but it wouldn't leave me alone, so I apologise right now if this depresses anyone. But please, if you enjoyed it or even have some constructive criticism leave me a review, it always helps.
Dissolution
When they had started this, neither of them had even entertained the thought that it would turn out this way. She hadn't even considered for one second that they'd end like this. She was too caught up in the excitement and newness of the whole ordeal, neither of them had really thought things through and now Sam was kicking herself. If either of them had taken the time to think about what they had been about to do, maybe they could have saved themselves, and their friends, some heartache.
It wasn't as though they both hadn't tried to salvage whatever it was that they'd had- but in the end it was just too hard to go on. There was no point in continuing to destroy each other with their stubbornness.
At least it hadn't come to this while he was still at the SGC. This way she didn't have to see him ever day, interact with him on a professional level. She didn't think either of them could handle that at the moment. It was bad enough with him in Washington and her in Colorado, knowing that he spoke to Daniel and Teal'c on a regular basis. Wondering if he asked after her, if he even cared enough now to ask.
It had been great when it ha first started. He had taken the job in Washington, overseeing Homeworld Security and she had stayed with the Stargate program, but they had both waited for so long, almost too long, to have what they wanted that they figured the distance couldn't possibly be any worse.
In the end it hadn't just been about the physical distance between them, but that had certainly been a factor. It had been the fact that, although he had never admitted it, he missed the field, going through the gate. He had never been cut out for the bureaucratic bullshit that came with being in charge- that was more Hammond's scene than his.
He had begun to resent both her and the rest of her team for their ability to continue doing what he could not. That, coupled with his constant worry for her whenever she went offworld made for some fairly tense reunions when they could spare the time to see each other.
Perhaps the worst thing of all, the most damning to their now dead-in-the-water relationship was that they had dived right into it. They had gone from colleagues straight to lovers without having even really known each other.
Sure they had worked together in relatively close quarters for more than eight years., sure they were friends, and the attraction between them had always been there, even from the very beginning, but they had never really known each other, aside from the kinds of cursory details one could hardly avoid learning during eight years of almost daily interaction. Neither was entirely sure who the other was and how exactly they fit together outside of the CO-2IC dynamic, not to mention that both had serious emotional baggage that had never really been addressed.
For a time they had just ignored it. And it was easy to get swept up in the frenzy of a new intimacy. But ignorance was not always bliss and they began to discover that everything they had had endeavoured to ignore just kept building up until they could no longer hold it back, until the dams broke and the flood waters washed over them.
By the time they had admitted to themselves hat something was wrong they was already too broken to fix. They had expended too much time and energy ignoring the rising waters that in the end all they could really do was cut their losses and bail out.
The thought of the potential they'd had, what they had lost made her long to go back and start from the beginning, to make sure they took the time to get to know each other outside of "General" and "Colonel" before they dove headlong into any kind of intimate relationship. But what was done was done and she certainly couldn't fix it now. They were both to blame and they both should have known better, they had walked into this thing blind and were now feeling the repercussions. It had just been too hard and now she was left asking herself 'what now?'