Author: Jade due to some rough language but it should be considered a light R
Summary: Dawn has a cool new friend that she really likes. How is Buffy going to react when she finds out who this friend is?
Warning: This does contain lesbian themes. Not just Willow and Tara though. If this bothers you, (which I highly doubt because what Buffy fan would be a homophobic?) then you can leave.
Disclaimer: The characters in this story do not belong to me they belong to: Joss Whedon and the UPN I'm just borrowing them because I love to play with Buffy. And the song "Things I'll Never Say" is not mine, it belongs to Avril Lavigne off of her CD "Let Go." Its awesome. That's were I'm getting my inspiration for this fic from. But the poem "Sunday Morning" is mine and only mine. I wrote that myself.
A/N: I got the title from something that Dawn had said in this past season. She had said that she was just "a lightening rod for pain" and caused some sparkage in my brain. In this fic, Tara is alive.
Lightening Rod for Pain:
Dawn glanced up from her book to see the people approaching the nearby table. She had been studying in the library for the past hour and she was getting bored of it. Her grades were slipping and Buffy suggested that instead of coming home where she had distractions, she should go to the library where she could concentrate.
The group consisted of three boys and one girl. They took a table that was over and back from the table that Dawn was occupying. The girl took the seat next to her male friend. She was in direct eye view of Dawn. Carefully Dawn made sure not to stare at the girl too much.
The girl was wearing a long sleeve white shirt with a black short sleeve shirt on top of it. On her neck hung a few chains in different lengths. One chain held a small pad lock on the end. She had a brownish blonde look to her hair which hung down to her shoulders. Dawn watched as the girl placed a pair of glasses on. It only made her look cuter in Dawn's opinion. But that doesn't mean that I'm gay. She's just a nice looking girl. Dawn rationalize.
Dawn had been struggling with her identity for a while now. Though she never told anybody about it, fear that they might think wrong of her, she was coming to her conclusion on her own. It was something that even if she did tell people, they couldn't help her decide. The more Dawn took a notice of people, both guys and girls, the more she saw people she found attractive. But not the jocks or any males for that matter.
So she was turning into another Willow and Tara. But that wasn't a bad thing to her. It might be to Buffy, but she was okay with it.
"Hey," The girl that Dawn had been staring at was suddenly standing in front of her table. She was leaning forward braced by her hands. "aren't you that Dawn Summers girl?"
"Yeah." Dawn smiled hoping not to give away her thoughts to this girl.
"Cool, do you mind if I sit down for a minute?" She gestured to the chair across from Dawn. Dawn nodded her approval and the girl sat down. She was leaning on her forearms now. Her hair fell forward slightly as she looked at the items Dawn had sprawled on the table. "By the way I'm Alyson. I always forget to tell people my name. Case of being partial blonde I guess." She smiled a perfect white smile.
"I-I've seen you around school once or twice." She was lying. Dawn knew every class this girl had.
"I've seen you too. You usually hang with that chick...what is her name?" Alyson was snapping her fingers trying to make herself remember who it was. "The short girl that hates my guts."
"Oh Melinda."
"Yeah, Melinda. Has she warned you to stay away from me yet?"
Dawn didn't want to admit it but she felt like she couldn't lie to this girl. "One or four million times." Both girls started laughing.
"Listen, the reason I came over here is because I was told that you are like a whiz in math and I'm totally failing out. I was thinking that maybe you could help me skim by."
"But you're in tenth grade right?" Dawn was just in ninth, how was she going to help this girl?
"Yeah except for my math credits. I'm still stuck in pre-algebra. I was beginning to wonder if I was going to be in there for the rest of my life."
"Yeah sure I can help you."
Alyson smiled. Her glasses made her look so smart while her clothing made her look like a bad ass. "Thanks, can we meet her tomorrow around 3:30 and study for a while?" Dawn nodded. She was follow this girl to ends of the earth if she was asked to. "Awesome, I'll see you later Dawn Summers."
Alyson left and went back to her table. They were all joking around and laughing. Alyson shared in on the joke. The whole time Dawn's mind was racing with so many thoughts that her mind was about to go on overload. What was she going to wear? How was she going to explain this to Buffy? Was she ever going to tell anyone that she was getting to spend time with her first female crush? Could she finally admit that she was who she was meant to be?
Dawn went home later that day with all those worries in her in mind still. Tara could see the distress on the young girl's face.
"Is something wrong?"
Dawn plopped down in a kitchen seat. She contemplated whether or not she should actually tell Tara or not. Tara was probably the most trusting of all the Scoobies and she would be more willing to help Dawn figure this all out. "I met somebody in the library today. Somebody that I have this crush on but I'm not sure if its a good thing for me to have this crush on this person or not." So she would stall by not announcing that her crush was a female. "The person is not someone everybody would expect me to have a crush on. And I'm suppose to meet this person tomorrow at the library again to help them study. I'm not sure what to do."
Tara was trying to sort all of it out in her head before making a comment. "Why can't you have a crush on this person?"
"Because that would mean that I'm...a lesbian." Dawn said softly but Tara still heard her.
Her mouth hung half open, she would never expect this of her little Dawn. How would she help Dawn through this obviously hard time?
"Yeah, that's how I'm feeling right about now." Dawn said, talking about Tara's half open mouth.
"Sorry." She collected her thoughts before speaking again. "Dawn, are you sure? This is not something that you can take back once you say it." It was true. Once you step out of the closet you can't go back in.
"I'm pretty sure right now. The only thing that I'm 100 sure on is how I feel about Alyson. I know that I'm attracted to her in more than a friendship sort of way."
Tara was still stunned. How was she going to help Dawn through this? Dawn spoke up again, "Please don't tell Buffy about this. I don't care if Willow knows just don't let Buffy know." Dawn knew how close Tara and Willow were. The chances were Tara would have probably slipped up and accidentally told Willow anyways so Dawn figured she would ease the witch's mind by giving her the go ahead.
Tara nodded. She would definitely need Willow's help on this one. "I promise." She gave her word.
Sweat rolled off her face as she tossed in her sleep. The covers had been kicked off of her body for the hundredth time. As soon as the covers were gone, a cold chill would sweep over her body forcing her to reach for them again. It would only be a matter of minutes before they would be at her feet one more time.
It felt like a jungle in this room. All the heat was forcing itself in her throat making it dry. She felt like her chest was tightening around her heart. The pounding organ was beating itself against the walls of her chest. Anxiety arose in the young girl's body. Her dreams were clouding up her mind as she threw herself into another position hoping it would stop it, stop the dream.
A church was coming in through the mists. Fog lay around thick as she walked through the cemetery. Unmarked graves covered the ground. The heat was still the same. Rain started to fall, admitting her a little relief as cool droplets fell on her face. For moments she just stood there, staring at the sky wanting the water to hit her.
The sound of a large bell broke into her thoughts. Quickly looking for the source, she saw the church in plainer view now. Almost as if she had gravitated towards it while she was there. It looked Catholic, though she had never seen a Catholic church before. The aura about it said "Catholic."
She pushed open the large wooden doors that had crosses carved into it. Inside she heard the crying weeps of families. They paid her no attention as she walked in. Each person seemed to have been lost in their own world. Looking to each face she recognized them. It was her family, her friends sitting in these pews. She was confused as to why they were all crying.
Buffy walked towards the front of the room where Dawn saw the coffin for the first time. Tears rolled down her sister's face as she laid a blood red rose inside of the coffin. It had been days since the slayer had slept, or so her face showed. Willow and Tara grasped each other close as they violently cried. Xander held a composure that could easily be seen through. He wanted to cry but he had to be tough, he had to be the strong to hold everybody else together. Just like when Joyce died, he refused to ever shed a tear. Anya was still as confused about this death as she was over Joyce's. But even through her confusion, she cried over the lost person.
But who had died? And where did Dawn fit into all of this?
The young teenager walked towards the coffin. Fear gripped her inside and put a twist on them. She could the features appearing over the edge of the coffin. She couldn't help but fall to her knees when she saw the occupant of the coffin, her.
"I can't believe that she's dead." Buffy could be heard weeping a few aisles back.
Not being able to take anymore of this, Dawn ran. She didn't care where she ran to, just as long as it was far away from this site. It would be etched in her memory from now on. The thought that she would be dead and have this kind of impact on her family...no it was too much to bear.
Dawn was back outside in the massive heat. The rain had stopped though. Somehow the fog seemed to have gotten thicker in that short time she had spent in the church. Bells rung from behind her as she ran into the unknown. A log tripped her causing her to fall to her knees in the mud. So it had rained enough to make mud, surprising.
"You can't keep running you know." Alyson came through the mists. She was lighting a cigarette. "They'll find out about me eventually."
She couldn't understand why all of this was happening. Alyson pointed her free hand towards the church while taking a puff of her cigarette. "You'll end up just like that if you don't tell. The pressure is going to get to me and before you know it..." She snapped her fingers, "I'll be gone. Leaving you all cold and lonely." Alyson turned to go.
Finally Dawn seemed to find her voice. "Wait." Alyson faced her again. "You're telling me that you won't be with me unless my family knows?" Dawn stood to face the girl. Alyson wasn't that much taller than her. A trademark smile crossed Alyson's face.
"I'm saying that I'm only human and there's only so much hiding that I can take before I'll leave you standing on the wire alone." A beeping sound came from Alyson's right wrist. She checked the time and stopped the beeping sound. "Looks like its my time to go baby girl. Sweet dreams and happy things."
Acting like a bolt of electricity had shot her, Dawn sat up straight in her bed. With the back of her hand she wiped the sweat off of her forehead feeling the intense heat that she held there. It took her back to a time when she was little and had a fever. But this was no fever, this was more of a revelation.
Was that dream a mere warning that Alyson would break her heart later on down the road? Or was it just all of her fears rolled up into one?
She padded softly down the hallway and the stairs to make her way into the kitchen. The light was already on. Sitting at the table in mid discussion was Willow and Tara. They both stopped their conversations to look at the girl. Willow saw the sweat that still clung to the teenagers face.
"Is something wrong?" Willow's voice was in an even tone. She didn't sound to happy.
"I had this really strange dream." Dawn reached for a glass, holding it for a second to let her palms cool down on its cold surface. She turned around to face the couple. "Did Tara tell you?"
Willow nodded with difficultly, she didn't want to think that Dawn could actually be a lesbian. She just assumed that Dawn would be straight and somehow Willow felt like she had been deceived this whole time.
The glass was soon filled up with cold water. It burned as it slid down her throat. She didn't realize how hot she had been until she felt the water sooth her.
"Dawn, what are you going to do?" Willow rubbed her forehead. She didn't like keeping things from Buffy and this was definitely one hell of a secret to keep.
"I'm going to go back to bed and then go to school tomorrow." It was suppose to help lighten the mood but Dawn could tell that it didn't help. "Take it day by day I guess. Tomorrow I'm going to go see the girl in the library to help her study. I just don't see why I have to make any life changing decisions right now when all I'm doing is making a new friend." She did have a point. What would be the point in "coming out" to find that this girl might not like her in the same way? But from her dream, Dawn would like to hope that there was something more to their developing friendship.
"Just be sure that you know what you're doing." Willow, for the first time since Dawn had came into the room, smiled loving at the girl.
Dawn waved goodnight to the couple. She entered her room and looked at the clock, 2:45 AM. It was still hot as hell in her room. Maybe if she opened the window it would help. As she moved towards the window, she saw something moving down outside. She looked closer to see a group of teenagers, some she had seen before. They were smoking and laughing. One of the females looked up at the window in which Dawn stood at. Her heart stopped in mid beat as she saw it was Alyson.
Alyson must have recognized Dawn because she waved. She came running towards the large tree that was outside of Dawn's room. Before Dawn knew what was going on, Alyson was climbing to the top of the tree. Dawn opened the window to see a smiling Alyson sitting on the branch.
"Kind of early for you to out and walking." Dawn whispered. The last thing that she needed right now was for Buffy or somebody else finding out that the girl had climbed the tree.
"Could say the same thing to you." Alyson smelled of alcohol and cigarettes. She took a puff of her cigarette. Suddenly Dawn was reminded of her dream. "Nice pajamas." Alyson nodded at Dawn's outfit.
She realized that she was wearing a pair of shorts and a small white t-shirt. A blush formed on her face.
"Damn, you know what? Maybe its the liquor talking, but you are one hot girl." Alyson leaned in the window and gave Dawn a quick kiss on the cheek. "See ya tomorrow." Alyson got out of the tree to follow her friends again. She turned, walking backwards on the sidewalk, to wave a final goodbye to Dawn.
Her face must have been blood red by now. She held a hand to the place where she had been kissed. Though Alyson's words rang in her mind, "maybe the liquor" the girl was intoxicated. Did that affect her decision to kiss Dawn? The girl hoped not. But what if Alyson wouldn't remember tomorrow what she had done tonight?
It had been a long and productive day that Dawn was just wanting to put behind her.