A Walk in Your Shoes
Chapter 5: Time with Zapp Brannigan and Kif Kroker
"Come," Zapp said, "Let me give you a tour." This wasn't very appealing to any member of the crew, especially since Zapp still hadn't put on any clothes.
"I think we'd rather just give you the package and leave," Leela said, trying hard not to look at Zapp. Leela turned around to grab the package and gasped. Zapp's underwear was put into the cargo hold, which was full of useless crap the crew gathered over time. When Fry crashed, the door to the cargo hold opened and everything poured out, leaving Zapp's delivery buried underneath all the junk.
"Oh, my, that won't do," Zapp said, "I'll have my crew clean that up, but it looks like you'll be spending the next few hours with me, Leela." Zapp made a growling sound and grinned. He was then slapped by who he thought was Fry.
Zapp was about to ask what was up, he could tell something was wrong, Leela was the one who slapped him usually, not Fry, but Kif Kroker ran up.
"Hello, Amy," Kif said. He saw the Professor smile and wave, but nothing from Amy. Being the emotional creature Kif was, he saw this as rejection and ran away, crying. Amy, in the Professor's body, grabbed the Professor, in Amy's body, and ran after Kif. Unfortunately for Amy, the Professor's body wasn't fast at all. This left Fry and Leela, in each other's bodies, and the same with Bender and Zoidberg, with Zapp Brannigan.
"Hmmm, robot and ugly crab thing, why don't you go join the crew at the bar," Zapp said, knowing that the word alcohol would have Bender leave. Zoidberg, being the friendless, uhhh, thing, he was, was sure to follow Bender. Zapp was right. His plan was working perfectly. All he had to do was get Fry away, and he knew he and Leela could be alone.
"Fry, you're the delivery boy right?" Zapp asked, "That means you should go get my package. I'm sure you'd be fired if you don't help." This idea was unusually smart for Zapp Brannigan. He called over some of his crew to take Fry away to help retrieve Zapp's underwear. This left him with Leela, but Zapp didn't realize it was actually Fry.
"Well, well, well, alone together," Zapp said, moving closer to Fry, who started whimpering.
Meanwhile, Amy was looking for Kif. She knew he was in his room, but the Professor's body was so old, she couldn't keep up with him as he ran away, and she couldn't clearly see where she was going. The Professor, in Amy's body, was dragged along, even though he wanted to be elsewhere. He was trying to figure out how to use the Mind-Machine to take over the mind of an important galactic figure like Zapp Brannigan.
After fifteen more minutes of walking, Amy found herself next to Kif's door. She knocked on the door and asked if she could come in.
Bender and Zoidberg had found the bar and walked in. He was very mad; there was no way for him to bring harm to Zoidberg. Bender had even stabbed Zoidberg's body, and the knife had shattered. "Hey, bud, what's the most alcoholic drink you got?" Bender asked. The barman pulled out a drink, completely covered in labels saying, "Poison" and "Danger". Bender looked at Zoidberg and smiled evilly.
Fry desperately wanted Leela to be back. Zapp was dragging him towards his room. Fry was too scared to hit or insult Zapp. Zapp, who was very used to being hurt by Leela, took this as a good sign. Zapp was so happy, that he wasn't listening to what Leela was saying. Something about being switched, and how she was really Fry, but Zapp ignored it.
As Fry was being dragged off to Zapp's quarters, Leela was digging through Planet Express's junk. The Nimbus crewmembers that were supposed to be helping, on Zapp's orders, were trying to stall Leela as much as possible. Unfortunately for them, they thought they were with Fry, not Leela. After being annoyed for a long time, Leela turned to the crew. Two were tied up in unbreakable diamond tether. The other three were lying on the ground, unconscious, and bleeding slightly. Still, she knew she might be shot if she was seen by the Nimbus crew somewhere else. Leela sighed and got back to work.
Amy was having some difficulty reaching Kif. The Professor, who had Amy's voice, refused to talk to Kif. This left an old man yelling at a squishy, green being. This didn't make Kif feel any better. He was completely ignoring what the Professor said. Kif knew that the Professor commonly sent his crew on many dangerous missions. Most of them could easily lead to death. Kif didn't see how a senile old man would explain Amy's behavior.
Zapp was very happy. After talking about T.V. and beer, he saw Leela run to his quarters. He thought it was a little dumb though; only someone with a mind like Fry's could fall for that one. Zapp wasn't too concerned though. He walked in after who he thought was Leela and closed the door. Fry turned around and gulped.
Being in a body that was alive, instead of a robot body, Bender was incredibly drunk. At least one of Zoidberg's three livers had stopped working and two of his hearts must have stopped. "Yeah," Bender began to say to some crew members, sounding very slurred, "So, uhhh, we have this problem." The crew agreed. No one could have that much alcohol and live. They expected the crab to fall over and die soon, but he continued on. "This old guy, like, really, old. He made this machine. I dunno, Mint-Machete or something. Now I switched with my very handsome robot friend. I'm him and he's me. I hate him. Same problem with some other people. I can't remember. I think one of my brains stopped. That girl Zapp likes, she switched with Fry, and the old guy with that girl who likes Kif."
The crew looked at each other with horror. Normally, they'd never listen to a drunken crab with twenty times the lethal amount of alcohol in its blood. But if what he had said was true, something awful could happen. They'd love nothing more than to have something like that happen to Zapp, but the Planet Express crew could be traumatized forever. They had to do something before it was to late.