Chapter 2: Family Movie Night
About an hour later, Chris came downstairs looking tired. "Dad," he panted, "can I borrow your pistol?"
"What for… wait a minute! I know what you're up to! You want to shoot me in my sleep! Nice try, Chris!" Peter said, thinking he had Chris all figured out.
"No, Dad, I need to shoot the evil monkey up in my closet! He's getting really weird now…"
"Chris, you've told us about your 'evil monkey' since you were five! You're sixteen now. GROW UP!" Peter yelled.
"But Dad, I have a picture," Chris said, showing Peter a Polaroid picture he had snapped of the evil monkey.
Peter looked at the picture. "Very nice drawing, Chris. You're artistic skills are really improving," he said, tossing the photograph on the floor.
"Aw, my dad's too stupid to realize that's not a drawing," sighed Chris as he trudged up to his room.
"Hey, where are you going?" Peter asked.
"To my room to fight the evil monkey myself."
"Uh-huh… Chris, don't you remember tonight is Family Movie Night?"
"Say that again, Dad," Chris said.
"Tonight is FAMILY MOVIE NIGHT!" Peter shouted excitedly, throwing his hands in the air. In the background, fireworks shot up from out of nowhere. Chris cheered.
"Did I hear what I thought I heard?" Lois said, peeking in from the kitchen. "Is it really Family Movie Night?"
"You're damn right, Lois," Peter said. "Get the kids and someone grab a movie!"
(Five minutes later)
The entire family was seated in front of the television ready to watch a movie. Peter came into the family room with a videotape. The movie was called Barney the Dinosaur Gets Shot.
"Okay, Lois, kids… oh, and Brian, we're watching a tape called Barney the Dinosaur Gets Shot," Peter said, holding up the tape. On the video case, there was a picture of several FBI agents with pistols shooting down Barney.
"Isn't that a little inappropriate for Stewie?" Lois asked.
"Nonsense," Peter said. "He talks about that 'taking over the world' crap anyway. What does it matter?"
"Peter, don't you think we should get a DVD? I mean, we've had that same VCR for as long as I can remember, and VCRs jam tapes. DVDs are way better," Chris said.
"Nah. Why waste money on one of those pieces of crap when you have a perfectly good mechanical way of viewing videos?" Peter said, putting in the tape. Brian looked at Stewie and twirled his finger near his head, indicating that he believed Peter was stupid.
Peter turned off the lights and sat down. The video started off interesting:
(Barney): I'm Barney the Dinosaur. I love you. I love you all! That's because I'm bisexual! Come here little girl and let me hug you. Come here little boy and let me hug you.
(FBI Agent): Hold it there, dinosaur! Your days of gay TV and harassing innocent children are over!
(Barney): I think somebody needs a hug!
(FBI Agent): Yeah, well I think somebody needs to get shot!
(There are loud gunshots and a lot of yelling.)
Suddenly, the image on the TV bounced up and down and squiggled. Weird noises came from the speakers and then lots of tape snaked out of the VCR. Then, the VCR exploded, and tiny metal mechanisms rained in the living room. The remains of the VCR were smoking. Everyone shot an angry look at Peter. He laughed nervously. "Maybe we should get a DVD after all," he said.
"It's okay, Dad. I've already got a DVD player in my room. I'll go get it," Chris said.
"Good, Chris. Where did you buy it?" Peter said.
"Uh… somewhere," Chris said, looking a little nervous.
(Flashback: Two weeks ago; electronics store. Chris sneaks into the store and goes to the DVD section. He gazes at a pretty model, but is shocked it its price: $1,000. While no one is looking, he unplugs the set and hides it under his shirt. He slowly passes through the bar-code scanners. He jumps in shock when the sirens blare. Everyone turns and looks at Chris. Chris yells and leaves the store in a hurry with the DVD player still under his shirt. Flashback ends.)
Chris got the DVD player from his room and helped Peter set it up. When the DVD player was set up, Peter said, "This afternoon, Joe just happened to lend me a DVD he said is really great." He held up the DVD that said Child's Play.
"Child's Play? I've heard of that movie. I don't think we should let Stewie watch. It's rated R," Lois said.
Peter paid no attention to Lois and began the DVD. During the scary parts of the movie, everyone except Stewie and Brian screamed and freaked out. When the movie was over, everyone shared their thoughts about the movie.
"I am never going to watch this movie ever again!" Meg said.
"Me either! It makes me that much more nervous about my monkey!" Chris said.
"Hey! Don't start this monkey business again!" Peter warned Chris. Everyone went upstairs to bed. Stewie and Brian met in Stewie's room.
"Brian, are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Stewie said with a malicious grin.
"That Michael Jackson is gay?" Brian wondered.
"No, no, no!" yelled Stewie. "About the movie! That little red-haired fellow could be my accomplice. Together, we could cause great chaos!" Stewie shouted.
"Uh, Stewie, you do realize that was just a movie, right. I mean (chuckles) there's not really a doll like there was in the movie," Brian said, trying to reason with Stewie.
"Nonsense," Stewie said. "He must be out there somewhere. And wherever he is, I'm going to go there and meet him. Good night," Stewie said, crawling into his crib.