A/N: I don't own Barney the Dinosaur or Child's Play or eBay or . Oh, and thanks for the great reviews! It's great to hear from readers!

Chapter 3: e-Bay Comes to the Rescue

It was a typical Sunday afternoon in the Griffin house. The Griffins just got back from church, and now they were relaxing at home. Peter was outside talking to Joe, Cleveland, and Quagmire about how great Child's Play was. Lois was vacuuming the upstairs of the house. Chris was, yet again, trying to kill the monkey. Meg was in her room talking on the phone to her nerdy boyfriend.

Stewie and Brian were in the bathroom, thinking about Chucky. "Dammit, dog, there must be some way to track that young fellow!" yelled Stewie.

"Stewie, how many times do I have to tell you?" shouted Brian. "Chucky is not real! He is just part of a movie!"

"You conflabbid dog! Nobody can believe a word you say! Especially after that incident in the hallway!" Stewie yelled.

(Flashback: Five years ago; Upstairs hallway. Brian is at the bathroom door, waiting for Peter to come out. He knocks at the door loudly. "Damn it, Peter, hurry it up! Some of us are in a big hurry!" Brian yells. Peter, on the toilet doing nothing but reading the newspaper says, "Yeah, well I'm busy, too. Give me just a second or two…" Brian says, "Peter! I don't have time for you to sit on the toilet and do nothing but read the paper! Let me in! Let me in! Let me… uh oh!" Brian says, looking down at the floor. "Whoa mama! Uh… wasn't me!" he yelled, running off. Then, a few hours later, Lois comes upstairs and passes the bathroom. She sniffs a horrid odor in the air. "Oh gosh! What is that awful smell?" she said. She looked down by the bathroom door and saw several droppings. "BRIAN!" she screamed. Brian sheepishly walks over to Lois. "WHAT IS THIS?" she yelled. Brian looks at the droppings carefully. He grins sheepishly and says, "It wasn't me." Lois does not believe him and throws him out of the house… literally! Flashback ends.)

"Oh, come on, that was just ONE time!" yelled Brian. "Anyway, you're not exactly perfect either! Remember that time when you had your first hamburger?"

(Flashback: Six months ago; Kitchen. The family has finished eating hamburgers. Lois had given Stewie a small hamburger to eat. "How was your very first hamburger, sweetie?" Lois asked. "It was exquisite, mother dear," Stewie said. "In fact, I…" he started. However, he then threw up all over Lois's new $500 shirt. "Stewie! You ruined my $500 shirt! Bad boy! Go to your room for a spanking!" Lois yelled. Peter then walks behind her, whacking a large 10-foot paddle with holes on his hand. Flashback ends.)

Stewie and Brian keep arguing, but as they are, the attention moves to outside, where Peter, Joe, Cleveland, and Quagmire are still talking about Child's Play. "You mean you've never seen OR heard of Child's Play?" Peter said, shocked, talking to Cleveland. "Just where have you been these past 17 years?"

(Cuts to scene in Antarctica. Cleveland is wearing thin clothes and shivering rapidly. Icicles are hanging from his nostrils. Just then, a penguin waddles up to him and begins to peck him in the groin. Cleveland says, "Stop you twisted pervert!" But then, a whole flock of penguins join the other penguin in the activity. "Oooh!" Cleveland said. "Stop! Stop!" He gets dizzy and faints. Scene cuts back to Quahog.)

"I don't know, Peter," Cleveland said. "It's just kind of a bad movie. I mean, it promotes violence."

"Cleve, Cleve, Cleve," Quagmire said. "You gotta loosen it up, man. I mean, it's just for fun. I mean, as long as the kids don't see it, then what the hell?"

"Oh, gosh, I feel guilty," Peter said.

"How come?" Joe asked.

"I showed that movie to my kids last night," Peter said. The gang looks shocked. "Not," Peter said. The gang looks relieved.

"Man, I'd like to get me a doll just like Chucky. You know, for collector's sake," Joe said.

"I heard there's some still up for auction on eBay," Quagmire said.

"Okay, guys, how about this?" Peter said. "Each of us gets a Chucky doll, and then we try to scare each other with it. Whoever gets the most scared will have to wear a sweater that says 'I Love Gay Men'," he continued. Everyone readily agreed, and rushed back home to their computers to buy Chucky dolls.

Peter walked inside, and met Lois, who was coming down the stairs. "Hello, Peter," Lois said.

"Hello, Lois. Guess what? We're getting a Chucky doll!" Peter said.

"What?" Lois asked, sounding surprised. "Why, Peter?"

"Because me and the guys made a deal to scare each other. Whoever gets the most scared has to wear a shirt that says 'I Love Gay Men'," Peter said.

"Oh, no, not another one of your deals," Lois sighed.

(Flashback: Three years ago; Streets of Quahog. Peter is dressed in rags, and carrying a tattered briefcase. He walks up to random men. "$5 to see pictures of naked chicks," he said. They all turn him down. Just then, he walks up to a stranger. "$5 to see pictures of naked chicks," Peter said. The stranger turns around excitedly. He pulls $5 out of his wallet and hands it to Peter. "Giggity, Giggity, Giggity!" he shouts. The stranger is Quagmire. "Oh, Quag," sighed Peter. Flashback ends.)

"Lois, come on," Peter said. "Please…" he begged.

"Oh, all right," Lois said. Peter then went over to the family computer and went on the internet. He got on eBay and searched for Chucky dolls. He found a very realistic one. It looked exactly like it did in the movie. The description said:

Looking for THE REAL DEAL? Well then buy this Chucky doll. He is THE REAL THING! Many other sellers claim to sell the real thing, but this is no scam. This really is THE REAL THING! It was the doll filmed in the movies. He WILL come alive if you piss it off, and it WILL kill you. This is NOT a joke. Scare your friends or family. Perfect for Halloween. is accepted. Sorry, no checks.

Peter looked at the auction price. It was $1,000. "$1,000! Why is it that much?" He looked at the number of bidders. There were 897 bidders. "Wow, that's a lot of bidders. I'd better have a high maximum bid to make sure nobody cancels out my bid," Peter said, setting his maximum bid to $150,000. He then confirmed his bid, and then he got a message saying he was the high bidder. Peter smiled happily. "Lookout Joe, Cleveland, and Quag. Chucky's coming," he said.

"Chucky's coming?" a voice said from upstairs. Stewie poked his little head around the corner, as well as Brian.

"That's right, Stewie and Brian. Chucky's on his way in just a few short days!" Peter announced.

Stewie cheered. "Ha! In your face, dog!" he sneered. Brian glared at Stewie. "Okay, you were lucky this time. But I'll prove you wrong some other time," he said, walking away.