Chapter 8: Funerals

The next morning, Peter heard loud knocks on the door. He went to the door, and there he saw Joe with all of his body except for his head in a cast. "Just where the hell were you yesterday?" Peter demanded. "You were supposed to come over to see my Chucky doll." But then feeling sympathetic toward Joe after noticing his body cast, he said, "Ah, it's just as well anyway. I couldn't find that doll… again. Y'know, I think something's really weird going on here. I mean, Stewie's been gone a lot too, and normally at the same time as…" Peter started, but couldn't finish because he was interrupted by Joe.

"Listen you dirty bastard!" Joe yelled. "I am extremely lucky to still be alive after what happened yesterday! Do you know what happened?" Peter shook his head. "Your son and your Chucky doll were hiding behind the bushes, and they pushed me to the freeway, and then rammed my wheelchair onto a median, and then I fell hundreds of feet down to the ground, and I almost got hit by a truck, but I crawled with my hands to the side before it could get me. It did run over my ankle, though, which hurt. A lot," Joe said.

Peter was speechless for a moment. Then he said, "Joe, you're crazy. You must be hallucinating. I mean, the seller did say the doll was really alive, but I think he meant it in a metaphorical way, rather than a literal way. There is no way that doll really did all that crap to you."

Unable to think of a way to get Peter to believe him, Joe angrily went back home. Peter shut the door and went back inside. Just then, Brian walked up from the basement. "Hey, Peter. It's been a while since the two of us have had a talk."

"Yeah, Brian. Things are really falling apart. First, my wife and Quagmire get killed, Joe gets injured, and Stewie and that doll are always missing. I'm wondering what's going on," Peter said.

"Peter, I know damn well what's going on. You know that Chucky doll you bought? Well, he and Stewie are running around killing and hurting everybody. It started with your wife," Brian explained.

"You can't expect me to believe that bull crap!" Peter said. "Is everybody going crazy here? Am I the only sane man alive?" Peter ran up to his bedroom to settle down.

The next day, it was Lois's funeral. Peter and the kids were dressed in black. Meg usually wore a pink headcap, but on this occasion, she had a black one. Brian normally wore a red collar, but he had a black one just for this occasion. The family sat in the front row and cried quietly as the preacher read the eulogy. At the end of the funeral, when the eulogy was finished being read, everyone gathered around Lois's coffin and had one last look at her. She'd been polished well, and it seemed that Stewie and Chucky never once massacred her.

Later that day, the family attended the service at the graveyard, where Lois's coffin was placed in the ground. The family went home and didn't say another word for the rest of the day. Suppertime was quiet and sad without Lois. The family seemed to have trouble with the fact that she was no longer with them. A few days later, they went to the graveyard to look at her tombstone. It was a very nice gray stone that had her name engraved in it.

Lois Griffin

1960 – 2005

A week later, the family went to Quagmire's funeral. They dressed in black yet again, and also wept a little bit. Quagmire was dressed in the clothes that he was normally seen wearing. He had jeans with his red shirt and yellow flower-like symbols all over. Several days after the funeral, the family went to see Quagmire's tombstone, which was in the same graveyard as Lois's. Quagmire's tombstone was really unique.

Quagmire

1962 – 2005

"Giggity, Giggity, Giggity."

Not much happened in the household after the funerals of Lois and Quagmire. The family just went about their daily business. Peter went to work, the kids went to school, and Brian hung around the house either watching television or reading the New York Times. One night, there came a shriek from Joe's house. It sounded an awful lot like Joe. The family ran over to see what happened. Bonnie wept as she knelt over her dead husband. Joe had gone into the living room, when he suddenly got stabbed. The assassin had acted so quickly that it was impossible to tell who, but Brian was certain it had to be either Chucky or Stewie.

"Crime is such a problem in this neighborhood now. We're going to have to get together and put a stop to it. We're going to have to start a neighborhood watch," Cleveland said one day.

One night, Meg was in her room organizing her sock drawer, as she did every few nights for some odd reason. Everyone in the house was asleep except for her. Or at least that is what she thought…