Clark couldn't stop thinking about what Chloe had said. He never really
asked any deep questions about his adoption. Once, he remembered, when he
was about 10, asking his father who his real parents were and Lionel said
he had no idea, and Clark believed him, but still got the feeling he was
withholding information, so he went to Lex. His older brother told him the
whole truth. Clark could still remember every word to that conversation.
flashback
"He wasn't lying; he really doesn't know who your parents are." Lex confirmed, "But I remember the day he got you..." Lex decided to leave out the part about how angry Lillian was, it would hurt Clark too much, "I heard Dad talking, and he told Mom your parents must have abandoned you, that you were found wandering the streets, dirty, scared, and you didn't even have shoes on."
end flashback
Clark had fully accepted that for the truth, being 10 years old. He never really felt the need to investigate further; he wasn't interested in finding someone who didn't want him. He had a family who wanted him now. He was so intent on finding out WHAT he was, he never considered who he was from. Clark guessed that his special abilities had proved to distract his mind from asking the questions Chloe had asked him earlier. Clark knew deep down that he truly didn't want to know; nothing good could come from it. Even though he had a family, equipped with its set of problems, and all everything money could buy you, the pain of rejection hurt, hurt bad. Clark didn't know why, he couldn't remember them, they were nothing to him, but he couldn't help the way his heart felt. Clark never had fantasies of belonging to another family, Lionel and Lex meant everything to him. They made him feel special in a good way; they dissolved his wishes of being someone else, made him love who he was.
He never felt like a freak with his Dad and brother, they made him feel almost better than them. Clark never took this for granted, because between seeing every normal person, and how they got a natural high for being strong, or good at sports, the effort they put into it, and being a billionaire's son, he knew what it felt like to be considered a freak. Out of the few people who had found out about Clark, the way they looked at him, the things they said and called him, the fear that was obviously there... it made him want to destroy their lives, like his father most likely had. That was also a reason he loved Chloe and Lana so much. Sometimes he felt like Chloe was his friend just because he was different, and that she kept his real identity a secret just so she knew something no one else did.
But with Lana, she always made him feel normal, like he was how everyone was supposed to be, not the opposite; always referring to his abilities as something to be admired; not as a deformity, which until a few weeks ago was exactly what he thought he was. Meteor infected. Now he didn't know anything about whom or what he was. Where he came from, if Chloe was just trying to drive him crazy with he questions, planting doubts in his mind on the foundation his life was based on; or if there really was something off about everything.
He would never, ever want to know the truth, except for the sole fact that it could possibly tell something about why he could do the things he could, what he was.
Clark decided he would just keep his mind open to the possibilities and liberate his mind and stop believing just what he wanted to be the truth. But he wasn't going to bring anything up to Lionel.
"You have to tell him!" Lana protested Jonathan's ongoing refusal to tell Clark the truth.
"Lana!" Jonathan was getting so frustrated, "You KNOW he will ruin our family out of revenge!"
"Listen, I was thinking, Clark didn't let him do anything to me and Chloe when we found out about his abilities, he won't let anything happen this time!" Lana argued.
"Lana, I know you are smarter than this! Clark will get angry at Lionel! Lionel will want to blame someone other than himself, and that would be us! Besides, if that boy gets upset you don't know what he'll do! He could hurt people, Lana!" Jonathan spat back.
"No, he wouldn't do that, Clark wouldn't hurt anyone." Lana said, knowing Jonathan was right about Lionel's revenge and couldn't keep in her tears any more, "please... if he finds out I kept this from him..." Lana didn't want to think about how bad it would hurt him; but she also didn't want to even consider anything happening to her parents. Maybe it was better she just kept it a secret, hurting Clark emotionally wasn't as bad as something horrible happening to her parents, and as Clark had said so many times before, he was the 'man of steel' but not only because he was bullet proof; he was tough emotionally, he had to be, being different and Lionel Luther's son. "Fine...I'll just let him continue being tortured over who he is." Lana said leaving the room, but she meant it, she would continue to share the family secret, and not tell Clark.
"Lana, hey!" Clark said sneaking up behind her outside school.
"Ah!" Lana said, surprised. "Clark." God, it was hard just looking at him now.
"My car's that way." Clark said pointing to the opposite direction she was walking. Lana knew where his car was. Lana didn't understand and gave him a questioning look.
"Chloe's house. Major study session for finals. You asked me for a ride last week. Any of this ringing a bell?" Clark said laughing, for once it was Lana who forgot.
"Oh." Lana said remembering. She had to go on normal, it was the only way, "Right."
"I'm going to go the bathroom." Clark said using the excuse to get away from the awkwardness that was this study group. Clark left too eager.
"Lana?" Chloe said once Clark was gone, "You're treating Clark like a disease."
"I don't mean to! I just, ah..." Lana buried her face in her hands.
"This is about what you found out about Clark! Just tell him... and me." Chloe was trying so hard not to force Lana into telling her what she knew. Clark was a hard puzzle to do, especially when you are missing pieces. It was like Lana had stolen the pieces, and it pissed Chloe off.
"No. I know you're mad, I want to but I can't." Lana had that back-off-I'm- stressed-enough tone.
"I'm not mad." Chloe lied.
"You know, I think I just need a good night's sleep. I'm just going to leave, it's not like I'm getting any studying done anyways." Lana needed out.
Clark entered the room, "You're leaving?" Clark said as if he had just expected it, or was thinking the same thing.
"Ya, I'm tired and am going to head out." Lana said getting her books and things quickly, and just as fast she was out the door with a few rushed good-byes, but Clark followed her outside and grabbed her hand in a intimate way,
"Lana, did I do something? I know I the past couple days I haven't been-" Clark started to apologize.
"No, no! Stop! Don't apologize, you didn't do anything. It's just me." Lana felt even guiltier, hoping Clark would just go away before she broke down.
"What's going on?" Clark asked, sensing more than just a bad day. Lana just stared on the porch floor, unable to utter a single word, afraid of the tears now forming in her eyes. "It's okay. You don't have to tell me, but I'm here if you want to talk; only god knows how many times you've been there for me." Clark said rubbing her back, hoping to calm her, as she was obviously upset by how fast she was breathing.
Clark was so surprised that when Lana finally looked at him, she was crying, her eyes screaming with hidden pain. Clark closed the small gap between them and embraced her in a hug, "It's that bad?"
Lana just cried harder and wrapped her arms around Clark.
"It's going to be okay." Clark said feeling it was the only thing to say, because he knew he would do whatever he could to help her feel 'okay' again, just like she did for him, even if she didn't want to tell him what was wrong.
1 week later
Martha felt like she couldn't do anything right lately. Every task she was doing, her mind always drifted to thoughts of Clark, or how Jonathan and Lana barely spoke to each other anymore, when they used to Lana used to talk to Jonathan about everything, from her problems to the best part of her day. Martha could tell Lana wouldn't have anything to say about the good part of her day. The look in her eyes told her, her daughter was not happy.
Martha completely agreed with both Lana's and Jonathan's opinion on not telling and telling Clark the truth.
Martha was crossing the deserted street, when he mind wandered back to Clark.
"Watch out!" Someone yelled at Martha as she looked up to see a car speeding around the corner right at her.
As she let out a scream, she found that she was no longer in the street, but in an alley 2 blocks away.
"Are you okay?" Clark asked.
"Yes." Martha said realizing that Clark must have saved her.
Clark stepped back when he realized who it was; he had never felt such a strong feeling of anxiety. Would Martha tell someone? Black mail him with this information to stay away from Lana? He couldn't send his father in to cover it up, to when it was Lana's parents. Why wasn't she freaking out or asking the usual 'How did you do that?'?
Martha saw Clark's scared eyes on her waiting for her response to what just happened, "Clark, you saved my life, thank you."
"You're not... freaking out... why?" Clark hoped he didn't regret his question. Maybe he should have just left, but he had to know what she was planning to do.
"I..." Martha didn't know how to explain her calm reaction, other than with the truth, but was not about to blurt something out she would regret, "I've seen lots of people who can do things... from the meteors."
Clark just stared at her for a moment, deciding weather to go along with it, or to deny it, not knowing which one was more dangerous, "I'm not a freak." He said a too defensively.
Martha felt like she had hurt him, and her motherly instinct took over, to heal the hurt feelings, "I didn't mean it like that. Clark, being really strong and fast doesn't mean you are a freak." Martha rambled on.
Clark's eyes went wide.
"What?" Martha didn't understand his reaction.
"Who said I was strong?" Clark asked.
flashback
"He wasn't lying; he really doesn't know who your parents are." Lex confirmed, "But I remember the day he got you..." Lex decided to leave out the part about how angry Lillian was, it would hurt Clark too much, "I heard Dad talking, and he told Mom your parents must have abandoned you, that you were found wandering the streets, dirty, scared, and you didn't even have shoes on."
end flashback
Clark had fully accepted that for the truth, being 10 years old. He never really felt the need to investigate further; he wasn't interested in finding someone who didn't want him. He had a family who wanted him now. He was so intent on finding out WHAT he was, he never considered who he was from. Clark guessed that his special abilities had proved to distract his mind from asking the questions Chloe had asked him earlier. Clark knew deep down that he truly didn't want to know; nothing good could come from it. Even though he had a family, equipped with its set of problems, and all everything money could buy you, the pain of rejection hurt, hurt bad. Clark didn't know why, he couldn't remember them, they were nothing to him, but he couldn't help the way his heart felt. Clark never had fantasies of belonging to another family, Lionel and Lex meant everything to him. They made him feel special in a good way; they dissolved his wishes of being someone else, made him love who he was.
He never felt like a freak with his Dad and brother, they made him feel almost better than them. Clark never took this for granted, because between seeing every normal person, and how they got a natural high for being strong, or good at sports, the effort they put into it, and being a billionaire's son, he knew what it felt like to be considered a freak. Out of the few people who had found out about Clark, the way they looked at him, the things they said and called him, the fear that was obviously there... it made him want to destroy their lives, like his father most likely had. That was also a reason he loved Chloe and Lana so much. Sometimes he felt like Chloe was his friend just because he was different, and that she kept his real identity a secret just so she knew something no one else did.
But with Lana, she always made him feel normal, like he was how everyone was supposed to be, not the opposite; always referring to his abilities as something to be admired; not as a deformity, which until a few weeks ago was exactly what he thought he was. Meteor infected. Now he didn't know anything about whom or what he was. Where he came from, if Chloe was just trying to drive him crazy with he questions, planting doubts in his mind on the foundation his life was based on; or if there really was something off about everything.
He would never, ever want to know the truth, except for the sole fact that it could possibly tell something about why he could do the things he could, what he was.
Clark decided he would just keep his mind open to the possibilities and liberate his mind and stop believing just what he wanted to be the truth. But he wasn't going to bring anything up to Lionel.
"You have to tell him!" Lana protested Jonathan's ongoing refusal to tell Clark the truth.
"Lana!" Jonathan was getting so frustrated, "You KNOW he will ruin our family out of revenge!"
"Listen, I was thinking, Clark didn't let him do anything to me and Chloe when we found out about his abilities, he won't let anything happen this time!" Lana argued.
"Lana, I know you are smarter than this! Clark will get angry at Lionel! Lionel will want to blame someone other than himself, and that would be us! Besides, if that boy gets upset you don't know what he'll do! He could hurt people, Lana!" Jonathan spat back.
"No, he wouldn't do that, Clark wouldn't hurt anyone." Lana said, knowing Jonathan was right about Lionel's revenge and couldn't keep in her tears any more, "please... if he finds out I kept this from him..." Lana didn't want to think about how bad it would hurt him; but she also didn't want to even consider anything happening to her parents. Maybe it was better she just kept it a secret, hurting Clark emotionally wasn't as bad as something horrible happening to her parents, and as Clark had said so many times before, he was the 'man of steel' but not only because he was bullet proof; he was tough emotionally, he had to be, being different and Lionel Luther's son. "Fine...I'll just let him continue being tortured over who he is." Lana said leaving the room, but she meant it, she would continue to share the family secret, and not tell Clark.
"Lana, hey!" Clark said sneaking up behind her outside school.
"Ah!" Lana said, surprised. "Clark." God, it was hard just looking at him now.
"My car's that way." Clark said pointing to the opposite direction she was walking. Lana knew where his car was. Lana didn't understand and gave him a questioning look.
"Chloe's house. Major study session for finals. You asked me for a ride last week. Any of this ringing a bell?" Clark said laughing, for once it was Lana who forgot.
"Oh." Lana said remembering. She had to go on normal, it was the only way, "Right."
"I'm going to go the bathroom." Clark said using the excuse to get away from the awkwardness that was this study group. Clark left too eager.
"Lana?" Chloe said once Clark was gone, "You're treating Clark like a disease."
"I don't mean to! I just, ah..." Lana buried her face in her hands.
"This is about what you found out about Clark! Just tell him... and me." Chloe was trying so hard not to force Lana into telling her what she knew. Clark was a hard puzzle to do, especially when you are missing pieces. It was like Lana had stolen the pieces, and it pissed Chloe off.
"No. I know you're mad, I want to but I can't." Lana had that back-off-I'm- stressed-enough tone.
"I'm not mad." Chloe lied.
"You know, I think I just need a good night's sleep. I'm just going to leave, it's not like I'm getting any studying done anyways." Lana needed out.
Clark entered the room, "You're leaving?" Clark said as if he had just expected it, or was thinking the same thing.
"Ya, I'm tired and am going to head out." Lana said getting her books and things quickly, and just as fast she was out the door with a few rushed good-byes, but Clark followed her outside and grabbed her hand in a intimate way,
"Lana, did I do something? I know I the past couple days I haven't been-" Clark started to apologize.
"No, no! Stop! Don't apologize, you didn't do anything. It's just me." Lana felt even guiltier, hoping Clark would just go away before she broke down.
"What's going on?" Clark asked, sensing more than just a bad day. Lana just stared on the porch floor, unable to utter a single word, afraid of the tears now forming in her eyes. "It's okay. You don't have to tell me, but I'm here if you want to talk; only god knows how many times you've been there for me." Clark said rubbing her back, hoping to calm her, as she was obviously upset by how fast she was breathing.
Clark was so surprised that when Lana finally looked at him, she was crying, her eyes screaming with hidden pain. Clark closed the small gap between them and embraced her in a hug, "It's that bad?"
Lana just cried harder and wrapped her arms around Clark.
"It's going to be okay." Clark said feeling it was the only thing to say, because he knew he would do whatever he could to help her feel 'okay' again, just like she did for him, even if she didn't want to tell him what was wrong.
1 week later
Martha felt like she couldn't do anything right lately. Every task she was doing, her mind always drifted to thoughts of Clark, or how Jonathan and Lana barely spoke to each other anymore, when they used to Lana used to talk to Jonathan about everything, from her problems to the best part of her day. Martha could tell Lana wouldn't have anything to say about the good part of her day. The look in her eyes told her, her daughter was not happy.
Martha completely agreed with both Lana's and Jonathan's opinion on not telling and telling Clark the truth.
Martha was crossing the deserted street, when he mind wandered back to Clark.
"Watch out!" Someone yelled at Martha as she looked up to see a car speeding around the corner right at her.
As she let out a scream, she found that she was no longer in the street, but in an alley 2 blocks away.
"Are you okay?" Clark asked.
"Yes." Martha said realizing that Clark must have saved her.
Clark stepped back when he realized who it was; he had never felt such a strong feeling of anxiety. Would Martha tell someone? Black mail him with this information to stay away from Lana? He couldn't send his father in to cover it up, to when it was Lana's parents. Why wasn't she freaking out or asking the usual 'How did you do that?'?
Martha saw Clark's scared eyes on her waiting for her response to what just happened, "Clark, you saved my life, thank you."
"You're not... freaking out... why?" Clark hoped he didn't regret his question. Maybe he should have just left, but he had to know what she was planning to do.
"I..." Martha didn't know how to explain her calm reaction, other than with the truth, but was not about to blurt something out she would regret, "I've seen lots of people who can do things... from the meteors."
Clark just stared at her for a moment, deciding weather to go along with it, or to deny it, not knowing which one was more dangerous, "I'm not a freak." He said a too defensively.
Martha felt like she had hurt him, and her motherly instinct took over, to heal the hurt feelings, "I didn't mean it like that. Clark, being really strong and fast doesn't mean you are a freak." Martha rambled on.
Clark's eyes went wide.
"What?" Martha didn't understand his reaction.
"Who said I was strong?" Clark asked.