A/N: I know that this format closely resembles "E-mails from the Lab" by Annie Lune. I didn't consciously copy her idea, but I did read her story and find it very cool, so it might have been subconscious. So I'll just give credit where it might be due – this "e-mails making up a chapter" format was definitely created by Annie Lune and not by me.
Grissom, Sara typed slowly.
Sorry about not replying to your e-mail. Things have been a little hectic here because I've been scouting out the NYC crime labs and seeing if any of them are hiring. You know, considering that they're in probably the best-known city in American, the labs here aren't all that great.
[Right, Sara. Never knew I was such a good liar, I should try this more often.]
Not that they're bad, exactly, it's just that there seems to be a lot more apathy over here – in the police force and in the CSIs. No one got excited over finding evidence while I was there, no one stopped to see who the stranger prowling around their lab was, and no one offered to give me a tour. I think that if we got a similar visit in Vegas, we'd definitely be doing all three of those things.
But then, that pretty much reflects my general impressions of this area. I really like New York; don't think I'm saying I don't. It's just that I'm not used to the "mind your own business" concept being adhered to almost religiously. Very few people hold doors or even look at you when you walk. My brother says that's because making eye contact up here is considered threatening. Gee, I never knew that humans did that too – I thought it was just animals who would attack someone who looked in their eyes.
Well, no, I take that back. If I phrase it that way, it seems a lot more likely. I've had my share of being attacked for looking in someone's eyes and stuff like that.
Um, sorry, that was a little off topic. So anyway, I did find a few leads on jobs, but I'm going to spend some time looking at the county labs here in New Jersey, too, or maybe even the city labs for Paterson or Newark. Erm . . . maybe not Newark; that was a little scary. But Paterson, from what I saw of it (admittedly not much) didn't look too frightening, and besides, I know how to take care of myself in a city.
So, as I said, things have been a little hectic. Jeff's bringing me to work with him a lot of the time, too – you should see what goes on in these political meetings, it's incredible! When that gets too heavy, or when they lock themselves in and have an Important Discussion That Is Private, I do some wandering around the streets. Jeff's building is in a pretty good area, so I'm in no danger out there alone. Did you know that you can get McDonald's *delivered* if you're uptown? Not that I would, McDonald's is disgusting, but I find it fascinating that you can even get fast food delivered around there. So I'm getting a pretty good dose of the NY metro area lifestyle while I'm here. Vegas is so completely different. I expected things to be kinda like L.A. in New York, but they're nothing like it. Haven't seen any gang shootings, for one thing.
So, what's going on at the lab? I heard from Greg and Nick, they both said they missed me and that I should come back. Actually, if I remember correctly, Greg told me that he "couldn't live without" me and that Catherine doesn't laugh at his jokes as well as I do; Nick said that Catherine and Warrick even took the time to remark on missing me and . . . well, uh, he also said that you seemed distracted. Guess it's weird without me there, huh? No one hanging on your every word anymore, I expect, unless Catherine's done an about-face or you've cultivated Nick's hero worship.
Oh, and out of curiosity . . . what was in that folder that you were carrying around work last week? Both guys mentioned it in their e-mails and no one seems to know what was in it. They'll love me forever if I can tell them the answer!
Sara
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From: Gil Grissom grissomg@nevadaonline.com
Date: Saturday, July 26th, 2003 9:42 A.M.
To: Sara ssidle@hotmail.com
Subject: Thanks
Sara,
I'm not surprised to hear about the lack of enthusiasm in the New York labs. We *are* the number two lab in the country, remember, and NYC certainly isn't the number one. I guess when you can't do your best work, you stop caring about it. The suburban New Jersey labs are probably better, but I'm sure you know that if you want a really good lab in that area, you'll have to move to Connecticut. Though I know that my opinion won't exactly play a part in your choice, I honestly don't think you'd be content there – in New York, New Jersey, or Connecticut. They just don't seem like your style, if you know what I mean.
Reading the rest of your e-mail, Sara, I have to say that I've never known anyone who could dance so artfully around an important question as you can. You've completely ignored the topic of my last e-mail, and I find that frustrating. I wish you would just answer me so I know what I can and cannot do.
Grissom
P.S. I can't believe Nick and Greg are gossiping about me to you. No, I won't tell you about "the folder," and I'm going to kill them both for bringing it up to you. That was none of their business, and by extension, none of yours.
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From: Sara Sidle ssidle@hotmail.com
Date: Saturday, July 26th, 2003 10:38 A.M.
To: Grissom grissomg@nevadaonline.com
Subject: Re: Thanks
Grissom,
Well, that was bitchy of you. Way to completely ignore the long, informative e-mail I sent you and focus in on a stupid question from two weeks ago. You've got a PhD, Grissom, you ought to be able to draw some conclusions from the information I *did* give you.
I'm still job-hunting, I'm wary of the NYC crime labs, and I haven't committed myself anywhere yet. What does that tell you? It tells me that I still don't know whether I'm coming back to Las Vegas and that I'm planning on making my own decision. As in, MY decision. As in, not going to be affected by pithy words from anyone who just wants to restore the status quo. No plants this time, Grissom, because it won't work.
I know you meant well when you asked if there was anything you could do to make me come back, but it was a dumb question. I don't want this to sound as vicious as I know it's going to, but do you really think I would rely on any promise you make me about the atmosphere in the Vegas lab? I've learned my lesson about that, Gris, and you ought to know it. You were pretty much the sole cause of my disillusionment.
I'm not directing that at you as an attack; I know you're just who you are. This is just the only way I can think of to explain this to you clearly and succinctly. Plants are cute, but they don't solve problems or repair broken bonds, which is what has happened to us. I'm not being fatalistic, mind you - don't go thinking you, like, ruined my life or anything (how very melodramatic!) - but understand that I mean what I say. I can no longer trust you to keep any promise that includes both you and me, as much as I'd like to.
Well . . . that's all I can think of to say on that subject. I hope you get it.
Sara
P.S. Don't you dare get angry at Nick and Greg, Grissom; you didn't really expect that you could act weird and not have the night shift discussing it among themselves, did you? Behave yourself or you might find the lab two CSIs and a tech short one day soon, instead of just one CSI.
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From: Gil Grissom grissomg@nevadaonline.com
Date: Tuesday, July 29th, 2003 8:03 P.M.
To: Sara ssidle@hotmail.com
Subject: Re: Re: Thanks
Well, Sara, I'll admit I'm surprised. I had no idea that you were disgusted at our relationship. I don't know what I've done to make you lose your trust in me, but I hope you'll accept my apology for whatever it was. I consider myself an honorable man, and any promise I might make you, either today or in the future, is spoken honestly and intended to be kept. Granted, there are some circumstances I can't control that may void a given promise, but I won't, and never have, willingly break a promise to you or any of my CSIs.
Grissom
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From: Sara Sidle ssidle@hotmail.com
Date: Wednesday, July 30th, 2003 12:45 P.M.
To: Grissom grissomg@nevadaonline.com
Subject: This is ridiculous
Please tell me that that e-mail wasn't supposed to make me feel BETTER? 'Cause if it was, it was a pathetic attempt and you're better at doubletalk than I thought.
Sara
P.S. You didn't answer me about Greg and Nick. You better not have gotten them in trouble, I'm warning you.
P.P.S. I didn't say I was "disgusted," and more to the point, I didn't think we HAD a "relationship."
P.P.P.S. Well, I'm glad that you're willing to deign to treat me like "any of your CSIs," Grissom, that just makes me feel a whole lot better.
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From: Gil Grissom grissomg@nevadaonline.com
Date: Wednesday, July 30th, 2003 5:22 P.M.
To: Sara ssidle@hotmail.com
Subject: I agree, this IS ridiculous
Sara,
Ok, one of us needs to calm down and attempt to make peace, and I've elected myself. I didn't intend my previous e-mail to sound like "doubletalk," as you put it. I was explaining the value of my promise as best I could and trying to not make it absolute and back myself into a corner should circumstances arise that I couldn't control. But I suppose it did sound a little slimy; I hope you'll believe me when I say I wasn't trying to qualify the value of my promises.
I'll admit that your "retort" angered me and that I answered you in a similar fashion. I apologize for that, and I've done my best to bring my pulse down to normal, so I'll try to answer your previous e-mail again now.
The reason I mentioned my question from a while ago was that I was hoping against hope that there was something I could do for you. What I wrote in my P.S. to that initial e-mail, I meant: I don't want you to leave Las Vegas permanently, and so I was determined to get an answer from you.
Well, now I have my answer, and it's depressing to know that there *isn't* anything I can do, and even more depressing to know that I've somehow managed to kill your trust in me. Trust is imperative in a job like ours, and if the trust is gone between CSIs, the job becomes both more difficult and more dangerous. If for no other reason, then, I hope that there IS a way in which I can begin to regain your trust.
Before you jump down my throat, let me point out that this is a different question than I asked before. What I mean now is that, whether you do make your move permanent or not, it would pain me to know that I'd lost your trust permanently. If you could give me specifics on what I did, perhaps I could try to remedy things; alternatively, you could explain to me what I could do from my side to repair the trust we've lost.
Either way, Sara, if and when we meet up again, I'm buying pizza and I'm going to sit there and watch while you eat it.
Grissom
P.S. Before I forget and you call me on it again, no I did not punish Nick or Greg for their gossip, though I did make sure that they know now not to talk about my private dealings to anyone who isn't there to see it.
P.P.S. I'm glad that you aren't thoroughly "disgusted" with me. When I said "relationship," I was referring to the interpersonal dealings of a type that you and I both have with many people in our lives, not trying to mock our problems.