Sara was beginning to get sick of New York. Well no, not the City itself, exactly; it was just that she never went there with an actual purpose, and you can only wander the streets so much before you've memorized the neighborhood – which she had.
She needed to make a decision. She needed to get herself a life, before she went completely out of her mind. But to do that, she need an answer from Grissom.
With that in mind, she nearly ran for her laptop when she got home from the City. Booted up, clicked frantically on Mozilla, and waited with a foot tapping for it to connect. "Hurry up!"
Finally, success. The program was connected and she watched a list of new messages appear in her inbox, one by one. Spam: 12 CDs for the price of 1. Spam: Advance Pecuniary Objectivity Nowadays (what in god's name was that?). Listserv: an ongoing flame war. Spam: "Get' "peoples' "dirt" (did these people not know grammar, in addition to being evil minions of satan?).
Ooh, one from Nick: Hey, Sara! More spam: Never Repay Free Loans. Greg: Saraaaaa! Spam: Increase Ur P3nis Size ("gee, thanks, just what I need"). Junkmail from Classmates.com. Warrick: My opinion (his opinion on what?). Catherine: (no subject).
Grissom: Re: Ya gotta have trust. No, she told herself, don't skip to it. Don't do it; Grissom's just a friend like Nick or Warrick. Don't put him to the head of the line.
Riiiight.
She opened Nick's.
From: Nicholas Stokes StokeDaTexan@hotmail.com
Date: Saturday, August 2nd, 2003 8:52 P.M.
To: Sara ssidle@hotmail.com
Subject: Hey Sara!
Sara,
So . . . I hear that you've got news. Grissom just told us about your job offer (I don't know if he was supposed to tell us or not, but he did), so I wanted to e-mail you and tell you that I think it's a good idea.
Not that I want to get rid of you! You know how much I love you (but I won't let Grissom hear me say that!), but I want what's best for you, and from the sound of it, New Jersey is where the better job is.
Ok, so this is what I got from Grissom's spiel. A county lab in Jersey offered you a job as supervisor, and if you take it, you'll have carte blanche. He also mentioned (and he sounded a little depressed about this part – wonder why!) that the staff is mostly young and that there's some guy named Walter you seem to like. Now, I'm not gonna ask details about that part (!), but if everything Gris said is true . . . Sara, I say go for it. You can't wait around here forever for Grissom to get his head out of his ass, and I know you don't want to try. It's a better position, probably for more money, with a staff that'll probably worship you; what's not to like?
Do it, I'm telling you . . . but you BETTER keep me updated and you BETTER come visit us often. So, uh . . . let me know, ok honey?
Nick
Hmm, she thought. One vote for "take the job"; she wondered what the others would have to say. Nick was right about the benefits of the position; she sincerely doubted that she was going to get a better offer given the lack of years she had under her belt.
And the money did sound pretty good. Well . . . why not see what Greg had to say before debating it anymore.
From: GregS sexy_tech@yahoo.comDate: Saturday, August 2nd, 2003 8:58 P.M.
To: Sara ssidle@hotmail.com
Subject: Saraaaaa!Sara!!!! Tell me this is a joke! Grissom just told us all that you got a job up there and you're not coming back?! You cannot DO this, Sara! No way, no how. I'm gonna fly out there and handcuff you to me and I am going to THROW AWAY THE KEY!
Ok well maybe I'm being a little dramatic . . . but I don't think so. Pleeeeeease tell me Grissom was making it up, Sara. How can you want to leave Vegas? You have a kickass job here, and you have all of us! You make plenty of money, and you like it here, you told me so! WHY would you want to leave?
Oh, enough. I need to go cry into my fume hood. I expect an e-mail tomorrow telling me it was all a mistake!
Greg
That counted as a "don't take the job," she figured. A very enthusiastic one, too. Well, she hadn't really expected much else from Greg. After all, he still had a heavy crush on her.
But . . . he was right about some things. Her job in Las Vegas really was amazing; she'd be hard-pressed to think of any other crime lab where'd she see as much action and as much variety as she had there.
But again . . . she couldn't stay just an underling forever. Granted, a respected underling, but she was an underling all the same, and Sara knew she was good enough to be a leader, not a follower. She had knowledge to give to younger CSIs – wasn't she obligated to do so? Grissom had taken the time to teach her, and, along with any other emotion she may have had for him, gratitude was right up there.
But she didn't know everything, either. There was more to learn, and would she be able to learn it if she took a supervisory role?
Oh, screw it. Warrick was levelheaded, she'd see what he thought.
From: Brown, Warrick Brownw@lasvegas.cl.comDate: Saturday, August 2nd, 2003 11:09 P.M.
To: Sara ssidle@hotmail.com
Subject: My Opinion
Hey there, you. Just heard the news from Grissom – is it true that you're taking a job in New Jersey? Wow, Sara, I can't believe this. I don't know about anyone else here, but I didn't see it coming.
Don't get mad at me for asking this, ok, but . . . is this because of Grissom? Are you trying to get away from him? I'm not judging you, don't worry. I just think that if this is because of him, you might want to take some more time to think about all this.
Don't run away from what you have here at home just because of one man being cruel. YOU should be the one to determine if you stay or if you go, based on YOUR goals. And wanting to escape from Grissom shouldn't be a goal.
Ok, I know you're probably going, "What the hell does Warrick know about me, anyway?" right now, and I guess you're right. None of us know you any more than you let us, and that's nowhere near how well Grissom knows you. But he doesn't count in this conversation, and I like to think that I'm the most logical out of me, Nick, and Greg.
So . . . this is your decision, when it comes down to it. My advice, if you'd like to take it, though, is to think hard about it. And if you have thought hard about it, and you still want to take the job, then more power to you. We just want you to be happy, remember that.
Keep in touch, ok? I want to know everything's ok.
Warrick
Yeah, if Grissom was Mr. Nice Guy and Greg was Mr. Hyper, Warrick was Mr. Sensible. He provided stability for their group and balanced out Nick's excitability, and Sara was glad for it. Talking to Warrick was always a reality check, and this time was no different.
He'd slipped past the issue of her leaving and zeroed in on the reason behind it all. And he was right, to some extent; she had come here to get away from Grissom. What was strange now, though, was that she wasn't staying because of Grissom. She was staying here because . . . well, because she kind of liked it. And she really thought that she could help in this lab.
A beep brought her attention back to the monitor in front of her, where another junk e-mail had appeared at the bottom of her inbox, under Catherine's and Grissom's e-mails. Sigh . . . these were the two she dreaded. Catherine always had a strong opinion and wasn't afraid to beat it into Sara. And Grissom . . . well, he was entirely too Grissom-like for her tastes.
Might as well bite the bullet; on to Catherine.
From: Catherine Willows Catscratch@aol.comDate: Sunday, August 3rd, 2003 1:34 A.M.
To: Sara ssidle@hotmail.com
Subject: (no subject)
Sara,
What's this I hear about you staying in Jersey? Is Grissom smoking something, or is it true? Because let me tell you, if it's true . . . well, if you're doing this to get his attention, you've got it. He's in one of those moods where he refuses to express how angry/upset/confused he is, but if you know him you can tell just by looking at him. Poor guy's majorly messed up.
Knowing you, though, you're probably very serious about this moving thing. Or not moving thing, I guess would be the better term, since you're there and not here.
Listen, I'm not going to try to convince you to stay or go. I know it's not worth it; you've got your own opinions and reasons, and you're sure as hell not going to listen to me if I supply mine. Instead, I'm just going to tell you what's going on here since the news broke. We're pretty close to complete mental (if not operational) chaos, I tell you.
Things were ok when you were "on vacation" because, you know, Sara was going to be coming back. But now that word is out about you being gone for good, things are coming out of the woodwork. Greg seems to be campaigning amongst the techs for . . . something. Maybe he wants them to fly out there and kidnap you back – I wouldn't put it past him. But you know, I think you'd be kinda pleased at how many of them are really upset about this. Turns out you're a favorite among the young crowd, and the not-so-young crowd too. Bobby and Archie are both hot under the collar; don't be surprised if they somehow get in touch with you.
And of course, Nick and Warrick are, hmm, shell-shocked – that's not quite the right word, but you know what I mean. Nick's been wandering around in a daze all night; I think he's really working that brain of his on what he thinks of it. He wants you to be happy, I know that, but I don't know if he thinks you *can* be happy anywhere but here.
And Warrick's being Warrick, of course. Didn't really say much of anything when Grissom told us (as opposed to Nick and Greg, who both started shouting questions), and hasn't said much of anything since. I know he's thinking also, but I think he's got different ideas than Nick and Greg. He's got a lot of insight, you know, even into people he doesn't know really well - namely, you. I just cornered him about fifteen minutes ago and asked him what he thought, and he said he thought that "whatever he thought didn't make much of a difference." Which I guess is Warrick-speak for "Sara will make her own decision; the best we can do is tell her what we think and then sit back."
He's right, of course. I have a feeling that me, or Warrick, or Nick telling you one way or the other would be like talking to a wall. But I think that maybe Grissom's different. Well, I know he's "different," but I think that if there were to be anyone who *could* work through the decision with you, it'd be him. Of course, that's not going to happen right now, because you're making the decision because of him to begin with – at least partly.
He knows that too. Ok so I want to say up front – none of this came from him. He hasn't talked to me about it, and everything I'm about to say is just my opinions and what I think I see. I don't know whether you actually told him or not, but he knows that you're gone because of him. He's . . . slowing down. I think it's kinda that now you're gone, or going to be gone, suddenly he has nothing to fight against, and he doesn't know what to do. I have this mental image of you two where you're a brick wall and for the past three years he's been pushing all his weight against it . . . and now that the wall's gone, he's overbalancing and about to fall on his face.
That's a little extreme, but do you know what I mean? He'll probably recover his balance, but right now I don't think he's even realized that he's off balance. I'm not saying this to guilt you, Sara, believe me. I'm just trying to describe him to you, because I know that even if you guys are talking, he's not going to tell you this part.
Ooookay, I have the feeling that I'm just digging myself deeper now by telling you all this, so I'll stop. You let me know if you want me to go on, or whether you've heard enough.
I want to hear from you again as soon as you've made your final decision. Keep me in the loop, please – believe it or not, I worry about you kids!
Cat
Sara sat back in her chair and sighed. The way Catherine had described Grissom was too accurate – she could almost see herself and Grissom in the "brick wall" image Catherine had described.
She looked at her watch. 11:48 P.M. Time to go to bed and try to sleep, or she wouldn't pass out until 3 A.M., and that would be bad. She'd need all her mental power to deal with Grissom's e-mail tomorrow morning.