Runaway
chapter 15

Riku's gone.

Gone.

He's really gone.

It takes a moment for that to click. He's really... I may not see him again... This wasn't supposed to happen... He was finally opening up, too! Why'd he have to leave? I don't even know how long I can make it on my own.

Damn you, Riku. Why'd you just leave me like this? We were having such a good time last night...

Ah, shit. That didn't sound right.

"Riku?" I call out. "Riku!" I bury my fingers in my hair. What am I going to do? I start walking. Maybe I'll find him. (Yeah right.)

No, no, I will find him. No matter what, I will find him. Right.

I'm running now, as fast as I can. Don't know where I'm going anymore. I run until I trip over something and fall on my face. I gasp to try and try and catch my breath. I don't want to get up. Not right now. Not ever. I close my eyes. I just want to sleep. I do.

When I wake up it's noon. I half-expect to have Riku right next to me, and have this all be a dream, but it's not. It's the shitty reality. I slowly get up, grabbing my things. How could he do this to me? How could he just abandon me? I haven't... even had many friends ever. Or parents. Neither has he. We were both abused and both hated by classmates. Shouldn't he have understood? Shouldn't he have at least hadthe consideration to be there? Riku, you selfish bastard. You really don't care about anyone else, do you?

I loved you. And I still do. No, I won't cry, and no, I'm not going to get upset. I'm going to keep going. I'm not going to stop. It's 1 now. I can't tell whether time is going faster or slower without Riku here. Even though he never talks or anything, there's still this...void. It's weird without him. I forgot what it's like. Huh. I know I'll get used to it. Eventually, I get used to it. I've lived without him before... It's not a big deal.

-

One. It's 1:23. No, 24. I'm bored out of my mind. I need to talk to someone. I pluck at the bandages at my arm. I wonder if I even need them anymore.

I wonder how long I've been out here. Hmm. Well, when did I leave? The end of May? I think so. But now the days are all scrambled and even though I have a watch I still feel like the time is off and there are no minutes and hours and nothing's right. Nothing's normal. Nothing's been normal ever since dad left. No, it was since mom's lousy boyfriend came in and started thinking he could just rule my life. I need Riku to make it right again. I sigh loudly.

Here's a good place to rest, I just need to take it easy today.

God, I didn't even realize how much my legs were aching until now. I have a huge headache, on top of that. I pull out my water bottle and drink a little from that, but it's warm and tastes funny. I splash some on my face, and my head feels a bit better from that. It's too hot out...

I should probably get up again anyway... Sighing I grab my things and leave. I check my watch again, 2:50.

Was I really just sitting there for that long?

There has to be something wrong with this watch, I swear.

I pass by some empty street and turn into an alley. It almost looks like the one that I bumped into the gang in... but after a while everything looks the same.

-

The sun's setting now. I'm actually sort of surprised at how far I've been able to get on my own. It's... sort of lonely, but I can do this on my own. It's getting darker so I start going a bit faster. Want to get out of this alley by the time it gets really dark.

...Ah damn. I forgot how much I hate the dark. I keep walking, faster and faster until I hear someone talking around the corner. I peek my head out and almost gasp.

Riku.

He's sitting against and empty trash can with his head resting against it. He looks exhausted.

I peek my head out further. The gang. The one that beat me up. I listen closely to what they're saying and pray I won't be seen.

"Get up, bitch." The leader says. Riku just looks up at him, boredly and sort of dumbly. The leader kicks him. "Get up!" He kicks him one more time, harder. Riku looks like he's just gone. "Stupid bitch!" Riku looks up and says, sort of quietly, "Go away, Tairuyo." ...And that's all. He--Tairuyo, gets angry.

"That's not my name anymore! You're stupid!" Riku doesn't reply. "Get up!" Nothing. "You moron!"

After a moment of Riku doing...nothing, Tairuyo gets on his knees and whispers something to Riku before... pulling out a gun.

Oh.

SHIT.

I want to move, but I'm frozen. Tairuyo has a look of satisfaction on his face. "You know, maybe I won't kill you." He says. "But I'll sure make you wish you were dead." Riku laughs. Laughs. The sound is bitter and creepy.

"I already wish that." he says dryly. Tairuyo scowls and put his hand on Riku's chin and pulls it down a bit, so that his mouth is open. He puts the gun about an inch away from Riku's lips. Don't shoot. Don't shoot... He's about to pull the trigger. I hear the loud noise of the gun being shot, but Riku's still there.

He's in front of me.

And I'm on Tairuyo.

Did I...? Did I just attack him? I... can't... I don't even remember leaving! Before I know it, Tairuyo pushes me off him and gets up. He looks at me closely for a moment.

"I thought I killed you." He says, sounding frustrated. I look over at Riku nervously, but he's not doing anything. It's almost like he's on the meds again. I look up at Tairuyo.

"Guess not." He looks pissed now. Me and my big stupid mouth. He pins me down and punches me. Why isn't Riku helping me? Is he not going to save me this time?

Oh man. I was finally able to be by myself and now that Riku's here I need him again. Damn you, Riku.

Our faces are inches apart. I'm glad I'm not getting beaten up, but what's going o--

His lips are against mine. He's trying to shove his tongue down my throat.

...I'm being raped aren't I? Oh man. I struggle to get away from him but can't. I hear footsteps and it's all over now.

Riku came to my rescue again. I get up and gasp for breath. Tairuyo gets ready to smack Riku, but Riku strikes first. He punches him hard, over and over, and knocks him to the ground, before kicking him twice. He puts a foot down hard on Tairuyo's stomach and practically stomps on it. Riku kicks him one last time before Tairuyo and his gang retreat.

"I'm going to kill you, bitch." He says to Riku before running off. Riku just goes over to lean against to trash can, looking satisfied for a moment; but that fades away and he looks drained again. I sit down next to him and sigh loudly. I don't know if I should be mad at him or thankful that he saved me again.

"Do you really want to die...?" I ask hesitantly after a long while. He glances at me, then shrugs. He's a complete mystery. Man. I rest my head on his shoulder. "Why? Why would you..." He says nothing. I wrap my arms around him, and we stay like that before he gets uncomfortable and tries to get me off him. "Don't."

"Don't what?" He asks.

"Feel that way anymore." He looks at me, confused, sort of. "Suicidal."

"I'm not suicidal..." He mutters. "And I can't just stop feeling how I do."

"But Riku..." I whine. "You don't have to feel that way when you have friends to help you..."

"Well, that's great." He says, raising his voice. "And what happens when you have no friends?"

"You do. I'm your friend."

"I have no friends." He says sharply. "I don't need any."

That's it.

That's just it.

"Oh, you just have it so hard, huh? Having to spend day in and day out with someone who cares for you."

He shakes his head.

"Just leave me alone. Take a hint." He says.

"No Riku," I take his arm and shake it. "I'm sick of this."

"I'm sick of you." He sounds so sad when he says it. What happened to him when he was gone? I give him a light shove.

"Why'd you leave me?" I ask after a moment. He doesn't answer. "Riku, you can tell me." I add, half-serious, "I can handle it." No answer. "Riku, answer me." Nothing. "Riku! Riku talk to me!"

"Leave me alone!" When I think he's done talking he continues. "You don't know." Know what? "Just leave me alone."

"Know what?" I ask.

"Nevermind."

"No, Riku. Tell me. I'm sick of this!" Don't get emotional. "I'm so sick of this! It's hard for me too! It's hard for me too! You don't know what I've been through, either, you know! You don't know what it's like being with someone who hates you--" He knows that part. I'm yelling now, loud as I can and not thinking about it. "You don't know what it's like when that person is THE ONE PERSON YOU'RE HOT FOR!"

I didn't say that.

No, I didn't say that.

I couldn't have.

I can feel how red my face is right now. I hate the way he's looking at me. He had to have had some kind of hint about how I felt, but...

I put my hand over my mouth and just break into sobs, falling to my knees. I can't do this anymore. I can't... I...

Riku slowly puts his arms around my and puts my face against his chest. I hug him as hard as I can and try to explain myself... or... something! I don't want Riku to hate me and leave again! I don't...

"Ri--" I gasp. "Riku--" He puts his hand over my mouth and picks me up by my jacket hood.

"Come on." Is all he says. His arm is around me now, but I think he feels as awkward as I do.

"Let's just go to sleep." He says after a while.

He stays sitting up and I get right next to him.

Well, he knows. ...This feels really weird. Are things going to change between us? Will he open up or avoid me completely?

"Riku?" I ask.

"Go to sleep." He says.

"Riku--"

"Go to sleep." He puts two fingers on my chest and pushes me down, holding me down lightly.

"Ri--"

"Get some rest."

"But I want to talk to you." I say. Don't start whining, Sora. Don't start whining.

"Later."

"No, Riku, now. Come on! Let me up!" I reach up for him. I need to be like, held or something. "Riku..." I'm crying again and I don't even know why. "Please Riku! Say something!" I know I'm being pathetic, but I need some sort of affection or "I don't hate you" from Riku! It takes a few hours, but eventually I fall asleep.

Meh. I had this planned out in my head for a while, but whenever I go to type it up my ideas just disappear. : A lot of stuff in here was suposed to be longer and better. I'll probably fix it sometime...
By the way-- Momochi Zabuza: More shounen ai? Funny you should say that... 'starts on next chapter'
And on another note- Haha! Sora's all pathetic and stuff!

R&R appriciated