Chapter 16
When I wake up Riku's next to me, sleeping soundly. I lean over him and give him a real quick kiss on the lips. A wait a moment before kissing his cheek and forehead.
He doesn't wake up. Good, good. I'd be in deep trouble if he woke up. I lay down again, staring at his back a few minutes before he stirs and turns around. We look at each other for a minute before he says we should go. I shake my head.
"No," I say "Can't we stay a little longer? Just rest and talk and stuff?" He sighs and lays back down.
"Why?" He asks.
"I'm tired and--" I start.
"No, why do you like me?"
I don't know what to say. I know how I feel but I don't know why.
"Mm... I just do." I answer. "You're smart and you can be really sweet when you want to be." He snorts. "Really!"
"Really?" He asks, sarcastic, I think.
"Really." He smirks for a moment, but only a moment. "So..." I finally get a chance to talk to him, really talk to him, and I don't know what to say.
"So." he agrees.
"Can I.. see your arms?" I ask carefully. He looks at me for a moment, thinking, but he does take off his jacket. He sits up and I do, too. I slowly put my hand on his arm and trace over the scars with my index finger. Some of them are in an X shape, and others are random.
"What are those from?" I ask about one of the shaped ones.
"Those..." The rest of his sentence is rushed and I can't really understand it.
"What?"
"Nevermind. Why do you even care?" He asks. He doesn't sound accusing or angry this time; he sounds genuinely curious. He adds, "About my past?"
"Because. Because if you tell me about it, maybe I'll know how to help you." He doesn't look to happy about that. "Like how I should be around you..."
"I don't want to be treated differently just because of my past." I think you do.
"...it's hard. You send out a lot of different signals. Maybe if you learn to talk about what's making you upset you'll feel better." He looks at me in disbelief. "Like you have less weight to carry because you can trust someone." He bites his lip again and chews it for a moment. He looks up at me and I smile.
"You were really cute when you were a baby." I say to change the subject a little. He doesn't look happy about that, either. "How old were you in that one picture?" He says nothing. "The cake one?"
"Three." He says.
"The other people, they're your parents, right?"
"Yeah..."
"You look like them." Oh man. I bet that was the last thing he wanted to hear. He snorts.
"No I don't." Alright.
"What was going on in the cake one anyway? Wedding, right?" Riku nods.
"My parents'." His parents'..? I must have just gave him a really weird look because he shakes his head and says, "Yeah- I'm a bastard." We both kind of smile, even though it's not funny.
"How old were they there?"
"Eighteen."
"So they were only 16 when you were born." I say. He scowls.
"Yeah." He shrugs. "They were nice then..." He sounds so sad now. "This one summer, before I had to go to live with my grandparents, Nathan took me down to the community pool and taught me how to swim..."
"That must have been really nice." He sounds so sad that I'm feeling sad too. "Nathan?"
"My dad." He answers. "I don't remember it well, but mama did... she'd tell me all those things when I went to live with them again..."
"I'm sorry Riku." I hug him and he pushes me away.
"Don't touch me." He snaps. Looks like Riku's back.
"Sorry."
"Whatever."
"Riku?" I ask.
"Huh."
"Do you trust me? You know I really do like you..." He says nothing.
"Don't ask that anymore." He says.
"Should we go now?" I ask. He shrugs.
"I guess so." But neither of us get up. There are a lot of things I still want to ask him, but really shouldn't. Like, "do you like guys too?" and "are you a virgin?"
"I don't know and yes." Riku says.
Shit. Did I really say those out loud? I can't believe it... I must really be out of it... He smiles for a moment at my expression before saying we have to leave. Well, this was...nice... I guess... Maybe Riku will actually begin to open up from here.
We get up and Riku just walks off kind of fast. It's chilly out- I have to wrap my sweater around me.
"Where's the fire, Riku?" I ask. He doesn't say anything for a long time.
By the afternoon it's incredibly hot out. Like being in hell. The heat's going up through my shoes and socks and stuck in the back of my shirt. Riku looks awful, with his head down, he's barely dragging along.
"Let's get some rest." He says. We sit down in some shade and I drink more of my water. Riku's not facing me. I lean over and rest my head on his shoulder. He jumps and that's when I see why he's not facing me.
He's cutting again.
"Riku, stop!" I shout suddenly. I wrap my arms around his waist and bury my face in his back while he cleans himself up. "Don't ever do that again. You scare me so much."
"I'm not going to stop." He sounds harsh. "Let's go." I keep holding on and don't let go. He groans. "I'm bleeding all over your shirt."
"I don't care."
"Let go."
"Nope."
"LET. GO." He says again. I do this time. He just sits there for a moment before quickly getting up.
"So..." I saw after we start walking again. "What was your hometown like, anyway Riku?"
"Smelly. Dirty. Old." He says simply.
"That bad?" He nods.
The sun is high, high in the sky and it's too hot out. It's like a desert. My lips are chapped and my skin feels gross and dry. It's hell. It really is. Riku doesn't even look like he notices. He doesn't break and sweat and can keep that heavy jacket on.
That's not normal.
Alright, so I know he's not normal, but he's got to be psycho to not be hot in this weather. I just take off my sweater and shirt.
"We need sunscreen." He says as we pass a small store. We go back and just kind of freeze before we walk in. "Okay, get the owner outside so I can get in and steal it." He says that so casually it's creepy.
"How?" I ask.
"Tell him what you told the gas station guy." He ducks behind the building. "Go on!" I'm about to head in when I hear him say, "Put your shirt on first. Unless you want to look like a hooker." I turn bright red and do what he says.
"Um, excuse me?" I ask the guy behind the counter. "I think I dropped my wallet. Could you help me find it?"
He smiles. "Sure, of course." God. Now I feel so bad about lying. He puts a "Back in five minutes" sign on the counter and walks out with me. I glance over to see Riku quietly walk in.
"Do you know where you could have lost it?" He asks.
"Not... really..." I glance back over at the doors. Where's Riku? He's taking so long! Riku... "Uhhmm.. I'm waiting for a friend, too" I look back and can see him pushing the door open. "But I don't know why he's not here yet..."
"Hey," Riku says, walking up to us.
"Riku!" I say, sounding more thankful than I wanted. "Now you can help me look for my wallet." Riku smiles. Smiles.
"Sure." He says.
The man smiles too and wished us luck before walking back in his store. Riku's smile fades then and he grabs my arm.
"Come on." He says, sounding serious. It's a slap in the face how his mood swung like that.
Good acting. We walk side by side until we get far enough from the store and says to rest for a while. He squirts some of the sunscreen in his hand and hands it to me and I do the same. We start going again once we're covered in the smelly lotion (okay- that sounded really bad, whatever.)
"Riku?" I ask, sounding whinier than intended. "Are you going to be okay?"
"I'm going to die." He says, maybe about 30 minutes later.
"What?" I ask. What, did he like, slit his wrists or something?
"I'm going to die." He sounds so calm it's scary. "I've been out here for two years. I can't go on much longer."
"What are you talking about? You... You're not going to die. It's the heat! It's getting to you, that's all."
"Sora..." He starts.
"Riku. Really..." I don't want to start crying again. No.. Not now...
"If I die..." He starts again, "I just... I want you to have this." He reaches out of his pocket and hands me a necklace. It's gorgeous, with a silver chain and silver crown pendant.
"Wow. It's beautiful." I say, looking up at him. He take it and puts it around my neck.
"I..." he looks down. "My mom gave it to me... She told me to give it to someone special... but..." He hesitates for a moment before continuing. "I don't want you to forget about me..."
"Thanks Riku." I throw my arms around him and hug him tight. Just for a second before he pulls away and walks faster. Riku...? I manage to keep up- it's not that hard anymore, and put my arm around his shoulder, careful not to upset him somehow, and I don't. He kind-of sighs, almost happy sounding? I squeeze his shoulder for a moment and smile at him. "You know I wouldn't let you die."
"I guess." He hesitantly replies.
"What's wrong?" I ask finally. "I know you're probably going to get mad and not answer, but, please, just get it over with and tell me what's wrong?"
"Sora..."
"You've been acting weird," I try and joke, "Weirder than normal."
"Nothing's wrong."
"Come on, you can trust me."
"No, Sora," He sounds frustrated now, shakes off my hand. "Nothing's wrong. Nothing you'd care about."
"Of course, I CARE, Riku." How can he say that? He KNOWS how much I care about him!
"There's some...stuff... I never really told you... about my family...and my past. But..."
"You can tell me!" I blurt out- probably too fast and loud. Great job, Sora.
"Nevermind." Good job. Scared him off again. Why can't I do anything right?
"I'm sorry."
Silence. "For what?"
"Everything." Okay, good start, now, just don't rant. "What your dad did to you, the kids at school, trying to get you to talk openly and whatever you feel like you can't tell me." Okay, now is a perfect time to stop. "But when you feel like it, just tell me and I'll be ready." Okay, okay, just stop now. You're going to blow it. "No matter what I won't think less of you, you know that, right?" You're pushing it... "I care about you..."
"Shut up." He snaps. Did it again. I can't believe I did it again. I can't even control what comes out of my mouth.
"Sorry."
"I said shut up." He sounds a little quieter.
"Okay."
I think now I'm getting it. So, just, no 'sorry' s or 'I care's and I should just be fine? And it took me this long to figure it out? God. Riku... you are weird. And Sora... you're a moron.
A hungry moron. How long is it since we've eaten? I don't know if I should ask Riku about what we're going to do about food or not... But Riku's probably all stressed out- I can think of something myself.
Okay, this might be a little hard.
---
Three hours have passed.
I'm not even very hungry anymore. But even still, we have to eat.
"Riku?" I ask. "How much money do we have?" He shrugs.
"I don't know. Not a lot." I sigh. Don't I have spare money?
Oh my god, that's right. I tug off my backpack and dig through it. Wow, I have so much crap in here. I pull out my wallet and zip up my backpack. I look in there and see all the money I saved... not a lot, but enough.
"Riku!" He turns around and I hand him my wallet. He looks at me for a moment before looking inside and smiling.
"We just won the fucking lottery." He says, managing to sound happy and emotionless at the same time. Stunned maybe? I guess it's enough to last us a while, then. Looks like we're having dinner tonight.
Once the sun sets we reach a small grocery store. Riku urges me to go in without him.
"Just get something real cheap. We need to make the money last as long as possible." He explains. "Just get, like... grapes or something."
"Okay."
"But not the red kind because those suck." I like the red kind... but, okay then.
When I walk in it's so bright it's almost blinding. It's big and busy and I wonder if I'll be able to find my way around. It's weird how I'm getting nervous and it's just a freaking grocery store... I'm probably really dirty and smelly and I'm surprised no one's staring. Or holding their noses. I look around, my mouth watering at all the chips and chocolate and TV dinners and pocky... I want to just get it all... but.. no. I have to remember what I'm here for. I find where they have all the fruits and stuff and grab a big bag of grapes. ...I just can't help it. I go to the snack and candy section and grab and small bag of some chips or trail mix... or whatever it is, just something small that will keep us from starving for a little while and one of those chocolate peppermint patties. (Riku would probably like it, right..?) It should hardly add up to $5.00. He won't be angry. I run up to a short line so I won't end up buying anything else and put my stuff on the moving conveyer thing. After the woman in front of me leaves, I pull my wallet from my pocket (left my backpack with Riku) and pull out a five dollar bill. The girl behind the counter is young; in her twenties and cheerful. She smiles at me, even though I'm just a smelly kid to her.
The food ended up being 4 something so I get change back. I look over at one of those 'pennies for homeless' jars and noticed something. Small "missing" papers. I quickly go through it and, just as I thought, find one that says 'Riku'. I examine it on my way out.
There's an old school photo at the top of the page. It's in black and white and he looks absolutely miserable. He has a black leather raincoat on and it looks a little big for him. But his expression kills me. All that misery and frustration is clear across his face and he just looks like... a kid. It's weird seeing him so young. I know it's just two years, but it really made all thing difference.
'Riku Imakura' it says. So that's his last name. "Age: 13 White hair, blue eyes" silver and aquamarine, actually... "distinguishable features: scars on arms and back" This last part makes me stop dead in my tracks. "update: wanted- murder, vandalism" Okay, he explained that already, but it's the next part that really gets me:
"under-age prostitution."
There's just... no way... he said he was a virgin. He said he hated being touched. He wouldn't. It has to be a lie...
Or is that what he meant by 'you're not ready to know'? I have to talk to him.. how do I know he hasn't been lying this whole time!
When I walk outside the street lamps are all lit, and Riku looks sort of mysterious hanging right in the shadows.
"Hey, Riku," I say, running over to him. "I--"
"What's all that shit?" He asks, pointing at the snack foods.
"Oh... well... there was all this stuff," I explain. "I just couldn't resist, Riku, it was really cheap, I promise."
"I told you to just get that one thing." He snaps. "How can you be so stupid! We needed to save the money."
"It was less than 5 bucks!"
"I don't care!"
"Riku... I only got it because I thought it could last us...really, Riku, really."
"Then what's the chocolate for?" He asks, a hint of amusement in his voice, but I may just be imagining it.
"You." I blurt out.
"I don't want it." He says, turning to leave.
"Just take it, Riku."
"I don't want it."
"Come on!"
"No."
"Come on!" I keep arguing. "I thought you'd really like it!" I don't even know if that's the truth. Maybe I'm just trying to bug him. Who knows? ...Not me.
"Fine." He gave up? Alright! I won. I toss it to him and he rips off the rapper, tears the chocolate in half and hands half to me. We find a nice place to sleep and snack on the peppermint patty. We lie down next to each other, really close and we're almost touching. I decide to close that gap by gently laying my head on his chest.
"Riku?" I ask, pulling out the 'missing' paper. "I need to ask you about something."
"Hm?" He takes the paper from my hand and skims over it. "What?" I point down to the... prostitution part.
"Um.. about that..." He looks up at me after reading it.
"It's a lie." He says. "I've never done anything like that."
That's a relief... but... what if he's lying?
"They wouldn't have just made it up, though. Why would they think that anyway?" He doesn't answer, and sit up to look at him. He has this look on his face that's saying he's far away...
"Well," He starts, "It was just a little while after I ran away... I was sleeping outside of some building and when I woke up there was a guy leaning over me... Asked me if I was hungry because he had leftovers from dinner. I said no and got up to leave but he stopped me and forced me inside anyway..." Oh, God, no. This... isn't going to be good. "So, yeah, I finished the leftovers and got tired and he let me sleep on the couch. When I woke up, though, I was... in his bed." No, no, no...
"So... he thought that you were..."
"I think he thought that I'd sleep with him if he kept me fed. As some sort of 'gratitude' thing." He shrugs. "Apparently the police thought so too... the man was caught a few times with prostitutes my age, so they just assumed I was one of them when they caught me rushing out of his house. They didn't bother asking me what happened."
"God." He shrugs again and turns around.
"It was a long time ago."
"But still, I'm sorry that happened to you." I turn around too, and put my arms around his neck.
"I am too."
Author's note: Well, this took way longer writing than it should have. Got a bad cold and I'm just now gotten better. Just as a note, whenever I have to take a break from writing (so if it's been a really long time since I've updated) just check out my profile and it should tell you why and when to expect another chapter. Also, the link to the first three chapters of Riku's point of view is there. Gah. ANGST.
And about this chapter, I meant to make it a bit... fluffier, but, it didn't fit much. I the next two chapters there should be a sickening amount anyway, so, be prepared. xDSo, after this, I think things will take a small turn. Wow, I thinkthe conclusion is coming soon.I'm not surehow manymore chapters there are going tobe... Hmm. Maybe I'm completely wrong and it'll turn into the never-ending story. I hope not. xD
Well, anyway,here you go- chapter 16, eight pages long and 3,282 words.