Chappie 2: And
A/N: Yes, we have decided released TWO CHAPTERS IN A ROW! So everyone dance and celebrate. Please note, the story rating was just in case, as there is a lot of references to mature… stuff…. Etc. Please sit tight on your computer seat and continue reading the below. Thank you and REMEMBER TO REVIEW!
A man in his twenties observed the inside of the local alcohol store from the outside, his mouth hanging slightly ajar. In fact, he was drooling, the droplets of saliva splattering onto the front of his black suit. He was dressed rather immaculately, a black suit complete with velvet white gloves that were as white as snow pissed over. He looked rather too formal for the streets, hell who am I kidding? He was WAY over formal, including his neatly partitioned black cropped hair that had grease, flecks of dust and whatever in it. He pulled at his tie, pushing it slightly askew. Noticing that he was messing his already messed suit, he tugged and pushed at the tie but that just made matters worse, naturally.
Through all the tugging and pulling, he heard their arrival before he actually saw them. Light may travel faster than sound but for them… that was a totally different case.
"Twinkle twinkle little star!" sang a merry and off-key voice, "Let's lock you in a jam jar…" the voice paused before it whispered loudly so everyone on the streets who had been staring at the two odd girls heard anyway, "I forgot the rest of the lyrics."
Amber sighed at her friend and pointed out, "You only got the first bit right anyway."
"YOU DON'T HAVE TO GLOAT! Just because your mum sang twinkle twinkle little star to you every night and mine didn't doesn't make you better than me! FINE, SAY IT THEN… I WAS A DEPRIVED CHILD!" wailed Kat, sulking.
"You were a deprived child…" complied Amber, her voice unusually void of emotion, but then she wrecked it when she added with a sudden burst of emotion, "BUT I WAS DEPRIVED TOO! MY PARENTS ONLY SANG BAA BAA BLACK SHEEP TO ME!"
Kat squealed, "Let's sing Baa Baa Black Sheep! What's the lyrics?"
Before Amber could eagerly produce the lyrics for Kat, a man coughed loudly next to them. The two girls glared at the man.
"What's your problem? You're not meant to interrupt girls when they're sharing classified and world important information!" demanded Kat rudely, obviously very upset about the few seconds delay from her Baa Baa Black Sheep lyrics.
"Gomennasai, will you follow me into there?" the greasy black haired man in a black suit asked in a wheezy voice. He nodded towards a rather shadowy alley which noone had known of it's existence until this glorious moment.
Amber and Kat looked suspiciously at the over-formal man, "You're not a fake ice cream man are you?" asked Amber, recalling their previous encounter with a fake ice cream man.
"Well, if I was I would be wearing an apron that had 'Ice Cream Man' on it," replied the man.
"And what's that gomen whatever stuff?" asked Kat rudely.
"Sumimasen…" the man in the black suit replied.
"We understand english and all other languages apart from those that are not english," explained Amber.
"Sumimasen, I am originally from Japan so I speak-"
"YOU SPEAK JAPANESE!" interrupted Kat, "I'M SO CLEVER! YOU DIDN'T EVEN HAVE TO FINISH WHAT YOU WERE GOING TO SAY BECAUSE I FINISHED IT FOR YOU!" The man in the black suit sweat dropped.
"Do you have a gun?" asked Amber warily, ignoring Kat who was fake sobbing because she was so proud she was developing 'intelligence'.
"Well… moshikashitara." The girls blinked blankly at him.
The man in the black suit began to chuckle, "Gomennasai, I just find it okashii –funny- that I could be swearing or something like that and you wouldn't even realise it."
"Were you?" asked Amber.
"No, I'm a very polite gentleman," declared the man in the black suit, giving a what was intended polite smile but ended up as a cheesy grin.
Amber snorted, while Kat managed to say, "Yeah right…" with a matching pair of rolling eyes.
"You don't believe?" asked the man in the black suit miserably.
"N-" began Kat, however her friend interrupted her.
"I KNOW!" shouted Amber, jumping up and down on the spot, "YOU'RE TRYING TO SIDETRACK US AREN'T YOU?" She began her pointing at the man in the black suit, "We're not silly little innocent girls who are gullible and falls for anything! We asked you whether you had a gun… and YOU NEVER ANSWERED US! You just kept talking about how little of a gentleman you are and the totally random Japanese topic!"
The two girls glared at the man who had raised both of his hands in the air in a sign of surrender, "Iie… Iie… No… No… I answered your question at the start: 'moshikashitara'."
"Well we did warn you that we understand all languages apart from those that are not english. And moshi… moshicashblah is classified as not english," stated Amber, dazzling stars sparkling around her from her brilliant array of intelligence.
The man in the black suit raised an eyebrow, "Gomen nasai, moshikashitara is 'maybe'."
The two girls drew in their breaths noisily and their feet jumped off the ground by a few centimetres from fright, "SO IT'S A YES!" declared Kat triumphantly, only her moment was ruined when she looked down and screamed because her feet were still in the air from fright.
"AHHHH!" both girls screamed.
"Do not look daun.. do not look down or you'll... fall!" advised the man in the black suit. Obviously, being nice, angelic and totally obedient girls they looked down at the ground.
BANG!" CRASH!
"THAT'S MY HEAD!" complained Amber trying to push Kat off her.
As soon as the girls disentangled themselves from the floor, Amber and Kat jumped back up and started frisking the dude.
"You're messing up my beautiful suit!" complained the dude tearfully.
"It's already messed!" announced Amber, still searching through his pockets.
"STOP!" ordered Kat, taking out her hand from the man's pockets, she declared the small fact that she had suddenly realised, "The gun is too small to fit in his pockets." The man sweat dropped.
"If you were looking for the gun, you could have just told me. I would have given it to you, here, take this," the man reached inside his suit and brought out a shiny small black gun. He handed the gun to the girls, who absolutely squealed in delight at the sight of it.
"Now do you trust me?" asked the man.
"I LIKE GUNS!" answered Kat excitedly, totally oblivious to his question.
"Back off. He gave it to me! ME! ME! It's MINE! Go and find your own gun!" yelled Amber.
The man stared at the girls, still waiting for his answer but it never came. Instead the girls was totally absorbed in fighting over the gun.
"IT'S MINE! GUNS ARE FOR DEAD PEOPLE!" screamed Kat.
"I'M DEAD TOO!"
"YOU'RE NOT DEAD! You just want to be!" Kat grinned at her friend.
"I am dead…" insisted Amber, trailing off.
"Not!"
"Am too!"
"Am not!"
"I am so"
"I am so not…" replied Kat uncertainly.
"I know you're not," said Amber gleefully.
"I AM DEAD! LOOK I CAN GO INVISIBLE!" Kat shimmered into invisibility and then back, "AND I CAN MAKE SPOOKY NOISES!"
"Girls, girls, it's only a gun…" injected the man in the black suit feebly.
The two girls sent murderous glares in his direction and he shrank backwards.
"I WANT TO TRY THE GUN!" yelled Kat suddenly.
"NO! I WANT TO!" yelled back Amber.
They scrabbled at the gun, their fingers scratching at the squeaky shiny black exterior.
BANG! They looked towards the shop window of their local alcohol shop.
"AHHH!" screeched Amber and Kat, both running around in circles with their hands on their heads, "We've broken the LAW! We've… shot a window! NOOOO! Window, are you alright?" Amber knelt beside the shattered remains of the previously shop window pane and began kissing the floor next to it.
"Amber, Amber!" called Kat, her arms flapping around in a panicked state, "We've hit the window… so let's run. IT'S A HIT AND RUN INCIDENT!"
Suddenly, a rather slow alarm clock began to beep, which caused both girls to scream and totally take off. But not before they heard more window crashing from the hit and run scene. The girls looked behind their backs.
"WHY IS THE WEIRD FREAKY OVER-FORMAL DUDE SMASHING THE REST OF THE WINDOW! AHHH! HE'S RUNNING TOWARDS US! RUN! RUN!" screamed Kat, totally immersed in yelling and not running at all. Needless to say, the man in the black suit caught up with them pretty quick.
"Take her! Take her!" persuaded Kat desperately, pointing towards her best friend, Amber, "I can't do anything, and I don't have any money, or any rich family! But Amber has like… loads of… stuff!"
Amber suddenly raised both her arms and grinned, poking the black gun at the man-in-the-black-suit's face, "I order you to take HER," her eyes shot briefly at Kat, "And then you can leave, and I'll just carry on my totally normal life."
Kat snorted, "If you had the gun, you could just tell him to LEAVE BOTH OF US ALONE!"
"Yeah!" agreed Amber, "That too!"
The man stared at the girls, who stared back at him. It would have continued like that for a while however the whir of the police car quickly interrupted their staring session.
"Hakabakashii," the man in the black suit grabbed the girls' wrists to their dismay and began to drag them towards the dark alley.
"Where are we going? Get your hands off me! I – I'll shoot you!" threatened Amber, her hands quivering around the gun in a totally unconvincing way.
The man rolled his eyes, "WE'RE GOING TO BE CAUGHT! AND THEN WE'LL HAVE YOU TO THANK FOR WHEN WE DO GET CAUGHT JUST BECAUSE YOU WON'T GO TO THE DARK ALLEY!" he froze as the police swung out of their cars and glared at his sudden outburst, "Do you think they heard me?" he asked the girls quietly.
They shrugged in response, "I really don't know…" replied Kat.
"THEY HAVE! LOOK AT THEM!" the man in the black suit pointed at the policemen who were running towards them.
"Stop right there, police!"
"AHHHHHH!" the two girls and the man in the black suit yelled their heads off and took off towards the dark alley. The police blinked, one second they were there yelling their heads off, the next they were nowhere to be seen.
"What are we doing in this dark creepy alley?" asked Kat, rubbing her wrists where the man in the black suit had dragged her.
"We're hiding you idiots, from the police," hissed the man.
"Well we didn't exactly break into the alcohol store, we just broke it," reasoned Amber.
"Yeah, and it was YOU who went and broke into the alcohol store!" accused Kat, glaring at the man in the black suit.
"I never stole anything!" protested the man, "I was looking for something."
"What were you looking for?" asked Kat.
"Jeez, what would you look for in an alcohol store?" added Amber, "I'd rather break in to McDonalds or a clothes store, at least there would be stuff that I'd like there!"
"Alcohol," replied the man in the black suit simply.
"Well, if you broke into an alcohol store wouldn't you find alcohol there?" asked Kat, getting rather confused.
"I wasn't looking for any common alcohol, it's something much much more special than that…" the man in the black suit paused, his face was drawn into the darkness of the alley. The girls shivered, things were getting too creepy. There was a momentary spell of silence.
"WELL? Aren't you going to tell us what it was?" exploded Amber.
"LIKE EXPAND ON WHAT YOU WERE SAYING!" exploded Kat a few seconds later from Amber's explosion.
The man looked briefly at the girls' faces, he sighed, "Fine… I was looking for sake…"
Kat raised an eyebrow, "Sake? WHAT IS SAKE? ISN'T IT SOMETHING YOU SAY… LIKE FOR GOD'S SAKE?"
"THE SUSPENSE IS KILLING ME!" announced her friend dramatically, "Now tell us what you mean!"
"Sake…" began the man in the black suit, his eyes glittering recalling his life changing moment when his eyes had settled upon his first bottle of sake in his teen years, "is the most divinest and holy word existing in the world. I'd do anything for it," he sniffed and very emotionally brought a hand up to his heart. "I'D DO ANYTHING TO GET A BOTTLE OF IT!"
"But what is it?" asked Kat.
"It's… the very essence of life itself!" the man in the black suit brought his other hand up to his greasy hair and began an emotional breakdown right in front of the girls. "WHY DID YOU ABANDON ME… SAKE?" His arms flew apart into the air, his face streaming with emotion, he looked up into the sky, "I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! I NEED SAKE!" He reached inside his suit once again, and took out a small empty vial. Bringing the vial up to his nose he made exaggerated inhaling noises.
"YOU'RE A DRUG ADDICT!" realised Kat, hiding behind her friend.
"WHAT DRUG IS IT?" asked Amber, hiding behind Kat.
It was rather hard to see who was hiding behind who, because they kept on hiding behind each other… which does not work. In the end, they fought over who should be hiding behind their friend, and naturally, they never came to an agreement. They somehow had ended up, edging away from the 'drug addict' and the dark alley.
"WAIT!" the drug addict grabbed hold of the girls' arms and pulled them back. His eyes looked crazed in the sunlight.
"AHHHH! WHAT YOU WANT? YOU CAN OFFER ME DRUGS BUT YOU CAN'T KILL ME!" ordered Amber who was in front of Kat at the moment the drug addict had grabbed them. She shivered and crept behind Kat.
"YOU MAY OFFER DRUGS TO ME, BUT YOU CAN'T RAPE ME!" ordered Kat, shivering and creeping behind Amber. It would have continued like that for a while, however the crazy man had taken another sniff at the empty vial and sighed in satisfaction. The girls looked at his face rather curiously.
"What's in the vial? It looks empty…" Kat squinted at the vial, her eyes glued on the mystery invisible drug. Suddenly, she felt happy. No, she felt more than happy, she felt high. High on something. "WHAT'S HAPPENING! I FEEL LIKE… I'M… HAPPY!"
Amber looked curiously at her friend, "You're always happy…"
"NO… IT'S LIKE… I'M TOO HAPPY… THAT I CAN'T HOLD IT IN ANYMORE… LA LA LA LA LA… TEN GREEN BOTTLES HANGING ON THE WALL…" sang Kat, swinging her arms in random directions in the air.
Amber rolled her eyes, "It's ten green bottles standing on the wall…"
"DO NOT CORRECT MY CORRECTED SONG!" demanded Kat, her eyes staring at the wall.
"Bottles can't hang on walls…" pointed out Amber.
"YES THEY CAN!" Kat jumped up the dark wall of the dark alley and began… hanging, "SEE?"
"You're not a bottle…" Amber folded her arms, totally unimpressed by her friend's recent antics.
"Oh yeah…" Kat jumped back down and stopped her 'hanging'.
"What did you give her?" asked Amber to the man in the black suit suspiciously.
"Nothing… Why… What did you think I gave her?"
"YOU'RE A DRUG ADDICT, SO OBVIOUSLY DRUGS!" shouted Amber.
"Who said I was a drug addict?"
"ME!" replied Amber, "and you never denied it either. So obviously you are!"
"SAKE IS NOT A DRUG!
"Well if it makes Kat high and happy then it's a stimulant drug!" stated Amber wisely.
"So is ecchi, sex", added the Random Japanese Man.
Amber stared and blinked for several thousand times. "That's why sex is good."
"That's why Sake is good!" imitated RJM.
"That's why we want sake!" intoned Amber and Kat. They walked up to him and glared.
"You don't even know what it is, what it looks like or taste like," said RJM backing away from the girls.
Kat gave a sudden yell and jumped up the wall. Her arm lurched and grabbed the edge. "I'M A HANGING BOTTLE," she completely zoned out and continued swaying.
Amber started to poke RJM, completely ignoring her drugged-up friend. "We don't need to know what it looks like as long as we know it's like sex...then we're set for life."
Kat leaped from the wall, looking totally crazed and snuck up behind Amber, who was still poking RJM and screamed into her ear: "SAKE!"
Kat's screams startled Amber who started shouting back into her friend's ear, "WAKE UP! WAKE UP!" She exploded with the force of her hand.
Kat looked like she had just been slapped, "You did not just slap me?"
"Yes I just did!" replied Amber cheerfully.
Kat slapped Amber... and Amber slapped Kat.
Fast forward half an hour
RJM stared at the girls. They appeared to be hiding their heads and slapping each other for the thousandth or millionth time. He had lost count...
"Who wants sake?" RJM intervened, hoping to stop them slapping each other.
Amber stopped in mid-slap and yelled "I WANT SEX!" Kat slapped her friend for one last time while amber was thinking about sex.
"SO DO I!" added Kat raising her hand in the air.
Amber was drooling while staring fixedly at the wall.
Her friend jumped up and down repeatedly while pointing at Amber.
"SHE'S HAVING NAUGHTY THOUGHTS ABOUT THE WALL!"
RJM shook his head, "That is just so sick, its too sick!" He turned back round to look at Amber, but ended up staring at the wall with drool pouring from his own open mouth.
It appeared that Kat was the only one who was not drooling at the wall, however drugged up she was, "You HYPOCRITE!" she shouted at RJM who was not in a state to listen.
Spotlights started to angle themselves on Kat, she twirled in the air, a mike appearing in her hand. Her eyes glittered with her singing talent as she began a fast beat of, "Hippo, hippo, hippo, hippooooo, you are a hippo! Hippo! Hippo! Hippo! Who is a Hippo! You are! Hippo! You hippo! YOOOOU HIPPPPP-"
"Stop saying my pet's name!" interrupted RJM, awakening from his stupor.
Kat stared at RJM, losing the rhythm of her song. She stormed up to RJM, "YOU'VE JUST SPOILT MY SONG! YOU MAY HAVE SPOILT MY TOTAL SINGING CAREER FOREVER! YOU'VE- YOU'VE JUST AGHHHH! YOU HIPPO!" She fell to the floor, chucking the mike at RJM's head (it missed and hit Amber's drooling face instead). She started to fake-sob.
"I can't help it if you started saying my pet's name over and over! The memories! They're taking over me!" exclaimed RJM emotionally.
"You have a hippo for a pet?" asked Kat excitedly, totally forgetting to fake-sob. She ignored Amber who had finally reacted to the mike, she fell over onto the floor with a giant 'thud'.
"Yeah, she's my beauty. Hippo. She's just grand. And she's purple," explained RJM casually.
"YOU HAVE A PURPLE HIPPO? I WANT TO SEE IT!" demanded Kat, "WOW, WOW, WOW, WOW! Purple hippos are cool!" Kat ran up to Amber and started shaking a still drooling Amber, "Amber! Amber! We're gonna see a purple hippo!"
"Bweh," answered Amber in her drooling state.
"Well… I have to agree with you there. My purple Hippo is just grand," agreed RJM modestly, "I can call her up right now for you and she can take you for a journey through time."
"Oh cool! Your hippo can hear you from here? Let's go!" declared Kat, dragging her friend onto her feet.
RJM took out a little black remote which he then squeaked and grunted into.
"LOOK AMBER! He can speak Hippoish!" said Kat fervently.
RJM stopped his squeaking and grunting. All fell silent. In the silence, the wind picked up. The wind was really picking up.
"IT'S A HURRICANE!" declared Kat madly.
"Iie, relax… It's not a hurricane, it's Hippo…" reassured RJM.
"Ah! Something's in the air! I can see it shimmering like a giant star!" examined Kat, pointing in the air, "LOOK! IT'S COMING DOWN! NO! NO! Just because I caught a star in a jar doesn't mean stars can murder me back…"
RJM sweat dropped, "Welcome to Hippo…" A ladder dropped down on which he started to climb up towards the 'Giant Star'.
"I didn't know hippos can fly…" muttered Kat.
Suddenly, Amber answered her friend wisely, "Oh yes, hippos can fly, because they secretly have wings. I read that somewhere about hippos eating blankets and growing wings."
"Ok, let's climb up the hippo then!" suggested Kat, her friend agreed.
Because Kat was dead she had no difficulty climbing a ladder, and because Amber thought she was dead she had no problem either.
"Come on in. Hippo's just the best plane ever," boasted RJM, strapping into a seat.
The two girls sat on the edge of the plane's door.
"I LOVE HIPPOS!" screamed Kat into the air.
"AND THEY'RE GREEN!" continued Amber.
Together, they started to sing as the plane took off:
Words in brackets are sung by Amber vice versa.
"Hippos are great (and green)
and really really cool (and green)
and they're fat.. (and green)
and big... (and green)
but they ish not green (and green!)
Kat turns to her friend, extremely agitated, "You don't even like the colour green!"
Amber stared at her friend, her eyes really big like she's about to burst out crying. Kat ignores this and continues singing:
The hippo jet is cool,
and really really fat,
can you believe
RJM is...rich...like...that... (and green!)
HIPPOOOOS... ARE... COOOOOOOOOL! (and hugably green )