Runaway
chapter 21
"Riku," I say, as I come back from asking is we can eat in the rooms. "She said it's okay this time. We aren't supposed to eat in the rooms, though, so we have to be careful and not make a mess. And clean up after ourselves."
"Mm hm." He says, not really paying attention.
"I already got some food for us." I say.
"What?" He asks.
"They had these weird burger things, chips and drinks and salads. I just got two of each. Okay?"
"Sure." He says. I set down the little trays all the food is on.
"Are you okay?"
I sit down next to him and put my tray in my lap and pass him his.
"Fine." He says, beginning to eat.
"No you're not... tell me what's going on! Is it because of Raye?" He keeps eating. "It is! It is because of Raye!" He stops eating, but doesn't say anything. He doesn't even look up. "Why... what's wrong with him? Why-"
"It's not because of Raye." He says, beginning to eat again.
"Riku--"
"It's not because of Raye!" He says, a bit louder.
"Okay." I say, dropping the subject and beginning to eat.
Oh, god. Fooooood.
"Nice eating a meal again?" Riku asks, and I nod. He smiles and puts his hand on my shoulder. His fingers trail across my back for a moment before he puts his hand on my other shoulder, the one farthest from him. I smile at him and finish up my food; he's already finished his. "Hold on." I say, grabbing the trays and walking back into the kitchen. I set the trays on a dirty tray pile -completely unnoticed- and make my way back in the room. I sit next to him and put my arms around him.
"That woman came in here a few times to check on 'us'."
"Oh..."
"Sora, she thinks we're screwing." I nearly choke on...air.
"What?"
"She doesn't think we've been eating. She thinks we're in bed right now fucking."
"I got that the first time!" I shriek. He shrugs.
A little while later the woman comes back in. "I see you're done in here." She says. Done...with...what!
"Yep." I say, a little too fast. She smiles.
"Everyone else is in the tutoring sessions. This'll be the perfect time to show you both around a bit, and explain the way we work things here." She smiles again.
"Thanks," I say, getting up. Riku gets up, too. "Thanks... um..."
"Oh! My name is Dolores. It's fine to just call me that; everyone does."
"Okay, Dolores." I say. She laughs a little. What's so funny?
"Okay, follow me... oh, God. I don't know your names, either!"
"I'm Sora," I say. "That's Riku."
"Okay, Sora. And Riku," She says. "Follow me." We do.
She shows us around the kitchen, the bathrooms, and the other rooms. She opens a door and shows us a small room full of people. I feel like I'm on display for a moment. This must be one of the schooling rooms. I look around and see Raye. I wave to him before we leave the room. He sees me and turns bright red, quickly turning his attention to something he's writing. Dolores is still talking about something when Riku mutters something.
"What was that all about?"
"What?" I ask, quietly. He shakes his head.
"So, I'll let you both in your room now, to rest. I really don't know if I should letting a sixteen-year-old and a fourteen-year-old alone in a room together..." She sighs. I blush. Riku smirks. She leads us back to the room and says one thing before she leaves. "I'll be checking up on you two, so don't try anything. And just because I'm not there with you doesn't mean you're not being watched."
That was certainly creepy.
"Should we screw right now to see if that's really the truth?" Riku asks.
WHAT?
He gets up on our bed and spreads out. "We'll see if we're really being watched right now." He puts his hands on his thighs and pats his lap, like he's trying to get a dog to come to him. I get up on the bed, and crawl on top of him, my hands on either side of his head. I push myself up so I'm looking down at him. I put a hand on his chest and he puts a hand right on my butt.
What. Are. We. Doing?
Riku starts to laugh and I do too.
"What the hell was that!" I choke out, still laughing. Riku just shakes his head, he can't even talk he's laughing too hard. He lays down on the bed again and puts a hand over his face. I curl up next to him and soon we're able to stop laughing. "What was that all about!"
"I don't know!" He laughs a little again but I don't join him. We hear someone walk in; it's probably Dolores. I look up and... it's not her. It's Raye.
"Hey," I say. "What are doing here?" He turns pink.
"Class ended." He says, sitting on his bed. I look over at Riku for a moment- he's sitting up, watching me and watching Raye. I watch Raye too, for a moment. "What are you doing?" I ask, getting up and walking over. I sit on his bed next to him. Some other boys walk in and leave soon enough; so it's mostly just me and Raye. "Homework... Maths."
...And Riku.
"Oh. I was always horrible at it." I say. He laughs a little a that.
"I hate it." He says.
"Me too." A pause.
"Why weren't you there at lunch?"
"I was eating in here." I say, shrugging.
"Are you going to eat dinner with everyone else?"
"Probably." He opens his mouth and closes it again. "What?"
"If you do... you can sit with me if you want." He blushes a little.
"Sure! Sounds good." I don't turn around, but I can feel Riku staring at us. "So, Raye... why are you here at a place like this?" He doesn't say anything.
"I ran away from home and Dolores found me. It's not an interesting story. Really."
"If you say so." We sit in silence until I make the fatal mistake of turning and looking at Riku. He looks like he's going to KILL Raye. 'Uhh... Riku?' I mouth. 'Are you okay?' He doesn't even pay attention. I walk over and sit by him. I put a hand on his shoulder, just so I'll have a hold of him if he tries to pounce on Raye. Riku, instead, pull me up on his lap and hugs me. Hard.
"Sora..." he says, right near my ear.
I hear Raye leave.
"What was that all about?" I ask, pulling away from him.
"What was what all about?" He asks, making himself sound hurt.
"That whole thing! Trying to get Raye to leave."
He smiles.
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"Come on, Riku!" I say, getting a little frustrated. What is he trying to pull? He doesn't say anything. He just lays back on the bed.
Raye walks back in a few minutes later.
"Hey," I say to him, defeated.
"Hi." Raye says. "What's going on?"
"Nothing." I say. I go over by him and we talk a little more.
"I have to go to another class now." Raye says eventually. "I'll see you later?"
"I'll be here." I say. He smiles and leaves.
Riku's staring. "What!" I ask. He looks away. I walk over and sit by him. "If you're jealous just tell me."
"I'm not jealous. I have nothing to be jealous of."
"Exactly." I say. "You really don't." He nods, and then doesn't say a word. He suddenly grabs my arm and pulls me down next to him, and puts an arm around my waist. I move closer to him and he kisses the back of my neck.
Oh...
This is... nice. This is very nice. I close my eyes and he strokes my hair and slides one leg over both of mine. "What are you...?"
"Don't say anything." He says. He trails his hands up and down my back, kissing me again every once in a while.
"Why..." He puts a finger on my lips and kisses me again.
"Do you like me?" He asks.
"Yes..."
"Do--" He's starts to ask something else, but Dolores comes in. Riku rolls off me and scoots away.
"Hey boys. You doing okay in there?" She asks.
"Fine." We both reply.
"Alright. Just wanted to tell you dinner's soon."
She leaves.
"That's good." I say, flopping back down on the bed. "I'm getting hungry."
"Me, too." Riku says with a grin, rolling back on top of me.
Raye walks in. "Nevermind."
"Riku...?"
"I said nevermind."
"Hi Sora..." Raye says.
"Hey." I say, turning my attention away from Riku. I get up and sit next to him again on his bed.
"Homework?" I ask.
"Yeah." He says. "English."
"Ah."
"Are you going to stay here?" Raye asks after a while.
"I don't know."
"I hope you do."
He looks up at me, his eyes shining.
"What...?"
He kisses me.
Why would he do that? Why would he want to?
"I'm sorry." He says. "I shouldn't have. I made a mistake. I'm sorry."
"It's okay." I say, still a little surprised. "I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back." I get up and stumble out the door.
What is he doing to me? It's different from how I felt with Riku...
and it's very nice.
"I'll show you where it is." Raye says.
"Okay..." I say absently, slowly following him to the bathroom. I open the door for him and he walks in. I do, too. Raye's talking to me about something as I walk into a stall.
"...And I'm really sorry if that kiss bothered you."
"Mmm Hmm."
"And I really just don't want you to hate me..."
"Uh huh."
"It's just that..."
"Raye?" I ask. "Could you wait for a moment? It's really kind of hard to do this when you're talking to me."
"O-okay."
A second later I come out and walk over to the sinks.
"Alright, now go for it."
He continues from where he left off.
"I like you... I mean, you noticed me and you're so nice."
I grab a paper towel from one of those dispensers and dry off my hands.
"I like you, too." I say. I throw the paper towel in the trash but it misses and falls on the ground. I don't pay attention to that- I look back at Raye, and how his face is flushed and he's playing with his jacket sleeve.
"I mean..." He blushes. "It's just that..."
"Yes...?"
I don't take notice of how close we are.
"I don't know how to say it. I mean, I like you." We're going in circles.
"I like you too."
"But, like..."
"Yes?"
"I don't know." He sighs, looking down. "I don't know..." He blushes again.
I don't know what comes over me right now, but I shove him against the wall and kiss him. It's nothing much; just a simple kiss on the lips. He looks at me and we kiss again. He puts his arms around my and clutches my hair. I put my hands on his hips and we kiss again.
He suddenly, and rapidly pulls away and pushes me back.
"You have a boyfriend." He says, a horrified look on his face. "I shouldn't even..."
"It's alright." I can tell he hasn't really ever been touched, the way he flinches and gets fidgety when I put a hand on his shoulder. "It's okay- don't worry about it."
As soon as we walk out Dolores is calling everyone for dinner.
Where we that long?
We both head over to the cafeteria and get our food.
"This is where I usually sit." Raye says, leading me to an empty and out of the way table, way in the back, in a corner. We sit down next to each other, and I absently scan the room. All the other tables are filled, with people talking, and I can hear some force laughter once in a while. Then I look over at Raye, and how he's just staring down at his food, without a friend before I came along.
Or something like that.
"Raye?" I ask. He looks up from his food, still chewing on something.
"Huh?"
"Don't you have any friends here?" I ask, as gently as I can. He looks away, blushing. "So you don't."
"They... um..." He's nervous, and I can instantly tell he doesn't like this subject. "They wouldn't like me. The people here."
"You're a sweet guy. I really think they would." He smiles a little.
"No, no they wouldn't."
--
We spent a long time talking after we finished our food. We practically had to be kicked out of the cafeteria.
Raye has gone to his last class of the day- or evening, now, and I head back into the room.
I walk over to the bed, and see Riku sprawled out, fast asleep.
I completely forgot about him; he didn't even show up at dinner or anything.
And then I feel kid of bad- I completely forgot about him. Alright, Sora, before you get yourself into a panic: it's okay to make a friend. And it's okay to kiss them, and it's not cheating considering that RIKU IS NOT MY BOYFRIEND.
I look down at him, sleeping peacefully. He's okay. He doesn't know what happened.
But why would he care, anyway? I can't figure out why he's even jealous.
I brush a strand of hair out of his eyes and sit down on the corner of the bed. He's sleeping half-on a thick, open notebook. I gently pull it out from under him and examine it. It's the black kind of notebook with the little white splotches on them and the big square in the middle. In really small letters on one of the lines in the box it says: riku's book, but it's mostly scratched out and kind of hard to read. Clearer though, at the bottom of the box is the date: November of two years ago. I flip back to the page it was open to. Riku'd probably maul me if he realized I was reading his...diary or whatever it is, but it was right out in the open.
He was asking for it.
... And I'm ever more puzzled by what I'm seeing right now. On this page, in big scribbled letters, it says:
HE DOESN'T LOVE ME ANYMORE. There's more, but it's tiny and impossible to read.
Is he talking about me?
Okay, okay. I shouldn't jump to conclusions, it could be anything.
It could be very old and he was just looking back at it. Yeah. That's it...
It has to be. But it's not at all smeared, and the writing is so dark it would be smeared... it looks so recent, but...
I get ready to put the book back in his bag, but curiosity gets the best of me. I flip through the first few pages, all of which say: PRIVATE.
Riku makes a noise in his sleep, and I quickly close the book and put it away just in case he's waking up.
He twitches a little, but doesn't wake up. I stroke m fingers through his hair and he begins to stir. His eyes open just slightly, and he looks and sounds groggy. He puts his wrist over his forehead.
"Nn?" I guess it must feel really good for him to be sleeping in a real bed.
"'Morning." I say with a grin. "How you feeling?"
"Tired." He says quietly. His words are all slurred, and I can't really understand them.
"You missed dinner." I say, feeling oddly fatherly and protective. "You should take advantage of the meals here."
"Whatever." He says, turning on his side. I know he isn't angry, though; just tired. He turns back quickly, feeling around the covers.
"If you're looking for you notebook I put it in your bag." I say quietly. He looks at me, now more awake than he was before.
"Did you read it?" He asks.
"...no. I didn't." I half-lie.
"Really?" He asks.
"Really."
He seems satisfied with that.
"Thank you." He mutters.
"Sure."
He pulls me on his lap and rests his head on my shoulder. I think he's sleeping again.
"Riku?" I ask.
"What?"
"Nothing... I just wanted to see if you were still awake."
"I am." He says.
"Well, obviously."
He rolls his eyes and puts an arm around my shoulder. "Riku, how long are we going to stay here?"
He doesn't reply. "Riku?" He runs his fingers through his hair and shifts a little.
Now I'm sitting between his legs and he massages my shoulders.
"I don't know." He says. He wraps his arms around me and I lean back, my back resting on his chest. I look down absently. His jeans are ripping in the knees. I let my head sort of ...loll back and place a hand where the rip in jeans are.
"What's up with that book though?" I ask suddenly. "What's in there you wouldn't want me to see?"
Other people are walking in now. The room is getting a little full. No sign of Raye, though. Dolores comes in and everyone quickly turns all attention to her.
"Lights out in fifteen minutes everybody." She says. "Good night." She walks away, and people begin talking to each other, reading, and finishing homework.
"...I'll talk to you about it later." Riku says, pulling me off of him.
"Alright." I reply.
Raye walks in and signals me to come over. I look over at Riku, and he's looking at me too.
"Well, what are you waiting for?" He asks. "Your slut is calling for you." I give him a look and he just shrugs and puts up his hands. "I'll just be over here, making sure he can keep his hands to himself."
I want to say something to at least defend Raye, but I won't even bother.
I walk over.
"Hey." He says.
"Hi. Where were you?" I ask.
"Group therapy." He answers. "I took my time coming back."
We're quiet for a moment. I look away for a moment, and when I look back Raye presses his lips against mine. He pulls away and flinches, as if I'm going to hit him or something. "Sorry." He says quietly. I put my hand on his shoulder.
"It's alright. Really."
Riku walks out.
"Hey," Dolores says, popping her head in. "I need some of you to help with cleaning the kitchen. There's not a lot to do." No one moves. "Everyone who helps gets an extra hour to go out this weekend."
Everybody leaves except for me and Raye.
"So... um..." Raye starts.
"What?"
"Are you and him," I know he's talking about Riku. "Really... um..."
"Sort of." I reply.
"Oh." He says. "How long have you two..."
"We only met about three or four months ago."
"Oh..." He blushes a little. "Do you two ever...? Ah... have you..."
"We've kissed, but that's all." I should probably feel embarrassed, but I don't. I think Raye feels embarrassed enough for himself, me AND Riku.
"Oh..."
"Have you ever been really kissed?" I ask.
"Me? No. Of course not..."
"Do you want me to? It doesn't have to mean anything."
"Yes." He turns bright red. "I mean... I might not ever... I'd just want you to be my first." I smile at that. For the first time in forever, I feel genuinely wanted.
"Alright." I say. I put my lips against his and pull him close. He squirms a little until he gets comfortable. He puts his hands on my shoulders, and I pull him even closer. I begin to slide my tongue in his mouth and he begins to squirm again.
I pull away. "Do you want to stop?" I ask. "I mean, you just looked really uncomfortable."
"No." Raye says, not looking at me. "I want to do this. I... I like it." I smile and we pick up from where we left off. I push him down on the bed and roll on top of him. Raye squeals and pushes me off of him.
"What?" I ask, a little panicked. Did I hurt him?
"Everyone's coming back. I can hear them."
I quickly get up and sit up as people start coming in.
About four minutes later, Riku stumbles in. He looks straight foreword, not even glancing at me, Raye, or anyone else. He trips over his own feet and lands on his bed.
"Riku? Are you all right?" I ask, but he doesn't hear me over the other people talking.
"Is he drunk?" Rye asks, with a smile and a small laugh.
I hope Riku didn't hear that one.
"I don't know."
Dolores walks in.
"Lights out everybody." She says. "Get to sleep."
Everybody does.
"Good night, Raye." I say, getting up. He grabs my arm.
"Good night..." He says. "Sora, will I see you tomorrow?" I hold his hand for a minute.
"Maybe." I say.
I walk over to Riku, who's still sprawled on his stomach over the covers.
"Okay, Riku," I say quietly. "Who's going to be on top?"
"What?" He asks, turning his head.
"Bunk beds. Do you want to be on the top bed or the bottom?"
He sits up. And pulls me over on the bed. "Why don't you sleep with me? ...Boyfriend?" He smirks and my stomach does a flip.
"Really? Yes!" I kick off my shoes and crawl under the covers. He does, too.
The bed's small so I smash against the wall. Riku puts an arm around my waist.
The room is completely silent.
--
A month back, Riku tried to teach me how to fight.
"You need to learn how to protect yourself." He said sharply. "Don't think I'm always going to fight for you because you're wrong."
"Okay..." I said. "But..."
"Shut up." He snapped. He picked up a stick off the ground and turned to face me. "You can use anything around you as a weapon if you really need one." He picked up another stick and gave the first one to me.
"You need to be fast. Your legs are short but you can be fast if you try hard enough." Every word he said seemed to be a criticism.
"Try and hit me."
"What?" I asked. "No! I'm not going to do that!"
"Just DO it."
I gave a half-hearted swat, and he dodged with ease.
"You're hopeless." He said, shaking his head. "You have to be faster than that."
"I don't want to hurt you!"
His eyes softened for a moment, but that was gone in a split second.
"You're not going to hurt me." He said. "So just do it."
"But... I really don't..."
"You couldn't hurt me if you tried so don't even worry about it."
I looked up at him and hit him hard on the side with the stick. He looked at me, satisfied.
"Good." He lifted his stick, and, quick as lighting, he hit me in the shoulder.
The stick snapped in half.
"Ow!" I shouted, rubbing my shoulder. "What was that for?"
"I'm not going to go easy on you." He replied. I chewed on my lip for a moment.
"Do we have to do this?" I asked.
"Of course we have to. If you don't want to--" I ran to him and hit him as hard as I could. My sudden attack took him by surprise and he fell over. I grinned. He curled up slightly and did this weird thing where he kicked me right in the stomach and instantly jumped to his feet. He had this odd look of pride on his face that I have never seen on him, or anyone for that matter. I have never seen anyone look that... cocky.
I went to attack him again, but just then I noticed my stick and split in half.
"Looks like you'll have to use your hands now." Riku said.
"I guess..." Suddenly I was really afraid of what Riku could do to me.
But we were practically play fighting, I told myself, He's not going to maul you.
"Alright," He said. "So you know when fighting you always need to go for the most sensitive areas. If you try that with me, I will kill you." I smiled a little at that, even though I knew he wasn't kidding. "And, as you've just seen, you should attack when your opponent is least expecting it." I was expecting more tips form him or something, not for him to look at me and say, "Okay, go."
I hesitantly walked up to him, and raised my fists, even though I had no clue what I was going to do. Riku grabbed my fists and pushed me, hard. I stumbled, and just caught myself before I fell. I began to run, maybe I could find some vantage point... or figure out what I was doing. I heard rapid footsteps and the next thing I new I was on the ground, with Riku on top of me. He pinned me down so I couldn't move. He lowered his head a little, so he was close to my ear. He pushed himself against me a little, and I did the worst possible thing I could have ever done.
I moaned.
In bliss.
He got off quickly.
"Come on." He said quietly, beginning to walk away.
---
"Sora." Riku says, shaking my shoulder. "Sora, wake up." I close my eyes tight and turn my head away. "Sora, Sora." I open my eyes. Hmm... my back hurts. I look around and realize I've been sleeping sitting up. Another stupid move... "Sora, get up. "
"What is it?" I ask, stretching and rubbing my eyes.
"We have to leave." He says.
"What...? Why?" I ask, fully awake now.
"We can't stay here." He says. He sounds desperate.
"Why?"
"Sora, I can't stay here." There's an emotion in his eyes that almost looks like it could resemble fear.
"How come?" I ask, putting a hand on his head. I stroke his hair a little. "They're not trying to separate us... we have food and a place to stay and... we'll have an education." And they have therapy, Riku! I want to say, You could get better!
"I can't stay here. Stay if it'll make you happy. Stay with your lover... but I can't stay here. It's not safe for me."
"What are you talking about?" I ask a little too loudly. I add quietly, "Of course it's safe, Riku."
"I have to go." He gets up and begins to escape through a low window near a bed, three beds down from ours.
"Riku..." I mutter.
I walk over to Raye and shake him a little. "Raye, wake up."
He rubs his eyes and looks up at me.
"You're leaving." He says quietly.
"...Yeah. I am." I say. Silence. "I don't have any other choice. But I promise I'll see you again. I won't forget the name of this pace... I'll find you." He smiles a little.
"I know you will." He says.
I hold onto his hand and bend down to give him one last kiss.
"Bye." I mutter, heading toward the window Riku escaped through.
"Bye." He says.
I climb through the window and fall to the ground outside. I didn't realize how high off the ground it was...
"Umph." Comes a voice from under me.
I look down to see what I've just fallen on.
Riku!
"Riku!" I say.
"Sora?" He asks, though it comes out muffled.
"Now that I have you exactly where I want you..." I say jokingly, about to ask him why he thinks he needs to leave.
"You want me under you?" He asks confused, pushing me off him.
"What? No!" I say loudly, shaking my head. "Forget it!" Riku smirks and takes my hand.
"Let's go." He says.
We run far away from our could-have-been home.
And Raye.
-
Once we're far away enough to be found, we lay down and get ready to go back asleep.
I'm going to miss sleeping on a bed.
"Sora?" Riku asks.
"Hm?"
"Why did you come with me? You could have stayed there." An unspoken "with Raye" hangs in the air.
"Because I'd rather be with you than with him."
He looks at me.
"Really?" He asks.
"Really."
He smiles and looks down before looking up at me.
He scoots close to me and kisses me. I put my arms around him and he opens his mouth. I do, too. He holds me close and I wish what was running through my mind now was any better than 'Hey! I've gotten action twice tonight!' But it isn't.
He lets out a long, shuddery breath and pulls away. He kisses my neck once and buries his head him my shoulder. He sighs.
"What was that for?" I ask, smiling. He looks up at me.
"For liking me better." He says.
---