A/N: Don't own YGO. The rest is at the bottom.

The Little Man

Joey sat slouching on his couch, staring at his television set where a mindless comedy program was showing. It was just as well; it's not like he was really watching anyway. There was nothing to do. It was late evening and he knew he ought to go to bed soon. Tomorrow, there was work and he had to be at the Tux Hut to get fitted for his tuxedo. Tristan, Duke, Bakura, and Yugi would be meeting him there to get fitted for their own tuxedos.

The television screen blurred and his eyelids drooped, indicating he was going to be drifting off to sleep soon…

"…Mai…" he murmured, eyes fully closed.

"I wonder what our kids will be like…"

"Kids…our kids…"

"Kids? What do you mean kids? Isn't it a little too early to be thinking about kids?"

"Too…too early…zzzzzz…" Joey's snoring filled the air as the soon-to-be married man fell into a deep sleep…

"WAAAHHH!"

Joey's brown eyes snapped open, fear deep within him. No! It couldn't be! He had been on the edge of lullaby land, ready to take a hundred year nap…or something that wouldn't take that long. Anyway…he was so close! Almost there! No! No! The irritating shriek of a newborn killed all dreams of getting a good night's sleep. "I think I'll start drinking coffee," he muttered, sinking against his soft, white, fluffy pillow.

"Honey, go see what he wants," Mai ordered drowsily, turning to the wall…and was never heard from again, at least until the morning.

"Isn't it your turn?" Joey asked, wincing when the cries of little Joey Jr. He waited for the answer that did not come. "Mai?" He waited again. Such a patient husband. "Mai…" He dragged out her name, hoping she would awaken and tend to the youngest of their children.

"WAAAHHH!"

"All right, all right! I'm comin'!" Joey grumbled, using his feet to push off the covers, knowing Mai had won this time.

Due to his fatigue, Joey stumbled down the hallway, hitting the wall nearly every second step. Joey Jr.'s crying continued and it was getting so loud that Joey began to run towards his son's room, hoping the neighbors wouldn't call over again… "Those low-down, no good, snobbish—"

"WAAAHHH!"

"Hiya, JJ!" Joey burst into the nursery, flipping on the light switch. "Gah! My eyes!" One hand flew in front, covering his eyes from the light as the other groped the walls, moving slowly across the room.

At long last, he reached the crib where little JJ lay, screaming at the top of his lungs. When Joey Jr. saw his father, he quieted down to a small whimper, relieved that someone had heard him.

"Whatsa matter with you?" Joey reached in and picked up JJ, gently cradling him in his arms. "Huh?"

"Daddy?" There was a small tug on his sweatpants from a five-year-old.

"Hey, easy there,Maya." Joey turned his attention back to JJ as a suggestible smell reached his nose. He scrunched up his face. "Oh no…not again!"

"Papa?" Maya looked up at her father with tears in her eyes. "I wet the bed again."

"DAAADDDD!" An older child came running into the room with a frantic look in his eyes. "Chilidog and Corndog got into the garbage again!"

"Maya, go get some—what?" Joey then turned his attention to his eldest son, Joe. "AGAIN!" Darn those dogs! Chihuahua puppies were so curious. Well, at least these ones were. Chihuahua…memories of merciless puppy torture came back to him in a flash. "Grr…Kaiba!" Someday he would have his revenge!

"Daddy…" The oldest of the four children, seven-year-old Melissa, came into the nursery, holding her kitten. "Mingo was thirsty and I tried to get him some milk, and—"

"WAAAHHH!"

"My sheets are wet, Papa."

"Do I hafta clean up the garbage again?"

"I cleaned the milk but we can't have cereal in the morning now…"

"WAAAHHH!"

"Papa!"

"Dad? Dad?"

"I'm sorry, Daddy…"

"ARGH!"

"JUST WAIT!" Joey shouted, jumping to his feet. He opened his eyes and blinked as the voice of the anchorman delivered the morning news. "What the? What time is it?" He rubbed at his eyes sleepily and dragged his aching body (from sleeping in an uncomfortable position) to where the hall clock ticked away. "Seven…seven-forty-five…WHAT? I'm gonna be late!" His job at the Welders Inc. started at eight in the morning and ended at four in the afternoon. It paid good money, better than what he had earned with his job at the nearby fast food restaurant, flipping burgers…

Drip! Drip!

He really needed to get that leak fixed.

"C'mon, feet, move!" Joey shouted, catching the attention of those walking by.

He figured he could catch a shower later after work before he left to get fitted for his tuxedo. Right now, he was in the underground parking lot and had to get to his car ASAP or he would be in big trouble with the boss, Mr. Olive Turtles. Joey had almost laughed out loud when he was introduced to the boss. The guy looked like a turtle—he even kept pet turtles and held races every Sunday at the park.

Upon reaching his car, he jammed the keys into the lock and unlocked the car, jumped in, and hit his head. "Not my day!" he grumbled as he fumbled with the keys again. The car started and he zoomed out of the lot and right into traffic. The first horn sounding of the day could be heard vaguely from inside the parking lot.

The day went by fairly quickly much to his surprise,and soon he found himself at the Tux Hut, parking his car next to Duke's vehicle. He dashed inside and ran straight to the counter, slamming his palm down on the little bell. "I'm here!"

A little man popped out from behind the counter. "Greetingssss, sssir!" He spoke like he had a snake's tongue and Dracula's accent. He was balding and had a little sharp, pointed goatee with beady little eyes. "My name isssss Loch Ssssmith. Vhat can I do for you, sssir?"

Joey raised one eyebrow, dumbfounded. "Ya got a speech problem, or somethin'?" he asked rather rudely.

"Oh, he's with us!" Yugi called out cheerfully from somewhere in the store.

"Really? In that cassse, vhy don't you follow me and I vill take you to your friendsssss. I'm asssssuming you mussst be the groom?" Loch asked as he led a much taller Joey into a special room where the fitting would be made.

"Ya got that right," Joey answered, looking around at all the pictures, magazines, pins… "Hey, are ya by any chance gonna to be sticking pins in my tux while I'm in it?"

"Vhy, of courssse, sssir." Loch smiled a creepy smile, showing his yellow teeth. "Don't you vant your tuxedo to be the bessst fit posssssible?"

"Uh, yeah." Joey shuddered inwardly. 'Who is the nutcase?' he thought. 'Besides, Mai would probably be embarrassed if I wore a tiny or big suit.'

"Hey man!" Tristan clapped his hands on Joey's shoulders. "Ready to try out some penguin suits? We all chose some for you. We've got ours already, though."

"I can't spend too much time choosing the tux, guys," Joey announced when the rest joined him. "Mai vants, I mean wants me to meet her at the beach later. So can we just get this over with?" He turned to the little man who wasn't there. "What? Where is he?"

"Over here, sssir!" Another little man with a slightly higher-pitched voice and different clothes suddenly appeared from behind a mannequin. "Vhat do you vant to try on firssst?"

"Hey, ya look like the other guy! Maybe ya are him!" Joey remarked incredulously. "How did you change clothes so fast?"

"Dude, what's wrong with you?" Tristan asked.

"He's been here the whole time," Bakura added. "His name is—"

"Chip. Chip Monk. Vhat ssssuit vould you like to try on firssst?" Chip repeated his earlier question.

"'Kay, this is getting freaky." Joey stepped away, closer to the door. "Just give me von, I mean one, ARGH!"

While his buddies stared at him strangely, Chip brought out the selections. "Here ve have a nice Electro-Orange, our ssssummer ssstyle tux."

"Whoa! Are ya kidding? Who picked that?" Joey demanded. "Mai will have a fit if I wore that one to our wedding!"

"Fine. How about thissss one?" Chip held up a white one. "'Tissss von of our loveliest."

"For a disco king, maybe!" Joey smirked.

"White is very impractical," Yugi agreed.

Bakura shrank back. "Well, it looks nice from over here."

"Oh, sorry!" Yugi apologized. "I didn't mean to offend you, you know, because you have white hair—"

"You make him sound old!" Tristan laughed.

"No! I mean—"

"It's all right, Yugi." Bakura offered a warm smile with a hint of mischief in his eyes. "At least I don't have three different colors of hair."

"Hey!"

"Nice one, Bakura." Duke grinned.

"Uh…can we get back to me, please?" Joey pointed to himself. "Who's gettin' married here?"

"Okay, okay, you don't have to rub it in." Tristan crossed his arms. "Show us the next one."

"Ve have the classsic sssstyle right here."

"Now we're talkin'!" Joey grabbed the suit and glanced around. "Do ya have a dressing room or somethin' so I can try on this penguin suit?"

"Right over there, Joey." Yugi pointed to a door on the far left.

"Thanks."

A few minutes later, Joey came out of the dressing room looking very unhappy.

Our dear friends were trying so hard to contain their laughter.

"Um, I think it's a little too small for you," Yugi managed to croak out.

"Darn right it is!" Joey snapped. The sleeves and legs were too short and the white shirt was threatening to burst open. The place where the rear end was…was a little too tight… "My grandma is gonna be there!"

"Vhy don't you try thissss von on?" Chip suggested, bringing out another black tuxedo. "It ssshould be the right sssize."

"I hope so." Joey took the tux from the little man and went back into the dressing room to try it on. A little while later… "Yahoo! I found the right one!" He pushed open the door, accidentally squishing the little man who had been standing a little too close. "But I think it needs to be uh…henned a bit?"

"I think you mean hemmed," Bakura corrected him. "Yes, I believe so too."

"Hey Chip! Where are ya?" Joey's ears picked up a slight groan. "Oh, there ya are." He pulled the door towards him, revealing a red-nosed Chip. "What are ya doin' back there?"

"Sssso, you vill be taking that von, sssir?" Chip almost whispered.

"Yeah. C'mon, do your thing. I gotta run!" Joey checked his watch. "What do ya have to do?"

"Jussst let me get my thingssss." Chip walked to the opposite side of the room and grabbed a few items. "Ve jussst need to hem the ssssleevesss."

"Okay. Can ya hurry it up then—YEEOUCH! What did ya do that for?" Joey growled, yanking his hand to his chest.

"Pleasssse hold sssstill, sssir." Chip grabbed some more pins and stuck them all over the sleeve. "Ve sssshall have it ready tomorrow."

"Good. Can I go now?"

"Yessss, jusssst ssstop at the counter to pay."

"Vill do—AAAH! Quit messin' with my head!" Joey retreated to the dressing room angrily to undress,and then met his friends at the counter at the front of the Tux Hut. He pulled out his wallet. "Aw, gee, where is the other guy now?"

"Right here!" Loch Smith popped out from behind the counter again. "Vhat can I do for you, sssir?"

"Hey I could've sworn no one was behind there!" Joey pointed his finger at the man. "You've got a twin, don't ya?"

"Vhy, no, sssir—"

"Joey just pay the man so you can get to Mai!" Tristan sighed heavily. "He's been here all this time."

"Honestly, Joey, are you feeling well? A bit under the weather perhaps?" Bakura asked.

"If you ask me, I think something's wrong upstairs." Duke frowned.

"Nobody asked ya!" Joey snarled and placed the correct amount of money on the counter. "Here." He ran past his friends and out the door. "See ya guys soon!"

"Bye, Joey!"

"Later, pal!"

"Have a good day, sssir."

A/N: Special thanks to my beta reader, Caorann fridh Bronách for proofreading this chapter. I don't own Joey's Boss' name, which is a commercial. The mystery of the best man's identity has not been revealed in this chapter! Maybe you won't find out until the wedding chapter!