Self Indulgence

Disclaimer: I own no person, place or thing mentioned. The persona's are property of Vince McMahon and the WWE, people own themselves. I'm just borrowing them for a little torture that I like to call, fan fiction.

Spoilers: Feh, no.

Rating: R for explicit content and language.

Summary: Things aren't always as perfect as they seem…

Notes: For this story, no Lita isn't out with her injury, and I'm ignoring the 'marriage' angle with Kane…I'm well aware that she is out on injury right now, but that's why this is fiction, not fact. Will there be a sequel for this? An epilogue? Probably not. Three parts or so to the finish. I still hope you enjoy…and please review.

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There were exactly two hours and fifty five minutes before Monday Night RAW kicked off. And of course, this year, the WWE had to do something extra special because RAW fell on Valentine's Day. But, that only mattered if you were actually involved romantically with someone on Valentine's Day…and in the redheaded Diva's case; she was not. She didn't really care about that fact though, in all truth she was beyond caring if she had a sentimental sap willing to splurge on roses that would wilt and chocolates that would more than likely sit untouched. It was no lie that Lita hadn't been lucky in the love department, sure she had Matt…she had Christian. Had being the key and operative word. Past tense, no more, a buried part of her that she had no urge to unearth. Which was why she arrived to the arena alone, declining the offer from Victoria to hitch a ride with her and a subsequent offer from fellow North Carolinian Shane Helms. All the redheaded Diva wanted right now was to be alone, not to take pity on herself, but just to be alone. And that meant arriving early to the arena. Granted, most of her colleagues would show up within the hour, most everyone showed up early to either work out in the arena weight room, jog around the hallways or practice in the ring.

And that was when she saw them.

Lita had just exited her assigned locker room for the night, red locks tied back from her face in a ponytail; her body clad in track pants and a tank top. She, of course, was on her way to indulge herself in a short jog around the arena, followed perhaps by some time in the weight room. She saw them standing at the end of the hallway, the one thing separating herself and the main corridor. How ironic. They were the epitome of the perfect couple. Everyone said they belonged together and now they were together. They being none other than, Randy Orton and Stacy Keibler. But if only they knew…if only the rest of the world knew. Things aren't always as picture perfect as they seem. Hazel orbs fell on them evenly, her face sporting it's usual mask of indifference. And mind you, Lita wasn't jealous of what the two had. She wasn't jealous that every time Randy said something remotely funny, Stacy would break out in a fit of school girl laughter. Nor did she wish it was herself in Stacy's place. A part of her did envy them, Lita was only human after all, and it was in human nature that she would feel a twinge of jealousy. But then, she also had no reason to be jealous.

A reason that she and one other person knew.

She offered her best and brightest smile when she passed them. Indulging the tall blonde, listening on patiently as Stacy gushed about the romantic things that Randy had done already. Lita smiled when Stacy went into detail about the roses and the card. She even had the decency to blush when Stacy hinted at what they had planned later. And, Randy of course, stood there off to the side…playing it off to nothing like he should. She was happy for them, or so it seemed. And it would seem that Randy was happy too. Which was why, when the redhead bid her temporary farewell, she and the Legend Killer exchanged a look before she disappeared around the corner. A look that meant one thing, and a look that always went un-noticed by Stacy. And no sooner had that look passed did Lita go.

………..

An hour had passed, and after her jog, Lita was sweating; she skipped out on the trip to the weight room. Instead heading back to the solitude and sanctuary of her locker room before the pre-show meeting started. Since her previous run in with the perfect couple; she had passed by Lillian and Evolution's animal exchanging sweet sentiments in a corner and Victoria and Chris exchanging those stupid little candy hearts. She hadn't stopped to chat with them though, those were private moments that the redhead didn't want to intrude on. And aside from that, if Stacy hadn't initiated the conversation, Lita would've walked past without a word. The redheaded Diva let out a sigh, stripping down and wrapping a towel around her as she made her way to the showers. She realized that she had about ten minutes to shower unless she wanted to show up to the pre-show meeting in her towel. Not her ideal situation but she really didn't want to show up all sweaty to the meeting. So instead, she kept it short, hot water easing some of the tension in her recently worked muscles. And once she was at least clean and sweat free, she shut the water off. The towel she had brought, wrapped around her body again. The redhead heard the knock at the door the moment she stepped by her locker. But, she really wasn't dressed to receive any visitors right now, so instead of allowing the caller entrance, she merely told them to go away. As she had expected, it was Lillian, Victoria, Chris Jericho and Chris Benoit. She informed them, as she tugged a shirt over head, that she would be at the meeting…and that they please save her a seat. That satisfied them enough, and a moment later…and they were gone. Leaving the redheaded Diva to dress in peace.

She walked into the catering hall, the apparent un-official spot of the meetings now…even though before they would all meet in the ring. But, that was only insignificant, a passing thought in her mind as she crossed the length of the catering hall. And again, she passed by them. Their seats were two over from the spot that Chris, Chris, Victoria and Lillian had secured. She felt eyes on her as she walked over to her friends, but she didn't trust herself to meet the heated gaze. Instead, she brushed it off, flashing a dazzling smile to Victoria and Lillian as they settled in for the meeting. But, it was inevitable and on one occasion, their eyes did meet. Only a passing glance, one that would go un-noticed, one that wouldn't raise any suspicion. At least not from Stacy.

"Are you still….?" Victoria began hesitantly, the raven haired Diva just catching the lingering gaze between the two. "Li, I thought you said-"

"Vi, I really don't think this is the time to talk about this, do you?" Lita hissed under her breath, "Wouldn't want the wrong people to overhear."

Victoria's lips pressed into a thin line, the raven haired Diva showing her disapproval in her eyes. "I thought you were done with this."

"I am."

"Then why doesn't it look like it, huh Li?" Victoria sighed, sending Chris Jericho a reassuring smile. "You think I don't notice it?"

"It is done Vi…believe me, it's done."

"Do you honestly believe that?" The raven haired Diva set a hand on her friends shoulder. "Li, why don't you just tell him how you feel?"

"Because it's not that easy Vi…you know how I felt going into this and my feelings haven't changed."

Victoria shook her head, a sad smile on her face. "Then why are you still torturing yourself like this?"

Lita's shoulders lifted in a nonchalant shrug, the redheaded Diva chewing absently on her lower lip. "What can I say Vi? Just a silly little self indulgence."

Victoria frowned, "It's more than that Lita, and you're just going to get your heart broken…and for what? Sex?"

"You don't understand Vi." Lita persisted quietly, the redhead really not wanting to go into the intricacies of the situation. "And I wouldn't expect you to understand, so can we please? Just drop this subject?"

Victoria just shook her head, "I hope you know what you're doing Li, this isn't a game to be taken lightly…there are feelings involved here."

"I know what I'm doing, alright?" Lita brushed it off, "Now please, just drop this subject. Case closed."

The raven haired Diva could only sigh. Of the few people that Lita really talked to, apparently she was the only one privy to the mess that Lita had willingly gotten herself into. It had only started as a one night thing…and that had lead to another and another…until the redhead had fallen so deep. The two had gotten to a point where it was just a friends with benefits deal, no strings attached because Lita wasn't looking for a relationship and at that time…neither had Randy. But, that was before Stacy was in the picture. And Victoria could recall Lita confessing that things were going to end now that Randy was with Stacy. Of course, Victoria never understood why Lita and Randy wouldn't just admit what was there to one another. Victoria knew well enough, that Lita didn't want to get her heart broken. And yes, the raven haired Diva understood that reasoning…but it had become obvious to her and Lillian that it wasn't going to happen. But, instead of seeing that for herself, Lita chose to ignore it.

…………..

One hour had passed now, the Heat tapings were over and the opening pyrotechnics for RAW were about to be queued. The redheaded Diva wasn't needed for much of the show tonight, well at least not outside of her regular duties, and that was wrestling. But tonight, in the spirit of Valentine's Day…it would be Christy, Victoria and Stacy taking on Trish, Molly and Candice Michelle in a lingerie pillow fight. Lita had the 'lucky' duty of being the referee. How original and how utterly tasteless. She knew that Molly felt the same on the matter as she did, but at the same time both Diva's were just thankful that they had jobs as wrestlers. Given, yes the women's division was exclusive to RAW, but since when did the women's division become pillow fights and bikini contests? Oh well, as Lita stopped by the wardrobe department to pick up her attire for the night, she was just thankful they wouldn't be wrestling in chocolate sauce. The 'match' was scheduled to kick off the second half of RAW. How something that stupid and sexist got priority over the first half of RAW, Lita wasn't exactly sure. And it was at the wardrobe department that the redhead was informed, it was now a fashion show. How ingenious. Let's parade around in lacy strips of clothing for the male populace in hopes that we'll raise the RAW ratings this week. Apparently, Lita wasn't the only one with a little guilty pleasure.

The redheaded Diva had just made it to the hallway, her garment in hand…and she really did have to hand it to the wardrobe department. It was red, black…sheer in some spots and surprisingly was acceptable. Just that she really wasn't looking forward to prancing around in it on national television. But, she had just made it to her locker room when the door was opened, a hand clamping over her wrist. And without looking, she knew it was him; her face lighting in silly anticipation as he lead her inside the locker room. But, just as she was opening her mouth to speak; he shut the door behind them…the redhead noting that he was locking it as well. And then he turned to her, just as he had…all the times before.

"We really need to stop meeting like this…" She stated quietly, the redhead stepping past him to set her garment on the bench.

He smirked, stepping behind her, burying his face in the crook of her neck. "Then you should stop meeting me…"

Lita frowned, her eyes fluttering shut as he began kissing the smooth surface. "You're right…I should."

He lifted his face from her neck, puzzled blue eyes locking with hers. "Do you mean that?"

Lita pursed her lips, gently cupping his cheek with her hand. "You know this isn't right…"

He frowned, "But it was right before…?"

She shook her head, putting some distance between them. "Not since you've been with someone…you have a girlfriend."

He took a step forward, "Then what was last night…a mistake?"

She turned her back to him, squaring her shoulders; her hands clenching tightly at her sides. "It was a mistake…you're with her, so you should be with her."

Mere inches were between them, his arms banding tentatively around her waist. "But I want you…"

"You say that now," She stated flatly, her hands remaining where they were. "But you'll just go back to her, like you're supposed to…like you should."

His arms tightened, his chin resting atop her head. "But I want-"

"We don't always get what we want…" The redhead stated sullenly, her hands resting on his, removing them methodically. "You should go."

He frowned again, turning her so she was facing him. "How can you say that…after all that we've had, after last night…?"

Lita's lips pressed into a thin line, "What did we have, huh? We had nothing, just some really hot sex. Let's face the facts for what they are, we both knew what we were getting into when this all started."

"So, that's all I was to you? Just another fuck buddy?"

"What was I to you?" She challenged back, "What was I really to you? A bed warmer until you got the girl you wanted? Well you have her now, so just walk out of here…and forget about me."

"Then what do you want from me? You want me to break up with her? Fine, I'll do it…you want me to tell her I've been fucking you behind her back …? Fine, I'll do it."

"I'm not asking you to do that, I'm asking you to walk away and to not look back. " Lita crossed her arms over her chest, turning on heel then. "You wanted her, you have her…why do you still need me?"

"Because I…"

"Doesn't sound like a convincing start, does it…?" The redhead Diva walked to the corner of the locker room, her eyes fluttering shut. "Leave."

He walked over to her, keeping some space between them. "How can you tell me to leave, when earlier…I saw that same look in your eyes?"

"Maybe you just hit your head too hard," The redhead deadpanned evenly, "Just leave."

"Look me in the face and tell me to leave."

Lita sucked in a sharp breath, steeling herself before she turned to face him. "Le-"

He closed the distance between them, his mouth firm and demanding. The kiss starting off forceful on his part, the redhead putting her hands on his chest to push him away. But, he was relentless, a hand threading through her hair, grasping firmly at the back of her neck. He backed her up against the wall, giving her nowhere to run…and that was when she broke. Her lips parting as his tongue demanded an entrance. Consequences be damned right now, her hands clasped at the back of his neck, the redhead's fingernails raking over his shoulders. They parted for breath, his lower body pinning her to the spot. Clouded eyes locked for a moment before his face dipped, his mouth attacking her ear, drawing the sensitive lobe between his teeth before his mouth moved to her neck. Lita sucked in another sharp breath, arching against him, her hands roaming over his broad back and around to his well chiseled body. She could feel one of Randy's hands moving along her side, caressing her skin through the cotton fabric of her shirt. But, instead of stopping him when that hand slipped upwards to cup her breast her hands went to work on the buttons of his dress shirt.

"Do you still want me to leave?" He whispered huskily, one hand still massaging the fleshy mound. "Just say the word…and I'll walk out."

Lita blinked, her mind clouded at that moment…her mind was screaming for him to leave but her body was protesting otherwise.

Randy waited, his ministrations ceasing on her breast. "Well?"

Lita licked her lips, her throat parched…the word on the tip of her tongue, but instead of saying leave…she asked him to stay. If only for this moment, if only for this one last time…their lips met again. A guilty pleasure, a self indulgence…an all too familiar spot.

What in the world had she gotten herself into?

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Author Note: Now, I will more than likely keep this a short series…I really don't intend on it becoming more than a short series as I have a few ideas that will become a long series. On a related note, my songfic series will be started today…another short series. Anywhoot, I hope you liked this …I know, yet another story…but well…I couldn't help myself.