Nick had a stoic expression on his face as he walked into the lab that night. He felt like everyone was talking about him, the same way they had for most of the last month and he wasn't far off. It was something that he thought would fade after being buried alive, but news that his recently ex-girlfriend had committed suicide and the fact that his relationship with Sara had just become public fueled the rumor mills. He did his best to keep his composure as he made his way towards the locker room, his mind trying to focus on the lingering touches that he and Sara had shared just a short time ago. Those touches had quickly become intense and passionate and he'd made love to her on the couch both to quell some of his confusion and grief and to try and reassure her that he wanted her. They'd lain there for a while afterwards, tangled up in an afghan from the back of the couch whispering sweet nothings to each other and trying to block out for at least those few moments the turmoil the world around them was in.
Nick breathed a sigh of relief when he realized no one else was in the locker room. He and Sara had decided that it wasn't a particularly good idea to come in together; she wanted an opportunity to clean up the carpet a bit more thoroughly than she'd had the chance to, and knowing Sara, she also just wanted to spend a little time crying alone. He knew that this whole situation was difficult for her; that she had so many doubts about their relationship in light of Amy's suicide. The what ifs just seemed to assail them both, and they would just have to deal with them as they came.
Nick didn't hear someone else enter the locker room until he heard Grissom's voice. His head snapped up and he focused his eyes on his supervisor. "I'm sorry?" He hadn't really heard what Grissom had said.
Grissom looked at him with compassionate concern. "When you have a minute, Nicky, can you come to my office? I need to talk with you."
Normally a request like that might have made him a bit nervous, but Nick had gotten used to Grissom checking up on him over the last month and he'd grown to appreciate the pseudo father role that Grissom filled. "Yeah...I'm just stowing my gear."
Grissom nodded and then paused for a moment before he furrowed his brow and then pasted on a sort of sad smile. He turned and headed back down the hallway to his office.
One thing Nick was thankful for was that Grissom had somehow managed to convince Ecklie to put the nightshift team back together; he wasn't sure how he'd done it, but he knew why. As much as he appreciated Catherine's skill as a CSI and her concern as a friend, he had not enjoyed having her as a supervisor.
Nick let out a sigh and closed his locker door, squaring his shoulders with his jaw set as he headed to Grissom's office. He did his best to try and ignore the stares of the lab techs and the few dayshift CSIs still working their cases. He paused in Grissom's doorway. "Hey, Gris."
Grissom looked at him over the rim of his glasses and waved him in. "Come in and sit down for a minute." It was evident that Grissom hadn't gotten much sleep in the last 24 hours, and if the blanket tossed haphazardly across the arm of the sofa in the corner of his office was any indication, he'd probably not even gone home since last shift.
Nick took a seat across the desk from Grissom, trying to look as composed as possible, but inside feeling anything but. He waited for Grissom to say something; he really didn't see the need for small talk since he was pretty sure he knew why he was there.
"Nick, I'm sorry about your friend." Grissom had never really been good with people, but he did care about his nightshift and he was working at letting them know that.
Nick just nodded in acknowledgement trying to keep his emotions in check and not feeling like he was doing a very good job of it.
Grissom paused, not quite sure how to proceed.
"Warrick said she left a letter." Nick's voice wavered. As much as he didn't want to see the letter, there was a part of him that felt like he had to know what it said; to see if there was anything that she could blame him for.
Grissom's eyes narrowed as he considered just how much this was hurting Nick; just how much hell he'd been through in just he last month alone. He nodded. "She did...but under the circumstances I'm not sure it's a good idea..."
"He said she blamed me." Nick looked like he was on the verge of tears. "I think I have a right to know what she said." He knew as a CSI that the decision wasn't really up to him; but from an emotional standpoint, he wasn't really thinking rationally.
"Nick..." Grissom carefully considered his words. "I know this is difficult, but there's evidence to consider."
It took a minute for Grissom's words to register in Nick's mind and he looked at him in disbelief. "What are you saying?"
"Nick, you know I can't disclose..." Grissom was walking a very fine line.
"To hell with protocol, what are you saying? Are you saying she didn't kill herself?" Nick's mind was swirling with reasons why this would make far more sense than if she'd taken her own life.
Grissom removed his glasses and rubbed his temple for a moment before looking at Nick again. "Her death isn't completely consistent with suicide, but it hasn't been ruled out either."
Nick nodded, his jaw clenched in anger that someone was responsible and if he had his way he'd make sure they spent the maximum time behind bars. Emotion washed over him again and his voice caught as he looked at Grissom. "How did she die?" That was one detail that Warrick hadn't shared with him, and now Nick wondered if that was on purpose.
"Nick, I can't really..." Grissom didn't have a chance to finish his sentence.
Catherine didn't even look up as she walked into Grissom's office. "Robbins just finished the preliminary autopsy report and the angle of the wound track isn't consistent with a self-inflicted gunshot wound." It didn't register who was sitting across from him until she'd let out a little too much information. Her eyes widened as she realized that Nick was the one sitting there. She locked eyes with Grissom before she reached over and put her hand on Nick's shoulder. "Nicky, I'm sorry."
Nick looked up at her blinking back tears. "You're talking about Amy aren't you?" At that moment all he wanted was to return to the safety of this morning before all of this had happened, when he and Sara were blissfully oblivious.
She nodded and then looked over at Grissom with pursed lips. "I'll just leave you two..."
"Catherine, stay." Grissom let out a heavy sigh and motioned for her to sit in the chair next to Nick. "Nicky may be able to give us information about her friends..."
Nick just nodded, letting out a sniffle. "Yeah, whatever you need...she was seeing this buddy of mine...not really a buddy anymore...he's the reason she dumped me." His laugh was bitter. All the hurt of the last few days just seemed to lump together and catch in his chest.
"We don't have to do this right now..." Catherine's motherly concern kicked in as she rubbed his back a little.
"No, we need to do this now...someone is responsible for this and we...you need to find them. She didn't deserve this." Nick was steeling his resolve. He might not be able to bring Amy back, and he couldn't change the events of the last few days, but he could do whatever was in his power to help see that she got justice.
"No one deserves that..." Catherine agreed.
Nick didn't want to lose it, but he felt damn close and even as his chin began to quiver he blinked the tears back and looked at Grissom. "I need to find Sara...just give me a few minutes...I just need Sara."