It wasn't until Nick was settling himself in the guest house at his parent's ranch that he realized that he probably should have told someone in Vegas where he was. He picked up his cell phone and dialed Grissom, knowing that he really should have asked for the time off before he'd left, but he was fairly certain that Grissom would understand. He just wasn't sure how much time he needed. He phoned Brass to let him know where he was in case he needed any more information on Amy's case. He left messages for Warrick and Catherine knowing that if he didn't, they'd worry until they'd heard from him. He was hesitant to call Sara. It wasn't that he didn't want to talk to her; he did. He was just unsure how she would take the fact that he'd just left without saying anything to her at all.
He let out a deep sigh and hit the speed dial for her cell phone. He was disappointed when her voicemail picked up.
"This is Sara Sidle with the Las Vegas Crime Lab. Please leave a message at the tone with your name and number and I'll call you back as soon as I can."
"Hey, Sar, it's me...I just wanted to call you so you wouldn't worry...I decided that I needed some time off...I was talking to my dad earlier and he booked me a flight...I just got to Dallas...please call me, I need to hear your voice." He closed the phone and let out another deep sigh. As tired as he was, he wasn't sure he wanted to go to sleep, he was afraid of what kind of nightmares would be added to the ones he'd been having.
A soft tap sounded at the door, and as Nick glanced up, he smiled. "Hey, Mom."
Jillian Stokes stood there with a concerned expression on her face. Nick had been through so much and she wished that there had been something she could have done to save him from it. "How are you, Nicky?" She had been glad to hear that Nick was coming home, but she was also worried given the news about his ex-girlfriend.
"I'll be ok." The look on his face was somber. "I think I just needed a little time and distance away from Vegas...there's been a lot of water under the bridge."
"You sure you want to stay out here? I could make up your old room." She knew that he was facing demons and that he'd probably insist on facing them alone, but she wanted him to know that both she and his dad were there for him; would always be there for him.
Nick shook his head. "No, I'd rather stay out here." He wasn't about to tell her that staying in his childhood room where he'd been violated would just heap pain upon pain. He really didn't think he could ever tell his parents what had happened in there; it would hurt them too much that they hadn't been able to protect him.
"Your father and I were going to go out for dinner. Do you want to come with us...or we could just eat in." Jillian was trying to reach out to Nick in the only way she knew how.
"Truth is, Mom, I'm just really tired...if I get hungry I'll raid the fridge." He smiled at her at the familiarity of that situation. As a teenager, she'd told him many times that he was going to eat her out of house and home.
"Ok, well...if you need anything..." She left it opened ended and then walked over to where he sat on the couch and bent over, planting a kiss on his forehead before tousling his hair. "I'm glad my boy's home."
As she walked away, Nick called out to her. "I love you, Mom."
She smiled at him over her shoulder. "I love you too, Nicky."
Nick was left alone with his thoughts; it was the first time in a long time that he felt like he could just relax and not worry about who was talking about him or what might happen. After he'd heard his parents leave for dinner, he took a leisurely stroll around the property that he'd called home for his entire growing up years. The spacious house seemed too big now; seven kids all grown up and off living their own lives, coming by on holidays with kids of their own. But the memories in that house seemed to linger in the walls.
He wandered into the kitchen, pulling out a beer and then heading back out towards the guest house; sinking into a chair next to a table that sat in the covered outdoor kitchen. As he sipped his beer he wondered if he should try and call Sara again; he didn't want her thinking that he was abandoning her; his trip to Texas really had nothing to do with their relationship. If he'd thought about it, he would have asked her to come with him before he'd left.
Knowing her, she'd probably just throw herself into work until he got back; not that he was sure when that would be. He pulled himself up from the chair and wandered back into the guest house to look for his cell phone. He smiled when he saw that he had some missed calls. Two from Warrick, one from Catherine, a call from Greg, but strangely enough none from Sara. He frowned and this time dialed her home phone number.
The answering machine picked up on the third ring.
"This is Sara, leave a message and I'll call you back as soon as I can."
At the beep, Nick let out a sigh. "Hey, Sar, it's me...I miss you...I just wanted to talk to you...I left a message on your cell phone...I'm in Dallas and I'm taking some time off...I really want to talk to you."
He hung up, not sure if he sounded completely desperate or if she was going to overanalyze the fact that he'd said he wanted to talk to her. In his experience when you told a woman that you wanted to talk, she assumed that it meant that you wanted to break up with her. He really hoped that she called him back soon or he wasn't sure he was going to get any sleep.
He spent a while just flipping channels, getting lost in a Discovery Channel special on the migration pattern of the Arctic Tern before losing interest and flipping it some more. He finally decided to just give up and try and go to sleep. He'd been up the entire previous night, and he hadn't really slept on the plane; maybe in this over fatigued state he could fall into a dream free sleep and wake up somewhat refreshed.
He reasoned that if Sara hadn't called by now, she probably wasn't going to, and that thought made him sad. He truly hoped that him leaving hadn't planted a seed of doubt in her mind about where they were at. He decided to call her one more time; maybe he'd catch her before shift started.
Again her voicemail picked up. There was a bit of a waver in Nick's voice as he spoke, but he tried to keep it as even as possible. "Hey, Sar, it's me...I'm not sure what to say really...I just wanted to hear your voice. I needed to get away from Vegas...not away from you..." He sniffled, emotion coming through in his voice. "I was hoping that I could talk to you before you started work...I'm just going to head to bed...I didn't sleep on the way down her..." He wiped away a tear that was threatening to fall. "I wish that I could hold you, Sar...give you a kiss goodnight...I'll talk to you soon...call me."
He set the cell phone down on the coffee table and buried his face in his hands in fatigue and frustration. After pulling himself together after a few moments, he got up off the couch and padded into the lone bedroom that the guest house had to offer. He quickly stripped down to his boxers and crawled into bed. After what seemed like an eternity of looking up at the ceiling fan, he finally drifted off into a restless sleep.