Clark
was a little nervous on the drive over to Lana's house. They hadn't
talked at all since the big discussion. He didn't really know what to
expect, nothing had been really settled. Lana had said she wanted to
move in, but the key word being wanted. Clark wasn't sure if she
would or not, especially after she confronted him about lack of
proposal.
All those issues were still there, the biggest one
being Clark's parental skills. Was he really spoiling Alex like she
said? It was hard to tell when you are involved in it every day. Part
of the reason Clark had been so hurt and angry was because he was
scared there was truth to it. Lana had to have gotten it from
somewhere and this wasn't the first time it had been said; but never
so bluntly before, just little comments here and there.
"Daddy"
Lana
turned around to see her son running into his father's arms. Alex was
practically choking Clark, he was squeezing him so tight, but as she
saw the smile on Clark's face, brought on by seeing his son, she
couldn't help but smile too.
"Hey Buddy." Clark
hugged his son and picked him up, as he made his way over to Lana"Hey." He smiled uneasily.
"Hi." Lana had
never felt so awkward around Clark. It was expected though, with all
the issues they had brought up, how could things not be
uncomfortable?
"Sorry I haven't been by lately." Clark
apologized, hoping to release the tension.
"I understand."
Lana said honestly. God, why was this is weird? Clark had come over
at least a thousands time, and 10 days wasn't such an extraordinary
time to be apart, yet things were so edgy between them.
A few
moments of silence passed before Alex chimed in"Dad, let's go
to movies." Alex had remembered his father's promise almost two
weeks ago to take him to a movie.
Lana sighed with relief, thank
God for Alex. They could focus on him, providing a great distraction
from the awkwardness between each other.
"Alright."
Clark looked at his son.
"Mom, come too" Alex
smiled.
"Um... It's alright, you two go, have fun. I'm just
gonna... hang around here." Lana didn't think she couldn't
handle five more minutes of this uneasiness between her and Clark,
much less a whole movie.
"Lana..." Clark made eye
contact"Please come."
"Clark, I just don't feel
so great. Go, have fun." It was half true. Maybe she wasn't
physically feeling bad but emotionally she was.
"Hey Buddy"
Clark turned towards his son"Why don't you go tell Grandma
that we are going to see a movie." Clark wanted to talk to Lana
alone.
"Are you going to leave" Alex felt like he was
being tricked.
"No, I won't leave. I promise." Clark
smiled. That was good enough for Alex, his dad never broke a promise.
He immediately ran off to find Grandma.
"Lana..." Clark
took a step towards her"I know things are... weird between us
right now... but if we keep avoiding each other then it will only get
worse."
"Clark..." Lana knew he was right
but...
"At least for Alex; we haven't done anything as a
family in over a month, and I know, that is mostly my fault but...
just come." Clark felt this was so much more than just a
movie.
Lana felt selfish"Yeah, you're right... I just...
okay, I'm going to go get ready." Lana was glad to have an
excuse to get out of the room at
least.
Clark and
Lana were each holding one of Alex's hands as they walked, and they
would swing him every so often, and just for a moment, things felt
almost normal. Alex was laughing and his euphoria was
contagious.
Clark bent down when they reached the ticket booth"What movie did you want to see"
"Dinosaur movie"
Alex jumped up.
Clark had absolutely no clue what that meant, but
apparently Lana did because she spoke up"Two adults and one
child for 'Rex's
adventures'."
Clark
and Lana walked out of the theater with their 2 ½ year old
son, who apparently loved the cartoon, and they all headed back to
the car.
"Mom, is Rex real" Alex asked Lana as she
strapped him into his car seat.
"No, baby, it's just a
movie." Lana said sweetly, as she shut the car door and hopped
into the passenger's seat and Clark started the car and pulled out of
the parking lot.
"Do you want me to take you back to your
house, or do you want to come to the mansion with me" Normally
Clark wouldn't ask, but now...
"Um..." Lana wasn't sure.
Things had eased up a bit, but they were far from normal. But she
wanted normal back, and for that, they needed to talk"Let's go
back to the
mansion."
Lana
sat their in the mansion, on the couch, while Clark was putting Alex
to bed. Lana felt so nervous, and anxious. The whole situation with
Clark was so nerve racking. Lana had known Clark since they were
practically kids, and he had been her boyfriend all threw high
school. When you know someone that long, are there when they are
developing into their own person, you learn to read their emotions
and situations, and the fact that Lana couldn't really understand why
things were so off with Clark, made her scared.
She had always
been able to tell why, if nothing else, things were wrong. She had
never experienced this before, and that frightened her even more.
"Okay, he's asleep." Clark entered the room, hands
in his pockets, eyes cast slightly downward.
Lana's nervousness
increased at that action. It told her he wasn't aware of what to do
either.
"Lana..." Clark sat down next to her, close, but
not touching, it didn't seem right"Okay, I know things are so
incredibly stressed between us... and to tell the truth I'm not even
sure why."
Lana didn't know weather to feel good or bad about
that. She felt comfort in the fact that she wasn't alone in that
emotion, but she felt a tinge of fear, because if neither of them
knew what was wrong, how could they make it right?
Their whole
relationship had always been based on passion. Their emotions were
always so extreme, weather it be anger, love, or fear. Now they had
gotten themselves into this phase that Lana didn't know how to
describe. Things weren't heated or icy between them, just a vague
awkwardness that carried no power. How did you deal with that? Lana
felt like she'd rather deal with the extremes, at least then she
always knew her goal and how to reach it, even if it did seem
impossible at times.
"Clark, I don't know why either."
Lana admitted.
"I think we should talk about... our current
situation." Clark felt exactly like Lana did.
"Alright..."
Lana wasn't sure which specific aspect he was hinting towards.
"So
I take it you don't want to move in with me still." He said it
with no contempt, no anger.
"Clark, I was... but it just
seems so weird now." Lana confessed.
"This is about...
marriage, isn't it" Clark had to ask.
"I'm not sure...
Clark, I have to admit that it bugged me a lot that you didn't want
to get married." Lana replied.
"Lana, I know, but I
don't know what else to say. You were just raised different from me.
Your parents are like the perfect example of marriage, and I guess I
can understand why it's so important to you." Clark didn't
really want to go into this topic, but felt like he needed Lana to
understand were he was coming from, so he continued"I grew up
watching affairs and I've seen how easily the marriage promise is
pushed aside. Lana, marriage... it traps you."
"What"
Lana felt offended"You don't want to be trapped with
me"
"No..." Clark had put his foot in his mouth,
that wasn't what he meant"If you ever wanted to leave me...
I'd be so messy." Clark thought back to his coma, and thought of
how Lana had wanted to leave but she couldn't. She was trapped... by
him. Marriage would just be one more security guard in her
prison.
"Clark, I don't want to leave you." Lana knew
that.
"Not now..." Clark didn't care how much he loved
Lana or she loved him, he knew that people are constantly changing
and making decisions that change them. He always wanted Lana to be
able to leave"I want you to have that option, no matter
what... to be able to leave with Alex if I..." Clark couldn't
help but again think of the much darker version of Lana and himself
in that future.
"Clark..." Lana hated that Clark always
thought like that, he always feared what could be. She wished for
once and all she could just reassure him that he wasn't going to
become evil. But she knew by now he would always have that fear,
because his coma was an experience that he could never forget, and
would always haunt him. Every time he would become comfortable that
he wouldn't follow in Lionel's footsteps, something would happen and
make him think, and scare him. This time she knew what it was too,
and she felt horrible.
She had done it this time, the things she
had said about how he parented Alex. She could more fully see what he
was feeling now. Combined with her words and the scare that Lionel
would get parole, Clark was re- evaluating a lot of things. "Clark,
what I said about you spoiling Alex, that doesn't mean you are a bad
parent."
"But you were right, and I couldn't see it,
Lana, I honestly couldn't." Clark confessed"How do I
change something I would have never known existed without you? How
many other things don't I see"
"Clark, stop. Don't do
this to yourself. I can name a hundred things you do right for every
one you do wrong." Lana had to stop him from picking himself
apart"You are a good father. You just need to work on one
thing." She put her hand on his knee, the first contact they
had, had in so long.
"Lana, please move in with me. You can
stop me from doing it... and I miss you." Clark brought them
back on topic.
"I miss you too... lately I've been feeling
like we've been living in two separate worlds, and Alex is the only
bridge between them." Lana didn't realize she had been feeling
like that until now"and if moving in with you means seeing
more of each other; really being involved in your life again... I
want that."
Once Lana had said it, Clark saw how true it
really was. How could they both of been so blind before? He knew why
though, because it had happened so slowly at first.
Clark leaned
in and kissed Lana, really kissed her, like he hadn't in over a year.
They finally had passion again, something they had lost while they
had slowly been distancing each other for over a year.
Their kiss
became more heated with every moment that passed.
"I love you
Lana." Clark kissed her neck.
"I love you." Lana
whispered. She felt like this wall was breaking between them.
TBC...
