Chapter 31
Setting up a new base of operations is not an easy task. Security measures to establish, false trails to create, supplies to get from the higher echelons, personnel to train. General Naz, the first one to believe in me, was still our commanding officer. Along with our supplies, came two of the new B-wing Assault Star Fighters. The most heavily armed fighters in the entire Rebel Alliance.
Red and Gold groups each provided one pilot to be assigned to the new ships. After the pilot's were trained, both squadrons went out on the fringes of a nearby asteroid field and put on a demonstration of the new ships' capabilities. Quite a display.
That night, after we had returned from the weapons test of the B-wings, I told Gabrielle: "It's time for you to go and complete your training as a Jedi." She listened and asked: "How long do you think it will take?" I said: "Master Yoda didn't say exactly but I'm sure it won't take as long as mine did."
Gabrielle considered a moment and then said: "But right now the Rebellion needs everyone it has." I took it in stride and said: "I don't think so. Right now, there's a lot of activity around a new base being built in the Yavin system. It won't be ready for some time yet so I think if you ask for a leave of absence to finish training, Command will let you." She considered it and said: "I'll ask Teeyara the next chance I get then."
Two weeks later found Gabrielle and I plus our two droids aboard a plain lambda class shuttle that I had requested from the flight deck. The trip to Dagobah took six days, even in hyperspace. I landed on Dagobah with no trouble, relatively close to Yoda's home.
As we walked hand in hand towards his home, Gabrielle remarked: "It's really pretty here in a wild sort of way." I said: "When I was first here, I didn't think so. But after my awakening in the Force, when I could feel all of the life here, I started to think so too."
As we got to his house, Yoda stood there waiting for us. He said: "Waiting for you I have." I gave him a short bow and said: "It's good to see you again Master Yoda. Allow me to introduce you to my wife, Gabrielle." Gabrielle stepped forward and duplicated my bow to him. Yoda looked at her and said: "Pleasant it is to meet you Gabrielle. I look forward to completing your training."
She said: "Thank you for training my husband. It is because of that he found me and opened my eyes to the beauty of the Force." Before I could stop her, she knelt down and gave Yoda a kiss on the forehead. I think he was caught just as off guard because I could have sworn his green complexion deepened.
Yoda regained his composure far quicker than I had when Gabrielle first kissed me as he said: "Your training will start in the morning. I would speak with your husband alone right now." Gabrielle bowed again and said: "May my droid Jeri stay with me?" Master Yoda nodded his assent as Gabrielle left to go back to the shuttle and prepare her own campsite.
After she was out of the area, Yoda motioned me to follow him into his home. After doing so, he looked at me as his wizened features began to display displeasure. Before I knew it, he stepped up and hit me in the shin with his cane and stepped back. Surprised as I was, it stung mightily. I rubbed at the minor injury and said: "What was that for Master?" Yoda said: "That, my former Padawan is for yet another wrinkle in the pattern. Need that I do not. Ronin, many futures have I seen. A great destiny is about to unfold." I said: "Strange that I have not Master." Yoda seemed hesitant then said: "That is because you, your wife, and your children not yet born, will not be involved to any great extent."
This news stunned me. Yoda saw my reaction and said: "Fear not, my former Padawan, I have foreseen a full life for you and yours but you will not, must not interfere with what is to come. Tell you, all I will is that there are two others. Twins. A brother and a sister. As yet, unaware of their importance. For that matter, as yet unaware of the other's very existence. Not for you to know who they are at this time. Suffice it to say that when leave here youdo and when your wife leaves in turn, neither of you can ever return."
I listened and felt the truth in his words. I said: "Very well Master, if that is how it must be. I thank you for your honesty and your wisdom. I will remember it always. Is there anything else?" Yoda said: "The bond you share with your wife. While she trains, blocked it must be. Distract her it will. When completed is her training, the bond will reopen. Come for her then." I said: "I understand Master Yoda. It has been an honor and a pleasure being your Padawan. Farewell."
Leaving Master Yoda's home for the last time was a little difficult but survivable. Later that night, after Gabrielle's camp was set up, we sat together by a fire under a blanket. I cradled Milady in my arms as I said: "Master Yoda will make you the best Jedi you can be so listen to him." Gabrielle stared into the fire and said softly: "My Knight, I wish you could stay, but I know why you can't. Make love to me. Let me spend our last night for however long it will be, in your arms." And so we did. Gentle, yet passionate love indeed.
I awoke early and dressed. I knelt down next to my sleeping wife and gently touched her face and traced its contours. I said: "Sleep Milady. Sleep deeply in meditation and awaken when I'm gone." Through the Force, I felt her consciousness sink deeper and deeper into a restful state and then our bond faded to black and I knew it was done.
I went back to the shuttle and started its preflight checks. Warbler jacked into the systems panel and began his part of the preflight. Jeri, Gabrielle's R2 unit came over to me and tweeted: "Master Ronin, where are you and Warbler going and why are you leaving Mistress Gabrielle?" I turned in my seat and said: "Gabrielle is staying to finish her training and you are staying too. She'll need a friendly face from time to time. Jeri, I know that you can't comprehend the mental bond I have with Gabrielle but when its time for you both to leave, that bond will tell me, and I'll send Warbler to come and get you both. Okay?"
Jeri said: "Thank you sir. I appreciate you taking the time to tell me." I said: "Anytime Jeri. Will you let me record a holo-message for Gabrielle?" Jeri said: "Of course I will." She moved back a few feet and began to record as I stood up. The message recording light came on Jeri's dome. I said: "Milady Gabrielle. I'm leaving this message for you to say goodbye. By now, you'll have felt that our bond has been blocked. When your training is done, it will reopen and I'll send Warbler for you and Jeri. My love for you is unending my wife. May the Force be with you. Goodbye."
The recording light went out and Jeri exited the ship a moment later after exchanging some binary messages with Warbler that were too quick to follow even in the Force. As Jeri went down the ramp, Warbler's head swiveled to follow her all the way out as a slightly mournful whistle sounded. If a droid is capable of love, then I think Warbler loved Jeri as much as I loved Gabrielle. That however, is a question for philosophers and academics to ponder.
Chapter 32
The six day flight back to base was too quiet and I slept poorly. It soon became evident that I missed Gabrielle's heartbeat next to mine in the night. It made a lot of sense as that the first sound any human being hears is the sound of its mother's heartbeat while still in the womb.
Even knowing this, I still slept poorly. After returning to my duties, I buried myself in my work so that I would be able to go home each night and go to sleep sooner rather than dwell on the now empty home that otherwise would have been shared with Gabrielle. On an unconscious level, I began pushing myself harder and harder. On more than one occasion, Wedge had to order me to go home.
I knew I was on a one-way course to destruction so I resorted to the Jedi Rest Trance. It worked the first time out but I knew that to use it for basic rest more than twice a week could be dangerous so I coped with my wife's absence and soon, began to sleep normally again.
Sometime in the first year of my wife's absence, a mission came down to us. Several sectors away, there was a planet, Chugiak 3, with a munitions production facility on it. While the existence of such facilities is commonplace, the fact that it used slave labor wasn't. Specifically, the slave labor of "dissidents" who are too small in the scheme of things to bother killing. Disappearing on the other hand, was the preferred course of Imperial action for cases such as these.
Everything from spare parts for TIE fighters to blaster rifles was being made there. Ordinarily, these missions are given a low priority. This is not to say that they are unimportant, far from it. It's just considered better to cut the head off of the monster instead of a tail. But since the Alliance was a galaxy-wide movement, and right then, most of the activity was on the Yavin Project, our arm of the Rebellion was free to take this facility off-line and free its prisoners.
The Bothan Spynet informed us of the obstacles in our way. Along with turbolasers and ion cannon emplacements, there was also a squadron of TIE Fighters. The final piece of grim news was that at random intervals, an Imperial Star Destroyer would enter orbit and not even the Bothan Spynet could track its pattern.
Surprise would be our only chance of success. Because of the Destroyer and its squadrons of fighters it could drop on us, we were potentially outnumbered in the air and had no capital ships to run interference if the Destroyer came around. Still though, the Rebellion had faced such odds before and the one and only time I mentioned the word "odds" in Wedge's hearing his vehement exclamation of: "Never tell me the odds!" rung in my ears for days.
It took some time, but a plan of attack was drawn up. Red Group would fly in and keep any TIE fighters off of the shuttles which would land and extract the prisoners. Turbolasers were notoriously big and our snubfighters could avoid them easily enough. The Ion cannons posed a serious problem but there wasn't much that could be done about it. Gold Group would fly high cover and if the Destroyer showed up, they would saturate it with ion bombs. I tried to have myself placed on the ground force but was summarily overruled as being too valuable. The Force warned me that something wasn't right but I couldn't place it.
We emerged from hyperspace as planned. The Spynet had told us there were aboutfifty prisoners indicating heavy automation. We brought three shuttles with the strike team split between two of them. The third shuttle would land when called for and begin extraction with the strike team guarding it. Between the three shuttles, we would have enough space for all the prisoners.
As we finished entry into the planet's atmosphere, Wedge called over the channel: "Red Lead to Red Team, lock S-foils into attack positions and accelerate to attack speed. We'll be on top of them any minute now. Remember to hit and run. Nothing fancy or you'll pull too many G's. Red Nine take your element of the squadron and hit anything that looks mean and nasty." I answered: "As ordered Lead."
We caught the base right at local morning when the shifts were changing. Because of this, we were able to destroy several antennae array and some turbolaser turrets. It was at this time when we were dealt a rude surprise. What we thought were ion cannons turned out to be a kind of saturation blast cannon with multiple barrels!
I lost my wingman, Red Eight in the first blast. The second blast sheared the nose off of Red Seven and he made a kamikaze run and took out the turret that had essentially killed him. I felt their life-forces scream and die in fiery oblivion as Warbler started screeching: "Incoming!" My scope showed enough blips to account for three squadrons instead of the one we were expecting and then sensors indicated the three squadrons were made up of two flights of standard eyeballs and one flight of the new Interceptors, or squints, as we called them.
I lost another pilot Red Ten, to enemy fire. I called out: "Eleven and Twelve, pair up! Payback time! We handle better in atmosphere than they do." As odd man out, I had no wingman but the Force. Eleven and Twelve each took down two eyeballs as I in turn shot down two squints and an eyeball of my own when the call came over the channel: "Retreat! All craft retreat! The Big Bully just came to town. I say again, the Big Bully just came to town!"
Big Bully was the name we had assigned the Star Destroyer. We knew we were well and truly screwed if we stayed any longer. Wedge called out: "You heard the news. Close S-foils and divert all power to engines and rear shields. Shuttle Delta-niner, Zulu-two and Romeo-one, time to go!"
Over the channel, the shuttles sounded off: "Delta-niner copies. Zulu-two copies. Romeo-one cop . . ." Romeo-one was blasted to pieces before it could acknowledge its orders. Just as with my pilots, I felt the minds of the flight crew on the shuttle die. We cleared the planet's gravity well and jumped to hyperspace and safety with a figurative bloody nose.
To me, who had felt the minds die, an actual bloody nose would have been like the touch of a feather compared to the pain I felt at that moment. We returned to base to lick our wounds after first leaving enough hyperspace trails to hopelessly confuse any attempt to track us. Mission debrief was scheduled for one hour after landing. We reported to General Naz in Command as is S.O.P. and then later, Wedge and I sat in his office to discuss what went wrong. He stretched in his seat and said: "Break it down for me Ronin. Who and what did we lose?" I consulted the datapad in my hand and said: "Total losses were three fighters and one rescue shuttle and crew. Our losses in Red Group were three pilots, Joustine Torrel, Soaron Black and Xavier Barroy plus the resources of their X-wings and astromech units."
Wedge said: "Hmmmmm, not good but not bad either." "Commander," I said. "I wish to tender my resignation as your XO immediately." I could see the unspoken question of 'why?' on his face. I continued with: "My performance was substandard and . . ." Wedge stood up and stopped me with a gesture as he said: "And what XO? Our intelligence was bad. These things happen in war. We had no way of knowing about those saturation cannons or the additional TIE Fighters there. As much as I hate to say it, our dead got sloppy that's why they're dead. Request denied. Anything else you want to take the blame for while you're at it?"
I could hear the truth in Wedge's words. I said: "You're right Wedge. But there is one thing that only I can do. No disrespect intended." Wedge said: "None taken. What is it that only you can do in this case?" I said: "I have to be the one to inform the next of kin." Wedge sat back down with a different kind of respect in his eyes. All he said was: "Why?"
"The pilots in question were under my direct command at the time of their deaths. One of them was single, the other two were married, and one of them even had a pair of kids. All that I am cries out to me that I must do this task, to honor our fallen as well as do my duty. I must be the one who tells the survivors." I said.
Wedge said: "Very well. See to it and then meet me here at 0800 sharp tomorrow." I saluted him and said: "As ordered Lead." Wedge returned my salute as I turned and left his office.
I went home for a shower and fresh change of clothes. Depending on your point of view, it's fortunate that post-mission debriefings are notoriously long. The families wouldn't yet begin to worry. After getting dressed, I took some boxes to the lockers of our dead. Joustine Torrel had come from Correlia and been unmarried. She had a Grandfather who remained unaccounted for so if he was found, then her things could be given to him. Soaron Black and Xavier Barroy both had been married. One was from the Corporate Sector, the other from Coruscant originally.
As I opened their lockers with my XO override code, the rest of Red Group was getting out of debrief. Everyone was silent as they saw me conduct the worst duty of any Commanding Officer, the gathering of personal property of the dead. I put the boxes just inside my office for collection by the families later as I oversaw the packing up of Joustine's room.
She and I had spoken many times in the Downtime lounge with the rest of the pilots. Gabrielle and I even had invited her over for dinner on occasion. As the droids carefully packed away her family pictures, quiet voices seemed to call out to me: "Why? Why did our girl have to die?" I knew it was my imagination supplying the voices but it didn't change a thing.
The next visitations would be the hardest. My first visit was to the widow of Soaron Black. Just as I had spoken with Joustine on many occasions, so too had I spoken with Soaron and his wife, Lizanne. As a group we had had dinner together on a few occasions. As I neared the door, I could sense three minds inside. I could only assume the other two were friends of the family as they had not had any children of their own.
I touched the door chime and heard the call: "Come in." I smoothed my uniform and entered. The front room was like mine with the living area sunken slight down into the floor with couches on either side of a small table. Lizanne's friends were sitting on one of the couches and saw me enter. I saw the pained look on one of their faces as she figured out why I was there. The other woman saw the look on her friends' face and said: "Liza, I think you need to be out here."
Soaron's wife was an attractive woman by any human standard and even a few nonhuman ones. She came out of the kitchen area carrying some long stemmed glasses and a dark blue bottle of liquid. Instantly I knew it would be that much harder on her. She had something to celebrate but now would have to mourn instead.
Liza saw me and the happy expression on her face died as quickly as Soaron had. The glasses and bottle slipped from her suddenly slack fingers and shattered on the deck as her knees gave out from under her and she stumbled to a nearby wall. She said: "Its Soaron isn't it? He's not coming home . . ." I nodded and it confirmed her fears. I spoke then: "I had to be the one to tell you Lizanne, Soaron died so that others could know freedom. If it's any help, he died quickly."
She covered her mouth with one hand and her abdomen with the other as her throaty, tear-choked sob of: "Nooooo" escaped her lips. Her two friends went to her side and helped her up to the couch they had just been on. I stepped down to the side of the couch and reached out to touch her forehead and ease some of her pain when one of her friends viciously slapped my hand away and snarled: "Haven't you done enough already? Can't you see her pain? Or do you even feel pain Jedi?"
I ignored the remark and gently used the Force to move them aside just enough to allow me to touch Liza's forehead. I said to her quietly: "Sleep now. Sleep deeply and awaken when you will. Tell your daughter of her Father someday." I turned to go then as the one who had slapped my hand came over to me and grabbed me by the shoulder to turn me to face her. She said: "How did you know she's pregnant? She only found out today. Why do you even care?"
This last was spat out like a curse. The memory of the pain of the dying lifeforces came back to me as I looked her in the eye and said coldly: "You think I don't care? You think I can't feel pain? I felt a kind of pain today that you can only have nightmares about." In time with my voice, she took her hand from my shoulder as if burned. I said: "I—felt—him—die! I felt his and every other death we suffered. Do you know what its like to feel death? To feel a life essence snuffed out like a candle? No? Then be silent until you do! To answer your other question, when I touched her forehead I felt her child reach out to me through the Force because one day her daughter will be able to touch it like I do now. Liza will still grieve, as is natural but at least she will be able to function now. When she's ready, tell her for me that I have Soaron's personal things in my office. She can claim them whenever she feels up to it. Now, if you'll excuse me, I still have one more place to go."
I left the room with nothing more to say. As I walked out, I activated the mourning lock on her door. The mourning lock as I call it is just a system lock, not a physical one. It puts a flag in the main computer and redirects all communications to a message cache. This way, no one can accidentally call in without knowing what is happening. There is a mourning lock on the door to mine and Gabrielle's home. I fervently hoped it would never be used.
As I went to Xavier Barroy's home, I applied a calming technique. I am Jedi but I am also human and I do have a temper that can be pushed too far. The ignorance I still faced from time to time is what had made me lose a little control, not the Dark Side. With Xavier too, I had spoken with him in the Downtime as well as sat down to dinner with him and his wife Felis and their two children.
This visitation would be the hardest of all. As I came to the door, I sensed three minds inside. One was clearly that of an adult, the other two were the literal mindedness of children. Nothing would be easy now, but then when is it ever easy to tell a child that their Father is never coming home again? I touched the door chime and heard a voice say: "Open."
I walked in to see Felis standing up preparing to greet her husband. When she saw me, her knees gave out and she sat back down on the couch. I said: "I had to be the one to tell you Felis. Xavier is dead. I know it must be small consolation, but he died quickly." I had nothing more to say so I turned to leave. Through her tears she said: "Thank you for coming here yourself to tell me Ronin. Xavier always spoke highly of you as a friend and as his Executive Officer. If the stories I've heard of the Jedi being able to feel deaths are true, then I can only guess as to what you're going through right now."
I said: "Yes Felis. They are true." She said then: "Gabrielle is a close friend. Let her have your children before she loses you on a mission somewhere. Children can help ease the pain immensely. Even though Xavier is gone, I will still see a little bit of him every day when I look at our children."
I said: "Thank you for that insight Felis." I sensed her children coming into the room. I said: "Your children will be here any second so I'll leave you now." As I got to the door, her children came into the main room and saw their mother crying. As I stepped through the door, I heard their voices say: "Why are you crying mommy? Isn't daddy coming home?" I heard her say: "No baby, he's not." That was the last thing I heard as the door shut behind me. Activating the mourning lock, I went back to my quarters and got violently sick. As I entered rest trance, I wondered why Gabrielle had never spoken to me of her desire for children. We knew we wanted them, but hadn't made any real plans on the subject. When she returned, I knew I would have to make a point of talking with her about it.
When I awoke the next morning, there was a message from the woman who had chewed me out the night before, apologizing for her words. I sent a simple message of 'Apology accepted.' and got ready for my meeting with Wedge and stood at his office door with five minutes to spare. At 0800 sharp, Wedge's door opened and his voice came out: "Enter Commander Jayks."
I came in and stood at attention until Wedge released me to sit down. After I sat, he looked at me for a moment and said: "I've been giving it serious thought for awhile now but I still wasn't sure . . . until yesterday that is." I said: "Sure of what Wedge?" Wedge took up a datapad tapped in a few commands and then handed it to me as he said: "Sure of this. Read it aloud please."
I looked at the text and began to recite: "Effective immediately, Lieutenant Commander Ronin Jayks, Jedi Knight, is promoted to full Commander and is now in command of Red Group; signed this day, under my hand. Wedge Antilles, Commanding Officer, Red Group.
Wedge looked me in the eye and said: "Anything to say Commander Jayks?" I sat there in shock. I hadn't been looking to replace Wedge but it seemed I just had. I said: "Why me?" Wedge sat back a moment then said: "Well, for starters, it's too quiet around here for me. Dutch is going with me to Yavin 4 where the new base is almost online now. A few of the others are going to other squadrons. Our replacements are already here so you won't be left under strength. Your new XO is the newly promoted Lieutenant Commander Tregor Mithell. He's a good man and will serve you as well as you have served me. Just give him a chance."
I said: "I will Wedge but you still haven't answered my question; why me?" Wedge smiled and said: "Like I said, I wasn't sure you were the right man for the job until yesterday. When you willingly took on a squadron leader's worst duty, to inform the next of kin of their loss. I knew you were ready." I thought it over for a moment and asked: "How did you react to that particular task?" Wedge said: "I did my duty, went back to my quarters and puked my guts up." "How did you handle it?" he asked.
I said: "I did my duty, went back to my quarters and puked my guts up. Do you ever get used to it?" Wedge replied flatly: "If you want to stay human, you never do. If the day comes when I do get used to it, that will be the day I take a tour of an airlock without a spacesuit." I could sense in the Force he meant every word of it. Then he said to me: "If the day comes and you find yourself used to death, I suggest you put your lightsaber under your chin and press the 'on' button."
I said: "You won't have to worry about that ever happening. Of that you can be sure, but why Yavin 4 of all places?" Wedge said: "While it's true that it is a bit of a demotion, I'll always be happiest in the cockpit of a fighter and Yavin 4 needs all the pilots it can get." I said: "When do you leave?" Wedge said: "Tomorrow morning. You were right about Gabrielle. She's good people. I'm sorry I won't be around to see her get back from her training. When you two have kids, drop me a line okay?"
I smiled and said: "I can arrange that. Thank you for your confidence in me. I won't let you or your faith in me down sir." We both stood and conducted the last formality as I said: "Commander Antilles, I hereby relieve you," and saluted him. He returned the salute and said: "I stand relieved," and left the office.
The next morning, I met Wedge on the flight deck, his duffel in hand. We walked to his ship where he promptly placed it into the cargo space. Remembering what Yoda had said, that I mustn't interfere with the destiny about to unfold I said to Wedge: "Wedge, I need your permission for one last thing." Wedge raised an eyebrow and said: "What's that?" I said: "I need to block your memories of me as a Jedi and of Gabrielle's sensitivity. I swear to you that is all I'm going to do. I respect you too much to just do it without your consent. I know you can keep a secret but there is too much at stake to risk accidental disclosure. I'll set a trigger phrase on it if that will ease your mind. You'll still remember me as your XO and friend but any reference to me as a Jedi will only come to you in the form of a half-remembered story you heard somewhere. When the Force wills it, your memory will restore itself fully and then you can seek me out if you like. Until then, I can only be a story with no substance."
Wedge thought about it and said: "Alright Ronin. If you believe it's that important. Go ahead." I said: "Thank you my friend, your memory will unlock when a trained Force user says this trigger phrase to you directly: May the Force be with you." Wedge's eyes glazed over for a moment as I focused the Force to the task at hand. When I was through, he blinked a few times and said: "Take care Ronin. I seem to remember there was something I wanted to say to you but I guess not. See you around."
My friend Wedge Antilles left then. I knew he couldn't hear me as I said: "You will see me and you won't my friend. Farewell."