Self Indulgence

Disclaimer: I own no person, place or thing that is mentioned. Persona's are property of the WWE and Vince McMahon. People own themselves. I'm just borrowing.

Spoilers: Ha. No.

Rating: R for explicit content and language

Summary: Things aren't always as perfect as they seem…

Notes: All applicable notes can be found in the first chapter.

Thanks to: everyone who reviewed the last chapter. I do apologize for the delay in getting this chapter up.. Just dealing with a little bit of writers block.

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Silence engulfed them and cloaked them. Draped in the darkness, the hotel room illuminated by a lone light on the nightstand. For as long as they stood there, there were no dangers of breaking this moment of peace. A simple gesture, just a hug. But one that implied so much. Despite all that had transpired, not just that night, but since the covert relationship began. Without words, they expressed mutual wants. He needed her, just as she needed him. And for once, it wasn't about a physical attraction. For once, neither of them looked over their shoulders in fear of being caught. For as long as they stood there, in each others arms, they were at peace. No concerns or worries at the moment, no words passing between them. It was just them.

A man and a woman.

Perhaps it was what they needed, or perhaps one of them was searching for the right words to say. Whatever the case, they remained in that same spot; seeking comfort in one another's arms. All the redheaded Diva knew at that point was, things had changed. In the time frame of less than an hour, just an insignificant passage in the grand scheme of things, there was change. Stacy's news had been a bombshell to say the least, but in some regards..it was a relief. If she had been thinking clearly, leading with her heart rather than her mind; Lita would've clearly seen it as the opening she needed. But the guilt was still weighing too heavily upon her heart .. And the confusion. Still the underlying confusion behind it all. A jaded heart, too afraid to take a chance.

"I-"

"Don't ask me to leave.."

The redhead pursed her lips, her cheek resting upon his chest. "I can't ask you to stay.."

His hand cupped the small of her back, the other threading through her hair. "Why not?"

Her mouth parted, heart in conflict with her mind. "Because, you shouldn't be here."

The Legend Killer shook his head, his chin resting atop crimson locks. "Then why am I here?"

She frowned, at a loss for how to answer that particular question. "Well.."

"Well…?" He prompted then, drawing back a fraction to gaze down at her. "Why am I still here?"

'Because I'm a fool, that's why…' her mind argued then, but her heart protested. "You're here because.."

Randy raised an eyebrow, a smirk curling at the corners of his mouth. "That's a start…"

Lita rolled her eyes, "I really don't think this is funny, do you?"

"Not the point," Randy stated rather matter of factly. "So? Why am I still here?"

Her shoulders lifted imperceptibly, the redhead looking away. "I don't know."

"That I find hard to believe," Randy hooked a finger under chin, bringing her eyes back to his. "Earlier you asked me to leave, why didn't you do that again?"

"Because I felt sorry for you." Lita stated bluntly, "Why else?"

The Legend Killer frowned, "You pity me."

"Yeah, and…? Given what just happened…"

His knuckles grazed her cheek a moment before his hand cupped her shoulder. "What about it?"

The redhead blinked, "Umm..where should I start? I'm not sure how much you heard but-"

"I heard enough," He stated nonchalantly, "So, my girlfriend is pregnant…by one of my friends apparently."

Curiously, she inclined her head. "And that doesn't bother you?"

He shrugged, "I'm human…yeah, it bothers me. But what can I really do about it? I knew they had dated."

Confusion shone bright in her hazel depths, "Then, what are you going to do? It'd be pretty inconsiderate if you just broke things off like that…"

"And do what then? Pretend that I'm okay with it?" Randy rolled his eyes, the hand on her shoulder joining the other at the small of her back. "I can't do that."

The redhead sighed, removing her hands from his back. "Then what are you going to do?"

Randy shrugged, his hands splaying…one across her mid back, the other over the small of her back. "Do we have to talk about this…?"

Lita made a face, "All I'm trying to do, is be a friend. Stacy is one of my friends, Dawn's my best friend.."

"And what am I? Your fuck friend?"

The redhead brought her hands up to his chest, as if to push him away. "I just think you should be more concerned about your relationship with Stacy."

Randy let out a bitter laugh, "What relationship, huh? My relationship with her, .. I don't know right now."

"So you're just going to abandon it?" Lita shook her head, "Pretty cold hearted."

"And…? Are you sure you heard her right? She's fucking pregnant, by one of my best friends."

"But she didn't cheat on you." The redhead stated tactfully, "And besides, you said you knew that they had dated."

"Look," Randy put his hands on her shoulders. "I'm aware that you're just trying to help a friend … maybe speaking from experience because whatever agreement, you, Matt and Kane had worked out .. Or didn't work out from what I remember.. but don't compare this to what you've been through."

Lita frowned, putting some distance between herself and the Legend Killer. She stepped back on her heels, trying to shrug his hands off her shoulders. "I'm not trying to compare it Randy because they are two different situations.. It's just that .. I understand what Stacy is going through and what she will be going through."

Randy nodded, one of his hands jamming into a pant pocket. "Yeah well, the way I see it .. This is Stacy and John's problem."

The Diva shook her head defiantly, "It's not just their problem. You're just as much a part of it as-"

"As who…? You?"

"Don't put words in my mouth." Lita intoned firmly, "Stacy is going to need all the support she can get."

"I'm aware of that Li, but…" Randy shrugged, raking a hand over his hair. "Does that mean I have to stay with her? No, it doesn't. Does it mean I should stay with her? No, it doesn't."

"But then you'll just be turning your back on her, and that's just not right."

"Don't put words in my mouth." Randy stated crisply. "I'm not going to turn my back on her, but give me a break here. I just found out that my girlfriend is pregnant. .. And not by me, by one of my friends. I remember how well Matt took that news.. How do you think I feel?"

Lita's lips pressed into a thin line, "I'm just saying that she's going to need all the support she can get."

"I know that."

"Then, I'll ask again .. What are you going to do?"

"Why does it matter right now?" Randy expelled an agitated sigh, "Or are you just looking for another way, to push me out?"

The redhead rolled her eyes, turning her back on him then. "I'm not trying to-"

Randy scoffed, "Bullshit."

Lita raised an eyebrow, spinning on heel. "What the fuck is your problem? I'm just trying to look at the bigger picture here."

"What the fuck is my problem?" Randy repeated disbelievingly, "What the fuck is yours?"

The redhead placed her hands on her hips. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"Exactly what it means, Li .. What is your problem? This bigger picture, as you choose to call it, doesn't really concern you."

Lita snorted, "On the contrary, it involves two of my friends so-"

"And you can't put yourself first?" Randy crossed his arms over his chest, "You choose to involve yourself so you can overlook your own problems."

"I have no problems."

Randy rolled his eyes, "Uh huh.. You have no problems. Riiight, I believe that."

"Then what are my problems, huh?"

Randy shrugged, "I can't say for sure cuz you won't talk to me about shit."

Lita's hands flailed before her. "Then how can you say I have problems? Are you a mind reader?"

The Legend Killer let out a frustrated sigh, "Look, all I really know.. Is that before Stacy got here? We were actually having a civil conversation. Before I found about this new problem? We were talking about our problem."

The redhead licked her lips, "You want to talk about that again? Okay, let's talk about it … Matter of fact? Here's the solution. We break it off, here and now. That works for me, how about you?"

Randy sputtered, "Excuse me? You call that talking about it?"

"What 's left to talk about?" Lita shook her head, raking a hand through her hair. "Like I said before Randy, it's for the best and it's what has to happen."

"For the best.." Randy echoed as he took a step towards her. "How is it for the best?"

"Not the brightest crayon in the box are we?" Lita quipped easily, the redhead ignoring the sharp pang of emptiness she felt. "It's for the best because, it takes some stress off of an already complicated situation."

Randy nodded slowly, "And you're completely okay with doing that?"

"I'm fully prepared to…I have been for awhile."

"That wasn't my question." Randy stated then, taking another step towards her. "Are you okay with letting go?"

The redhead opened her mouth to respond, but..words failed her at that point. She didn't want to let go, but it was for the best… wasn't it? If they continued things, or on the off chance that they actually decided to pursue a real relationship .. It would just make things that much more complicated. And who was to really say that the current situation wouldn't repeat itself? What if Randy got bored with her.. Granted yes, they had been carrying on the intricate arrangement of rendezvous' for quite some time and it worked.. But what if that changed? Could they really make a 'normal' relationship work? Or perhaps the more pressing issue was .. Could she let go of the protective barriers she had so carefully surrounded herself with?

Was she truly ready to trust him?

……..

Silence reigned once more, Randy standing but a few inches before her. Less than an arms length away and yet .. Still so far. Hazel orbs stared intently at her feet, the redheaded Diva not quite trusting herself to meet his intense gaze. Her instincts were telling her to just say .. To hell with it all. This could work, if she would just give it a chance. But, the more logical part of her .. The part that still bore the pain of her past, the part that instigated her protective mechanisms .. That part was still screaming no. He sounded sincere enough, and if the Diva had bothered to look .. She would see the brutal honesty written on his features.

Lita cleared her throat, tentatively glancing upwards. "I .. I just.." Her resolve fell for a moment, the redhead sucking in a sharp breath. "I-"

"You…?"

She steeled herself, her hands clenching and unclenching at her sides. "We need to stop…whatever this is…? It has to end .. And it has to end now."

"Is that what you want?"

She swallowed down a choked sob, "Yes."

He nodded slowly, "So that's it then…? You're just going to walk away from this without a second thought."

The redhead nodded, "This is it."

Randy's fingers curled and uncurled, "And you're sure this what you want.."

She nodded feebly, "Positive."

He remained silent for a moment, his hands reaching out to her, cupping her face. "Why?"

Lita flinched at the pained look in his eyes, "Don't make this any harder than it has to be."

Randy shook his head, the pads of his thumb brushing her cheeks. "Why?"

Her eyes squeezed shut, "Please .. Just leave."

He shook his head once more, waiting until her eyes locked with his. "Just tell me.. Why?"

She bit her lip, her heart pounding in her ears.. Her lips parted, the redhead preparing to answer. "I-"

"Just give me the answer .. And I'll walk out."

The redhead held his gaze, her eyes growing bright with tears that she refused to shed. And still, Randy waited. His hands dropped from her face, cupping her shoulders momentarily before they roamed over her arms. Lita shivered involuntarily, trying desperately to ignore the familiar touch as her head bowed. Calloused fingertips trailed over well known paths. One hand eventually finding one of hers, open palm to open palm..before their fingers intertwined. His free hand trailed upwards again, tucking back a rebellious strand of hair from her face. He lifted her chin gently, a spark passing between them when their eyes locked. A lopsided smile grew on his face, his mouth hovering centimeters away from her ear in an instant.

"So…" He drew the word out lazily, his breath tickling the fine hairs on her neck. "Tell me why.."

She sucked in a sharp breath, a tear trailing down her cheek. She dropped her hand from his grasp, taking a step back. "Just leave."

He shook his head, reaching for her again..his hands gripping her hips as he brought her closer to him. "That's not an answer."

Another tear escaped, the emotional struggle playing freely on her face. "Just leave." She repeated brokenly.

Again, he shook his head. One hand firmly grasping the small of her back, while the other traveled upwards, catching the tear on the tip of his index finger. "Tell me why."

She swallowed thickly, "Just-"

He cut her off, abruptly brushing his mouth over hers. "When you have a real answer .. Talk to me, alright?" The Legend Killer released her then, brushing his fingertips over her cheek before he turned.

Her breath caught in her throat, a hand reaching for him as he opened the door.. And walked out. He closed the door quietly behind him, but the lone noise echoed in her ears. She sunk to her knees, her head bowing again…the tears flowing freely down her cheeks. The redhead wanted to go after him, but at that moment..she couldn't find it in herself to move. So instead, she cried .. Releasing the pain to the silence of the room. Emptiness overtook her.. Her mind was numb and her heart was aching. Listlessly, she stood..the tears still flowing as she packed up her suitcase. She needed to get away from it all right now. She needed to sort out her feelings, sift through the emotions..bring them to surface. But she couldn't do that with him in the proximity.

By the time she reached the hotel lobby, the tears had stopped flowing but the pain had magnified. She realized that yes, she was running away from her problems. But, she also knew that she just wasn't ready to face those problems. She did care for Randy, but .. She didn't know if she was ready to trust him yet. She wanted to, but the underlying doubt prevented her from making any decision at this point in time. So, instead .. She waited for the taxi .. Her mind still reeling from the events of that night. But, as the taxi took her to the airport, she was determined to find the answers that were just at the surface in her heart but in the far recesses of her mind. And she knew just the place that she had to go.