Self Indulgence

Disclaimer: I lay claim to nothing that you recognize. Period.

Spoilers: Ha..ha…no.

Rating: R for explicit content and language

Summary: Things aren't always as perfect as they seem….

Notes: Nothing that hasn't been said already…I'm sorry with the length between updates, just the whole situation regarding Matt/Lita/Edge .. It's made it kinda hard for me to write Matt in the role that he's in.

Thanks to: everyone who reviewed the last chapter.

………………………………..

She had called from the airport, before she got on the plane .. To let them know she would be there within the next five hours. Of course, she hadn't mentioned anything about her recent talk with Randy…really it didn't make sense since none of them knew what she was going through. But, none the less, the redhead found some comfort. Even though they didn't spend as much time with each other as they had in the past, they were still close. The Hardy brothers, Shane Helms and on occasion Shannon Moore. And herself, of course. Really, she was closer with Matt and Jeff .. But recently she had grown closer with Shane. Simply because, with Matt out from his knee surgery .. It made sense to travel with one of the company's resident 'Super Hero's.' But, even on those travels .. She never made any mention of the under cover relationship she was carrying on with the Legend Killer. Instead, she and Shane would discuss music, movies, living in North Carolina…anything so long as it didn't pertain to their careers. But, that really wasn't the point right now, the point was .. She was returning home.

Home.

It was funny to use that term, because in a sense, many of the wrestlers on both rosters pegged many places as home. Their hometown, a familiar arena, in the locker rooms, at the hotels, even the busses they used on the road. Home was just a place where you felt comfortable. Comfortable enough to be your true self. And recently, the aforementioned places -with the exception being her hometown- none of those places resembled home. Home right now, was Jeff Hardy's front porch or Matt Hardy's backyard. Home right now, was Shane Helms' living room. Home right now, ..at this point in time .. Was anywhere that Randy Orton was not. Which was why, in spite of the personal hell she was going through, a smile tugged at the corners of her mouth as the plane touched down. Just seeing Jeff and Matt right now, would do her a world of good. Of course, it went without saying, she knew she would be on the receiving end of a mini-Spanish Inquisition. But, even that thought prevented to wipe the tiny smile from her face. Granted yes, Shane and Shannon would more than likely not be there .. But right now, the redhead needed Matt and Jeff.

"Maybe I should've waited .. " Lita thought aloud as she entered the nearly deserted airport. "Of course, I did call .. But that's no guarantee that-"

"Li!" Jeff Hardy grinned from ear to ear, wrapping up the redheaded woman for a hug. "Hey girl."

The redhead beamed for the first time in a long time, wrapping her arms around the familiar form. "Hey you.."

Jeff rubbed her back a moment, "What's goin' on Li-Li?"

The redhead let out a sigh against his shoulder. "I promised Matt I'd explain to both of you..and besides which, I'm not really up for spilling anything in airport terminal."

Jeff rolled his eyes, pulling back from the redhead. "Fair enough then…ya' got any bags with ya?"

"Just one." Lita replied as she swept her hair from her face, a playful look in her hazel depths. "Unlike some people .. I pack light."

The younger Hardy just shrugged, a sheepish smile on his face as the two made their way to the baggage claim. "So … I know ya said you cain't tell me 'til Matt's 'round .. But .."

"Sorry Jeffro." Lita smiled sadly, "Deal's a deal."

Jeff raised a brow, "Must be a pretty big deal then baby girl…"

"Let's just get the suitcase, yeah?" The redhead nudged her friend playfully, "I hope you got some food handy, I'm starving."

The TNA star just rolled his eyes, grabbing the suitcase as the redhead indicated. "Well, I'm sure between me an' Matt we've got something layin' around that'll satisfy that stomach of yours."

Lita raised a brow, a teasing tone to her voice. "An' you two wonder why I don't visit.."

Jeff just shook his head, the two making their way to the near empty parking lot in silence. "So, what brings ya' home girl?"

"Not now Jeff." The redhead persisted, a tiny yawn escaping her. "I promised Matt, remember?"

Green eyes twinkled with mischief. "I know that.." Jeff quipped easily, opening the side passenger door. "This ain't my car."

Lita blinked, "What the.."

Jeff nodded to the car, "Go in an' see for yourself Li-Li."

The redheaded Diva's face scrunched as she climbed into the familiar vehicle. "Ohmygosh!"

"Hey Red.."

"Hey yourself!" Lita replied with a smile. "Why didn't you come in to the airport with Jeff?"

"He was sleepin' that's why." Jeff informed the redhead as he tossed her suitcase into the trunk. "But he wanted to come along anyway."

The redhead grinned, "It's good to see you.." She glanced between both Hardy brothers as Jeff settled into the driver's seat. "Both of you."

"It's good to have ya with us again, baby girl." The younger Hardy brother stated solemnly. "You had us both worried."

"I'm sorry.." The redhead replied honestly, "I just didn't know where else I could go.."

Matt nodded from the backseat, "Did ya tell Shane?'

Lita shook her head, "Nah .. I was more concerned about just getting out of there."

Matt and Jeff exchanged a look, the younger of the two speaking up first. "It's alright Li-Li, you can always count on us."

"I know.." Lita stated wistfully, "Can we just go now?"

"Home it is.." Jeff answered with a grin, "But we're callin' Shane first thing, alright…?

"Fine, fine.." Lita rested her head against the cool surface of the window. "I just want to go .. Relax for a bit."

"An' tell us all 'bout your problem, right?" Jeff prompted as he maneuvered the vehicle out of the parking lot. "Chris didn't know a thing either baby girl."

"I know." Came the solemn reply. "Not many people do."

At that, the occupants of the car fell silent. Neither Jeff or Matt had a clue as to what was going on…and Lita didn't appear to be in an overly talkative mood at the moment. Still though, they both reasoned, that by her being here .. With them, she was at least taking some sort of step. Whether it was a step back or a step forward, they weren't really sure. What they did know was that something or maybe someonehad lead the redhead home. Now it was just a matter of figuring out what and why. And really.. Since Jeff had left the WWE anyway, these moments were becoming rare. Granted yes, they always had certain times of the year that they would get together. Shane and Shannon would be there, often times so would Beth. And even during those times, the three of them would always share their own private moment. Just reliving the days when Team X-Treme was in full force. Reminiscing about the camaraderie they had .. Part of that, they missed, and part of it was better left unsaid. They had their share of ups and downs, but in the end they all agreed- that's how any family operated. And even if Lita wasn't related by blood, her relationships individually with Matt and individually with Jeff, had formed a bond between them all.

……………

By the time they arrived at Jeff's house, Lita hadn't uttered a word and from the backseat; Matt was equally silent. Much of Jeff's attention was pre-occupied with the road, but on occasion, green eyes would drift to the redheaded woman in the passengers seat. Still, neither Matt or Jeff pressed for any details yet. They had dealt with her long enough to realize that, when the time was right, she would tell them what was bothering her. The three exited the vehicle in contemplative silence, the redhead seemingly in her own world while the two Hardy brothers were just concerned. But, still they waited .. Until they got in the house anyway. And no sooner were all three settled, Lita flanked on either side by Matt and Jeff; did the confession and subsequent questioning begin.

"Alright.." The redhead said finally, a soft sigh escaping her. "I know y'all want to know why I'm here.."

"Whenever you're ready Li-Li," Jeff smiled, squeezing the redhead's hand for support.

Lita nodded, a shaky smile sent to either brother. "I don't know where to start… and if I start at the beginning, Lord knows how long we'll be sitting here.."

Matt nodded then, "Just start from wherever Red."

Again, the redhead nodded, sucking in a sharp breath before she began her tale. "It all started when you jumped over to RAW. Nothing actually happened…just that was the first night that he and I ran into each other .. Talked to each other barely, but nothing beyond that."

"Who is he?"

Hazel eyes fluttered shut, "Randy Orton.."

Matt simply nodded, squeezing the redhead's hand as a sign for her to go on.

"After that, we ran into each other once in awhile. We talked maybe once or twice, but it was really nothing more than that, ya know? He was with Evolution at the time, and well .. We all know how my relations are with Triple H.." The redhead trailed off with another sigh, another breath taken before she continued. "It wasn't until that night with Kane that things really started. By that time - and as you both know - I really wasn't looking for a relationship. If anything well .. I don't have to go into that right now and-"

"We know Li-Li.." Jeff interrupted gently, "Just go on, okay?'

The redhead nodded, "That night .. I ran into him again. I was at some bar outside of town, for whatever reasons or another, so was he. One thing lead to another and .. That was the first time we slept together. Honestly, I thought it would be the last but…"

"But..?"

"I found out otherwise," The redhead stated quietly, "We'd meet in my hotel room, or he'd come to my house or .. Just whatever, you know? He was there for me when I needed someone .. And I know I have you two, I know I have Shane, Chris and Chris .. All of you guys, but. .. I think I needed someone who hadn't been directly involved in my life for such a long time."

Matt raised a questioning eyebrow then, "What happened Li-Li..? Why aren't you with him now?"

"Last month he started seeing Stacy.. I knew that day would come, and I knew that .. If I wanted anything, I had to say something. But I was just scared." Lita trailed off again, burying her face in her hands. "So, instead of saying anything, I wished him the best with Stacy."

Jeff placed a hand on the redhead's shoulder. "Baby girl .. You cain't punish yourself like that.."

"I know that Jeff, but I just didn't want to get hurt .. I don't know how he feels about me and-"

"Did you ever ask?"

The redhead nodded marginally, "I asked him tonight but .. We kinda got interrupted."

Jeff rubbed the redhead's back. "What happened?"

"That doesn't really matter .. I mean, Randy's said he'd break up with Stacy and that he wants me but, I just don't know if I can believe him."

Jeff exchanged a look with his brother behind the redhead's back. "Baby girl .. How do you feel about him?"

The redhead's shoulders lifted a fraction. "I care about him .. I'm attracted to him, but-"

"I ain't askin' if you love him." Jeff stated rather bluntly. "I'm just askin' how do you feel about him?"

"That's just it Jeff…" The redhead trailed off, her shoulders slumping then. "I don't know.."

Jeff grimaced, "I find that hard to believe Li-Li .. You wouldn't be this torn over it, if you didn't have any feelin's for him."

"Why didn't you tell us before Li..?" Matt spoke up then, the dark haired man leaning forwards to rest his elbows on his knees. "We're your best friends."

"I didn't think you'd understand." The redhead admitted quietly, "I told Vikki about it and .. She just thinks I should tell him how I feel and just get it over with.."

Jeff nodded in agreement, "That's what you're gonna hafta do baby girl. .. You cain't run forever."

"I'm not running." Lita insisted shakily, "I just needed to step back and clear my head."

Jeff sighed, raking a hand through his hair. "Then tell me something. .. If he was here, right now .. What would you say to him..?"

There was a moments pause, the redheaded Diva gathering her thoughts in that passage of time.

"I'd tell him how I feel .. And I'd tell him how much he means to me.."

"Why couldn't you do that before?"

Lita shrugged, "I was scared Jeff .. How many times do I have to-"

"Li, look at me an' listen to me.." Jeff waited until the redhead was looking at him, he brushing back her hair from her face. "You can't run from him .. An' you wanna know why? It's because he's here .. He's with you even when you try to distance yourself from him .. If he's told you he wants you, told you he wants to be with you .. Baby girl, you have to just trust that. .. We ain't gonna judge you for what you did Li-Li .. But we will be mad at ya' if you cain't make up your mind.. You're hurtin' yourself."

"I can't face him right now."

"You're gonna hafta face him sooner or later Li-Li."

"I know but-"

"No buts about it Li." Matt interrupted then. "You hafta let him know. I know you're afraid, I know you're scared, but if you cain't take that chance..? You'll just be that much more hurt."

The redhead sniffled, "That means a lot to me Matt .."

Matt leaned over, gently kissing the redhead's temple. "You deserve to be happy Red .. An' if he makes you happy…? Be with him."

The three fell silent then, the redhead soon succumbing to her bodies demand for rest. And instead of moving her, Matt and Jeff moved from the couch. Jeff parking himself in front of the couch, while Matt fell asleep in a nearby chair. They weren't sure when they fell asleep, they just knew that for once .. All seemed peaceful. Granted yes, they were worried about what would happen when the redhead left them .. But at the same time, they were relieved. Although she hadn't told them from the get go, and Matt admitted, that part made him angry .. That she couldn't trust them .. At least she had told them now. He just wished she had said something then .. Then maybe, just maybe, she wouldn't be in the current state of torment that she was in now.

…….

The next morning, Jeff Hardy was roused by the persistent ringing of his doorbell. And, being that it was in the morning .. And that he didn't know who would be calling this early, he ignored it. If it was really that important, then the visitor should have a house key. After all, most of his close friends did .. It was just how things were between them all. Sure enough, the ringing stopped .. And Jeff rolled back to his side, his head cushioned on one of the couch pillows. Matt was still sound asleep in the chair, while Lita had curled up on one of the cushions. All in all, the three of them were asleep..and very asleep. But, that did nothing to prevent the visitors from sneaking in through one of the windows. Of course, if they had tried, they would've found out that the back door had been left open. But, they hadn't, and as such landed in a small heap of arms and legs beneath one of the living room windows. That noise was enough for both Jeff and Matt to wake up, the two half awake brothers scrambling quickly to their feet.

"What the fuck?" Jeff demanded of the intruders. "It's-"

"Almost 11:00 in the morning." Shane Helms informed him with a wry smile as he picked himself out of the small pile. "An you didn't answer your door."

Jeff rolled his eyes, "Yeah…? We had a long night."

Shane raised a brow in turn, thumbing over his shoulder then. "Dude, we just drove all night."

Matt nodded to the two, sending a glance to the still sleeping redhead. "Shane .. Randy."

Randy nodded in turn, jamming his hands in his pants pockets. "How long has she been sleeping…?"

Jeff shrugged, perching carefully on the arm of the couch. "Dunno .. She was tired I guess .."

The Legend Killer nodded, blue eyes focused intently on the still sleeping Diva. "Did she tell you…?"

Matt and Jeff nodded in unison, "Yeah she told us .."

Randy nodded, perching on the opposite arm of the couch. "I don't know what else to do."

Matt nodded then, raking a hand through his disheveled dark locks. "Just be honest with her .. Give her some time .."

Jeff nodded in agreement, "She's confused .. That's all." The green eyed man waited until Randy had torn his gaze from the Diva. "But if you hurt her in any way? I won't stop 'til I find you an' beat the living hell out of you."

Randy held up his hands in defense, looking between the three. "I won't .. that's the last thing I'll do."

Matt opened his mouth to respond when, the redhead started stirring on the couch. At first, she didn't wake up .. Merely her legs stretched until her toes were nearly touching the opposite arm. Then, sleepily, she blinked, groggy hazel eyes glancing upwards to lock with gentle green. Jeff smiled down at her, nodding opposite him. It took a moment for the redhead to catch on, hazel eyes seeking out the familiar form of Matt Hardy .. Then falling on Shane Helms before she caught sight of Randy. At that, her breath caught .. The Diva slowly sitting up, only to curl into the arm of the couch that Jeff was occupying.

The younger Hardy cleared his throat, looking between Shane and Matt. "I think we'll go get lunch or something.."

Matt nodded in turn, "Yeah .. We'll be back Li-Li."

Shane merely nodded in farewell, the three exiting the house shortly after.

And when the front door shut, Randy moved from the arm of the couch, settling on the couch cushion instead. He watched as the redheaded Diva shifted uncomfortably, Lita subsequently tucking her legs beneath her .. Arms wrapping around her, as if to shield herself. And that was how they remained for another five minutes. Five minutes passed, until the redhead finally glanced at him, the Legend Killer holding her gaze. She had tried to run, but he had followed. She had tried to end things, but he hadn't given up .. Yet. Him being here now, was proof of that. And as the redheaded Diva searched her mind for words, she thought back to what Jeff and Matt had told her.

Now was the time to tell him, no looking back.