Self Indulgence

Disclaimer: I lay claim to nothing that you recognize. Period.

Spoilers: Ha..ha…no.

Rating: R for explicit content and language

Summary: Things aren't always as perfect as they seem….

Notes: Nothing that hasn't been said already…I'm sorry with the length between updates, just the whole situation regarding Matt/Lita/Edge .. After intially deciding to end with this chapter, I'll continue instead of writing the sequel. At times, Randy/Lita will be more of a background pair, but they'll still be there.

Thanks to: everyone who reviewed the last chapter and to everyone who has reviewed the story. I can honestly say, I didn't expect to get much feedback, but I appreciate each and everyone of you more than you'll ever know.

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The redheaded Diva swallowed thickly, words on the tip of her tongue and yet; when she finally found her voice. There were no harbored declarations. Rather, the Diva inquired as to why Randy had followed her.

"You followed me.." Lita stated bluntly, brushing back a strand of hair from her face.

"You ran." Randy retorted smoothly, one arm laying casually along the back of the couch.

The redhead paused, debating what to say next. "Well, I.."

"Why did you run?"

"Why did you follow?"

The Legend Killer smirked, a boyish twinkle in his blue depths. "I asked you first."

Lita rolled her eyes, "I needed some space.."

Randy shrugged, "Fair enough.. I just think we have a few loose ends to tie up."

Hesitantly, the Diva nodded in agreement. "You could say that."

Again, the Legend Killer shrugged. "I made up my mind about something .. Since Shane and I had a bit of driving to do, I had a lot of time to think."

"Can I say something…?"

"When I'm finished." Randy promised with a smile, "Can I go on now?"

The Diva nodded, shifting so that she was facing him, her legs still tucked beneath her.

"Like I said, we had a bit of driving .. And I came to a conclusion. But, before you jump to your own conclusions, -you- have nothing to do with it. I just can't pretend that I'm okay with the fact that my girlfriend…or ex girlfriend…is pregnant by some other guy. I don't know when I'll do it, but I'm breaking up with her."

Randy paused to gather his thoughts, and Lita took that moment to add her own two cents. "That's pretty heartless of you."

"Maybe it is, but I need to do what's right for me .. I never said I'd completely turn my back on her, just .." Randy trailed off with another shrug, "It'll be easier for me to be her friend, and be John's friend."

The corners of the Diva's mouth creased with a frown. "I still don't see how-"

"I'm not asking you to understand it." Randy cut her off evenly, "I'm just saying, I need to do what's right for me."

"If you say so."

"Whatever," was Randy's reply. "Besides, it has nothing to do with you. Even if we weren't doing .. Whatever it is we're doing, I would've come to that same conclusion."

The Diva gave a small shake of her head, "I still don't think it's right."

The Legend Killer eyed her evenly, "And that's your opinion, we're all entitled to them."

The redhead simply nodded, "Fine..then-"

"I also thought about us, what we have.." Randy trailed off, holding the redhead's gaze. "And, I've made up my mind about that too."

Lita's forehead etched slightly with confusion, "And…?"

"If you want to walk away, forget this all happened? Fine. We'll do that." Randy shrugged again, leaning forwards to rest his elbows on his thighs. "I don't know if you're the one for me, I don't know if I want to find the one for me right now anyway."

The Diva blinked, something akin to hurt in her hazel orbs. "So that's it then?"

The Legend Killer raked a hand over his hair, "Yes..and no."

A slim hand reached upwards, nimble fingers tucking rebellious strands in place. "Can you-"

"Yes because, if you want to walk away and not look back…?" Blue eyes turned to her then, honesty written clearly on his features. "Then fine, I'll do that. We'll just go back to how it was before this all started."

Lita nodded, "And the other part?"

Randy's shoulders lifted marginally, "I'd like to give it a shot, see if we can make it work. If we can't, at least we tried.. But I'm not about to walk away without trying…" He trailed off then, a smile lifting at the corners of his mouth. "If there's anything you know about me? You should know I don't quit."

The redhead fell silent after that, blue eyes locking with hazel in a clash of wills. They remained like that until the redhead broke the gaze, looking away to focus on a picture on the opposite wall.

…….

Granted yes, the redheaded Diva still wasn't in complete agreement about how Randy was going to handle the whole Stacy, John situation. But, at the same time, it really wasn't her concern. Yes, both Stacy and Dawn Marie were her friends, but .. As Randy had pointed out, the Queen of Extreme was not directly involved. Lita couldn't ignore the sharp pang of emptiness she felt when Randy had said he was prepared to walk away without a second thought. Even though the same words had fallen from her lips less than 24 hours prior; hearing it from Randy just made it ..different. The Diva questioned if perhaps, that was how he had felt when she had said it. Looking at him now, part of her was tempted to answer yes.

And like Randy, she wasn't one to give up so easily. But, there was still something weighing heavily on her mind. She had come to some sort of conclusion on her feelings for him .. But how did he feel about her..?

"I just want to know," The redhead said finally, the Diva aware enough to feel the shift of the couch beneath her. "How do you-"

"Feel about you?" The Legend Killer finished as he settled next to her, a touch of his hand to her cheek. "If you're asking me if I love you? No, I don't."

The Diva couldn't prevent the flinch at those words, but rather than saying something then .. She waited for him to continue.

"You won't let me know you well enough to even think about that…" He admitted honestly, "I care about you, I like you .. But you won't let me get close to you."

The redhead nodded, "Yeah well .. I can't help that."

"So I've learned," Randy stated then, a wry smile forming at the corners of his mouth. "And so I was informed on the way here."

An eyebrow raised at that, the Diva's curiosity peaked. "What did Shane say…?"

"First he said, if I really wanted to know? I should talk to Matt or Jeff." Randy shrugged, "That thought hadn't really crossed my mind, but .. The gist of it all was, to give you time, give you some space. I mean, really, what you've been through..? It's not exactly top secret information."

"Yeah.."

"So, that's what I'm willing to do, if you're willing to let me."

Lita paused again, another rebellious strand tucked back. "Can I say something first…?"

Randy nodded, bridging his hands together. "Go ahead."

The Diva nodded, smoothing down the wrinkles in her shirt. "On the way here, I did some thinking .. And after I got here, I had a little talk with Matt and Jeff .. I'm sure Shane explained this part to you, but Jeff and Matt know me inside out."

"He mentioned that."

"Right well, I meant what I said when I told you I needed some space. I figured you wouldn't follow me here, that you'd just give me that time and that space. Part of me is pretty pissed off that you did follow me, but .. I'm also thankful that you did."

Lita paused again to gather her thoughts, and Randy waited until she was ready to speak; blue eyes settling intently on her.

"Before you got there last night, Victoria and Lillian had stopped by. Lill doesn't know as much as Vikki, but they've both been pretty supportive about this whole thing. Well.." She trailed off with a shaky laugh, "Supportive really isn't the word I'm looking for, I guess what I meant to say is .. They've been there for me when I needed someone to talk to…"

"Uh huh."

"Anyway, after talking to them, then to you .. Then after talking to Matt and Jeff, I finally sorted things out .. I care about you, I like you and all, I'm just afraid that I'm going to get hurt. I can't say that I love you either, because honestly Randy? We still don't know each other…whether that's my fault or not, I don't think it matters that much, but I-"

The Legend Killer nodded, "I can't make you any promises Li, but .. On the premise that if I do hurt you, I'll receive bodily harm?"

Lita shook her head, "I'm not asking you to make me any promises Randy. Promises usually get broken anyway and .. Who threatened you?"

Randy chuckled, "Jeff actually."

"Why am I not surprised .." The redhead rolled her eyes, sweeping her hair from her face once more. "Part of me just wants to walk away, just forget this all happened and really start fresh .. From the ground up or whatever."

Randy nodded, "Like I said, if that's what you want-"

"I'm not finished." The Diva held up a hand, a tiny smile on her face. "The other part of me wants to take the chance, and see if we can make this whole relationship thing work."

The Legend Killer hesitantly nodded, "On what conditions…?"

The redhead raised a baffled eyebrow, "What do you mean by that?"

A knowing smirk formed on Randy's face. "That look on your face right now.. You say you're willing but, on what conditions?"

"And you say you don't know me," The redhead muttered dryly, "I don't want to start anything that resembles official .. Until you've broken things off with Stacy."

At that, Randy raised an eyebrow, "Why? So your conscience can feel better or something?"

Lita raised a brow in turn, "This has been wrong from the beginning Orton, I think it's about time we do something right."

Randy flashed a lecherous grin, "Baby, we always do something right."

"Pervert, you know what I meant."

The Legend Killer rolled his eyes, "If that's what you want.."

The Diva nodded, "That's what I want."

Randy tilted his chin, "And if I say no?"

The redhead's forehead furrowed. "Then you say no, and we walk away."

Silence fell between them again, the Diva giving it her all to mask the disappointment in her eyes. She buried her face in her hands, her elbows propped upon her knees. Mentally, she prepared herself for the inevitable rejection. It almost seemed silly that morals would somehow play a part in the grand scheme of things now .. But at the same time, the redhead felt it just wouldn't be right otherwise. She knew how it felt to just have your significant other up and walk away, so perhaps, part of her was looking out for Stacy. On the other hand, since she and Randy had continued their covert affair despite the fact that he was with Stacy .. Maybe it was just her way of making things right, if only in her mind. And if that meant giving up whatever chance she had with Randy .. She was prepared to do it.

…….

Again, the Diva felt the shift of the couch beneath her. But this time, instead of Randy sitting next to her; he was kneeling before her. She felt his hands closing over hers, the Legend Killer prying her fingers from her face. He took her hands in his, the Diva again feeling the shift of the couch as he settled next to her once more. Yet, hazel orbs still turned downwards, Lita still preparing herself for the rejection. It wasn't until one of his hands left hers, a finger hooking beneath her chin; did she finally gaze at him. The look on his face, caused her breath to catch; her lips parting to bid the final words of farewell when he stopped her. First, his hand slipped from her face; trailing to the back of her neck. He urged her face closer to his, fingers threading loosely through her hair as his lips sought out hers. But, just as the kiss deepened, a cough emanating from the doorway broke them apart.

Jeff Hardy smirked, the first of the three returning to enter the house. "I take it went well for y'all?"

The redhead offered a sheepish smile, "You could say that .."

"Well good," Shane Helms spoke up as he entered after Jeff. "That means I didn't drive all night for nothing."

Randy rolled his eyes, an arm wrapping around Lita's shoulders. "You didn't drive all night.."

Shane scoffed in disbelief, "Your ass sure as hell didn't drive."

"I'm not arguing that," Randy shrugged, waiting a beat to add: "We stopped twice, so it wasn't all night."

Shane rolled his eyes, plopping down into a nearby chair. "Which reminds me .. You owe me for gas."

Jeff raised a brow, "Just gas? Shoot, if I was you…? I'd charge his ass for draggin' me out in the middle of the night to drive."

"Hey Jeff .. Where's Matt?"

Jeff tossed the redhead a nonchalant look, "Went home .. To take a nap or something.. Sleepin' in that chair didn't do any good for his knee."

"I see .." The redhead chewed thoughtfully on her lower lip, "I'll just call him later then or something.."

The younger Hardy nodded, "Sounds like a plan Red .. But I'm afraid, that all of y'all are gonna have to pack up and go .. I need my rest."

Lita nodded, rising from the couch along with Randy. "Thanks again Jeff…for everything."

Jeff simply shrugged, walking over to the two. "Anytime baby girl, you know that .. You're family." He grinned, ruffling the redhead's hair before he pulled her in for a quick hug. "Just, next time something like this happens…? Do me an' Matt a favor- tell us."

The redhead rolled her eyes good naturedly, "I don't intend on there bein' a next time, but .. I understand what you mean."

"Y'all want a lift?" Shane queried as he joined the trio at the door. "Or were y'all intendin' on walkin' to Sanford?"

Lita grinned impishly, "Well .. We wouldn't want to impose or nothing.."

Shane smirked, nodding then to the Legend Killer. "Nah, I'll just add this gas mileage to what he already owes me."

Randy rolled his eyes, "See if I ask you for anything again."

Shane rolled his eyes right back, "Yeah yeah, whatever .. Just don't ask again, yeah? Once is enough for me."

"Will y'all stop arguing an' just leave?" Jeff rolled his eyes at the three, "I told y'all I wanted to sleep, I cain't do that with y'all yappin' away in my doorway."

The redhead rolled her eyes, taking Randy's hand in hers. "So .. What took y'all so long anyway?"

Shane smirked, tossing his car keys in the air. "Genius here, figured we should check your place first. I tried to tell him you'd be here or at Matt's but .. He wouldn't listen."

The Diva smirked, "Well Shane, for the record? If I had a car with me, I probably would've gone home .. Then here or Matt's but I would've stopped home first."

Shane scoffed, opening the passengers side door. "Yeah right woman. Even after RAW an' all that? You stop here or at Matt's first, then you go home."

"Not always," The redhead protested lamely as she slid into the backseat of the car. "I stop at home first from time to time.."

Shane snorted, "To drop off your stuff an' that's about it. Then it's off to Matt's house or Jeff's."

"That's not entirely true." Lita persisted then, peering up at her friend as he slipped into the drivers seat. "I stay at home for a bit .. Gotta check the voice mail, get the mail and-"

"Leave a house key for him under the doormat?" Shane finished teasingly, "Or do you leave the key in a potted plant or something?"

"Actually…" Randy started as Shane pulled out of the driveway, "I have a house key."

The three fell into good natured bantering on the way to Sanford. Given that it wasn't too far away, the teasing was ended as Shane pulled into the driveway of the redheaded Diva's home. From there, Randy collected his bags from the trunk, and after that had transpired; Shane bid the two a temporary farewell. Perhaps the biggest roadblock in the budding relationship -getting feelings out in the air- had passed. But, both of them knew as the settled on the couch, that the storm was just beginning. After all, when they returned to the RAW roster; there was the issue of Lita's informing Dawn. Not to mention the important factor of the break-up on Randy's part with Stacy. However, as they settled in the living room, comfortably in one another's arms; that was the last thing on either of their minds.