Disclaimer: I don't own Artemis Fowl. Very sad about that.

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FanFiction.net is acting up. Not only is no one getting Author Alerts (if you've got me on Author Alert, you know this) but it's not sending Review Alerts or letting people read reviews. I'm very sad. But please review anyway because eventually it will be fixed and I'll read them and be happy.

So here's chapter 2!

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Chapter 2: What am I Supposed to Do with That?

            Things went well for about a month. Fowl went out with Alyssa Friday or Saturday, and always sent an email Saturday or Sunday. He wrote about Alyssa, wrote about his parents looking into other schools for him, and wrote more about Alyssa. Holly replied to the emails when she got to work. Things at work were duller than usual and things at home were happy and relaxed.

            After about a month back from her trip to the surface, things started to go downhill. Trouble was at home as it was his day off, so Holly walked into work alone.

            She found things…odd. There was just something in the air she couldn't quite define. There were too many officers and everybody was rushing worse than usual. She decided to head to Root's office to see what was going on. She was nearly there when Chix Verbil stopped her. "Where you going?" he asked.

            "To see Commander Root. Something weird is going on. Most of the night crew is still here, what happened?"

            "He's not in his office. There was a goblin attack last night and everybody's still busy trying to clean the mess up. There was at least one fatality. All the goblins fled after they set fire to the house and barricaded most of the people in."

            "Whose house was it? Do we know the goblin's identities?"

            "The Marsh's, I think. No identities as of yet."

            "Let me go talk to Root."

            "He doesn't want to be disturbed. He's deciding plan of action in the Ops Room."

            "Thanks, Private," she said, turning heel and going to the Ops Room. She pressed buzzer, "Commander, Foaly, it's Holly Kelp, may I come in?"

            "Holly, stay in the Recon room and wait to be called," Root said through the intercom.

            "Sir, I'd like to be briefed on the situation at hand."

            "Find one of the other officers to do it," growled Root.

            "Sir…"
            A moment later, a scared looking corporal Holly didn't immediately recognize was pushed out of the Ops Booth and the door was slammed immediately behind him. "Commander Root says for you to take this," he said, shoving something in her arms. "I've been working for fourteen hours straight. My shift ended two hours ago. Take it." He started to walk off.

            Holly stared blankly at the chubby pink-faced, blanket-wrapped bundle in her arms. "What am I supposed to do with this?" she asked.

            "Take care of it. You're a woman," he said.

            She scoffed. "Give it to Lili Frond."

            "Root says she's got no maternal instinct."

            "And I have?"

            The corporal shrugged. "More than Frond at any rate. She can't tell which end is which."

            Holly stared at him. "Are you fresh out of training or something? The last kid I watched—Hey, I'm talking to you!" she screamed as he walked away. Now she recognized him. She'd seen him around; he was a fairly decent officer but his attitude had kept him from being promoted. She banged at the door and shouted into the intercom until Root and Foaly let her in.

            "What is it, Captain?" asked Foaly, his eyes on the plasma screen.

            "Can't you see we're busy?" snapped Root.

            "What is the meaning of this?" she asked thrusting the bundle into Root's arms.

            "We needed somebody to watch her," he said, looking down at the baby.

            "Sir, this is a place of law enforcement, not a daycare center. Why is that thing here? And why was it given to me to watch?" she asked trying very hard to keep a reign on her temper.

            "She was a survivor from last night's attack. No known family. We had to keep her here."

            "Why was she given to me?" Holly repeated.

            "If we gave her to Frond she probably would have forgotten about her and sat on her or something," Foaly said, typing furiously.

            Root added, "We wouldn't trust her with a child." He handed the baby to Holly and stormed out.

            Holly handed the baby to Foaly. She called to Root as he left, "May I remind you that the last time you made me watch a kid I lost him? Remember Aquarius, the ambassador's son?"

            Foaly answered, "Yeah, but you got him back. Besides that, this kid's legs don't work yet. She's a baby. The kid can't even crawl." He looked down at the bundle in his arms and his face softened the tiniest bit.

            "I'm not watching it," repeated Holly.

            "Root says you are."

            "Why can't we get somebody else to do it? Anybody else!"

            "Beetroot doesn't trust anybody else for this. He trusts you." Foaly handed the baby back to her.

            "But—" She sniffed. "It smells!"

            "Holly, that's a she not an it and she needs her diaper changed."

            "Do I look like I have diapers on me?" she asked.

            "Root wants you to take her home and take care of her."

            "When there's finally some interesting work to do in the field? I don't' think so!"

            "Holls, you've got to do this."

            "Why me?" she wailed.

            "Because, there's nobody else. Most of the guys here are as bad as Lili Frond anyway."

            "But what in Frond's name and I supposed to do with a baby?" she exploded.

            Then the baby started to cry.

            "Where's the off button? How do I shut her up?" Holly screamed over the racket.

            "I don't know, but get her out of here."

            Holly stormed off with the child in her arms. She was going to find Root. She found him on his way back to his office, having just finished yelling at some people.

            The baby was still crying when Holly followed Root back to his office. She tried to keep her temper in check. "Commander, what am I supposed to do with her? I should be out catching those goblins, not changing diapers at the Police Plaza."

            "As a matter of fact, you shouldn't be changing diapers at the Police Plaza."

            "Thank you! So you'll find someone else to watch her?"

            "No." Root didn't meet her eyes. "Take her home and watch her for as long as need be."

            "B-b-but…"

            "That's an order, Captain. And change her diaper when you get her there."

            "Sir, she won't stop crying!"

            "Give her here," he grunted, gently taking the child from her arms. He held the baby in his arms and rocked her, cooing and speaking softly, "Ssh, hush, don't cry." He started singing a soft lullaby and the child soon quieted. He passed her back to Holly.

            She stared at him with wide eyes. "Sir?"

            "It's not that hard, Captain."

            She was hurried out of the Police Plaza and she was just outside the door when she remembered: Root had had a daughter once himself. Gone for a long time now. He had seemed content when he rocked this child in his arms; maybe he missed being a doting father.

            Holly had just reached her home and went inside. "Trouble! I need help!" of course, her yelling woke up the baby.

            He came shuffling out of the kitchen. "What's the matter, Holly?" He blinked. "Where did that baby come from?"

            "I can't get her to stop crying," she wailed.

            "Here, give her to me." He gently took the child in his arms. He rocked her on his shoulder and hummed softly. "Where did she come from?"

            "Well, Trouble, when a man loves a woman…"

            "Holly, I mean where did you get her?"

            "The Police Plaza. There was an attack and a fatality and she was found nearby. Root stuck her with me. Hey, how did you know it was a girl?"

            "Look at the face. It's obvious. But she needs her diaper changed. Does she have a diaper bag?"

            "No. Just herself wrapped in all these blankets."

            "Well, you stay here with her. I'll run to the store and get everything she needs." He handed her back to Holly and put on his coat.

            "Wait, you can't leave me here alone with her!" Holly called.

            It was too late, he was gone and the baby was crying again.

            Holly tried rocking her. It didn't work. She kept bawling. She tried singing to her but that only seemed to make things worse. By the time Trouble got back, carrying several bags, Holly felt like crying herself.

            Trouble came through the door and blinked. "What's going on?"

            "Trouble, she won't be quiet. I've tried everything. She doesn't shut up even for a second!"

            "Here, I'll get her." He took her from Holly and whispered some soothing words and rocked her and the crying died down to a whimper. "Hand me the diaper stuff and you can make her formula."

            She stared at all the bags. "Which one?"

            "Bring them all."

            Holly brought all four bags over to her husband. He picked out the formula mix and a bottle out of the bag and handed it to her. "I don't know how to make this," she said.

            "The directions are on the back. Any idiot can do it." He gently placed the baby on the floor and sorted through the diapers things. He took out a changing mat and moved her to it, then brought out wipes, powder, and diapers.

            Holly poked through one of the other bags and found a baby basket and blankets and stuff like that. She went to the kitchen to make the formula as Trouble waved her on. She meant to tell him something but had to devote her full attention on the formula. In her opinion it was not something "any idiot" could do. The first time, it boiled over. The second time she spilled it when she tried to pour it into the bottle. On the third time, it was done.

            She came back out into the living room/den and found that Trouble had not only changed the baby's diaper, but also redressed her in one of the new outfits (apparently only the diaper had been under her blankets). Holly handed him the bottle and he fed it to the little girl in his arms. He had such a loving and fatherly look on his face…

            Holly found herself getting a little defensive. "She's not becoming a permanent fixture here."

            "But she could be here a while."

            Holly bit her lip. He had wanted a child and she'd said she wasn't ready. She clearly proved herself right so far. She shifted awkwardly. "She'll probably be going back to wherever she came from tonight or tomorrow."

            "What makes you say that? With all the red tape she could be unclaimed for days or weeks even, or not permitted to go home."

            "I'm starting to think she's going to become a permanent fixture on your arm," Holly said sourly.

            Trouble shifted her to his shoulder as she finished the bottle and started patting the small elf baby on the back to get her to burp. "What's her name?"

            "Didn't ask. Last name is Marsh."

            "Marsh…" he said thoughtfully. "I don't know that I've met them more than once. Somewhat of an older couple compared to us. I think he's a couple hundred and fifty years old and she's about fifty or so years younger."

            Holly blinked. That was certainly older than they were. She and Trouble were in their eighties or so. They were a little old to have such a young child. An infant really. But in fairy years it wasn't so old. Root had been in the LEP more than 500 years now and was probably somewhere near, if not over, six hundred.

            Holly's thoughts were disturbed by the baby's burp.

            "I can't think of any relatives that I know they have. Maybe we could keep her?" asked Trouble, a little pleadingly.

            Holly stared at him. Was he serious?

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So what did you think? Please review even though the review thing is being stupid. I promise to read the reviews as soon as FF.net is working right again.

Preview—

Trouble Kelp was probably one of the last men she'd ever think to see acting so fatherly over someone.