DISCLAIMER: Nope not mine. I wish but it ain't going to happen anytime within my lifetime.

SUMMARY: This piece was inspired by a pair of role-playing groups I have been a part of. It explains some of the posts I made in the beginning.

DEDICATION: This is dedicated to Kit and Drew. Without them, the groups never would have happened and this story couldn't have come to be.

May 26, 2003

Spike and I worked things out finally. We sat down this morning and had a long talk.

He told me about the nightmares he'd been having and I told him about mine. It was a talk full of tears and pain but we worked things out.

He admitted that he had known for a long time that he no longer had feelings for Buffy.

"I knew the minute my soul was restored. That was when I knew that Buffy wasn't the one I was in love with. I lusted after her but it wasn't love."

"What about….?" I still had a hard time thinking about the fact that he nearly raped my sister. It wasn't a fun thought.

"That was the chip misfiring in my head. It was causing so many problems that I didn't know what was going on. My head felt like it was going to explode so often that the day she had them take the chip out, I wanted to cry with relief."

"If you're not in love with Buffy, then who?"

"I'm not sure. I've had a lot of mixed emotions lately. I have had since my soul was restored." He looked away. I wasn't sure of what to make of that.

He looked as if he wanted to cry again. I wrapped my arms around him and we both just started crying again. I don't think either one of us noticed when we fell asleep in each other's arms just holding each other.

May 27, 2003

We were in the restaurant next to the hotel that night when he left me there for a bit to see if he could find fresh blood. He had squeezed my hand before he left. "Don't leave until I come back for you."

The waitress had noticed. She walked over to me after he left. "Honey, are you alright?"

"What makes you ask that?" I was startled by the fact that she had walked up to me like that.

"He just doesn't seem to be a very nice guy. Are you with him by your choice?"

"Actually, he's my bodyguard. He's been assigned to bring me home for the summer from a private high school."

"Really? He doesn't seem like the bodyguard type."

"That makes it perfect, doesn't it? No one suspects him. They all think he's a pushover until he has to fight."

Lady, you don't know half of what he's capable of. He could rip your throat out just for the fun of it and never think twice.

"You just looked a little scared." You would be too if you had just watched your sister blow up and your hometown sink into a giant hole in the ground.

"Well, I broke up with a boyfriend not long before summer break and he didn't take it well. He's been following us since we left California. That's why we're traveling by night. It's easier to hide in a hotel during the day and travel at night when it's harder to tell what vehicle we're in." When did I learn to lie so easily? Is this what happens when you live like I have for so long? "Every few days we change vehicles. Just to try to avoid him. He just won't leave me alone and it makes things more than just a little scary at times. I hate to be left alone for any length of time because I'm afraid my ex might find me and then who knows what would happen."

"Well, I'll tell you what. I'll help keep an eye out. If you see your ex out there, or see him come in here, let me know and I'll help you hide from him until the bodyguard gets back. Ok?"

I smiled as if she had just taken a weight off my shoulders. "Thanks. I'm sorry I just get so nervous around people. I never know if my ex hired someone to try to bring me back or what."

She nodded smiling, and walked away. What a stupid git! She bought it hook line and sinker!

I was amazed. Even Buffy had never fallen for my crap. Of course, that thought brought back memories of times when she had tried so hard to take care of me and I had just blown it off in favor of running around with my friends.

When Spike got back, he tapped my shoulder. "You ok, pet?"

"I will be, Spike. Now that you're back." He walked me back to the hotel room where we watched a few movies until dawn started breaking over the horizon and then we went to sleep for the day.