Disclaimer: I still don't own this. Two months of arguing with the characters and I still don't own them.

Author's Note: Do you all hate me now? I'm sorry. I was really stuck on this chapter, but I'm about half way through the next chapter now. I got the title of the chapter by a satirical essay we read in English.It was done in like the 1800s and this guy said that they should handle the population problem in Ireland and England by eating all the Irish kids (I'm Irish). The funniest part was that people who missed the sarcasism in his essay when he wrote it thought he was serious and thought it sounded great. I dunno, guess you had to be in class the day we discussed satire. Anyway...

Skipping today's replies so that I can get right to posting, but I just wanted to say thanks to: slime frog, sam (spontaneousxhumanxcombustion), SpikeTv58, Sweetdeath04, Ahava, Holly Rox, neutralgal, Nercia Genisis, and Paul.

Chapter 14: A Modest Proposal

"Sir, I have a proposal. It's about the infant elf currently in LEP care." She'd decided it might be wise to consult Root before she replied to Fowl's latest e-mail. After all, she'd need his authorization for a shuttle to E1. She was standing in his office with the desk between them.

"I'm listening," Root said gruffly, chewing on his cigar.

"I propose we send the child away for a time so she doesn't bother any officers." That sounded like Willow was a personal inconvenience on her. She hurriedly changed her answer. "What I meant was, I think we should send the child somewhere where she's out of harm's way and somewhere that will keep LEP officers from having to take care of her so they can work on finding her relatives and catch the criminals who set the fire."

"And just where exactly do you suggest we send her?" he asked, sarcastically. If there'd been another option the infant wouldn't be with Holly in the first place.

"I had an idea about that actually…" she hesitated.

"Out with it! I haven't got all day."

"It's Fowl, sir."

"What's Fowl got to do with it?"

"I was thinking that maybe we could send the girl to him for a few days. The manor is so remote that no one would ever even know she was there," Holly offered.

Root just about exploded. "ARE YOU CRAZY? LEAVING A HELPLESS YOUNG ELF WITH THE MUD BOY!"

A sprite was passing by the office door and stopped, stunned. He dropped the file he was carrying. He was fairly new and while he had seen Root get pretty angry, he'd never seen him blow up at anyone this way before. The commander's face was purplish and the vein at his temple was throbbing with an alarming intensity. The elf in front of Root stood solidly, though the sprite wasn't sure if it was defiance or fear; he had no idea who the elf was. The sprite's luck ran out as Root saw him.

"GET BACK TO WORK! WE DON'T TAKE THE TAXPAYER'S GOLD FOR YOU TO JUST STAND AROUND ALL DAY!" he shouted.

The terrified sprite scrambled to pick up the papers. "Y-y-ye-ye-yessir!"

"AND SHUT THE DOOR!"

The terrified sprite picked up the last of his papers and slammed the door shut, getting away as quickly as he could. He could tell there was more to come and felt sorry for whatever guy was in there with Root. He had no idea it was the crazy female captain he'd heard about.

Root leaned forward across the desk, his cigar an inch away from Holly's nose.

She stood tall to her whole three feet and didn't flinch.

He spoke slow and evenly, with a deadly calm. "Holly, there is no way we are leaving a fairy infant in the hands of the one Mud Boy who, as it is, could betray us to the other Mud Men. To let him have the baby, even an hour, puts our whole world at risk."

Holly took a deep breath and tried not to cough; she hadn't meant to inhale the cigar fumes. She stared her commander in the eyes. "I'm sorry to hear that, sir," she said quietly. "I can't work under these conditions. This is my resignation. You'll have the paperwork and the infant back by tomorrow morning." She refused to cry. She felt like it, but she wouldn't do it. There was no way she was going to put up with having Willow in the house anymore. It was driving her insane. Having a baby around wasn't something you could just get used to in a matter of days. There's a reason for women to be pregnant for so many months; it's the only way for them to have time to get used to the idea. Having a screaming, crying baby forced into her life just didn't work for her. It was tearing her apart. She felt like it was ruining her marriage.

Root was actually stunned. He knew Holly loved this job. She wouldn't give it up without a good reason. "Are you sure about that, Captain? You aren't indispensable. You can be replaced; so don't think that pretending to want to quit will work. Granted, you're the best shuttle pilot we've got and the foremost authority on the Artemis Fowl cases, but the rules stand. I can't just revoke your assignment because you don't like it. Are you sure you want to quit?"

Holly shut her eyes. This was her dream job. She was not going to cry. She was not going to cry. She was not going to cry.

"I'll give you 'til eight o'clock tomorrow morning to think it over. If you want to keep your job, call me. If not, bring your paperwork, your guns, and the infant into the office at eight."

Holly turned and left Root's office, shutting the door quietly.

Julius Root let himself sink down into his chair. He'd done the right thing, hadn't he? Perhaps he ought to have listened and reassigned the infant to someone else. No, as it was the other officers thought he showed favoritism toward her. But would it have been so bad to assign someone else to watch the baby? He knew how Holly was with children. Still, who else was there to take care of the girl? Lili Frond couldn't do it; Ash was horrible with children; Chix Verbil wouldn't know one end of a baby from the other. The council had considered sending the infant off to a daycare center until the threat came the other day. Whoever had set the fire had sent a note that they had some sort of score to settle with the baby. They warned that there would be more violence if she wasn't handed over to them inside a week. After that, the council decided it definitely was best to keep the infant with an able-bodied LEP officer at all times. There was nothing he could do about it. His hands were tied.

Holly breathed deeply. Don't cry. Don't cry. She thought she might lose it. These people around you here respect you; you know exactly how long it took to earn their respect. Don't blow it now by going all teary-eyed like a girl, she told herself. She couldn't remember the last time she'd cried.

She passed by the Ops Booth and rang the buzzer repeatedly, not trusting herself to speak. She wasn't crying yet. Maybe she wouldn't cry. Wait a minute; if she wasn't crying, then why did her cheek feel wet?

The door to the Ops Booth opened.

Holly walked through. She was definitely crying now. She didn't want Foaly to see her like this. She turned away, looking at one of the monitors and trying not to make any noise.

Foaly clip clopped over to her. "What's the matter, Holly? Holly?" Foaly asked. He realized something was wrong. Holly was shaking, and she wasn't looking at him. He put a hairy hand on her shoulder. "Holls? Come on, talk to me. I can't help if I don't know what's wrong." That was incredibly cliché.

Holly turned around and looked at him, before sinking to the ground.

Foaly stared wide-eyed at her. Holly was crying. Holly was crying. In the years they'd known he each other he'd never seen her cry. He felt incredibly useless. If she was one of his computers he'd know how to fix her in a heartbeat. But she wasn't and his social skills barely existed. She was one of his only friends. He didn't know how to deal with a crying elf. He thought to himself uncomfortably that it should be Trouble standing here trying to figure out what to do rather than him.

Holly sat on the floor crying for another ten minutes. She wasn't sobbing hysterically or anything, just crying.

It was so unnerving that after two minutes of standing there, looking at her cry, he walked over to his computers to fiddle with some things. When her crying diminished into snuffles, he walked over with a box of tissues, not quite ready to look at her. After she blew her nose a couple of times, he chanced a glance. This wasn't he Holly Short he knew—or rather Holly Kelp. The Holly he knew was smart, confident, cocky, bright-eyed, straight-backed, and never ever cried. The elf sitting in front of him was looking up at him with puffy, red eyes. She was sitting, but managed to give the impression of being curled up in a ball. She almost looked scared. Not quite, Foaly told himself firmly, but almost. "Come on, Holls. Tell me what happened? Were Chix and those guys making passes at you again?" He asked the second question angrily.

"No. I came in to tell you goodbye. I'm resigning. As of tomorrow, I'm no longer working here." More tears threatened to come out.

"Does Root know? There's no way he'd ever let you resign. You…you can't."

"He knows. He is. I can. I am," Holly sniffled.

"You're not in your right mind, Holly. You can't be. You love this job."

"I haven't been in my right mind since you and Root stuck me with that brat. I can't handle it. She cries, she eats, she poops, and she hardly ever sleeps. And she takes all of Trouble's attention. I can't do this. I won't. I'm sending her back here tomorrow morning, even if it means my job is over."

"You can't just grin and bare it?"

"That's what I've been doing all week, Foaly. I can't do it anymore. He shot down my idea of sending her off to Fowl. He had every right to. I know I must be crazy to have even suggested it." She put her elbows on her knees and her head in her hands.

"Holly, you can't do this. I'll go talk to him. I'll talk to the Council. I'll make them listen. I'll threaten to blow up their computers," Foaly said vehemently.

"That's sweet and all, Foaly, but I made my bed. Now I've got to lie in it," she said, stiffening her upper lip.

Foaly looked at her. This was a little more of the Holly he knew coming out. The Holly he knew would owe up to her responsibilities no matter what the consequence was. He'd talk anyway. He'd find someway to make Holly stay. He had too. What was the point of annoying Root if he didn't have somebody intelligent to laugh about it with?

"I'll be back in the morning to drop her off and bring in my paperwork…and…my guns. If I'm going to be a civilian I can't keep most of my weapons." She pushed herself to her feet.

Foaly noted with satisfaction that she used the word "if." He turned away so that she wouldn't see the smile creeping onto his face.

"I probably won't stop in to say goodbye tomorrow. Maybe I'll see you at the Christmas party." In about six months, she added silently.

"I don't doubt we'll see each other before then, Holly."

"Goodbye, Foaly."

"Goodbye, Holly. Good luck. I hope you find a better solution than quitting."

"So do I," Holly said heavily, leaving the room.

Holly was gone and Foaly grinned. He said, "I hope you find a better solution than quitting" and she said "So do I." He decided to interpret this as meaning that he had every right to do his best to meddle in her affairs and try to find some way for her to keep her job and get out of this mess with the orphan. He was all set. He waited about ten minutes, making sure that Holly would have plenty of time to pick up her resignation papers and get out of the Police Plaza before he contemplated his next step. First he had to think of a decent alternative plan, and then he could get to work on Root and the Council. Things might just work out after all.

Holly could barely meet the sprite behind the desk in the eyes as she asked for resignation papers. Fortunately for her, it wasn't anyone she knew particularly well. She took the papers, and started the walk home, wondering how she was going to tell Trouble. She wondered how he was going to take the news that they'd be giving Willow up.

An unthinkable thought occurred to her as she rounded the last corner on her way home. What if Root officially put Trouble in charge of Willow? What if Willow's relatives were all gone? No, there was no way she and Trouble could adopt Willow. It just was not going to happen; now way, no how. She ran the last stretch home.

Hope you liked it. Reviews really do motivate me...This is a little teaser peek for the next chapter.

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"Holly, I've wanted to start a family for a while now—"

"I told you I'm not ready. After the week I've had this week I'm not sure I'll ever be ready. I don't want kids right now, maybe not ever. Quit insisting on it or I'm never letting you touch me again. You can sleep on the couch for the next fifty years for all I care."