"Now just where the HELL is this gorram thing and how the HELL am I supposed to fix it?" grumbled Jayne.
He was cranky. Wierd dreams of a sweet-smelling dark-hard girl left him all horny. Got some trim in the dream, but got woken up before the payoff and wasn't given any time to rub one out to alleviate the tension.
Yeah. He was definately cranky, and the ruttin' septic pump was broke. That meant someone had to go EVA UNDER the ship to fix it. And they were in space.
Evidently Simon had FREAKED in the wide-open black (or so River had told him, conspiratorially with a giggle); Mal, Wash and Zoe were off in the extra shuttle exchanging their cargo in preparation for The Casino Job; 'Nara was whor--working; Book crooked his eyebrow as if to say 'You want me to what, WHERE in regards to the human waste disposal system?'; and Kaylee had to do all the technical stuff inside the ship to prep, prime, reset and test the system once the pump was installed.
That left him or River to do it. And Jayne was tempted to let her since she practically glowed with excitement at the chance to go outside again. But it was his job to do the dirty work; it's what he was paid to do. And he was in ruttin' charge.
So, Jayne found himself in the cargo bay testing his headset so that he could hear the engineer's instructions and putting on his EVA suit.
From behind him came a concerned: "Did you inspect it?"
"Wha-?"
More forcefully, River asked, "Did you INSPECT IT? Since your last extravehicular excursion was several months ago, it would be in your best interest to take a moment to look for holes, rips, tears, loose seams, unravelling thread..."
"Alright, alright! Ai ya, woman!"
He shucked it quickly then snapped to the waiting Kaylee via headset, "Gorram safety inspector wants me to make sure my suit is...safe."
"Sounds downright reasonable, Jayne."
During this exchange, the gruff man passed his fingertips over the suit, shifting it impatiently, feeling...a seam that looked weak with unravelling threads.
River smirked.
"Yeah, ok. I guess I owe you one," he grumbled as he applied the chemical mender.
She snatched it out of his hands when he started to put it back on again and quipped, "No, you owe me two." She stuck her finger through a mysteriously appearing yet significant hole.
"Could have resulted in a potentially catastrophic injury."
Jayne huffed, took it back and applied a patch, then sealed it.
"Thanks," he muttered, not looking her in the eye. "Now GIT! EVA is a dangerous thing, man's gotta prepare and concentrate."
"But you OWE me," she reminded him.
"Well, this here job's gotta be done first, so lemme get to it. THEN I'll deal with you...and HEY? Wait! Since when did a that become an ACTUAL IOU? IOUs is serious things. I was just saying 'thanks'. Didn't really mean nothin'."
She pouted.
"Wu de ma, I'll never get women. And why are you still here? Ok, so I guess I owe you for real. When I get done I'll deal with whatever your crazy ass...ahem...unusual request might be LATER. Really River--I ain't in the mood today."
She quirked her eyebrow.
"Kaylee, run me off a list of tools I'm gonna need, and you got that replacement pump ready yet?"
River handed him a bag of tools populated by a handful of items. Basically, everything that Kaylee was rattling off to him. While Jayne busied himself checking that, River donned an EVA suit.
Kaylee, loping happily down the stairs, came to a dead stop on the last. Eh, well if River wants to go and Jayne don't mind none, can't see no harm in it. It's real sweet of her to want to help, she thought.
So, she walked over to Jayne and handed him and obviously rebuilt-outta-scraps pump.
"Damn, girl. From the looks o' this I'm gonna have to do it all over again relatively soon."
"Naw, it's shiny! This one should last us more'n year. Longer if you'd take it a little easier on the head, Jayne."
He glowered at her.
She stuck out her tongue.
"Payback for the 'Gyno' comment," she told him.
"Aww, you know that came out lots worse than I-"
"Not gonna discuss it now. 'Sides, we got jobs to do and I think we oughta be doin' 'em."
And she flounced off to where the pump controls waited.
With a laugh, Jayne turned to River and said, "Sounds like Cap'n Tightpants is rubbin' off on her--And just what in the HELL do you think you are doin'?" he roared.
"I am going with you."
"Oh, no you are are not."
"Oh, yes I am," she retorted, mimicking him.
"Over my dead body."
"That could EASILY be arranged, you know." She held up her hand, "But just STOP. Do not say anything about me being soft in the head, moonbrained, or feng le. I AM going. My mental status will be more in question if I do NOT."
Jayne huffed and shrugged hostily, then stomped off to get his helmet. He put it on the top of his head then layed the bag cross-wise over his chest and under his arm to lay on his hip. With one more snarling look at her, he lowered the helmet and locked it.
River couldn't get hers to lock, though.
He snatched it off of her head and peered inside, and noticed that the latch was already in the 'locked' position. With a shake of his head he slid it open and started to place it over her head.
But first, he tucked a stray lock of unruly hair behind her ear.
Coulda gotten 'tween the helmet and the suit and caused a leak, he justified to himself. Just want her to stop botherin' me so much, not get her dead.
As he locked the helmet in place she mimicked his earlier statement, "Thanks. Guess I owe you one."
"After this, call us even. You ready? We got us a job waitin'."
She nodded, tears starting to form in her eyes.
Confused as to what set her off, and still agitated over her having to be there, topped off with unresolved horniness made him resolve to just get the damn job done.
And try to ignore her.
Only, he couldn't really ignore her, cause now he had to fix the pump AND watch over her. Wouldn't do to piss off Mal and upset Simon by letting her...What?
Wander off? (Riiiiiight)
Get lost? (Suuuuuure)
Hurt herself? (WHAT-everrrr...wait, all of those could actually happen! Maybe I should have tethered her.)
But by that time they were already at the pump access panel. Jayne snuck a quick peek at River, who he saw was facing out to the deeper black of space. Funny thing was, she seemed to be dancing in place.
After a few moments, Jayne had the old pump out and had set the new one in its place. He reached into the pouch for the wrench he had just put back and the sealant to, well...seal, the hoses. But as he pulled out the wrench, the sealant came with it and toppled end over end backwards, away from him.
"Wu de ma," he cursed as he reached for it and missed. It traveled behind him further and thuded against the back of River's helmet. It bounced off and headed away from the ship.
River spun around, looked up at the wayward product, and launched herself torward it in an effort to catch it.
Panicked, Jayne made a desparate grab for her as he jammed his boot into the pump housing opening. Firmly catching her by the ankle, he roughly hauled her down to where her ass hit the ship.
"SIT!" he yelled, loudly into the headset, then put a heavy boot on her leg to hold her there and went back to securing the pump.
And as if nothing had just happened, River grinned at him and held out her hand with the sealant so he could finish.
"Everthing ok out there, Jayne?" Kaylee asked, concerned.
"Will be when you tell me if this gorram thing is working!" he snapped.
The mechanism jumped a few times, shook frighteningly and then began vibrating evenly.
"'S working!" she responded.
With more strength than was necessary, he slammed shut the access panel and hauled River up to drag her back to the airlock.
"Just a few more minutes please? It's so peaceful here, while inside all the pieces are so tightly wound. The clock spring...I can feel it threatening to break. I can hear myself think out here...not so crowded, not so loud. Well, yours are, but I can push them aside more easily when I am not juggling the others. Too many balls in the air. Gonna drop them all without rest. THIS is rest," she ended sounding very happy.
But Jayne was anything but. His jaw was clenched tightly and he was breathing hard, quickly . His nostrils flared as he he looked at her through anger-narrowed eyes.
A muscle in his cheek twitched.
"No. We are going in NOW!" he said forcefully.
The sorrow and disappointment that flashed momentarily across her face ALMOST made him hesitate--almost made him feel badly that he had snapped. But he didn't on either counts. He was livid.
Once inside the cargo bay he violently twisted off his helmet and slammed it into its padded rest. Then he turned, yanked River to him, twisted off her helmet and yelled:
"Do you have ANY idea WHAT could have HAPPENED to you IF I hadn't caught you! YOU don't have on a jet pack!"
River opened her mouth and had planned to respond with something sarcastic that would have served to remind him that SHE was the genius, that she KNEW what she was doing, and that there was always the option of maneuvering the ship after her IF something had happened.
But she noticed that the hands that were tightly holding and bruising her shoulders were...shaking. Then she saw how ALL of him appeared to be shaking. And while his tone and what she felt conveyed his anger, in his eyes she saw fear. REAL fear...something that she had never expected to see from him.
Guilt? He had that in spades, but she had thought of him as a bold and brave warrior, if a little uncouth and disreputable. Tough as nails and, above all, fearless.
So the strength of his reaction, combined with memory flashes from him of a similar incident with an unhappy-ending, overwhelmed her. It engulfed her newly found strength and stability and she couldn't hold back the tears.
Jayne saw the light go out in her, and instantly regretting yelling at her so loudly, at being so rough with her. He just wanted her to understand the seriousness of what she had done. How close he had come to almost losing...
He stopped and changed his train of thought, to having Mal kill me.
When the tears spilled over from those enormous brown eyes, he loosened his hold on her shoulders and with a resigned sigh, pulled her into his embrace.
River wrapped her arms around his waist while Jayne rested his cheek on the top of her head. He pulled her in more tightly and let her cry for a bit.
Then he leaned back and lifted her face to look at him. Softly he tucked that lock of hair back behind her ear and kissed the tip of her nose.
"Don't EVER pull a stunt like that again, OK?" he admonished. Then added with a small smile:
"Brat."
River looked intently into his eyes and saw so much more of him than she had ever before. She nodded silently, not trusting her voice or that what she said would come out as she intended it. Instead, she raised up on her toes, closed her eyes and offered him her lips.
Jayne was unable to resist. After all, she smelled like apples. He pressed his lips to her waiting ones and pulled her pliant body back to his own.
I wonder if she tastes like apples, too? he thought.
As if in response to his silent query, she opened her mouth slightly, inviting him to find out.
Hesitantly he dipped his tongue between her lips.
Oh God, she does, he realized and began to plunder her mouth in earnest. She clutched at him almost desperately and he plunged one hand into her hair, wrapping it around his fist to hold her there more securely.
Completely lost in each other and the moment, the frantically kissing couple didn't see Kaylee pause at the entrance of the cargo bay.
"Shiny!" she commented quietly, happy for them. Deciding to give them some privacy she headed for her hammock. Kaylee loved secrets.
Jayne was out of breath and out of his mind with desire to strip River out of her EVA suit, rip off her clothes and do to her what he did to the woman in his dream. He wanted to hear her sigh and squirm beneath him as he plunged deeply into her. To hear her chant his name as he pounded her into the mattress. To feel her shudder in ecstacy in his arms. To finish what he didn't in his dream: pouring himself into her.
River.
Instead, he pushed her away roughly, wiped his mouth guiltily and practically ran off to his bunk. Once there, he shucked the EVA suit, threw it carelessly in the corner, sat down on his bed and buried his head in his hands.
Gorram girl is gonna be the death o' me, one way or another, he thought miserably.
Back in the cargo bay, River opened her eyes and sighed sadly. She missed his warmth already.
Suddenly, she glanced up a the catwalk and noticed Book silently standing there, his face alternating between confusion, concern and fury.
"Just keep walking Preacherman," she told him, and darted for her own room.
"I do believe it is time for me to speak with Jayne on the particular tortures awaiting him in the 'special hell'," said the Shephard.