O'Neill knocked on General Hammond's closed door, certain that he had been summoned to talk about Daniel.
"Come in."
Jack sucked in a deep breath to prepare himself for the second unwanted confrontation of the day, and it was only 0930.
"Sit down, Colonel." Hammond gestured toward an empty chair facing him. "You want to tell me what's going on? Major Carter didn't say just why you, Teal'c, and Dr. Jackson were late this morning."
Jack dragged his hand through his hair, knowing that he had to tell the general what was going on. "It's Daniel, sir. I discovered yesterday that he's been drinking - a lot."
George leaned forward and clasped his hands together on his desk. "That's not like him. He seldom drinks."
"Yeah, I know. That's what has me so concerned." Jack stood and began pacing the small office. "From what I saw in his house, this has been going on for months and I missed it. His work has been just as good as it always was. He's fine off world. But he has withdrawn from the team; not spending as much time with us and working even more at night than usual. I just didn't realize how much else was going on."
"I could order him to see Mackenzie."
"Respectfully, sir, no. He hasn't trusted Mackenzie since he threw him into that padded room." Jack slumped back into the chair. "I knew he'd been having problems since that bitch…"
"Well, for now I'm not letting him off world." Hammond cut him off. "He can continue to work on translations and artifacts that other SG teams bring in, but until I know he's not a danger to your team, he's restricted." Hammond stood. The meeting was obviously finished.
Jack nodded. "Yes, sir. I'll tell him."
Jack closed his eyes and leaned his forehead against the cold cement wall just outside the general's office. This is going to be one of the hardest conversations I've ever had. Third one this morning! OK, O'Neill, just get through it.
XXXXXXXXXX
Sam poked her head around the door of Daniel's office to see him shuffling papers on his desk. She paused, wondering if she should interrupt and decided against it. She'd just turned away from the door, when she saw the colonel walking toward her. Head down, and clearly wishing Thor would beam him up, he approached Daniel's door. He looked up and saw her standing there. A flash of relief crossed his face and he straightened up. She nodded at him, knowing that he needed to have another difficult conversation with Daniel. As they passed silently in the hall, she reached out, took his hand, and gave it a quick comforting squeeze.
Jack felt bolstered by Sam's unspoken support. He turned and watched her enter the elevator and ride away from him. Pulling his shoulders back, he walked through the open door of Daniel's office.
"I've been waiting for you to show up. Hammond's removed me from the team." Daniel's voice was flat and emotionless.
"No. You won't be allowed on any off world missions until he thinks you aren't a danger to the team, but you aren't off SG1 permanently."
"Well, that's better than I thought." Daniel hadn't looked at Jack since he'd entered the room. He was inwardly relieved that he hadn't been fired. He had to remain at SGC and on the team. If he messed that up… Well, he just would have to do what was needed to see that he remained on SG1 for a few more months. Then he didn't care what happened. He returned his attention to the papers on his desk.
Jack stood there, not knowing how to continue the conversation after Daniel had so blatantly dismissed him.
A few silent minutes passed. Daniel looked up. "You still here?"
"Daniel, what's happening to you?" Jack sighed and took the chance. "I just want the old Danny back. How can we help? "
"The 'old Danny' died on that planet, Jack. He's not coming back. I must have had a sign on my back that said, 'Gullible. Rape me.' Well, no more." Weariness and resignation on his face and in his voice, Daniel turned away from Jack. "Just go. Please. I know what I have to do and you can't help."
Defeated, Jack left.
Daniel dropped his head into his hands, tears of frustration on the brink of spilling over. OK, I just need to keep it together for a while longer and everything will be fine.
XXXXXXXXXX
Daniel arrived home that night, determined not to give in to the need to drink himself into oblivion. He had no idea what to do with himself. He couldn't seem to remember back far enough to recall what he used to do at home alone. Oh, yeah. I used to spend time with my friends. Hell, I can't afford friends right now, so that's out.
He paced around his home, restless and without direction. Finally, he grabbed his jacket and keys and headed out the door. He had managed to ditch Teal'c, but he knew Jack would be bringing him over as soon as they realized he'd left the base early. He felt trapped in his own skin and just needed to do something – anything – to forget. Ten minutes later he found himself in the parking lot at O'Malley's. Dropping his head onto the steering wheel, he wondered how he'd gotten here. Could he go inside and not drink? Maybe one, to numb himself just a little.
No. He knew if he took one drink, he'd have six or seven. He had to stay sober to be allowed off world and he had to go off world again.
Not wanting to go back to the house where Teal'c would be waiting, he pulled the keys out of the ignition and stepped out of his car. Shoving the keys into his pants pocket, he crossed the parking lot. He stood with the palm of his hand on the entrance door, hesitating, not sure if he had the resolve to not drink. He desperately needed to be numb again. He felt as though his brain was crawling with hundreds of miniscule replicators – all out to get him.
With a deep sigh, Daniel pushed the door open and stepped into the warmth of O'Malley's. He headed for the bar and took a corner stool. Signaling the bartender, Daniel glanced around the room at the other patrons.
Herb, the bartender, recognized the customer on the far corner stool. He usually came in with a group of military personnel from the NORAD base. Hadn't seen him in about a year. "Hey, there. What's your poison?"
Wincing at his choice of words, Daniel ordered. "I'll just have a coke, please." Good, that was good. His mouth had actually obeyed his brain.
Shrugging slightly, Herb grabbed a clean glass, scooped a few ice cubes into it, and poured soda from a tap into the glass. Exchanging a five-dollar bill for the drink, Daniel returned to his inspection of the room. It was the middle of the week, so the place was nearly empty and quiet.
Two men in jeans and white t-shirts played pool and sipped their beers, while their dates/wives sat at a nearby table giggling. Another couple occupied a table, huddling as closely together as they could possibly get without sitting on each other's laps. Daniel felt a sharp pain of regret and loss that he would never be able to experience that closeness again. God, I need a drink! Pulling off his glasses and pinching the bridge of his nose, Daniel ordered his lungs to expand and contract slowly. He sipped deliberately at his coke. Sliding his glasses back on, he continued his inspection of the bar.
Two more men at the bar, each alone. Daniel turned away from the room and faced the mirror on the wall behind the bar. His eyes connected with a woman sitting alone at the far end of the bar. She was in her late twenty's, attractive, but not beautiful. She was dressed in casual business attire; slender, knee-length dark skirt, tailored, yet feminine blouse, and a long, black, leather coat draped across her lap. Her light brown hair was pulled back behind her ears and hung in soft waves to just below her shoulders. She had a book opened on the bar in front of her, next to her drink. She removed her glasses and lifted her drink in a toast to Daniel's reflection.
Daniel blinked several time, then raised his glass in acknowledgment and smiled at her. Hey, if I can't get drunk, maybe I can get laid. Daniel was about to slide off his stool and move to her, when he saw her down the rest of her drink, pick up her book, and head in his direction.
"Hi, I'm Molly." She held out her hand in greeting to Daniel.
"Daniel." He patted the empty stool next to him in invitation. She accepted. Daniel waved to get Herb's attention. "Two more of the same, please."
"Please? One doesn't hear such polite conversation in a bar very often. But then, I'm from New York and New Yorkers are not widely known for their manners." Molly nodded her thanks as Herb placed Daniel's coke and her scotch-on-the-rocks on the bar in front of them.
"Here on business?" Daniel tried to remember how to carry on a conversation with a woman who didn't carry a snake in her head or have depraved intentions for his body or brain.
"Yes. I'm a regional manager for a chain of retail stores and we're getting ready to open a new store in the mall around the corner. I stopped in here because I just couldn't face that empty hotel room one more night." Molly turned sideways to watch Daniel as she picked up her drink.
"I can relate to not wanting to be alone. Fish can only carry on so much conversation and then you find you're repeating yourself." Daniel grinned at her and shrugged slightly.
Molly laughed gently at Daniel's confession. She tilted her glass toward him and said, "Well, here's to cozy bars and uncommunicative fish."
They clinked their glasses together and grinned at each other.
"So, how long are you going to be in town?" Daniel was hoping she'd be leaving soon. He did not want to get involved on any level other than physical.
"Probably another week this trip, but over the next few months I'll be in and out frequently." She raised her eyes over her glass to look into Daniel's.
"You want to get out of here? I'd rather not go to my place though. I have a friend visiting." Daniel couldn't look at her face. He knew his was darkening with embarrassment.
He's married. Oh, well, so am I. "Sure. My hotel's just across the street."
"Yes. That would work."
Both stood up, gathered their belongings, and Daniel helped her on with her coat. Herb watched as Daniel opened the door for Molly. That guy is so going to get lucky tonight.
Molly led him to the elevator and up to the second floor. She handed him the key to her room and grasped his arm, waiting for him to open the door. Jabbing the keys into the lock, Daniel gritted his teeth and sucked in his breath. He'd never done what he was about to do – at least not when he was sober or not under the influence of an alien substance. His sexual relationships had been few and they'd always been with someone he cared about.
Molly had slipped her hand under his jacket and began dragging her fingernails lightly across his back. When Daniel pushed the door open and stepped back to let her in, she snaked her hand behind his head and pulled him down into a crushing, tongue thrusting kiss. They stumbled through the doorway as Molly was pulling his shirt out of his pants. Daniel managed to kick the door shut behind them as she dragged her nails firmly across his chest.
Feels so good. Mindless fucking. Don't think, Jackson, just enjoy.
Daniel lifted her and sat her on the desk next to the door. He slid his hands up her thighs, dragging her skirt up. Finding her ready, he unbuckled his belt and fought Molly for the right to unzip his pants. She grasped him with both hands and began squeezing, while he slapped both hands on the desk beside her hips to support himself. Lifting her hips, she wrapped her legs around him and pulled him in.
The next few months became a blur in repeated nights much like the first. Daniel found hotel bars were easy places to pick up women. Many were businesswomen away from home, just like Molly had been. He never saw the same woman twice, never had to. There were plenty of women who would jump at the chance to screw him. He kept a few changes of clothes in his car, so he wouldn't have to go home and find Teal'c there. He began to feel he had some control back in his life, over his body, glad he'd found a way to sleep without alcohol.
XXXXXXXXXX
No one discovered Dr. Jackson's dirty little secret. No one knew he'd replaced alcohol with sex to avoid thinking or feeling. Teal'c had stayed with him for two weeks and Daniel had managed to be home by eight or nine every night, sober. The team was satisfied that he'd moved on. Except Jack. Jack saw the despair in Daniel's eyes during unguarded moments. The colonel knew something would have to happen soon to bring Daniel out of his almost year-long depression.
A/N: Next chapter may be about a week. My beta and I both have heavy schedules with school. Only two or three more chapters to go!