The Diary of Mike the Cucco

Day two of King Ganondorf's reign

Location – Kakariko Village/Zora's River

10:00 We woke up rather late today – Beers and then sleeping on a cobble stone road? We've learned that isn't a good idea. When we finally arrived at Kakariko - with sore heads and awful breath – Richard announces he doesn't know what Anju looks like. Damn.

10:02 Richard left to find her. It is becoming unbearable to be around Sylvia now – Especially since I saw her making eyes at the new cucco last night. Woe is the newly divorced..

10:20 After a good while of searching, Richard agrees to let us rest. It's been a long time since we've had some food, so Richard lets us go into a pub for some food and drinks. The place is filled with shirtless men, and a disco appears to be going on. When we get to the bartender, who's sanity I am very worried about, we order some drinks. Sam asks what's wrong with the men in here. I tell him to shut up, though I'm actually wondering the same.

10:25 We leave after another male cucco attempts to flirt with Joseph.

11:30 Around an hour later, we emerge in what looks like a cucco coop. There's a blue cucco. What a freak.

11:35 Leave the coop. The Cuccos living their had a strange accent and used a lot of strange words. Silly beggars.

11:36 The author tries very hard to think of something interesting and witty. She fails miserably.

12:00 We left Kakariko Village shortly after. We crossed the river. Joseph suggested Zora's Domain, saying he knew someone there. The walk to the river was very tedious. We got spat at by octorocs more than once, and we unfortunately met the crazy scientist from Lake Hylia. He started mumbling about diving, then grabbed Sam and threw him into the water. As Sam was carried away by the current, the scientist called, "You should be able to dive further than that!" Sam is probably dead now. No one really seems to care.

12:15 Eventually meet Joseph's friend, Eric. He seems nice enough, and wears glasses. According to Joseph, he's a real brain box – Top o' the year in college. He told us that Zora's Domain is scary, and that a horrific, bald headed, naked fish thing lives their, slaughtering the stereotypical princess image. Richard decides we'll stay clear of the place until further notice.

12:25 That fellow Richard talks about oh-so often appeared today. He looked frightful, his bright orange hair clashing with his deep green skin. Trinny and Susanna would be appalled "Yuck." Sylvia said simply.

"Indeed." I agreed.

"How dare you!" Richard snapped. "That is the great king Ganondorf!"

"He's still pug ugly." Joseph added.

"His repulsive looks may shroud a heart of gold. Let us look further into this." Eric suggested.
"Ahem.." Richard began. "King Ganondorf of Shroudiness, we are your humble cuccos servants; we are forever at your command! Let us rejoice, as today, we make a treaty – To the cucco and the Gerudo!"
"Hear hear!" We cried.

"What's wrong with my looks?" Ganondorf whimpered self –consciously.

12:30 The diary is cut short for non-stop partying between the Gerudo and the Cucco. Ganondorf excuses himself, saying he has "Business to attend to.".

An: Gasps. Hope ya enjoyed that! It took me a while to write and I'm sorry, but… I've played Twilight Princess! Please don't call me a liar! I played it at Go Play Games, a gaming convention held in Edinburgh. It was awesome.

REVIEWS

Uber Spoonz: Thankies! The holiday was good (Rained like crazy, though. Dumb British weather...) I don't think her name matters.. I love your story – It's excellent!