A/N: I have NO IDEA if this room actually exists. So, forgive me for fic-wanking this.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

"Something different? What the hell did that mean?" Jayne asked himself as he shook his head in confusion.

But rather than dwell on it right then, he decided that he needed his own DI-version. He wanted to come completely clean; he decided he needed a shower.

So, he grabbed his towel and his kit and headed for the door.

Once inside he turned on the jets and let the hot spray soothe his tense shoulders and aching muscles. He let the stream wash the dirt and grime. He let the steady rhythm drown out the pain and the memories, temporarily at least.

Thankfully, Kaylee had recently upgraded the water reclaimation system with some salvaged parts and they were full up on water. He planned on being in there for a while.

His head under the running water, Jayne didn't hear the lock being picked or the door open quickly. The steam hid the intruder well. He missed hearing the door being relocked and the sound of clothes being hastily shed. He didn't even budge when the shower stall door slid open.

He did jump about 8 feet straight up when he felt a cool, soft hand touch the scar on his chest.

"Ta ma de! What the hell are you doing in here? You almost gave me a heart attack, girl," he accused.

River simply answered, "Filling you up."

Jayne tried to back up but the faucet and the controls dug into his back, preventing him.

River bit her lip and moved closer.

"Gorramit, River. You can't be here," he said plaintively.

"But I am," she pointed out.

Yes, she was. He looked at her: alabaster skin, enormous brown eyes, dark hair covering one breast but nothing else impeded his view. She was a water nymph, there to tempt him. River pressed against him fully, seductively.

"Only a dream," he chanted. "Only a dream. Only a dream. Only a dream."

On her toes now, her mouth a mere hair's breadth away from his, she whispered, "But, you aren't asleep."

And then Jayne smelled the apples.

He willed his cock NOT to respond, but he knew it was going to happen. He could always count on his John Thomas to do EXACTLY what he didn't want it to do, WHENEVER he didn't want it.

River wrapped her hand around it as it stood at attention between them, and with her other hand she pulled his head down to meet her lips.

He was lost.

And he knew it.

Jayne eagerly plunged his tongue into her waiting mouth, unable to fight it anymore: this undeniable, unyeilding, unexplainable desire he had for her. But it wasn't completely unexplainable...she made him feel worth something.

And by God, she wanted him. It was good enough.

None too gently, he hauled her up against his dripping wet body and turn to press her back against the side of the stall. With one hand he cradled her bottom and with the other he wrapped her left leg around his waist.

Breaking the kiss after many moments of stroking her silky skin, he leaned back to look at her. Eyes wild, hair sodden and flat, lips swollen from his unrelenting mouth--

She had never looked so beautiful.

Not sexy. Well, yeah. She was that. But right now she was the most beautiful woman in the 'verse.

"Can you see me?" she asked him.

"Seein' a whole lot o' you right now, baby girl," he responded waggling his eyebrows. "Must say I'm likin' what I am seein' too!"

"Not relevant. Can you see ME? Just the girl."

Jayne cocked his head to the side and let his eyes search her face.

"Yeah. I reckon I do," he replied softly and lowered his head to reclaim her lips.

Suddenly the water turned icy cold. They both shrieked in outrage and broke apart to move out from under the freezing spray.

"Guess we been in here a while," he said with a naughty smile, but reached for her again.

When the comm crackled, they both turned to look at it, confused.

"Sorry Jayne. The Shephard is lookin' for ya. Said something about a special hell and he didn't care if you were a hero or had a big damn gun. Don't let him see River," Kaylee warned.

He knew is was humped. Hard. And not in a good way.

"Wait? How did she...?" he started. Holy Hell. Kaylee KNEW!

He looked at River. "I didn't tell her," she quickly denied.

Hurridly, they donned their clothes.

A few moments later, Jayne stood poised to open the door.

"Wait!" she said sharply, and she pulled him down to kiss him passionately. "Remember: you are MY knight in rusty armour," she smiled.

Returning the smile, he said, "That I am." And he cracked open the door.

JUST in time to see Book pass.

"Ah, Jayne! When you get a moment..."

"How 'bout now?" Jayne offered as he squeezed out of the room and shut the door firmly behind him.

Book responded, "Now is as good a time as any. Come with me please. I need to speak with you about something important. Something special," he said ominously.

Jayne obediantly followed him to the cargo bay where the Shephard hoped he could speak with the man in private. Simon was the only one there.

"Have either of you seen River?" he asked.

Jayne opened his mouth to say 'no', but the preacher beat him to the punch.

"I believe she was in the shower," he said and look at Jayne accusingly.

Oh hell, Jayne thought. I am a dead man.

"Right. Thanks!" Simon called back over his shoulder as he turned and headed in that direction, completely oblivious to the fact that Jayne's hair was still wet.

Booked spun around quickly to face down Jayne.

"You will cease this misbegotten activity immediately!" he intoned. "She is young-- more than half your age!--and she is impressionable. She has no idea what she is doing by consorting with you, but YOU should know better. She could not possibly imagine the consequences of your actions!"

"Shephard--"

"I thought I would sermonize you; scare you with a description of the special level of Hell that you will burn in. Detail its firey tortures...even mention the brimstone."

He narrowed his eyes. "But I am not so sure that would register with you Jayne. It wouldn't scare you significantly enough to deter you," he said, disgusted. "See, I don't think that would be real enough for you to comprehend. And I suspect that the demons you live with haunt you far worse. I suspect you already expect to burn in hell."

"Shephard--"

"So instead, I'll leave you with this to mull over..."

Book then got right up in the bigger man's face undauntingly threatening:

"I WILL tell her brother. I WILL tell Zoe. I WILL tell the Captain."

"Shephard--?"

"Let me tell you what I will NOT do. What I will not do is defend you or protect you when--YES WHEN! they decide to castrate you and toss you, still breathing, out of the airlock. And you KNOW that they will do it."

He then glared at Jayne as he attempted once again to speak in his own defense. "Don't bother," he snapped as he clutched as his Bible, turned on his heel and strode away.

NOW, Jayne was worried. One might even say that he was afraid.