Author- Luna P aka Nikki
Rating- R for a lemon here and there
Warning- Rape, Yaoi, lemons, assassinations, more yaoi, more lemons, blood and gore with a ton of fluff on the sides n.n
Summary- Schwartz are back, with a vengeance. A new Takatori is holding the reigns and will do anything to destroy Weiss. Will they be able to stay together and fight when everything is falling apart around them? AyaxKen YohjixOmi
Disclaimer- When Aya and Ken realise their feelings for each other and fall head over heels in love with each other I will own it. Until then, nope sorry n.n
Pairing- Aya/RanxKen is the main with hints of YohjixOmi,
WKWKWKWKWKWKWKWKWKWKWKWKWKWKWKWKWKWKWKWKWKWK Chapter nine- Mind manipulation…Ken's POV
This time when I woke I was lying in my own blood, cold and stale from the night before. I wondered how long it had been since that moment, since Ran had raped me… just as he had, and told me point blank that I was nothing but a release, a quick screw, a fuck before he went back to her. Tears streamed down my cheeks and I wept into the floor, which offered no support or comfort to me whatsoever. I didn't know what to do now; he had broken in here and left without me…
Where did I belong? Who could I trust? Who could I turn to or talk to? Who cared for me now? Had Ran really needed to go to all of that effort just so that he could stay with Sakura? Did he love her so much? I refused to move from where I was curled up on the floor, after that night in the warehouse I had found it hard enough to walk, but after such a forceful rape I knew that any movement could set off more pain than I could handle right now.
I gasped when the door opened, it wouldn't be him again, it couldn't be, I couldn't stand to see him like that again. I couldn't stand for him to use me again,
"Ken? What happened?" Schuldig's voice, was that concern sincere? It sounded like it but these men were my enemies then again I didn't even know who my allies were so how could I know who my enemies were? So many questions, questions I just wanted to stop.
"Poor little kitten, and you were recovering so well," Farfarello whispered as he walked closer to me, his voice was melancholy and soft. Tender and loving in a way I would never have thought possible from the other. "Are you going to tell us what happened because when we left you yesterday you were fine and now look at you, bloody and broken." He walked closer to me and I moved away, trying to put some distance between him and myself. Yet they seemed to generally care,
"Ran? Really? Hm I did warn you, I feel like I should say I told you so but it would be inappropriate." The sapphire eyed German pondered over this for a while, he had no doubt read my mind, as Farfarello gained ever closer to where I was sat. I watched every movement he made with incredible interest. There was nothing that suggested I needed to have my guard up, infact he seemed very calm, very sane and believe it or not I felt safe locked away in a room with the two of them.
"He, he, he raped me…" I whispered though why I was telling them this I didn't know. I guess I just needed to talk to someone about it and they were the only ones there. Farfarello sighed and gently brushed several strands of hair out of my eyes, I flinched away from the contact, fearing that he might try to hurt me even though the touch had been nothing but innocent.
"Yes, it hurts doesn't it? Not only physically but emotionally and when it's someone close to you that you trust the emotional pain is almost too much to bear. I still remember the name of the man that raped me, Voltaire, a scientist at Rosenkreuz. Wanted to know how high my pain threshold really was, I killed him, but you won't do that, we all seek our revenge in different ways. How will you deliver yours?" I stared into the Irishman's one good eye for what seemed like an eternity then hugged my legs closer to my chest.
"I'm sorry I never knew," I whispered into my legs he shrugged and glanced over at Schuldig who was lighting up a cigarette before looking back at me.
"Why would you? It's trivial information, it doesn't matter, it happened and I got over it. Killed him and moved on with my life, perhaps it affected me and attributed to my insanity in some way but the truth is that we will never know will we? In the end it was just as much my fault as it was his," I snarled angrily and narrowed my eyes dangerously.
"How can you say that?" He smirked and titled his head to the left, staring at me in confusion and wonder.
"Because I appealed to him, if I would have been someone else I wouldn't have interested him and he would have ignored me. Never the less I wasn't and I did, I hold no grudge against him or myself if I would have acted differently then things would have been different. Life is a game of poker and God deals the cards he stacks our fates in decks and draws one blow every turn. There's no point in fighting against the cards your dealt it's the dealer who needs to be punished. Many people forget this and that is why they lose the game that is life," I must be going mad because that made more sense to me than anything else in my fucked up excuse for a life.
"But I can't forget that, I can't be like you, can't escape the emotional pain…not again…" I explained, Schuldig chuckled and crouched down next to Farfarello resting his hand lightly on my shoulder. His other hand holding the cigarette out to the white haired man to his left who took it and pressed the tip to the skin on his right hand. The pale scared flesh sizzled and burned underneath the contact, I couldn't help but stare in fascination.
"Farfarello can heal many wounds, those of the body and those of the mind, he may seem insane but he is the only man I would ever trust with my own sanity. Sometimes kitten in order to escape the pain you need to feel a little more," Schuldig told me, his hand slipping away from my shoulder and back to his side.
"And sometimes in order to be clean you need to get a little dirtier," Farfarello finished "You want the light you need to fall further into the darkness," Schuldig chuckled and stared over at his white haired partner,
"Truth be told emotional pain is a bitch and betrayal is a lot harder to deal with than people think. Every member of Schwartz has felt like this at some point during their lives, you have nothing left, no where to go, you're alone and it's hard, of course when you have nothing you have nothing to loose which makes you exactly what Schwartz want." Schuldig whispered and leant in closer to me his lips brushing against mine.
I should have pushed him away from me but I didn't, my mind froze then brought up images of Weiss as if it was trying to tell me that not all hope was lost and if I just waited they'd come and get me. But those ideals seemed to be ripped from my mind and replaced with ones of Weiss turning their backs on me. Ran raping me and then walking hand in hand with Sakura down the street, Kase passing me that bottle of water and telling me to drink. The news headlines the murders… murders I had committed in cold blood and one of Ran delivering me my final blow…
By the time my mind found reality again I just had time to register Schuldig's lips being pressed to mine and Farfarello's lips being pressed against my neck. As the German's tongue invaded my mouth the teeth of the Irishman sunk into my skin, biting down harshly enough to draw blood. My left arm seemed to have a mind of it's own as it sprang to life, I felt my hand make contact with the back of Farfarello's head but instead of hitting it, it merely pushed gently causing his teeth to sink deeper into my flesh. It felt absolutely brilliant; the pain of teeth ripping into skin took away the pain of being raped. I almost mourned its absence when he pulled away.
The two smirked at me, Schuldig balanced the cigarette between his lips and Farfarello licked away the blood that had slipped down his chin. I was in shock, I had just been kissed by Schuldig and I had enjoyed it, I had been bitten by Farfarello and I wanted for him to do it again, harder, deeper until he'd taken away every ounce of pain in my system. I wanted him to bite out my heart, so that it wouldn't ache anymore. He chuckled and leaned forward running his tongue over the wound on my neck, he proceeded to lick down my neck across my collarbone and down to my chest more specifically the patch of skin covering my heart.
He chuckled and nipped at the flesh, making me gasp slightly in surprise, how had he known my exact thought? Schuldig smirked and ran his hand through Farfarello's hair, then seductively down his back.
"I created a kind of 'loop' between us, I read your mind then pass the information onto him without any extra hassle. It makes everything twice as fun for us after all thanks to this little 'technique' of mine the both of us now know what your lips and your blood taste like. We can show you so much Ken, we can do so much to you, we can change your outlook on life and turn you into a completely different person."
"How?" Was the only question I asked, it was everything I wanted everything I had wanted since Ran had raped me and left me for dead and they were offering it to me. My enemies had saved my life and were now trying to save my soul; it was safe to say my outlook on them had changed drastically in the past few minutes.
"Easy, we make you forget everything, who you are, what you were, Weiss, Sakura, Ran, Kase, Siberian, him…" My eyes widened, he could go that far into my mind, how deep was that memory now? Obviously not buried deep enough…"even your own name and then we give you a new one. A chance to start all over again and live as someone else, live as Schwartz, live with us…" The words just seemed to hang in the air for a while, I couldn't take that offer, the stakes were too high. Forgetting everything, Omi, Yohji, Manx, Birman, Aya-chan, Momoe, everyone I knew and cared for. Forgetting Ran, sure he had betrayed me but I still loved him, maybe that was the reason to forget him because unless I did I would never move on or at least that's what my mind kept telling me.
Yet there was a section of my brain screaming at me to slow down and think about all of this logically, think about what this meant. A new life, fresh start, but in return I'd have to forget my past, simple things that I loved I would no longer remember, stuff like soccer and teaching the kids to play in the park. My time as a pro J leaguer, would I remember all of that? Would I have memories at all?
"Why worry about such futile things, so you won't remember one tiny detail, do you know how many things we forget in the space of just one day? The names of people we meet, old friends we haven't seen in years, what perfume that women at the jewellery store wears." Farfarello explained running his hand across my chest to the bandages around my waist, the only coverage I had on my entire body.
"But how can I be myself if I can't remember my past?"
"How can you be you if you can't move on because your past refuses to let you go?"
"Why is a madman speaking so lucidly and philosophically?" Schuldig chuckled and lit up another cigarette,
"Because he's not a madman, now do you want this new life or not? Hurry we don't have long before it can no longer be done." I stared at them, mouth wide and eyes questioning.
"How can I make such a rash decision that will affect the rest of my life? I'd have no past, no memories of a childhood or a life before the here and now. I couldn't live like that."
"Hm, hm, is that all that worries you kitten? We can give you memories, keep them as close to reality as possible you'd merely forget Kase and his betrayal as well as Weiss and theirs hm hm and 'his'." The Irishman whispered into my ear before his tongue slipped out of his mouth and began to toy with the lobe. "We can provide you with a new 'family' me, Schu, Nagi and Brad, so do you want it?" He asked before smashing his lips against mine, that tongue that had been playing with my skin for all that time finally plunging into my mouth. He tasted like blood and cinnamon a wonderful mixture or so I thought.
It was when he pulled away a voice in the back of my mind told me that a new start with Schwartz was exactly what I needed. More importantly it was exactly what I wanted, I wanted them and I wanted to forget…and so that's what I did…forgot who I was, what I did, Weiss, my birthday, Ran, my complete and utter love and adoration for him, everything that made me me…and all because they had offered and I had wanted a change. Stupid reasoning really…one that cost me my life and gave me another.
Ran's POV
I stared at the words printed on the inside of the case folder yet refused to take them in. Two and a half days, he had been missing for two and a half days, Omi was starting to panic now and was looking to the rest of us for consolation. He wanted us to tell him that everything was going to be ok, that Ken would walk back in through that door any minute now, but we couldn't because it would be little more than a lie. Truth be told none of us were able to believe that he would return anymore but we also refused to believed the worse. Shrouding ourselves in lies because the truth was something that had become too hard to bear as truth always did.
This was why I had always been so cold, why I had distanced myself from people, because after my family were killed and Aya-chan was hit by Takatori's limo. After I had lost everything I cared for I saw how much that hurt and I never wanted to feel that kind of pain again, so I built a wall around me and covered my heart with ice. Then I allowed him in, knocked down the wall and thawed the ice and that was the reason this stung so much. I had let him in, let him get close only to lose him.
Damn it, I knew I had taken things too fast, with that drug in his system it had confused him and screwed with his mind making him see things that weren't there or think things that weren't true. Schuldig had something to do with this aswell, he and Farfarello had toyed with Ken when he was at his most vulnerable, they had set it all up. They'd set Weiss up, Ken up; myself and we had all fallen for it, even me. Now Ken was paying the price with his sanity.
"Ran come on you have to eat something," I had been so caught up in my own little world that I hadn't even heard the door open or noticed Aya-chan's entrance until she had spoken, being unobservant was not something I did often. "If you say no, one more time I'm going to force feed you. You need to snap out of this, we're all worried about Ken you don't get to mope whilst the rest of us deal with everything." Her words were harsh and icy something that did not suit her one bit.
"Be careful or you'll end up turning into me Aya-chan and that is a very lonely existence indeed. I lost him sis, before I'd even really had him I lost him." She growled and slammed the door walking over to me and sitting on the edge of the bed, folding her arms over his chest in annoyance and staring at the now closed door before turning her head in my direction and shooting me a glare meant to kill.
"Stop feeling sorry for yourself, news flash Ran you fucked up big time. Ok fair enough, you didn't know about the drugs in his system but nevertheless Ken is a very emotional person and even to me, watching from the outside it seemed like you were stringing him along. Add in mind altering drug and Schwartz and you've got an emotional time bomb." I turned away and stared out of the window at the thunderclouds hovering above. Ken had hated the sound of thunder it made him cringe when he heard it I knew that much infact I knew a lot about him.
I used to watch him, listen to him, never talk back but listen, and he never seemed to mind that it appeared he was only having a one way conversation. Never seemed to mind that it appeared I wasn't listening I think deep down he always knew that I was, knew that when he was babbling I was listening intently. I smiled softly at the memories then turned to look at Aya-chan; she had spoken perfect truth. I had royally fucked up and I wanted so much to undo it all.
"What do you purpose I do Aya-chan? Forget him and move on with my life? It's been two days…he'll come back…"
"Who are you trying to convince? Me or you? Two days, think about that, Ken would never be gone for that long without calling us to say that he was ok, it's not a nice thing to think about but we have to face the fact that something has happened to him. I'm not saying that he's dead because there is no way that Hidaka Ken…well you know, but something has happened to him and you have to find out what. However, first of all you need to complete this mission because without Kritiker's help and support you will not find Ken and he will suffer as a result of that."
"When did you get so knowledgeable Aya-chan?" she smiled softly and placed her hand on my knee.
"Being in a coma for a year of your life gives you a lot to think about and a new outlook on life. You see how fragile it actually is and how important it is to live every moment to the full. Now come and eat something, you can't think if you haven't eaten," I nodded and sighed, standing and following her out of the room, I took one last glance at the door before I exited the room. No matter what there was still a part of me convinced that he would be knocking on the door in an hour or so. But as the day drew to a close that part seemed to get smaller and smaller until it was nothing but a tiny speck of hope on my heart.
And as the darkness that was night spread across the sky I made another promise, one that I swore on my blood I would not break no matter what. I promised that I would go and search for Ken, promised that I would find him and promised that I would bring him back to me because I loved him and needed him by my side in order to carry on…
Hidaka Ken had become far more than a companion, or a friend, or a being that I lusted over; he had become something I loved and I would get him back, no matter what. Nothing would stand in my way and nothing would stop me, not now, not this time…not ever again…
WKWKWKWKWKWKWKWKWKWKWKWKWKWKWKWKWKWKWKWKWKWK
Ok that's chapter nine done, ok the plot seems to have been slowing down but I'm planning for it to go increasingly faster in the upcoming chapters, certain things that have been left unmentioned will be revised and explained. Weiss' new mission for example and Yuuki will return plus…what about Kenken?
RosefaerietaleRed- I think what Ken needs at the moment is for someone to feel sorry for him. Yay you're still here and as far as I can tell liking what I'm doing, thank you for the review, it means a lot to me that people are still interested in what I'm doing. Hope you're still interested after this chapter and that I will get another review for it… pwease…(puppy dog eyes) thanks hun n.n
Silverwingedangle- (Stares at review in confusion and wonders where to start) I cannot believe we got the same game, that's kinda creepy…but cool too. Well Farfie asked what level I was on so I shall go ahead and answer, I got to stage three a while ago and got to the five targets and all of the horrible nasty 'we want you dead monster thingies' where I got stuck and just kept getting killed. So I'm there but I haven't been able to play it in a while because I hurt my wrist and I don't want to aggravate it but I will be going back to it soon AND THE TARGETS SHALL PAY, if Sieg doesn't get killed by them that it n.n You said that the chapter made you pissed, care to elaborate on why? And you're so right Sieg is hot but then again so is Victor n.n even though he stole my pretty legion. Keep the reviews coming they're cool.
shikigami-kun- I'm glad you liked the chapter, Ken does fit into the perfect victim category quite nicely, poor little boy. (Huggles him senseless.) Thanks for your advice on my friends, it's nice to know that so many of you care, I guess the most upsetting thing is all the time and effort I put in to being nice to them and buying them presents for their birthdays and Christmas and sticking up for them and inviting them over for meals and stuff only to hear that they never cared anyway and you may as well not have done it. Well I hope that this chapter lives up to your expectations and that I hear from you again soon thanks hun it's always nice to see that people are still interested in what I'm doing and I haven't bored everyone to death by now n.n
Gillian Sillis- I totally agree, each review reply is becoming half of the chapter. Ha yep I like the sounds of giving them out as a story in themselves, of course no one would know what we were talking about but oh well n.n
I'm sorry for making you cry but for the future you might want to keep a box of tissues beside your computer desk n.n just as handy little tip. n.n OK you asked me why Ran wasn't out helping with the search well I didn't really know myself but then after you'd asked I got to thinking about the reasoning behind it. I think what I've come up with makes a lot of sense so here it goes. You see Ran probably did want to go out and look for him but if you think about it then I don't think I'd be able to, I mean what if the worst happened and when he found him he was dead? I think that Ran is a very strong guy but think of what happened with Reiji Takatori and his family. Would he really put himself back in that situation? Would he be able to walk in and see Ken lying there, not moving, not there and be able to stay sane and coherent?
I'm not doubting Ran's ability to deal with things I'm just saying that he might be afraid to put himself in that situation. What I'm trying to get at is that he's too sure something bad has happened to Ken, which it has, and so he's prepared himself for the worse even though he doesn't want to believe in it. Only problem is that because he won't believe it he's becoming too sure that Ken will be fine he's trapped himself within a circle of confusion and lies and can't break free.
I think that he made Omi and Yohji go out looking because he thought that would be the ones to bring him back safely where as he can't seem to protect anyone from anything anymore. OK that made a lot less sense written down than it did in my head, trust me on that one. If you need more help with this matter then just tell me that what I said doesn't make a blind bit of sense and I will try and explain it in a better and more understandable way n.n
I'm so sorry to hear about your friend, no one should have to go through that, the loss of a loved one is always so hard to deal with and I never think you truly get over it. My dad left when I was like eleven and I haven't seen him since, and my Granddad, who I loved dearly died not so long after and I still miss him. I know that that's not the same, after all I know what has happened to them and where they are but you can't ever lose the hope that he will return to you safe and well because it is when you lose that hope that he will truly be gone. I'm not sure whether I'm a religious person or not but I do like to believe that there is something there for us, watching over us and caring for all of those we love.
I pray that one day your friend will return safe and well, but I also believe that he will forever be with you no matter what happens. I think that whenever someone leaves us, for whatever reason it may be, they leave us with their memories and wishes and it is then through us that they continue to live on, within our hearts and souls. I hope I haven't tripped on any emotional mine shells there, I'm not even sure whether you wanted to hear any of this or not. Truth be told I guess it's none of my business and you might not want me to go into any of this but I think that if you ever do want to talk to me, for whatever reason, outside of a review then my E-mail address is on my profile page and I check my E-mail all most everyday, failing that at least once a week. I'm not saying tell me your life story or anything just that there are times when you want to talk about something to someone who isn't involved n.n
Anyway, I too agree that it is sad Ran won't cry, he's keeping all of his emotions locked in like Ran is known to do. He needs to vent and I will have him cry at least ONCE before the end of the story because God knows the boy needs a good cry n.n let it all out there Ranny boy n.n and you're one hundred per cent right that emotions make you stronger not weaker. I think that if I didn't just cry every once in a while I wouldn't be able to deal with everything that life holds for us it may seem to some people that I'm upset over nothing but it's quite the opposite, I'm upset about everything, if you get what I mean by that. (Wow, this review reply is getting really philosophical, best turn that around quick n.n)
I take your criticism on board completely, I just had NO IDEA what to do with Ran, he was just there and he had to have these emotions that he had NEVER shown in the anime and I was just like 'wonderful another Kaiba Seto, Kai Hiwatari and other countless anime characters that have NO emotions. What to do this time?' Then again I also believe that because he DOESN'T show emotions, he himself wouldn't know how to deal with them when they arose and would just his anger take control of every situation because that is the only emotion he's familiar with and knows how to deal with. Does that make sense?
Sorry hun I had to stick up for my slap (he, he it's a deep dark secret that I love my favourite anime characters getting slapped mega hard around the face. Just for that impact and that look of shock, I love it n.n) my reasoning for why Manx slapped him is as follows. A, he was completely out of order and needed to go back to thinking rationally instead of being as crazed and furious at everything as he was. B, She too must have been upset about Ken going missing and so when she had her chance she took that out on whoever deserved it the most. And C, which kind of links back to B, I think that deep down she blamed Ran. I mean, feminine intuition and the fact that she has worked for them for so long would mean that she would have seen the chemistry between them and it wouldn't take a genius to put one and one together and see that Ran had done something stupid to upset Ken. End of the day she blamed him but she still cared for him and knew how he was feeling so a slap across the face was the best for both of them n.n and me n.n Yay constructive criticism can only help me grow…more…but not too much because then I feel like the whole fic is AWFUL n.n
The idea for the side affect took a lot of thinking, I'm no genius, no great scientist, however I do think that I have a way with words and thus I was able to phrase it in a nice way that made me look smart n.n (nods happily and stupidly.) And as you say I had to find a way to link in some of the aspects of his irrational behaviour to the drug so I thought emotions and brainwaves, what more can fuck with a person's mind and emotions? n.n The whole reason I was stretching for time before the 'explanation' was because I couldn't think of what to write (pathetic whimper) but I worked something out in the end n.n You will find this out later but Yuuki deals with drugs of all sorts so you can take it as a fact that he was the one that developed it, but no prize for him cause he's mean to Kenken, I'll take the prize n.n
Oh, be careful when you're praying, it's nice and all but you know what Farfie is like (pats him on the head and gives him another round of tranquilliser darts) there we go, nice and quiet. Hey I'm gonna go and try that on my little sister in a minute n.n And I wouldn't be an assassin either (turns to face everyone with a smile) it's not all fun and games kiddies you could be killed, where's the glory life of an assassin gone nowadays?
Ha, don't be worried about liking rape scenes unless someone is murdered or SERIOUSLY injured, if it's only in a fanfiction then I'm sure it ok. Trust me, when you watch Yami no Matsuei (Descendants of Darkness) you get used to there being rape scenes in both fanfiction and the anime and manga itself. (Glares at Muraki.) And they're not that bad…ok maybe I'm just weird as well but oh well…moving swiftly on from that topic. (Anime sweatdrop.) Let me just say this, never think that you are reading too far into something, that's a good thing, analyse every situation and work on it that's how I write and read so keep going hun, and it's always more fun when you come to your own conclusions n.n or so I think n.n
You know you said about the whole 'dramatic scene' you might want to keep that in mind…are you psychic or something? Because that's what I was thinking of doing but now I think I'll have to do something else so that it's a nice fun surprise for you and everyone else (nods happily)
Yep I'm glad you understood my explanation about Omi and Yohji, when I was typing it I was sat there thinking 'WHAT? No one's going to understand that' but you did which is good, you get a star and a cookie and…uh…a pen? That's all I got at the moment…man I gotta get some better prizes in here, (shrugs)
Ha, do you really think you'd escape with Farfie and not have me behind you every step of the way? (Laughs maniacally.) Who do you think that Nun was that Farfie ALMOST killed in Rome, or the waitress that Farfie ALMOST killed in San Francisco, or the lead singer of the rock band you went to see in Russian that Farfie ALMOST killed, or the…yeah I think you get the point n.n but trade my Kuma for Farfie? (Glances between the two.) I'll have…BOTH…(grabs Farfarello and runs of with him, Kumagoro bouncing around on my head as I did so)
Ah, ok back to the 'friends' situation. My best friend basically when I was asking her what was up and everything turned around and said, to my face which I suppose is better than behind my back though not really, 'Get lost, you were never anything to us but hassle anyway.' Basically after that I turned around and left, I mean how do you react to that? You help them through all THEIR problems even when they don't listen to yours, let them cry on YOUR shoulder when they wouldn't let you within a foot of their new shirt if you were upset only to have that shoved in your face. It's as I said a real low blow but what can you do? In my opinion the old saying 'sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me,' is wrong. I mean broken bones can mend but you remember cruel things that were said to you forever, words scar you on the inside, where they can't be seen or healed…
Hope to see ya again soon Gillie (Nikki growls and pouts that this time she was the glomped and not the glompee n.n then glomps back for having such a star reviewer.)
SUPER Hugs and kisses n.n