The Diary of Richard the Cucco

Seventh year, day three of King Ganondorf's reign

Location – Hyrule, where else?

05:00 Was awoken by Sylvia crowing. Damn she's annoying, but what a hot piece of ass. They're watching me.. I know it. That boy Link is unnatural. He has a strange aura.. Must look further into this. After all the introductions are done and dusted, a most strangely feminine man turned up.

"I am Sheik," He said. "Survivor of the Sheikah. I've been waiting for you…"

"…" Link said nothing, just giving the guy a questioning stare.

"And when I see you there, holding--"

"Whoa, whoa, wait up there, bud." Mike snapped. "The Hero of Time doesn't swing that way, 'kay?"

"Er… right.." Sheik began, staring at him. "As I was saying.."

"Just who are you?" Link asked curiously.

"I'm Sheik. I'm going now." He said, stepping back into the shadows.

We stared at him for a while.

"Just pretend I'm not here."

05:15 Arrive in the market square. At first we were confused and disorientated, then, we realised, with utter horror, that this was what the castle town had been reduced to. If cuccos could cry, I know Joseph would right now. This was his home. It had been perhaps one of the liveliest places in Hyrule. Now, it was a wreck, with houses reduced to ruins and Redeads scattered about the place. I shielded my eyes with my wing. I was afraid to see someone I knew. I was terrified that one of them might be the little girl who chased cuccos round the square, or perhaps the man who had sold me as a young cucco to Talon. A deep moan was emitted from its nonexistent mouth. I tried not to listen to it, worried it might sound like someone I would remember from times gone by. Link put on a brave face, unsheathed his sword and put his best foot forward. What happened next is something that will stick in my memory forever. After a few hacks with the sword, the creature let out an unearthly scream and keeled over. The scream attracted the others, who immediately started to lurch over. They weren't after us though. They wanted their dead companion. Each one reacted differently. One kneeled down and placed a hand on it's chest. The other plucked a dead lily from a dirty plant pot, and placed it atop the carcass. The third tore a leg off and chewed idly on it. The other took a hairy fit and kicked the wall, it's foot crumbling on contact.
"Lets get out of here." Link suggested.

06:00 Link thinks that we go to Kakariko to stock up. Sylvia wanted to go to Gerudo Valley so she could gossip with Nabooru. Women.

06:05 After a good bit of discussion, which is a fancy word for arguing, we go to Kakariko, mostly because The Womanly Man told him to. It's nice to know that Link is obedient.

06:30 Arrive in Kakariko, and for some reason head to the graveyard.

Sylvia started singing that irritating song, the one that goes, "Dem bones, Dem bones."

Joseph told her to zip it. I thanked him.

06:35 Upon getting very angry, Link kicked a grave stone. Instead of breaking his toes, though, the stone slid forward. Shrugging, he climbed down, us following close behind.

A ghostly voice was singing…

An: Yay! Next chapters full of Dampe bashing. :-)

I miss Lawrence.. He was so much fun to write.. Wipes a tear away. I think there was a li'l bit of him in Sam.. You know, before he drowned.

I miss him. 

Anyways, I'm really sorry for the long wait. School starts in three days and so its becoming incredibly hard for me to write humour.

All of the cuccos are © ME! The author.

I do not own Zelda.