Jayne had been avoiding River again.

She was miserable; he was stoic. She annoyed the hell out of everyone; he locked himself in his room. She started ripping lables off of the food again. He cleaned his guns and tried to forget the taste and smell of apples.

So when Simon actually approached the man he thought of as an 'untrained ape' for his help, actually came to his room, hat in hand (so to speak)...Jayne knew he had to deal with her. And soon.

While most everyone else slept, or tried to, an exhausted River sat in the common room ripping the pages out of books. Simon looked on helplessly and tried to reason with her.

"But mei-mei! You like these, the fairy tales. They are just like the ones Mother--"

"LIES!" she yelled at him accusingly. "All just...lies," she sobbed then buried her face in her arms, crying.

He had comforted his sister upon waking, free of the torture. He had held her as she cried in fear chanting 'hands of blue'. He had soothed her panic after they were both woken by the nightmares. But she wouldn't let him near her this time, even after he managed to drug her.

This time, something was different.

Simon was actually glad to see Jayne when he stepped into the room. Jayne silently acknowleged the doctor, jutting his chin forward. For once, the worried young man easily let someone else take over, and left quietly. He just didn't want to see her like this, and wasn't going to question the man, as long as it helped his sister.

Softly, Jayne sat down on the very edge of the sofa and placed his hands on her shoulders. He turned her to him gently.

Despondent and still crying, River crawled into his lap and twisted her hand in his shirt.

Her tears were tearing him apart. That's why I gotta do this, he told himself. Can't slay no dragons if'n I'm dead.

"River, baby girl, you gotta listen to me..."

She sobbed loudly then stuffed her fist in her mouth, shirt and all.

"This has got to stop. This...US? It just can't be. Mal or Zoe, or even your uptight brother finds out--they're gonna space me. Won't even bother with a bullet."

"See, I..." he paused unsure of what he wanted to say next. "This here's the second best job I ever had. I get me a good cut on jobs that pay, my own room, and free reign of the kitchen. These people, they like me. Ok, maybe not like, but they tolerate me. And they need me, whether they's liable to admit it or not."

"I guess what I'm tryin' to say is...I'm finally a part of something, again. Something that matters; something that ain't just me trying to get one over on the next guy. Although, that is usually what we do..."

"You just gotta understand, this here's my home now. This crew is like fa--," he choked on the words.

"This crew IS my family. I get what Mal was trying to say now. And you're a part of that family."

He pulled her away by her shoulders to look her deeply in the eyes. "But we can't go on like we was. Can't nothin' come o' that."

Watching the tears stream down her face made him falter again for a second, agonizing on what he was to say next. He tucked that lock of hair behind her ear and continued after taking a deep breath.

"But no more games. No more hugs, no more touches. No more kisses, dong ma?"

"No more secrets?" she whispered forlornly.

He could only nod.

"I'll protect you any way I can...fight to the death for ya, if the need arises. Just like I will for any of 'em. But we can only be friends from now on. This is how it's gotta be," he said firmly.

Jayne stood up and placed her back on the sofa where she promptly buried her face in the cushions. He stroked her hair gently and bent down to kiss her head one last time. As he straightened, he took a ragged breath, and his eyes were bright with unsed tears of his own.

He turned to leave and she lifted her head to call out his name.

"Jayne?"

"Yeah?" he answered with a sigh, looking at the ground, not daring to turn around and face her.

"You said this was the second best job you've ever had. What was the first?"

"Dragon-slayer," he told her her sadly, his heart in his throat. Then he left the room.

Fat tears rolled down her cheeks as she cried, even though his answer gave her some small measure of hope.

On the stairs, no one heard Kaylee as she too cried, silently--heartbroken for them. And she wondered if she would end up doing the same as River: crying over a love lost before it ever had a chance to grow.

No one heard Book gently close his door, now unsure of the part he played in that heartache. He was very glad to be going to the Abbey soon. He needed to meditate and reflect on his reaction (over-reaction?) to his discovery. He needed to be sure that what he did, what he said, was not due to other factors--secrets of his own.

Most importantly, no one saw Mal as he looked on from the shadows of the other doorway. His mercenary had suprised him for the second time that week. And he was not at all sure he liked that.

Jayne Cobb was turning out to be a completely different man than the one he thought he had hired.