CHAPTER ELEVEN: Consider the Possibilities

PART TWO…Ignore It …

Studying modern texts on a portable screen, Vash sat in the dark. His daughter and Vanessa slumbered peacefully.

Every hour or so, Vash stood and shuffled with bare feet towards his daughter's small room. In the soft light emitted by the edges of the ceiling, he watched her subtle movements with a fixed expression. Leaving her, each time, he gave barely a glance towards his own bed, where a body lay curled up tightly, hair tousled against the pillow.

Returning to the screen and concentrating solely on these texts, Vash tried to stave away the confusion abuzz within his skull. Meryl or Vanessa, children or one, isolation or danger, excitement or security…each dilemma spun round at its own axis in his mind, whirring and purring hypocrisies unless drowned out by complicated science abstracts and historical studies.

But as he paused to rub the bridge of his nose, the conflict arose once more.

He had assumed he'd made his choice. With Vanessa, a plant, Vash found the sort of family he never knew he could have. He found someone who wouldn't leave him, who gave him offspring. With plants he wouldn't be alone. Humans were just as (if not more) interesting people, but they were so fragile. Vash never wanted to see the look on a loved one's face, filled with doubt and horror after noticing that his skin wouldn't wrinkle as theirs did – that while their health wavered and age drained their vitality, his body could change only into a weapon.

As if in reply, his body reminded him of the scars. A particularly long one, which snaked up his back, over his shoulder, and down his chest, began to throb. Certainly, his scars had always hurt. There'd rarely been a moment in which they did not itch or sting or become sore from movement alone. Usually he paid it little mind, considering the length of time and constancy with which the pain came. But lately he had been paying too much attention to himself. He had pitied himself an awful lot lately. He wished he could stifle the self-sympathy as he had in the past. Perhaps it was because there were no people to save, nor any global issues that he alone needed to face. Without the drama of the past, he was left to become a miserable product of grief and doubt. Why couldn't he just be happy with the future he had been dealt?

Now there were options. Not only could he have his immortal, healthy children, but he could also spend intimate time with a human, or perhaps, in the future, other humans, that knew his secrets and loved him anyway. How perfect was that? Surely this was the way to go.

After all, Vanessa had suggested as much so simply. Immortality didn't make monogamy any very logical option.

A hot tear tickled his nostril and he wiped it away, sniffling. He could pretend to be an adult, abandoning desires and adventure, but it was too deeply ingrained in his personality after 150 years. Everyone was safe and sound, and he could live like a human now. Maybe it was finally time for Vash to feel pleasure without so much hesitation and guilt. Maybe, now, everything bad wasn't his fault. Maybe he could relax. Maybe he could have the best of both worlds: human and plant.

A soft smile spread across half his face. He stared down at his hands and set the screen down for the night.

He walked over to the bed and crawled under the covers with far more caution than he had exercised while sneaking into hostage situations on Gunsmoke. In no time he felt himself losing consciousness, curling into a loose and warm fetal position, facing away from the heavy-breathing figure beside him.

OXO

"Surprise Vash."

His eyes flew open, and he lay there, stiffly waiting for the punch line. What had she said? Did he imagine that? Sure, she mumbled in her sleep sometimes, but this was weird.

"Leave…me…No. Forget it. No. No. I'm…free."

"What?" he whispered, wondering if she was sleeping or not. He turned and leaned over her shoulder to see her clenched face as she went on.

"Free. Nuh…ungh." The words became jumbled and slurred, until she began breathing faster and whimpering softly. Her breath was catching in her throat, making a slightly wet suction sound.

Vash rubbed her shoulder until she breathed in sharply, gasping. Her eyes flew open and she blinked into the darkness until she realized where she was. Shuddering still, she rolled onto her back and stared up into his face, attempting to catch her breath.

Taking his hand from her arm, he became uncomfortable. "You were having a nightmare. You okay now?"

Vanessa looked as though thinking hard, then nodded.

"What was it about?"

Again, she hesitated, sweat glistening on her nose and forehead. Still looking up into his face with that blank stare, she swallowed. "Don't remember."

In a natural reaction, Vash kissed her forehead like one would for a child. "Well, it's okay now. Think you can get back to sleep?" he asked.

She nodded, blinking her gaze away and watching him curl away from her once more.

OXO

The next afternoon, Vanessa took a break from painting to visit Joseph once more. He had at first seemed as distant and distrustful of her as she felt towards humans in general, and as she warmed to him, he seemed to open up to her as well.

Initial chitchat became involved conversation as he went over the details of his career. Vanessa nodded and stared in full attention as he told the tale, stopping him to have him explain in better detail such things as his relationships with his past three girlfriends and the ever-distant relationship he had with his parents and younger sister. Considering her own, untold tale, his worries and dramas were nothing, and she shouldn't have found him interesting at all. But somehow, his trivial stories were interesting, and she smiled honestly.

Throughout their meeting, Joseph's eyes were narrowed, studying her reactions. He still had a hard time believing she was befriending him for any other reason than to boost her own ego or to betray him somehow in the art world. Nevertheless, venting was beneficial.

He began to speak of his third and most recent ex-girlfriend, and the memory made him angry. "She was the worst one. She cheated on me."

Vanessa looked a little confused, and Joseph expanded that thought. "I never really found out for sure, but I think she ran off with a good friend of mine. It wouldn't have pissed me off so much, but she never explained why."

Her stare left him, and a spark of pain hit her expression. As much as Joseph wanted to ignore it, he felt obligated to ask. "What's the matter?"

"Nothing. Sorry."

"What, someone did that to you too, huh?"

"Sort of, but not really. It's hard to explain," she tried, looking up again.

Joseph leaned back and crossed his arms. "Vash, right? What makes you think he-"

"Hey," Vanessa interrupted, her chest feeling tight somehow. "Nothing makes me think he's…Nothing. Okay?"

Chuckling a little at her reaction, Joseph held up his arms. "No offense or anything. But if you want to talk about things you may wonder about, I might be able to offer an opinion. I have experience in this stuff."

They sat in silence for a moment.

"I'm sorry, Vanessa," Joseph continued. "I don't want to hurt your feelings. Sorry."

"It's okay, it's not your fault. I've just…Nevermind."

Joseph's eyebrow lifted. "What is it?" he asked genuinely.

Hesitating for a moment, Vanessa conceded to herself that this was tit for tat. He had revealed personal things, and it was only fair if she did, too. "Well, it's silly, maybe, but I had this dream last night…"