A/N: Part of this was inspired by another ficwriter (Jayne liked it, rather than River...you'll know what I am talking about when you get to it); but I cannot find the link to the story ANYWHERE. If you know the Author and story PLEASE comment so that I can give credit where credit is due.

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After dropping an uncharacteristically morose Book at a nearby Abbey, Mal gathered the crew in the cargo hold and explained the situation.

"So it looks like our part of the job is gonna take another day before it gets to us. That means we are gonna have to dock Serenity and mingle with folk."

"Aww, Cap'n. Do we have to?" questioned Kaylee, who only wanted to look, not stay.

"Yes, um...does that seem a wise course of action considering that where we are going is likely to be teeming with vacationing Core and Central Planet dwellers? Many are bound to be VERY well-connected to the Alliance and I feel..." began an obviously wary Simon.

But Mal cut him off with: "Not gonna be a problem, Doc. Jester got you a right spiffy disguise; just gotta get Jayne to bleach yer hair."

"WHAT?" Simon exclaimed, clearly horrified. Now, whether it was at the thought of being a blond or of Jayne doing the actual hair job was questionable.

With a smirk the Captain told him, "You are such an easy mark. Don't worry, there's no need. Cortex connections are strictly limited to stationary units and are tightly monitored. There is some kinda dampening field to restrict wireless access. Jester already has a call into Mr. U and they are gonna see what they can patch together to keep suspicious folk from being nosey. You two will be secure," he added confidently.

"Hiding in plain sight," River whispered.

"But still, Mal...I think--"

"Ain't no thinkin' to it. You and your sister are coming off the boat with the rest of us. Can't have Serenity orbiting the Casino Sky-Plex for an extra day. Thing like that WILL make people suspicious; suspicious folk talk. And besides, I am sure little Miss Kaylee would just love to have you escort her to see one of them fancy shows they got playin'. Something called 'Less Miserable'?"

Simon tried to correct him. "Les Miser-"

"Whatever. Here is a key card for each of your rooms. Don't lose 'em; they are your 'get in free' pass to just about everything. And before you ask: No, Jayne. Whores is extra, but cheer up--whiskey is included," he explained.

"And last but not least, here are some chips courtesy Jester. Gamble, cash 'em in and go shopping...whatever. Just try not to spend it all in the first few minutes."

Wash hugged Zoe to him and said, "Oh, I don't think I am going to let the little wifey get near the tables if what she told me about the rooms having a bathtub big enough for FOUR is anywhere near true!"

"Expectin' company?" Jayne sneered and volunteered.

"I will hurt you," Zoe reminded him with an ominously arched brow.

"Well now, Simon--you, Kaylee, me and Jayne will all take turns totin' your sister 'round for the next two days. You look like you could use a break; I know I would if she was my kin." Mal hesitated. "So, before you protest, do not mistake this for a request. You and Miss Sunshine take the first 12 hours. Team up or split it as you see fit. You could take River to see the circus animals, or to a show," Mal suggested.

Simon thought about this and said with a sneer, "I will probably want to medicate her before leaving her with Jayne. She has been quite agitated around him lately. Wouldn't want him to be injured again. But then again..." he trailed off.

River cringed when he mentioned the medication, but no one seemed to notice.

"Never listens," she muttered under her breath.

"What about you Cap'n? What are you gonna do?" asked a now cheerful Kaylee.

"Me? I got a bar to find. One highly populated with Alliance sympathizers, if I'm lucky," he answered bobbing on his toes.

Zoe smirked and asked, "Sir, celebrating U-Day in style, as usual?"

He grinned maniacally.

Wash raised his hand, and casually mentioned, "Is that something that you WANT to be doing, Mal? Won't that bring the 'unwanted attention' from 'suspicious folk'?" He even used the air quotes.

"Heh! Jester told me I couldn't start no fights. Didn't say I couldn't try to finish one! Besides, this time I KNOW I got Jayne to back me up from the get-go...what with his heartwarming revelation and all."

Several confused glances were exchanged, as the others had not been let in on the secret yet.

But Jayne growled in displeasure then mumbled something about the feng le girl and not listening no more. He glared at her and thought, Glad that's been dealt with.

River frowned at the term he used, returned the look with a sarcastic sneer and rolled her eyes.

"So, everyone's got a little under an hour to get what they need and head out. Kaylee?" Mal pointed up to the catwalk, "Inara put a box on the landing with some stuff in it for you and River to look through. Help her find something to wear."

"Sure Cap'n! Where is 'Nara?"

"Looks like she found a bunch of respectable clients here," he answered snidely.

"Well, that's a real good thing," Kaylee said with a smile. "I know she ain't had none in a while. CLIENTS, that is," she amended hastily. "We all need to work." She looked around for support and several people nodded.

"Right. Didn't I give you stuff to do?" Mal countered, clearly displeased at the reminder.

"Yes Cap'n Grumpypants. 'Mon River. Let's see what's in the box; I bet there's something in there that'll make us both look pretty. We'll take it to your room."

And with that, everyone dispersed.

Once in the room, Kaylee picked out a white cotton peasant style top for River, and told her how pretty it would go with her pink skirt. There were also a pair of sandals that almost fit, but River shook her head, declining.

While Kaylee continued to dig around, River bunched up a piece of black material, and a smaller red piece, that had fallen out of the box and hid them beneath her.

Kaylee gasped and held up a simple pair of silver hoops, then put them in her friend's ears.

"Well ain't that downright shiny! Now, you get dressed and pack a bag. No tellin' what we'll need here, so look through the box again, if ya want. I gotta get some stuff from my bunk and the engine room. And I should probably change, huh?"

Kaylee held up an emarald green silk A-line dress she rescued from the box and asked dreamily,
"Think Simon wi--will this look good enough for the show?"

River smiled at her hasty correction and they giggled like school-girls.

"I guess anything's better than my coveralls. Oh, and do something about yer hair, 'K?" Kaylee admonished as she left.

"'K!" River mimicked brightly.

River put on the white shirt, which dropped off one shoulder, and the pink skirt, then poked her head out of her room just as Jayne was rushing by.

Holding out her hairbrush, River called to him, "It won't behave. Has a life of its own, but won't let me cut it. Can you help?"

"Gorramit, girl! What do I look like..?" he began. Whole ruttin' ship thinks I'm a hair dresser, he thought angrily.

"Please?" she pleaded looking up at him with those enormously expressive brown eyes.

"Ta ma de," he growled.

Jayne dropped his bag, stomped over and opened the door completely, as a precaution. He didn't want her trying anything again that would make his John Thomas follow her to Sihnon and back, and he wanted to make sure anyone passing could see what he was doing was completely innocent.

Onlyafter they sat on the bed, and once he got his hands on her hair, Jayne was having anything but innocent thoughts about River. All he could think about was having that hair trail down his chest after her lips like the girl in the dream. The water nymph sprung quickly to mind, as did how she looked with her hair soaking wet while in his arms. He wanted to wrap his fist around the bulk of it and drag her head back for his mouth to explore that swan-like neck and let his lips trail to her...

He shook his head trying to clear his thoughts. No sexin' up the craz--the Doc's sis, he reminded himself. My decision...don't want to get spaced. Right. Concentrate on gettin' the job done.

Jayne took the time to separate River's hair into sections, and the began to gently, but firmly, comb out the knots. He started with the ends, and slowly worked up to the roots where there were no tangles. Then he brushed out that section completely. He did this for another section, and by the time he got to the third, River was making some unusual sounds.

"I ain't hurtin' ya none, am I?" he asked, his voice tinged with only the slightest bit of concern.

River choked out, "No! Just...don't stop."

Jayne shrugged and continued brushing out the whole length of her hair. Hope she don't ever cut it. Shines like Obis...Osbi...that black glass when it's cared for, he thought, and continued to mentally count to 250 like his Ma used to do with Matty.

Holy hell...is she purring?

Without stopping his ministrations, he noticed that she was breathing very rapidly, her eyes were closed, and she had the bedsheet wadded tightly in her fists.

When he heard her breath catch and start coming in little gasps, he almsot dropped the hair brush. He saw how her body was held tight as a drum, and instead of pushing her away, like he knew he should do, he gathered her hair in his fist, pulled her head back to rest on his chest and whispered seductively in her ear, "Like that do ya Baby girl?"

So much for his resolve not to touch her. So much for 'no more secrets'.

The warmth of his breath and the tone of his voice was enough to send River over the edge. She opened her mouth and Jayne panicked, thinking she might scream or moan really loudly. So he clamped his hand over it, and just watched, fascinated, as she came.

Gorram girl got off on havin' her hair brushed! he thought, still in awe and smirking with manly pride.

Proud and in awe until she bit his hand, anyway.

"Effect...not just...result of act," she told him as she struggled to catch her breath. "Players, intentions--all important to the game."

And that's when it hit him.

"No games, River. Remember?" he gruffly reminded her, and himself.

"Understood. However, you have the sanctuary of sleep and dreams with which to find release...it was only fair that I had this. Now, be good Jayne. Do you need a restraining device?" River finished with a smile.

"What? For wha-, who-...oh yeah. For yer hair," he answered, wiping his hand on his pants leg.

Ai ya! Now I smell like apples, he cursed shaking his head. But he took the tie she offered, and finished off her hair by pulling just the front bit back and braiding it.

After he wrapped the brightly colored piece of elastic in her hair, he pushed her away and ordered, "Go on now, git!"

"This is my room," she reminded him with an impish grin, then mimicked him. "You git!"

"Oh, right," he huffed as he got up, grabbed his stuff and headed off of the ship.

I DEFINTELY need a drink, he told himself. And a woman...