Author- Luna P aka Nikki
Rating- R for a lemon here and there
Warning- Rape, Yaoi, lemons, assassinations, more yaoi, more lemons, blood and gore with a ton of fluff on the sides n.n
Summary- Schwartz are back, with a vengeance. A new Takatori is holding the reigns and will do anything to destroy Weiss. Will they be able to stay together and fight when everything is falling apart around them? AyaxKen YohjixOmi
Disclaimer- When Aya and Ken realise their feelings for each other and fall head over heels in love with each other I will own it. Until then, nope sorry n.n
Pairing- Aya/RanxKen is the main with hints of YohjixOmi,
WKWKWKWKWKWKWKWKWKWKWKWKWKWKWKWKWKWKWKWKWKWK Chapter thirteen- Trying to stop the tide… Kamui's POV"No kiddo, not like that, see you've got to balance it on your head like this," I chuckled softly as I watched the kid try to keep the soccer ball on his head for longer than a second before it rolled straight off again, unfortunately no such luck. He growled softly and collapsed onto the floor folding his arms over his chest and sticking his lower lip out in a pout. I sat down beside him and gently ruffled his hair laughing softly at the child's expense. "You'll get it in time you just wait and see, I thought that you said your uncle used to teach soccer,"
"He did, but Yuuki told me to stay away from him and I always do what aniki tells me, he knows what's best for me." I nodded at that and winked at the boy whilst moving closer to him and whispering softly into his ear.
"Don't worry, I played soccer with Farfie and Schu when I was a kid, they were much worse than you. You just have to keep at it and you'll get better, you'll see," The boy smiled at me before throwing his arms around my waist and burying his head in my shirt.
"You don't fit with them," was the muffled speech I heard slip from the boys lips
"Excuse me?"
"Farfarello and Schuldig, you're not like them, you're different, soft and kind whilst they're harsh and cruel." I chuckled softly at that and thought about the other two men, I loved them that's all I knew, they had always been there for me and I knew that they always would be. I could trust them, I could feel safe with them of course that thought didn't explain to me why the way they touched me felt wrong. So odd. I quickly dismissed those thoughts and remembered back to the other day when we had gone to that funeral and seen that man with crimson hair, and eyes of violet that could shatter any soul and any dream and yet so easily could turn around and melt any heart. I felt something shift inside of me whenever I thought about those eyes, I feeling I was unfamiliar of. It was something I couldn't explain and wasn't going to try to.
"Hm, you only know one side of me chibi trust me when I'm not around you I'm more myself, more adult, I'm more like them. It is then that I show how much I fit with them, do you dislike them?" The kid sighed and shook his head, smiling softly,
"No, they're ok, I just like the way you are now a lot better you remind me of aniki before…well…before he had to become everything to me. I asked him once when I was a lot younger and I was upset because the kids of school were making fun of me, saying that I was a freak because I didn't have a mother or a father only aniki. I asked him, 'Aniki, where is ka-san where is otou-san?' he seemed somewhat confused yet answered immediately he told me that although they were not with us they were always with us." He paused for a moment as if trying to make sense of something.
"What did he mean by that?" I asked the boy smiled softly and took my hand in his own holding it with a firm grip that shocked me slightly.
"That's what I asked him, he merely took my hand like this and put it over his heart, telling me that they would always live on inside our hearts even if they were not around anymore." He placed my hand on his chest, holding it over his heart. "He was always busy then, always working till late at night on stuff that he always told me was of no importance to me, telling me instead to go and play, but who was there to play with? There was aniki and there was I and no one else to care for us. I got really upset at that thought, I mean what if he left me? I'd be alone and I was too young to even think about caring for myself. He must have heard me crying when he was on his way to bed because before I'd even realised it he was sat beside me asking me what was wrong. I didn't exactly know what to say so I just sat up looked at him and asked him where was I?" He let go of my hand and stared down at the grass.
"What did he say?" I prompted my curiosity somewhat perked,
"He just laughed, for a long time, I growled and shouted at him hitting him and telling him that this was serious. He stopped and wrapped his arms around me telling me that I was right there in his arms, that I was with him. Then he took my hand and gently placed it over his heart telling me that I was there also, that I was in his heart and that I always would be. He stayed with me that night, read me a story but instead of tucking me in and leaving he climbed into bed beside me hugging me against his chest, whispering that I was in his heart. Within each and every single beat and that I was the most important thing to him in the entire world."
"Why are you telling me this chibi?" He shrugged and began to toy with a blade of grass, shadows consumed us and danced off of our bodies as a cloud drifted over the sun and danced across the otherwise blue sky.
"Because it was then that I realised how much I meant to Yuuki and how much he had sacrificed to make me happy. He had given up everything so that I could have everything and I hated myself for even thinking that my life was miserable. Do you understand Kamui, if someone loves you they attempt to give you the world do they not?" I nodded dumbly unable to speak, why was he telling me this? What relevance did it have to anything?
"You're being very cryptic," He sighed and climbed back onto my lap grabbing hold of the cross pendant and staring at it in a mix of confusion and fascination.
"It's pretty, they gave you a necklace, but would they give you the world?" It was a moment of complete clarity. The boy sat on my lap no longer spoke or acted like a child but a full grown adult who had felt love and betrayal and knew how to juggle them just so that they wouldn't hurt him ever again. He scared me in that moment, terrified me infact there was immense sadness and pain within the usually happy childlike eyes. "Aniki tries his best to give me the world, and he wants me to enjoy it even if he is not there to enjoy it with me."
"Are you ok?" I asked and with a blink of his eyes he was back to the child he had just been three minutes ago, happy and ready to pout about the fact that he couldn't play soccer. Was it me? Had I imagined it all? Had I gone mad?
"Sure! We should play soccer again some time soon Kamui; maybe we could get Yuuki to play with us. He needs to take a break once in a while," The kid chuckled and lunged at me attempting to tickle me, I chuckled and moved to my left slightly catching the child in my right arm and tickling him instead. "H…Hey…n…no…f… f… fair…" he gasped out inbetween giggles. Why did all of this feel so natural to me? Why was hanging out with kids so natural to me when I hadn't been around a child of this age in years?
"Having fun?" I glanced up to see Yuuki smiling at us happily, he looked tired and slightly dishevelled probably having worked all night and most of today. Damn it I knew he was my boss and he was supposed to tell us what to do but this kid, and he was a kid, needed to get some rest of he was going to get ill. His brother giggled happily and ran over to his brother hugging him tightly.
"Yeah, Kamui's been trying to teach me to play soccer," a dark look crossed over Yuuki's face before the smile returned and he glanced over at me, eyes heavy and clouded over with a wish for sleep.
"How nice of him, thank you Kamui, I really needed to get this done and I didn't know who else to call. Nagi was at school, Brad hates children and well I don't really feel that my brother is safe within the hands of Schuldig and Farfarello." I smirked and laughed quietly, nodding,
"Yep I can understand that," More clouds seemed to float across the sky turning it from a happy blue to a dark grey, Yuuki sighed at the change in the weather and shrugged.
"What a shame, it's been so long since I've had a chance to see anything other than a computer screen or business reports, oh well, time to go inside little brother. You should go get something to eat, Kamui would you like to stay for dinner?" I nodded and smiled over at Yuuki standing up and walking over to the teen. He seemed different today, no longer the stoic icy business man that Schuldig and Farfarello kept telling me about but a weak and lonely teenage boy that needed more than just a brother…and I believe that Yuuki was someone who deserved soo much more.
"Are you alright Yuuki?" I asked quietly, he stopped and turned to me wrapping his arms around himself to shield his body from the cold. He seemed utterly perplexed by the question, that surprised me, had no one ever shown him even a hint of kindness before?
"Yes just a little tired that's all, and hungry I guess I haven't had a chance to eat. Sometimes I think I get confused when I'm working and think that I don't need nourishment or sustenance of any kind. But it turns out I'm human after all and so I have to eat and take better care of myself I guess." He shivered again and I quickly removed my coat draping it over his shoulders. "Why? We're less than a meter away from the house." I shrugged and smiled at him,
"It might be cold in there too, you need to start looking after yourself a little more Yuuki. Or at least allow someone to take care of you," I sighed and stared into his eyes, there was something I liked about this kid something I wanted to protect and take care of. I couldn't give a reason why but I wanted to help him, god what the hell was wrong with me? This is not how I usually acted, I was Monou Kamui codename black angel, I was Schwartz and cared only for the well being of my teammates and myself. Wasn't I?
"You're a strange person Kamui,"
"So I've been told,"
Ran's POVI didn't understand this, didn't understand a minute of it anymore. I wanted to cry but couldn't I wanted to beat Yohji until he couldn't walk yet knew that he had only done what he thought was right. I wanted to blame everything on Sakura yet I knew that it was all my fault. Most of all I wanted to tear Schwartz limb from limb and find out where Ken was because now I knew for sure. There was no way he was dead, they still had him, I couldn't help but wonder though if that was just me lying to myself again. Why wasn't there ever an easy way to know the truth?
I had once told Schuldig that he could not hide the truth with lies, yet from where I was sat he seemed to be doing a very good job of that so far. The shop was strangely quiet today, which suited me just fine. Thing was the shop had been quiet ever since Ken had left, it didn't matter how many people were in the building the fact that he wasn't made it seem so quiet and desolate. Omi and Yohji seemed to be getting on better with each other infact yesterday I had even found the making out on the couch in the mission room.
I think if I hadn't have been Fujimiya Ran I would have cried then, that should have been Ken and me, shouldn't it? My heart clenched and contorted painfully that they were moving on and finding happiness and I was allowing myself to be frozen where I stood because the man I wanted to move on and start a life with wasn't around anymore.
"Ran! Hey, sorry I'm late I had to call Mika and ask her if she got the concert tickets for Friday, we're gonna go and see this awesome new band. Oh no, I forgot to ask Aya-chan for the day off. Oh well I'm sure she won't mind," I ignored Sakura and continued to stare and the desk infront of me. A day after Ken's funeral and she was talking about going to a concert. I think if my katana would have been within my reach then they girl would not still be standing, at very least she would be missing an arm. I vaguely registered that she was wandering over to me, my mind was elsewhere…
"So uh…I was just wondering what you were doing on Friday." I growled lowly underneath my breath and allowed my hands to clench at my sides. She could not see this action due to my hands being concealed by the desk. I knew that if I didn't do this to contain the rage I could feel bubbling just below my skin I would lash out and take all of my anger out on her and as much as I disliked her at present I did not mean to cause her such intense pain.
"I am going to Ken's grave," I explained, eyes shadowed by my hair. She made a slight noise that was a mixture of disappointment and anger before she jumped up onto the desk and placed her hand on my shoulder. As if to comfort me,
"Ran, you need to put it behind you now, Ken's gone, get over it…" that was the last straw, who did she think she was to tell me what to do? She knew nothing of the loss I felt, of the confusion and pain I was faced with now that I had begun to doubt what I believed to have been the truth. She didn't know what it felt like to go to the funeral of the man you loved, and watch as an empty coffin was lowered into the ground, a body had never been found at the site, and then to see what you swore was him stood off in the distance with your enemies no less.
And yet she had the insolence to stand before me and tell me to get over it. A day no less after my whole world had been shattered, a mere few hours after I'd seen someone that resembled Ken so much stood in the cemetery watching me mourn from a far. I felt like ripping her apart as I screamed at her that it was all her fault, that she had tricked me into hugging her and showing her such affection that it had confused Ken. Whom had been under the effects of mind altering drugs aswell as having a past so traumatising still poking at him from the back of his mind and made him believe that I had used him for nothing more than sex. It was her who had made him believe I loved her more than he… if only all of that could have been true…
With a snarl I grabbed hold of her neck and pushed against her windpipe with an expert skill that sent a shiver down my spine at how practised I had become at killing in this manner. I put enough force behind the grip so that it caused discomfort and limited oxygen supply but did not cut it off completely. As much as I would have enjoyed killing her and venting some of my frustration that way she looked too much like Aya-chan for me to even consider the idea for too long. I glanced up at her, eyes locking and she gasped, I do not know what she saw in my eyes at that point to make her react in such a way. Maybe intense hatred for her, maybe a murderous look that told her I would not hesitate in killing her right there and then. Or possibly she saw how much pain and self doubt I was feeling within my heart. I did not care whatever the reason.
"How dare you…" I ground out, teeth clenching in anger as I struggled to find the words within my hectic mind. My free hand clenched at my side once again, nails digging into the soft skin of my palm. The pain going unregistered in my head and body alike.
"R…R…Ran….s…stop…y…your…hurting me…" she whimpered struggling against my hand. I didn't loosen my grip I couldn't anymore, maybe Schwartz had somehow forced that drug into my system once again or maybe I was just too tired and too pained to fight against the dull aching throb within my heart. Maybe I needed to vent my anger by hurting another living being, or maybe I was juts going mad and was no longer able to control myself. I didn't know and didn't care either, I was lost within an ocean of pain and torment and I could no easier stop myself from letting go of all of it than I could stop the tide.
"You're hurting! You're hurting! Let me tell you a little something about what I have gone through in the past few days, first things first, I had the best thing that had happened to me in years, the love of my life, cruelly ripped away from me! I had him snatched right out of my heart and then I was forced to watch him die in that building the other night knowing full well that there was nothing I could do about it! Then Kritiker kindly informed me that had I not kept those flowers in this room I MIGHT have been able to save the love of my life from dying in that building! Then yesterday morning we had another bouquet of flowers sent to us from Schwartz with a card attached, a poem scribbled onto the black piece of paper telling us that they had killed Ken because he'd refused to join them, that after everything he'd chosen US, he'd chosen Weiss! After all that I'd done to him all the hurt I'd made him feel he chose ME! I hurt him soo much and still he loved me enough to chose me? To die for me!"
"R…Ran…I…u…understand…."
"How? How could you possibly understand? You've never thought about anyone other than yourself, you never liked Ken, the only reason you were at his funeral was because you thought that I'd let you be my shoulder to cry on! I never loved you you stupid bitch, but HE died thinking that I favoured you over him! I didn't I wanted HIM I wanted Ken I always wanted Ken, and I finally had him, for once in my life I had something so precious. Something I could call my own, that I could protect only I couldn't and I blame myself for Schwartz taking him I blame myself for him being in that building, I blame myself for his death! And it's killing me, eating away at me from the inside!" The rest of the group must have heard my shouting because Yohji was now trying to pry me away from the terrified girl.
"That's enough Ran," the blonde barked pulling me back and forcing me to relinquish my grip on the girls throat, she collapsed to the floor, hand on her neck as she gasped for oxygen. Omi and Aya-chan were stood off to my left, neither willing to move or to help the girl until they knew the reason for why I had acted as I had. I ignored each of them, trying desperately to pull myself from Yohji's grip, Ken had held me back in such a way more than once and I couldn't take the memories or being so close.
"And you, you waltz in here and have the arrogance and insult to tell me to get over it! Get over it? How the fuck am I meant to do that? You have no idea what I'm going through, you had no idea how special Ken was, how precious and considerate he was. How concerned for everyone elses well being he was that he would just forget about his own and you could never even begin to comprehend how much Hidaka Ken suffered!" She was up now, coughing every once in a while but otherwise fine, Yohji had let go of me and was now stood behind me, head down listening intently to everything that I had to say.
"What? Hidaka Ken chose to be an assassin, he chose pain and hurt over a normal life, I DIDN'T I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. I used to be a normal girl but I'm not now and I have to deal with that Ken suffered because of his own decisions what about me?" I snorted at that and ran a hand through my hair knocking in out of place before it clenched into a fist as the left had been since this conversation had first began.
"Ha, this is exactly what I'm talking about, it's always about you isn't it, all I've heard since I met you is you whine and moan about how someone took your kidney from you. How you wanted it back so that you could be normal, yeah we get it, it was awful, move on. I found out a little something about Ken the other day, I found out how strong a human being he really was how exceptional he was to have dealt with everything he had gone through and how he had done it on his own without anyone being there to help him. He locked it all away so that the rest of us wouldn't have to deal with it, he helped us with our problems and let his tear him apart when we weren't looking." Omi's hand was on my arm, soft childlike eyes shimmering with tears and a question on his lips that he choked on,
"What…what are you talking about Ran?"
"Yeah Ran, what was so awful that Ken had to face alone? Why am I suddenly such a bitch for being upset over being kidnapped and having my kidney removed to be sold on that black market? Tell me Fujimiya Ran, what is worse than waking up in a swimming pool filled with ice having no idea why with a scar on your side and a voice on a recording telling you what had happened?" I sighed and finally unclenched my hands bringing them up to see what had caused the dull throb. Blood dripped from my palms and onto the floor as I saw the small moon shaped piercings from where my nails had penetrated my skin allowing the blood to flow from my body and stain my hands and the floor beneath my feet.
"Ran!" Omi gasped; slowly I pushed him back and walked forward until I was stood right infront of Sakura. My eyes burning with a fire and level of hatred I didn't even know that I possessed.
"You want to know what's worse," she nodded, folding her arms across her chest and glaring at me defiantly. "Try being raped as a twelve year old child, by your soccer coach, a family friend, someone you admired and trusted, then having to sit and watch helplessly as he murdered your mother, your father and your little sister in cold blood! Try walking away from that and growing up knowing that you had no one because they were all gone, try turning around and laughing and joking, being happy, burying that dark secret somewhere deep down inside yourself. Try becoming an assassin after your best friend betrayed you and took away your life and dreams! Try working with the three of us, try listening to our problems, try helping us with our burdens while keeping all of yours hidden for fear that they'd be a weight on our shoulders. Try being constantly trampled over and yet still having the spark to say no and refuse! Try being Hidaka Ken and living his life then tell me what is worse!"
The silence in the room after that was deafening, and I knew that had Ken been there he would have walked right into the middle of the room and made a joke. Brushed it off as nothing, but it wasn't nothing, it was so much more. I glanced back at Aya-chan her eyes locking with mine and immense sadness and sorrow resided within them. Omi looked distraught like he had just had his heart ripped from his body and was watching it be thrown up and down infront of his face. Yohji had paled considerably and was looking at me and shaking his head in refusal to believe, wishing for me to tell him that it wasn't true that none of it was true. But I didn't because it was, just returned my gaze to Sakura who was staring at the floor; her arms still crossed over her chest.
"Can you see now how much he meant to me, why I loved him so much and why I will never love you? Can you at long last see why I can not just 'get over it' as you put it just then? Or are you still a selfish bitch who wants me to love her and forget about the man I know is still alive? The man who stole my heart, and the man who owns my soul?" Still alive, I'd admitted it, the man I had seen with Schwartz had been Ken I could tell myself that now, maybe it was another lie. A desperate attempt to prove to myself that he was still alive, that I could still be with him, I didn't care, he was still alive and I would find him. No one, not human nor a God would stand in my way of holding Ken in my arms once again, screw the promise this time with the blood I spilled on this floor I was making a blood oath.
So the world, Schwartz and all the higher brings in existence could try and stop me, but that would be like trying to stop the tide…
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Uhhhh…where the muses take me I follow, I think this chapter was just a lame excuse for some Sakura bashing but oh well n.n I'm also starting to paint Yuuki like a good guy instead of the bad guy…hm, I wonder why? So will Ran find Ken? Will Ken snap out of being Kamui? Will Schwartz kill everyone? What is Yuuki's deal? What the hell is the name of Yuuki's younger brother and why am I talking to myself? All questions to be answered soon…