A/N: To all fellow NFL fans: Yes, I know I reversed the saying. I did that for a reason.
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"Simon? What do you mean you 'lost her'?" a worried Kaylee questioned. "She ain't in her room?"
"No," the miserable brother responded. "I've looked everywhere that I could on my own."
Kaylee huffed and then continued, "I swear. I go shopping for what? 2 hours...and she's already disappeared. Did somebody snatch her?"
"I don't think so. I took her to see some of the animals and she seemed content for a while. Then she got agitated over something--kept saying 'not the same' over and over. Then she ran out of the mini-circus screaming 'offensive interference!'. I chased after her but once we were back in the casino, I lost track of her. She's amazingly fast."
"Oh. Well, I'm thinkin' we should get the Cap'n," the perky girl offered.
"I thought of that as well. Only there are more than 2 dozen bars and restaurants on this station. I tried a few, but gave up when everyone started looking the same."
Hanging his head, Simon told her, "I don't know what to do now."
"Hey! How 'bout we go see that Jester guy? Cap'n said he was in charge, or the owner or some such. Maybe they gots cameras and can help us?" she suggested, rubbing his head to soothe him.
"Kaylee, you are brilliant!" he told her as he grabbed her hand to go.
And for that he earned a smile bright enough to rival a hundred suns.
Inara was surprised at the knock. She was not expecting anyone for several hours. Rising gracefully, she answered.
"River, honey? Is everything alright?"
"No one in immediate danger; no threats of imminent violence, if that is what you mean. I have come to request your assistance. Professional assistance," the young woman told her.
At Inara's shocked expression, River waved her hand dismissively and clarified, "No. Not personal assistance. Under no circumstance will you service Captain Daddy or any of his crew."
"His pride wouldn't even allow him to ask," she added softly. Clearing her throat and not giving Inara a chance to ask for an explanation, she continued. "What I need is...information. Advice."
Inara shook off her confusion, and said, "Come. Let us sit down. Would you like some tea?" she offered graciously.
Yes, Inara was intrigued.
Realizing that she needed to appear as innocently as possible, River smiled sweetly and said, "Yes, please."
As the Companion elegantly poured, River told her of her dilemma, choosing each word carefully. In doing so, what she expressed seemed almost mechanical.
"I spent most of my adolescence at the Academy. While there, fraternization was discouraged...both male and female. My interpersonal relationship building skills are not fully developed, especially in how I associate with members of the opposite sex. Watching my Brother has made this deficiency more than apparent."
Inara cringed a little, without actually scrunching up her face and ruining her elaborate make-up, "Yes, he is a bit--stiff, isn't he? I imagine that, like you at the Academy, he was so focused on his studies, and on becoming a doctor, that he didn't have much of a chance to develop those skills either."
"To reiterate: Simon is a boob. But for some inexplicable reason, Kaylee does not always recognize it. And when she does, she is quick to dismiss or forget his earlier mistakes," River stated, shaking her head ruefully.
"Our little mechanic is quite enamored with the handsome doctor. Speaking of which: does your brother know that you are here?"
Not seeing any point in telling a lie, River answered, "No, he would not condone my visit. Not because it is you, as you are the one person he finds to be a good influence on me. Simply because he would not approve of my purpose."
Intrigued again, the beautiful woman asked, "Which is what, exactly?"
Taking a deep breath, the inquisitive young woman told her. "I was hoping that you might have...literature. More specifically: texts that I could borrow in order to learn what I have missed."
"Oh, River, sweetie...you haven't missed anything! You are young; there is always time to discover your own--"
River cut her off. "NO! I mean, I appreciate your attempts to reassure and placate me and assuage my discomfort. Much exposure has determined that scholarly study would be more effectual. Not experimentation."
With a slightly naughty smile, Inara replied, "Do not dismiss the advantages and pleasures associated with personal experience. It is quite empowering to discover what feminine methods you might be proficient at. Flirting can be...fun."
"Doesn't appear to be with Simon and Kaylee. Sometimes it appears...painful," she returned with a grimace.
"Yes, well--" and then a thought hit her. "Do you have someone in mind, River? Is there someone who has caught your eye with whom you would like to attempt to...frateranize with?"
River thought about this for a split second, but did not feel that the Companion would be very receptive to the truth as yet. So, instead, she opted for the lie.
"No. There really isn't anyone appropriate or of interest, is there? I believe that I just wanted to feel more like a...normal girl. I wanted to catch up on what I have missed without the added pressure of finding a receptive partner."
With a small smile, Inara rose gracefully and sorted through some of her trunks. In the one under the divan, she found what she was looking for.
"I am not terribly sure how quickly you read, but I suspect that it will take you several months to get through these," she told the girl whose eyes widened in anticipation. Inara was offering numerous volumes of what appeared to be text books.
"At our Academy, we spend several years as an apprentice, studying constantly, before we are ever allowed to engage our first client. These," she said pointing to the tomes, "were my apprentice manuals. I was only slightly older than you when my apprenticeship ended," she finished with a far away look in her eye.
Shaking her head slightly as if to return to the present, Inara cautioned, "Without skilled tutors, regular instruction, or simultaneous and subsequent practice, you should not expect to perfect the arts of reading body language. Nor those of seduction. Do not be discouraged, however. If it is simply information you seek, this is where you will most likely find it. And a young woman should always have access to having answered whatever questions she might have. There is no excuse for ignorance if you are given the tools with which to fortify yourself," she added firmly.
Inara steadfastly believed this as well. After all, there were hundreds of years of failed attempts to teach hormonal teens to 'Just Say No' from which to learn. Education and protection were the best tools with which to equip headstrong adolescents.
River smiled happily, and walked over to the chest. Choosing two books, she turned to the gracious woman. "Thank you Inara. You have no idea how much this means to me. Must fortify the defense by creating a strong offense."
Something in the way that River spoke alerted the woman, trained at reading people, that there was more to this situation than the girl was willing to admit--especially since she was not sure what the whole defense/offense comment referred to. As an afterthought, Inara quickly rummaged through a bag by the bed and, holding something, she held her hand out.
"River? Just in case. It is effective for 48 hours; take it before any sexual activity. ANY," she admonished seriously. She felt obligated to include the drug, since she was so adamant about her belief in protection.
River met her eyes and Inara knew then that she was indeed up to something. The girl took the vial with a shy, yet naughty smile.
As the satisfied girl left, Inara worried her bottom lip and hoped that she had done the right thing. She was not concerned about Simon. The man is a doctor; he should have no idiosyncrasies regarding sex. SHOULD NOT, but...this was Simon.
It was WHO River might have interest in, that bothered her.
Ren ci de Fo zu, she silently cursed. I hope that I am wrong.
After all, River could not have had enough time to meet someone new. And the only other available choices meant...crew. One was her brother, and the girl may be a little strange, but Inara hoped she realized that was taboo. Another was a preacher under a vow of celibacy. Yes, he could be tempted to break such a vow, but Inara did not think the girl could get past her issues with his hair. And yet another was married to a woman that would likely snap the girl in half if she caught her trying to seduce her man. And then him too, for good measure.
That left Mal and Jayne.
In spite of the sliver of unreasonable and irrational jealousy she felt at the first option, she honestly prayed that it was Mal. The other was just too unimaginable to contemplate.
And appallingly icky.
Kaylee decided she would try River's room one last time before joining Simon in phase 2 of Operation: Find River.
The couple just didn't want to bother Zoe and Wash as they enjoyed their MUCH needed and VERY belated honeymoon. But no one knew in which bar to locate the Captain or Jayne. Having only the two of them made sweeping the sky-plex a daunting task; but it was one they were determined to undertake. They also never found Jester, but he must have left word to cater to Serenity's crew because the security personnel helped them sift through the multiple dozens of cameras. Unfortunately, it proved to be a fruitless endeavor.
So, when the mechanic knocked gently she was slightly shocked to hear River's quiet but happy, "Come in."
Kaylee opened the door to find her friend sitting on the bed, legs crossed and reading a huge book that was balanced in her lap.
"Whatcha doin' here? You know Simon 'bout had a heart attack when you ran off. We been looking for ya."
"Needed defensive coordinating with offensive maneuvers," she replied then looked up from her book. "Cannot, WILL not, lose him to better trained, more skilled competition. Must study playbook in order to score."
Confused at the analogy, Kaylee asked, "What? And who you gonna lose to wha-- OH! You mean Jayne. You two worked everything out?" she asked hopefully, and very proud of herself for figuring out the River-speak.
"Inevitable as death, but not as of yet. Goal will not be able to withstand superior offensive tactics. Must block opposing forces."
"Yeah, well...wishin' your brother would wise up, too. I just know that all men are not as dense as these two. We sure can pick 'em, can't we?" she asked laughing.
"So it would seem. May I suggest YOU taking the initiative? From our previous conversations I could detect no hesitation on your part to do such with any other object of your affections; why do you not do what you do best?" the suddenly wise-beyond-her-years River offered.
"I may just have to," Kaylee answered with a resigned sigh and then grinned. "Whatcha readin'?" she asked trying to peer into the upside down book. "Oh, my!" she blurted and then giggled.
"Mind if I borrow that when ya get done? Maybe there's somethin' in there that might loosen up the Doc," she smirked.
"Here," River replied handing her the other one. "I am quite sure that Inara would not mind me sharing these with you. It was very informative and took me 62 minutes to read." The young woman sounded vaguely disappointed in herself.
"Shu muh? An HOUR? For the whole gorram thing? Holy cow--there must be close ta 500 pages in here!"
"474, to be exact. You'll like the pictures. I did," she offered with a crooked smile.
"I am sure I will sweetie! Well, I am gonna go put this here book in my room. It's heavy. Gotta go meet Simon and call off the hunt, too. Show's startin' soon and I don't want to miss it this time."
Just before she shut the door, Kaylee quickly called back, "I'll be sure to thank 'Nara when I see her next." Then the door closed with a click.
Forming her mouth into the instructed shape, copying the picture precisely, River thought wickedly, You will not be the only one.