Disclaimer: Heck, if I owned Ryan O'Reily, um... I don't really know what would happen. Which should be proof enough that I don't.
A/N: All right, here's the deal - I haven't even seen OZ. This can mainly be attributed to the fact that my father says that I won't be watching it until I'm 18, and then not in his house. So, therefore, ergo, it's gonna be awhile. HOWEVER, I've been doing some rather extensive research on it for the past few days (thanks to a minor obsession with Dean Winters) and think I have a decent grasp on what's going on.
So, where am I going with this? Good question. I suppose I'm just trying to say that everything might not be exactly accurate, but I do what I can, especially since it's set back in Ryan and Cyril's childhood, when their father beat them. Please leave a review and tell me what you thought!
Just A Little Longer
I can do this. I know I can. I've done it before, and I can do it again. I won't let this get to me. If I do, it's all over. Nothing will be safe if I give in. I have to stay strong, for him. If I don't fight, no one will.
No one has any idea what it's like, having a brother like him. He's slow, and I'm the one that has to deal with it. Not our absent mother, or our cocksucking father - hell, he doesn't even deserve that title. I'm the only one who can help him, and I will. I swear it.
But this... this is almost more than I can bear. It's never been this bad before. Granted, it's been pretty bad before, but never like this. It's almost like he's a different person, that asshole of a father we have. A meaner, more powerful one. And nothing I can do will stop the pain.
It's not even the physical aspect of the beatings, either. It's what he says. Most people would be amazed at the lengths he goes to in order to get inside our heads, but not me. I'm used to it. Have to be, or else you can't survive. It's just the way it is around here.
God, I don't know how much longer I can stand this. I'm at my breaking point, but I know I can't let go. If I do, if I let my rage loose, unleash it on him, it's going to be Cyril that gets punished. It always is, always has been, always will be. It's how he keeps me in toe - by threatening the one person who I give a damn about and who gives a damn about me. He knows I can't stand it if he gets hurt, and that's his weapon against me. I'm helpless in that situation, and he knows it. He knows it, and he uses it to his advantage every time.
God I hate him. How dare he try to harm the one thing that matters to me? Oh, that's right, he's him. That's what he does best - making people hurt. It's not the corporeal punishment that makes it so hard, it's what he says. He constantly taunts Cyril, taking down about him, making him look bad. All right, so he's a bit retarded. So what? He's my brother, and that's all that matters. No one - and I mean no one - should have the right to talk about him that way. But he does. Anyone else would not still be among the living. But he is. Anyone else would be in so much pain that they couldn't stand it. But he's not. I am.
But if I can stand it just a little bit longer, put up with the pain for just a while longer, things will change. I will no longer be the one on the ground, whimpering in pain. No, I will be the one standing proud above my enemy's fallen body, laughing. Laughing in a way that only that kind of triumph can bring. The kind where you've just taken down the sole reason for your miserable existence and there's no longer anything he can do about it. The kind that can only come from that kind of victory.
But for now I must remain silent. I won't let a sound escape my lips, for fear of him hearing and punishing Cyril for my weakness. No, I won't make a sound. I won't give him the pleasure of knowing that what he's doing is getting to me. No, I won't give him that satisfaction. He ruined our lives, and one day, I will ruin him. But until then, I will remain silent for just a little longer.