AN: For those of one who are unfamiliar with this bit of worthless trivia; there is some dispute about the Australian national anthem, offically it is "Advance Australia Fair" which on first alien begains to sing. However an extreemly large percent of the population believe it to be the "Waltzing Matilda", which in short is about a tramp who steels a sheep and drowns himself to ovoid capture by the police. Apparently whoever decided what the national anthem was, didn't think this was proper subject matter for it.
Down Under
The Mulders both look up and say "Hey! I thought space ships traveled faster than light, why did it take so long?"
"That's a stupid idea why do you think they appear to hover so much?"
Now the Scully's get mad "That's impossible!" one of the Scully's continues while the other one tug's on the Mulder she thinks is hers. "If your ships didn't go faster then the speed of light you would all be dead by the time you got here."
"That or very bored." the brunet puts in.
"Go away!" screams the other Scully "You're not Mulder's sister anyway!"
The brunet pouts, and goes to the corner where Skinner's have been brooding, to try and cheer them up, the other brunet goes with her.
The aliens only now notice that Eugene's have made newspaper cocoons large enough for an entire family of homicidal liver eating maniacs to live in quite comfortably.
"What did you do to our ship!" they scream.
The Eugene's only stare; one continues "Do know what one of these ships cost? Why my grandpa had to work for years just to get the right to pilot one of these things! You two should me ashamed of…!"
By now the other alien has gotten impatient "I said every body off!"
Everyone starts to file down the ramp; one of the aliens asks one of the Cigarette Smoking Men for a lighter and then sets the ship on fire. Everyone is dismayed Mulder's asks "What did you do that for!"
"Well we were reading about Cortez who burned his ships, we don't know what it is about, but we wanted you to be motivated."
Skinner cries "Hey, how are we going to get home?"
"I guess you'll have to swim." replies an alien.
"It would be faster." Laughs second Krychek.
"With one arm?" sneers the first. (Apparently the aliens don't know how to set bones.)
The feeble old alien walks up to Ex's and says "So how are you boys doing in school?" Ex's are annoyed.
The speech reciting alien steps forward "Australians all let us rejoice, for we are young and free…"
Another alien steps forward angrily "Once a jolly swagman camp by a billabong…"
"We've golden soil and wealth for toil…"
"Under the shade of a coolibah tree…"
"Our home is girt by sea!"
An alien hunter comes forward and knocks their heads together. Everyone cheers. The other aliens beg not to be killed "Please all we want to do is to clear the world of all pot roast, and then we'll go away."
The alien hunter's look surprised "Really? Groovy that's just what we we're doing!"
The aliens rejoice "Wonderful! We can destroy the pot roast together! We even have these humans, and their clones to help."
Skinners are confused "Wait a minute, why do you want to destroy the pot roast?" they say.
"Well obviously we couldn't have pot roasts around, especially not Australian ones, once the secret got out that eating two entire pot roasts would protect you from our acid blood."
Scully's laugh "I don't think it would be worth it." They say.
"I don't know about that." says a Mulder.
Some more alien hunters show up, dragging three scroungy looking gunmen with them. "These ones seem to have figured it out."
Mulder's and Scully's run up to the gunmen and greet them. Much greeting ensues.
"So they cloned you guys, huh?" says Langley.
Mulder's and Scully's look irritated.
"Hey, two Scully's, that's pretty cool." says Frohike.
Both Mulder's slap him at same time, knocking his head into Byers.
"Owww!" they yell.
"This is really bad. What are we going to do?" says a concerned looking Byers.
"Guess we'll just have to kill the clones." says one of the Mulders.
Langley points to the other Mulder "So that ones the clone?"
The other Mulder gets mad at this and says "Don't be stupid he's the clone!"
"Now you see the problem." says one of the Scully's, the other one smile's sarcastically.
The alien hunters start herding every one into a rather conspicuous looking hippy bus painted with all sorts of flowers and logo's and peace symbol's.
"Okay gang, lets go!" says one of them.
"Hey, where are we going?" asks one of the Skinners.
"To the place where all the pot roast is made, Dude." says one of the alien hunters.
"Ooooooh, goody!" says one of the brunets "I love road trips!"
The Scully's look as though they are contemplating killing them.
On the radio they're playing "Where have all the flowers gone, long time passing…" one of the aliens starts to cry green tears. Everyone runs to the back of the bus, and bangs on the door.
"Don't worry." says one of the big headed aliens "Clones are immune to green tears."
They all bang harder.
In the confusion Krychek accidentally hits Mulder, Mulder punches Krychek, Krychek knocks into Scully, Scully misunderstands and shoots Eugene in the knee, Eugene braces himself on Spender, Spender trips over Samantha's, Samantha's scream and run to Ex, Ex tries to get away and kicks Queequeg, Queequeg gets scared and bites Skinner, Skinner is startled and pulls brunets hair, brunet jumps in pain and hits Cigarette Smoking Man in the head, cigarette smoking man thinks it was the alien hunter and stabs him with an ice pick, dead alien falls on driver, hippy bus veers off the road and hits a cow. No one is hurt.
The big headed aliens shout in glee "Look! You have already helped us destroy the pot roast!"
Mulder is still bemused and says "Wow, I haven't hit a cow since I went diving through Wisconsin at three in the morning."
Scully's scowl "When have you been in Wisconsin at three in the morning?" Mulder's look sheepish.
The other aliens push and shove the dead one out the window before they have to deal with a puddle of goo in their bus.
"Come on Scully, it was a long time ago, I was just…"
They start up again and before long they feel a thud.
Mulder's and Scull's leave there arguing to protest.
"Hey what is going on here" the Scully's demand.
They all look out the wind shield to see that the aliens have hit another cow and are going for a third.
"What the hell are you doing?" Mr. Ex yells.
One of the big headed aliens explains "You have all given us such a wonderful idea! Look how affective this is! Soon we will be rid of all the Australian pot roast!"
Krychek's lean over to one of the alien hunter's and smirk "It's taken you this long to defeat these guys?"
"What? You can't do it that way!" Shouts Mulder.
"Why not?" ask the aliens.
Cigarette smoking men start to laugh. Spender looks confused.
"Because you'll run out of gas!" the brunets exclaim.
At this the aliens see the fatal error in there plan and give in to despair.
"I'm hungry." says one Eugene to the other.
Scully kicks Eugene in the knee she shot and he ceases to complain. By now the brunets are angry and say "Mr. Cigarette Smoking Men you're filling the whole bus with smoke!"
Smoking men glare at them, Spender begins to cough. They continue "And second hand smoke…"
They are however interrupted by the aliens cranking the radio up much too high, playing the song "Monday, Monday…" the hunters being to sing along, and tie bandanas around they're heads.
"…and then I saw the cow jump through my wind shield…" Mulder continued.
The bus starts moving again, spins tiers in the dirt and heads back to the road. Every one looks up.
"Where are we going?" demands Skinner.
"We are going to see the Lone Gunmen!" The big headed alien replies cheerfully.