Wenches and Rogues
by Calico Bess Bonney
(yeah, I totally got that out of a Pirate Name Generator)
The day began like any other.
After a restful night at the Inn, Faris rose with her usual vigour, dressing in her custom attire with her loose, purple hair held back by a green headband.
(A/N: Too much Celes love; I originally wrote "blue". u.u)
Donning her black leather duster, Faris strode from the room and down the stairs into the pub, where despite it being well before noon the room was in full swing with merrymaking pirates and villagers.
"Ahoy there Cap'n!" one of the sailors called, raising his tankard in salute. "Did ye sleep well?"
"Aye," she replied, sitting down at the bar.
"What can I get ye, Cap'n?" the bartender inquired.
Faris stared at him hard. Had the bartender – a well-raised, educated man - just called her 'ye'? She dismissed it after a moment, when he fixed her with an inquiring look. "I'll be havin' an ale today, thank ye."
"Yes'm." The tender disappeared to the other end of the bar with a tankard, returning a moment later with a foamy ale. The liquid sloshed onto the counter as he slid it to her. "Enjoy."
"Put it on me tab," she instructed, taking a long pull and sighing.
"Oi! Listen up, me mateys!" called an unfamiliar voice, that of a young man who climbed up onto the stage. "What do ye all think o' some pirate jokes?"
"Arr!" called several of Faris' crewmembers, seated nearest to the dancing platform. "If ye can, landlubber!" her first mate yelled.
"Pirate jokes?" Faris repeated aloud. This wasn't the usual form of entertainment in the pub. Fortunately for him, the man on stage was not one of the pirates in her crew, if he was a pirate at all. Yet the crew continued their hooting and laughing, unfazed, as the man began to speak.
"So, have ye heard about the new pirate movie comin' out? It's rated arrrrrrrr!"
A few of the patrons in the back of the room cheered and banged on their table. "I'll be takin' me crew t'see that for sure!" a man wearing merchant clothing called.
"How about this one?" the entertainer cried. "What's a pirate's favorite kind of cookie? Ships Ahoy! Yarr!"
"ARR HAR HAR!"
Someone ran to the stage and handed the man a tankard, which he raised in toast. "Yo-ho! What has eight arms and eight legs?" He paused, as if for dramatic effect. "Eight pirates!"
Many of the crew members guffawed – others were pounding on the table with glee. Disgusted, Faris rose and left her ale half-finished on the bar. She couldn't believe her crew would find such things funny! They were an easygoing group, to be sure, but usually pirate jokes were met with distaste and perhaps a few bruises. Something very strange was going on.
The frustrated young captain left the pub and headed immediately to the dock, grumbling under her breath. At least if the crew were all out merrymaking, she could have the ship all to herself, maybe take a short sail around the harbour. She knew enough about her beloved vessel to manage it solo, so long as she didn't stray too far from shore.
Unfortunately, an even stranger phenomenon greeted Faris as she boarded the vessel. Looking sheepish at being caught in the act, the pink-haired princess of Tycoon scrambled down from the lookout, her yellow dress tangling about her legs. "Ahoy there, sister!"
"Ah—ahoy? What brings ye here, Reina?"
"Ah, well, I'd been just feelin' the call o' the ocean, ya know? Meself and Captain Butz came out for a fresh breath o' sea air."
Faris stared at her incredulously.
"Avast there, Cap'n!" Reina hollered, prompting Butz to crane his head over the huge steering wheel to peer at the newcomer.
"Well blow me down, if it isn't Faris, the Princess of the Sea!" he exclaimed, waving at her with one hand still on the wheel. He turned to an imaginary crewman. "Take over there for me, matey, would ye?"
Faris was still looking at Reina, dumbfounded. "What in all the seven seas be goin' on? What are ye doin' on th' ship? An' talkin' like pirates, no less?"
"First Mate Reina!" Butz exclaimed, turning from his position at the bow. "Avast! The treasure be off th' port side!"
"Arr!" Reina cried, running to the bow with her flowing skirts hiked around her knees.
"There be what? We're still docked!" Faris argued, following at a more subdued pace.
"Yarr! Reel 'er in!" Butz finished turning the crank, revealing a glittering treasure chest hanging from the iron hook.
"What the hell…"
"Well, blow me down! It be one o' the lost treasures o' th' Tycoon Empire!"
Faris inspected the chest, which was perfectly clean and polished. It wasn't even wet. "Lost fer about five minutes, don't ye think?"
"Arr!" Reina cried, seemingly decided that was all the explanation her sister needed.
Butz lowered the chest to the deck and easily opened the lock with a key hanging around his neck. Lifting the lid on the chest, it was filled with clothing made of the finest silks and leathers, and on the top of the pile, a black velvet pirate hat adorned with skull and crossbones. Butz put the hat on his head and posed.
"Daddy packed it in honour of the occasion," Reina said proudly.
"All right," Faris said tiredly. "Now ye two will be needin' t' tell me what this be all about. What are ye doin' here, where did tha' chest come from, and why?"
"Why, Cap'n," Butz looked at Faris, genuinely surprised, as he arrayed a black silk cape about his shoulders. "Did ye not know?"
Reina was wearing an eyepatch and a huge leather duster. "Arr."
"No."
"Oh. Well then." Butz continued to fish about in the chest. "Today be National Talk Like A Pirate Day."
"…surely ye be kidding."
"Ye can make me walk th' plank if I be kiddin', Cap'n Faris."
"What kind of holiday would be makin' fun o' pirates?" the violet-haired woman complained, crossing her arms over her chest.
"Tis a holiday for APPRECIATING pirates!" Butz declared.
"Hail Pirate Day!" Reina cried.
Butz pumped his fist into the air. "YARRRR!"
Excitedly, the princess continued. "We be indulgin' our inner pirate! Bringin' glory t' th' majestic sea! Spreadin' awareness o' the pirate way o' life! Eyepatch, sister?"
"Can I be goin' back t' bed now?"
"No."
"…Arr."
-End-
Weak ending, but I wanted to get it done as I already missed the day itself...and yes, this was a real holiday, September 19th. u.u