Title: When Words Fail

AN: I want to thank all of you profusely who reviewed this story. There will be much more to come, as well as a better (complete!) version of In You Memory. Time is tight around here for me right now, but I've gotten a new wind with writing so I won't lollygag. (psst…Punker Princess, thanks for the juicer.) Lemonade anyone?

Most of the next scenes are going to be around the academy and I just want to address that. I don't know/remember much about the school from the, I think, one episode it was shone in, so I've taken some liberties. (at least I Think that was the academy. My memory's slipping) I'm guessing that since Thomas is military that it was a military academy of some sort and so it will be, of some sort. I've had various dealings with military personal in my time, so I'll try for authenticity with it all, really I will. Just please, give me some 'creative' room. Thank you very much! Please enjoy the story, that's all I ask.

Oh! In case of the off chance you wanted to, I have some fanart up on my deviant art page http/horisont. Karl and Thomas pics, not much, but I'm working on my skill.

It was like stepping back in time. The old stone was weathered and familiar, just as he had left it all those months ago, marked by seasons but staying innately the same, comforting. The buildings were grand for such a school, elegant and demanding respect as they winged out with high windows and arched entries. Carefully cut and maintained yards spread out around him in green checked patterns, daring him once again to run out onto the lawn and disobey the ridiculous sign that ordered him to stay off. Everything seemed just as he'd last saw. It was like he hadn't left at all. Students were drilling precisely on the main lawn up ahead in the evening light, the fountain in the side courtyard was still tilted oddly from a overzealous rally, the windows on the second floor were still flung open to the air in summer, little things perhaps, but they were all still there, and they were comforting. His feet could walk these paths in his sleep, he was pretty sure some mornings they had.

He would have to hug his brother extra for this. Maybe Karl hadn't really seen how much he needed to be somewhere comforting, but he had made it possible for him to come. He'd been thinking of him, and that was a comfort all it's own. While he'd been told to be vigilant here, he'd also been told to think of this as a vacation. Surprisingly he didn't feel like throwing his deployment orders in his superior's faces when they told him this. They had been annoyingly cryptic about the exact means of help he'd be providing, only that it wasn't completely urgent. Right now though, he could let the discrepancies go. He was no desk jockey here, and he could relax in the familiar surroundings, to a degree of course, he would do his job well. Breathing deep the warm evening air, he reminded himself again to thank his big brother. This was just what he needed to get out of his downward spiral. He would have gone crazy just sitting around the base after Irvine had left. There had been nothing to do for so long after he'd gotten off the phone with Karl that time had just dragged on. Time he would have normally spent with Irvine. Thomas slowed his pace and frowned at that. He hadn't realized just how used to he come to spending his free time with his friend. It was dangerous he decided, to rely that heavily on someone else, and he tried to put it out of his mind.

Though it had taken the better part of the day to get here, he was feeling remarkably upbeat and free of the drag he usually felt at such long journeys. Fiddling with the earpiece to Beek he hoped his zoid was okay at being left outside alone for the night. For some strange reason he couldn't understand, the management had not made accommodations for his zoid, instead expecting him to come by other means, therefore leaving him to strand, in his humble opinion, his zoid on the hill just to the north of the school. It wasn't all that bad really; he'd set Beek's sensors to monitor for paranoia's sake and headed in. Thomas snorted at the protest his zoid had made when he'd left him, and couldn't help wonder if he had spoiled Beek just a bit. Though he did seem oddly put out. He'd make it up to him though. Right now, he had a job to do, one he could do just fine on his own. No need for Irvine to annoy him with his constant disregard to manners, or protocol, and sharp eyes. No need for Van to take over and belittle his own attempts at solution, or his uplifting, rakish mannerism. No need for sweet smiles from Fiona or hip sly attitude from Moonbay. Nope, no need for any of it. Thomas bit his tongue. Focusing his mind on the facts he knew about the mission he valiantly tired to ignore the shadow that had fallen over his mood.

With quick steps he walked down the pavement, eager to get to the offices of the science department and check in. It had bee a long day and too much time had been spent on trying not to think, because in the end all his thoughts trailed off the mission and onto them. He growled slightly under his breath, irritated with his inability to put it behind him. They weren't his keepers, and nothing said they had to stick by him. So, he thought harshly, forget about it and just keep moving, focus on the mission. His good mood was entirely gone now, replaced by heaviness in his chest that constricted his heart. He pushed his spine painfully straight and picked up his pace. He didn't want to think about them anymore, or any of the past months. No more, no more, no more. Like a rising panic attack he could feel the tight feeling squeezing his throat and chest and looked around him quickly to find something, anything, to focus on besides his own thoughts. There had to be something that wasn't so messed up about such a little thing right? Just because everything he'd ever tired to hold onto was leaving him alone…

He stopped completely in his tracks in shock at what did finally distract him. All this scattered thoughts dropped to the back of his mind to quite white noise in light of the sight that filled his vision. The building on the far side on the yards. The tall, stately building had been a three-story dorm complex made of brick and stone, old eastern ivy crawled up the face giving it an air of dignity and antiquity. He could remember passing by it and shivering with remember ghost stories from older students, especially late at night. Now it seemed even eerier in the fading daylight. The brick was crumbling inward, charred and blackened in some places by explosions and fires. A large hole had been blown in to the structure, compromising the stability of the upper floors and revealing the inner rooms it had once sheltered like a cracked open beehive. The white noise in his mind insisted that could be an apt simile for something else. He watched as the torn remains of a poster ripped off one of the exposed walls and floated down in the wind. It seemed surreal next to the relaxing students on the green. He could only hope it had happened during class hours. His quick mind recycled images of the folder he carried in his bag, but he couldn't remember seeing anything about structural damage in general, and this was blatantly shellfire caused. He hadn't been briefed on this. A cold feeling settled in the pit of his stomach, shoving the heart break rudely to the side.

" Shubaltz?" A hesitant voice asked from beside him. He looked over quickly, caught off guard with his concentration on the building. He'd been so distracted he hadn't noticed anyone around him. Turing quickly he assessed the man who was walking up to him. The tall brunet had an arrogant swagger, but his face was open, shrewed, but nearly beaming at him. Finally, he sighed, he could focus on a nice distraction.

" I knew that was you man!" He thumped Thomas on the back heartily and laughed.

" Hi, uh, hi." Thomas fumbled, blushing as he realized he couldn't remember who the man was. Fortunately he didn't seem to notice.

" Man, we didn't think we'd see you back here again. You moved through here so fast most of us wanted to punch you in jealousy." He laughed again good-naturedly.

" Yeah, heheh." Thomas rubbed his shoulder and glanced at him nervously. Embarrassed he couldn't remember who he was talking to, he glanced around to cover his blush. He had the vague feeling he knew the brunet next to him, but for the life of him could not place him. So instead of embarrassing himself further he sought hurriedly for a means of conversation, not wanting the man to just walk off yet, and wishing for his brother's confidence in situations like these. The building across from them stared back him sadly, and he realized he had an opportunity here.

" Hey, you know we still talk about that prank they pulled on you. Whoo-boy, that was-"

" What happened here?" Thomas interjected quickly, blushing anyway at the reference.

" Wha?" The man shook himself, obviously thrown from his train of thought. " Oh, you mean the attacks."

" Attacks?"

" Yeah, local group of wackos taking out their aggression on the landscape and us. Was just a minor annoyance, but lately they've been uppin' the anty." He nodded his head toward the semi-demolished building, smiling confidently and easily at Thomas.

" I see." And he did, now. Looking, really looking, at the land around him he could see scorch marks littering the once pristine kept lawns and foliage. Buildings that he remembered being well maintained and stately were falling sorely into disrepair, broken glass and shattered stone replacing the memories of stable, sturdy walls. He hadn't noticed before, too caught up in the moment and feel of being back at a place that held some fond memories and welcome distraction. He felt like a fool. Of course, this must have been what they needed a GF agent for so badly. Though it still twisted his gut that he hadn't been told about any of this. He liked surprises, but not to be left in the dark.

" Lt. Shubaltz?" A questioning voice called his attention away from the broken buildings.

Turning, he watched an older gentlemen walk briskly up the path toward him and his friend/acquaintance/the man next to him. He recognized him instantly and smiled, thankful to find someone he did know and to the prospect of clearer answers. It seemed not much had changed in one person at least. Silver hair was still brushed neatly back from a high forehead, but now the comb accentuated a prominent streak of pure white that swept from his hairline to his neck that hadn't been there when last they met. Slate gray eyes glinted jovially at him from under horn-rimmed glasses as the man, stiff back straight and tall, reached him and extended a hand.

" Dr. Anderson." Thomas took the offered hand with enthusiasm.

" It is good to see you again Lt. Your help is greatly appreciated." Dr. Anderson smiled at him as he shook his hand, holding on just a bit too long.

Thomas could feel that cold ball in his stomach twist harshly. Something about Dr. Anderson's smile was strained and twisted. He gave himself a quick mental shake. He was beginning to get paranoid, and all because of some overlooked detail on a piece of paper.

" Please, follow me and we'll get you settled." The doctor smiled beguilingly at him under angled brows. The look he threw his companion wasn't quite as warm.

" All-right." Thomas nodded, turning to say goodbye to his friend. He was cut off before he could speak.

" Watch yourself, alright Shubaltz." The tone was light and joking, but sharp brown eyes glinted calculatingly into his own. Thomas jolted, so sure he could almost place him. A second later the man was laughing and thumping him on the shoulder heartily. " Well, catch ya later man. Don't stress out."

Thomas watched him jog away bemusedly. He still couldn't remember his name. Sighing he turned around, trying to figure out what he'd been told and quickly moving to keep up with the already walking man. He'd gotten one version of the story, however fractured and minute, perhaps the doctor could shed some light.

" Sir, Sir!" He called as he caught up.

Dr. Anderson looked over at him sharply, a momentary flicker of annoyance on his face. He covered it quickly and smiled with interest at Thomas.

" Yes, what is it?"

" What's been happening? I wasn't informed of any attacks or riots. I need to know everything if I'm going to do my job-"

" Lieutenant," the doctor interrupted to his irritation, " all we require of you is your presence as we conduct a very….delicate experiment." His words were silky and convincing, oozing with cream thick persuasion.

Thomas thought his insides were going to freeze. He decided to call base as soon as he got to his room. This was far too bizarre really. From what he'd been recently told, and from what was in plain view, the academy needed the help of law enforcement, and construction aid, but all they claimed to want was his participation in a science experiment. He'd have had to been incredibly dense not to be suspicious of something wrong. Granted, he hadn't really noticed at first, but he had seen. Either they had a very sore view of his intelligence, or safety codes had dropped considerably since he'd attended.

He took the time to observe as they walked quietly through the halls. The walls of this section were still perfectly untouched by the destruction on the other side, still white and pristine, clinical. It gave him a moment of vertigo as his mind processed the change. He couldn't remember the school feeling this ominous or unwelcoming. The feeling of energy that he'd remembered as he'd approached the school he now realized was doused considerably in the faces of the people he passed. They were wary and anxious, glancing furtively at him as if he had been the cause of the destruction outside. Again he wondered why he hadn't been told this, and why it wasn't priority in their agenda. Weren't they supposed to keep the peace?

There was more to it. He'd learned the hard way to trust the signs around him, and his own feelings, and as they walked farther into the Science department that cold ball in his stomach turned into a spike of ice. There were no students here, not all that unusual as later hours approached, but there were no signs of them either. No, the classrooms he could see into were cleaned out and empty of teaching materials. A few of the rooms they passed had been converted into storage or locked tight, shuttered and protected. Catching the gaze of an odd scientist walking between rooms he couldn't help wondering at the strange sense of anticipation the man nearly vibrated. The look of appraisal that the man shot him gave him a round of chills. Thomas was grateful when they finally entered a dormitory wing.

" Here we are Lt.," The doctor announced cordially, holding open a door that led into a small, functional room. " I hope this is to your standards."

Thomas smiled disarmingly and tried to ignore the sudden condescending tone. He hadn't remembered the doctor being so strange, but the man seemed to be wavering between disdain for him and his usual polite manner.

" Thank you Dr. Anderson. When will you need me tomorrow?" He asked brightly, standing outside the door with him.

" Seven o'clock sharp. We will begin the activities at seven thirty. Good evening Lt."

" Good evening Doctor." Thomas nodded his head respectfully in a small bow, then stood and waited for the man to walk away, but he didn't move. They stood awkwardly for a moment, and he got the distinct impression the man wouldn't move until he was safely locked in his room for the night. Disconcerted by the steady stare he was receiving he stepped just inside the door and turned to nod at the man again, a wary smile on his lips. Sure enough, once he was inside the scientist moved to grab hold of the doorknob and shut the door himself. Thomas quickly reached out and put his hand over it.

" Thank you for your welcome Doctor. Good night." His voice had an edge of finality to it that put a slightly stunned look on the recipients face. That look darkened to disapproval, but the doctor inclined his head and walked away before saying anything.

Thomas resisted the urge to slam the door shut, settling for quickly closing it and throwing the bolt home to lock it. Snatching his bags where he'd dropped them on the floor he crossed to the bed and flopped down haphazardly. He was thoroughly freaked out.

It appeared he had been wrong. Things had changed around here, and dramatically so. He'd known Dr. Anderson since he'd been a student, not all that long ago, and he couldn't remember the man being so cold. Demanding yes, even ambitious to climb the ladder of approval in the science world, but not cold. He hadn't seemed at all concerned about the school either. It could have been just him, but he really didn't think the doctor would hold a grudge for one little class explosion years ago. No, whatever was amiss here was becoming more and more serious the more he looked at it. Whatever science experiment they were doing shouldn't have been more important than the safety of the students and building. He frowned. Unless that experiment were the cause of the attacks.

Thomas shook himself. First things first, he had to contact base and report in. He'd go from there.

" I understand sir, but.."
" Lt. Shubaltz," the cultured voice interrupted smoothly, tone indicating he complete disdain for the coversation, " I've noted your complaint on file, and I can assure you of our knowledge of this development. You need only concentrate on you own duties. Everything will be taken care of."

Thomas glared ineffectually at the screen that scrolled confirmation of his uplink leisurely. He had hoped he would get through to his superiors directly, but instead he got this incompetent fool. He took a deep breath before trying again to get the man to put him through or take him seriously.

" Major Smith, I would like to speak to.."

" Lt." The pinched voice broke through once more. " I am sorry, but there is nothing more to do at this time. Rest assured that I will bring your complaint to the Colonel and he will delegate as he sees fit. Now, good night Lt. I'm sure you have much do."

" Major…" Thomas closed his eyes as the line was cut. Of all the pompous asses he could have had the luck to get on the first try, he had to get that one. Taking the earpiece from the clasp he laid it on the table and stood up to stretch. He'd just spent the better part of an hour trying to reason with the major and gotten nowhere. The man simply delighted in cutting him off at every turn. They had never gotten along. The major was a born weasel, the kind of man who would do anything to climb a social ladder, including abusing his power as close council to high ranking officers. That in itself rubbed Thomas the wrong way. Then the man had had the audacity to accuse him of using his brother to gain rank and privilege in his position. He shouldn't be surprised the man would block his inquiries just for spite.

He really was tired of this, and he knew he would get nowhere waiting for help on that end. So, he would just have to take this upon himself. He grinned. With enough evidence he could shove this case down Smitts throat. Catching the rather malicious thought Thomas quickly chastised himself. It would do no good to go down to the slime with that man. But, in any event, he could sincerely help the school, and if it knocked the majors nose down from the atmosphere, then all the better.

He sighed resignedly; this distraction was becoming more of a headache.

He startled when his stomach gave a decisive grumble. He hadn't eaten since early afternoon after setting out. It was a wonder he hadn't noticed before. Biting his lip he decided to just eat in; the café would most likely be closed by now and he could take a look around a little more inconspicuously without stopping in to eat. So, he thought, eat first, then a 'walk'.

Thomas dug eagerly through his bag of necessities and pulled out the brightly colored tin Matty had given him before he'd left that morning. He needed something of a distraction from his distraction, and Matty's special peanut butter cookies were perfect for that. Snuggling down cozily on his bed he ran long fingers over the design painted on the cover lovingly, amusement and delight bighting the shadows in his eyes. He traced the dancing iron kongs across the tin to the edge and opened it up to grab a cookie. The taste was a welcome smoothness on his tongue. He could let all of tomorrow's plans and worries stay there for just the moment at least. Right now, he would just savor his treat and let his mind ease. He licked his lips for crumbs as he turned his mind from the day's events to flavor of his cookie. There was that new odd tint of taste to it again. He had helped Matty make cookies before, and thought he could correctly recall all the ingredients for them, but this one was different than he'd had before. Another cookie was given over in the name of science as he tried to place the taste. He had plenty to spare with no one to share them with---. He bit down particularly hard to stop that thought and concentrated on enjoying his cookie.

He was halfway through his third cookie when the vague uncomfortable feeling in his stomach started. Lying down further, Thomas curled in on himself and tried to sleep it off. Whatever illness he'd picked up around the base just hadn't run its course through his system that was all, he decided. Better to sleep through it than try to eat anymore. He groaned realizing he would have to sacrifice one night of searching, but he wasn't moving now.

" Can't do this now." He mumbled miserably into his pillow. The pain was steadily rising in his abdomen, but he tried to ignore it. He couldn't stand being sick, especially at times when he needed to be aware.

In the back of his mind he resolved to ask Matty about the ingredient, a dim pondering on the chances of allergies to it was crossing swiftly. Smiling woozily at this realization he felt himself falling farther and farther away from the world. All thoughts scattered and twirled away with the swirling darkness that danced around his vision. In minutes he was fitfully sleeping on the hard student mattress in the tiny room, feverish and alone.