Getting Even
Alexnandru Van Gordon
My little sister's sick, so instead of jumping to another Not Again chapter I promised her I'd write a chapter for this. It's her favorite story anyway and family comes first, so…
QUICK NOTE: Same summer, same Richard Grayson, same trouble. Alfred took the last shot when he painted Richard's shelf blue, turned everything in Bruce's room upside-down, and turned the two momentarily against each other to evade getting caught.
And big credit goes to my older sister who gave me this prank.
Let's Go—
An hour seemed longer that what it usually should be when you were tied up to a chair in a dark old cave. Bruce must have lost track of time because Richard ended up spending three and a half hours tied up—that, or Bruce was just trying to be mean without getting caught for it. Nonetheless, nine-year-old took his undeserved punishment like a man quietly and didn't say a thing or try to escape. After all, it'd only give Bruce another reason to keep him tied up longer.
With a sigh, Bruce finally turned away from the main computer and stood, walking over to his captive and freeing him at once. "What to do about Alfred…" Bruce sighed, pulling out a set of keys from his pocket to unlock the cuffs.
Richard rubbed his wrists and stretched his arms, grateful to move again. "Nothing."
Bruce arched an eyebrow. "What do you mean: nothing? He just prank-ed us both and landed you up in a pro-longed time-out."
"The time out was your doing." Richard frowned and crossed his arms stubbornly. "But it's only fair for Alfred to have some action. He's had to put up with us."
"True…" Bruce slowly nodded. "But I thought this would be the perfect time for an alliance. I know you like your tricks. Why not help me devise something against Alfred?"
"Duh—because he's old. You'd give the poor guy a heart attack!"
"I see…" Bruce stroked his chin thoughtfully and turned back toward the main computer, bent on scanning over more clues left at last night's crime scene. Richard, on the other hand, ran upstairs in hope of finding something warm to eat, seeing that he missed lunch entirely.
---
"That's so mean!"
Richard nibbled on his grilled-cheese sandwich, sitting beside Barbara and across from Alfred in the kitchen, the old man sipping from tea with a smug expression across his face. Barbara was down for a visit (really want "in" on more of the action going down at Wayne Manor) and she was to hyper to shut up.
"Well…Bruce is always kind of grumpy and mean." She added. "And good job, Alfred. I'm glad to see you took a stand."
The butler nodded thankfully and placed his tea cup down on the table. "I suppose he wants to get even now."
"Wanted to." Robin interrupted. "But I might have been able to persuade him not to."
"Oh?"
"Well…I told him it wasn't fair." And he left out the 'old' part for the sake of Alfred's pride. The butler knew hired hands were replaced once they grew too old, even though he had an insured future working at Wayne Manor. It still wasn't nice to worry the man.
Barbara, all giggly and gitty with excitement, poked Richard gently in the arm. "Oh—watcha gonna do? I mean—first he ties you up somewhere in the house for no apparent reason and then he leaves you like that for a couple of hours! You're lucky he didn't lock you up in some dark room…"
His mind drifted back to the cave, but he left that part out of the story. After all, Barbara had no idea that Bruce and Richard were really Batman and Robin.
"I don't know…" Richard answered honestly. "I'm running out of ideas.
Barbara looked as though she had a heart attacked. "You've got to be joking me! And this is the kid who came up with the pregnancy stunt? Come on, Dick…there's got to be something you can do…ANYTHING! Oh—and I want to help!"
"As do I." Alfred smiled gently. "I must admit it was rather satisfying to see a trick follow out as planned. It was—if you'd forgive me saying so—most…entertaining…"
"Okay…and it has to be something big to make up for everything so far…but what?"
Barbara grabbed his arm so tight in that instant that Richard thought for a moment she was going to break it. "I got it-I got it-I got it!"
"OW—WHAT?"
"You know how they're having that banquet at Wayne Enterprises for that…genetic discovery thingy going on in labs?"
"You mean the human evolutionary and mutation stuff?"
"Yeah—the ones where they have like advanced cancer and pregnancy tests, and all that whatnot? Aren't they giving a few free trials to some people attending?"
Richard paused… "Oh…I see where you're going."
Alfred, still lost, sipped again from his tea. "We can't tell them to fake a test. That would ruin their reputation in the genetics department."
"We're not…" Richard began to smile. "But all this depends solely on perfect timing. Now—does anyone know Mr. Fox's phone number?"
-B-
Silence in the mansion was almost unbearable. It either meant that the war was over or something terribly wrong was going to happen before he realized what hit him. But perhaps not tonight. Tonight was the banquet.
Straightening his bow-tie, he sped across the house in search of Richard. Much to his surprise, the boy was sitting in the kitchen happily munching away at the fully loaded poppy-seed cake that he and Alfred baked early. He sat on one of the high stool, legs swinging back and forth merrily as he hummed and finished off his piece of cake.
"Come on, Richard. We're going to be late."
The boy swallowed and frowned. "We're going to be early, and this just cooled down enough to eat. I'm hungry."
"They will be plenty of food at the banquet." Bruce rolled his eyes. "Besides, you can have that tomorrow morning for breakfast."
"Uh-uh—we're giving the rest to Barbara because she couldn't stay and make it with us. So…" He put another slice onto a separate plate and slid it down the table toward Bruce. "Here you go."
Bruce laughed. "Like I'm going to fall for that. What did you put in it? A sedative?"
Richard sighed heavily in an annoyance and stood, grabbing the plate and cutting off a piece with his fork. This he ate and looked back at Bruce. "You're such a baby. It's just a poppy-seed cake—nothing new or interesting about it. You can even ask Alfred. And look—I'm not changing colours or anything!"
Well…he did like poppy-seed cake. It had been a while since last he tried some and one piece wouldn't hurt…
One piece turned to three and both of them sat at the table laughing for at least a good hour before Bruce realized they would be late if they didn't leave soon.
"Okay, chum, we've got to hit the road."
"Ouch." Richard giggled. "Wouldn't want to do that."
"Ha ha ha—very funny. Come on."
And despite the feuds that had lasted for the last two weeks, Richard had made a solemn promise to behave himself on any important outings. That was where Bruce drew the line and Richard knew better than to push his buttons when it concerned work.
The banquet, to say the least, was pretty boring as far as sitting to chat and eat went. The Commissioner was there along with his niece Barbara who took Richard off his hand almost immediately after they arrived. Bruce was almost sad to see him go. AT least he made the conversations interesting.
It wasn't until he met up with Dr. Lessing that Richard and Barbara returned laughing to their table. She was telling a joke about a man who climbed up a mountain or something like that…
"Ah, Mr. Wayne, it's good to see you." Dr. Lessing held out his hand and Bruce shook it kindly. The two were friends and Dr. Lessing's work was far advance that what Bruce had ever seen before. Whatever the young man created turned out to be a success.
"So, how goes everything?"
The doctor smiled. "Fine. I have my speech in a short while and I've been handing out samples for anyone who'd care to try them. These things can figure out anything from a malfunction in the any part of the body to whether or not you're immune system is weak enough to let a cold drop by next week." He reached into his coat pocket and pulled out three thin pieces of paper. "They change colour for the big stuff; cancer, whether or not a mother's child has something wrong with it, but for some of the harder stuff I have to check it up in an array of very boring experiments."
Bruce took one and looked it over. "Like litmus paper?"
"Yeah—you can test it if you want."
Bruce grinned. "See if I have a cold next week, eh?"
"Cool!" Richard gently took one from the doctor and stared at it curiously. "I know what litmus paper is. But how does it work on a person? Do we spit have to spit on it?"
"Um…" The doctor seemed to blush. "Actually…well…you have to take it like a pregnancy test. And I don't know if you know—"
"Oh—I know what it is." Richard said, still staring at the paper. "Barbara told me."
The girl choked on her water right then and there, spitting it out across her plate as she lifted a napkin to her face. Her uncle, Bruce and Dr. Lessing all gave her an odd look before breaking out in laughter.
"Jeez, you guys are weird." Richard muttered. "I mean, I just have to get my stuff on it. What's so funny?"
Bruce shook his head, clearing his throat after laughing so hard. "As long as Barbara doesn't tell you anything else you don't need to know until you're old enough, I'll let this pass."
Richard shrugged and simply ran off to find a restroom.
"So these are a hundred percent accurate?"
"It's all about reading chemicals. Unless you've been eating lead, I don't see why anything should be inaccurate."
Lead poisoning….alright.
He nodded and left to follow Richard.
---
"It says that you're pregnant."
Bruce nearly feel out of his eat, sitting in Dr. Lessing's office. Richard, who was drinking a glass of water next to him, choked much the same as Barbara had done earlier that night.
Dr. Lessing was absolutely stunned. "Did you drop it in anything?"
"No!" Bruce exclaimed. "I went straight to the restrooms, did the test, and came straight back to you!"
Dr. Lessing shrugged. "Then there must be something wrong with you. You were in China a couple of months ago on business, weren't you? Did you eat any strange meals or pass out after drinking too much…"
He scratched the back of his head. "Well…a little of both—but I can't be pregnant! I'm a man!"
"You wouldn't be our first case." Dr. Lessing admitted quietly. "We had a woman here a year ago who…changed…"
Then Richard began to laugh. So hard, in fact, that he struggled the breath, leaning forward in his chair, after placing his glass of water on the desk, and holding his stomach tightly.
"Care to tell me what's so funny?" Bruce muttered. Just wait until the news got a hold of this…
"Because…the look…your face…" He began to cough before laughing again. "You actually….believe…"
Bruce paused. "What do you mean I actually believe I'm pregnant?"
"Cause…" Richard laughed himself away a little more before calming, wiping away a tear. "In that case…" He reached into his pocket and handed his sample to the doctor, it being the exact light colour of purple as Bruce's. "…then I am too."
The doctor sighed and rolled his eyes. Smiling. "What did you eat before you came to the banquet?"
Bruce paused. "…A heck of a lot of cake…"
"What type of cake?"
"Poppy-seed." Richard beamed brightly. "And tons of it!"
The doctor broke out laughing as did Richard and Bruce hesitated as he thought about it. "So…poppy-seeds affect the test?"
Dr. Lessing nodded. "Woman are usually warned not to eat certain food before taking a test because it may change the result. Anything with poppy-seeds in it is just one of those things."
Bruce was aw-struck…Richard was actually able to make him believe he was pregnant? That was…that was pretty clever but also rather devious.
"Why you little imp." Bruce shook his head slowly. "I can't believe you."
Richard shrugged. "Hey—it's just fair play."
Fair play, indeed, and now it was Bruce's turn again…
-A-
Yep, ladies, don't eat poppy-seeds before you take a pregnancy test. My older sister found that out from one of her close friends and my little sister is still laughing her face off at the chapter. If you have any questions, just send me an e-mail or say so in you review. I'll be more than happy to clear anything up with you.
Until Again
Alexnandru Van Gordon