What am I doing?
The question tears through me, as I stare down at my son, about to strike him down. About to kill him.
As I once killed Anna.
I know she asked me to. I know I had to, or else Lloyd would have died as well. But still the guilt eats at me. If only there had been some other way. If only I had seached harder to find him.
Maybe it's better this way. He had a normal childhood, not running from town to town, always one step ahead of Cruxis and the Desians.
He's looking up at me now, as I stand here frozen. He used to look up at me with a completely different expression, one laking the fear and betrayel in his eyes now.
He used to smile at me, asking me to tell him more about the stars. Used to beg me, 'Just one more story, Daddy!' He used to come to me when he fell, asking me to make him all better. He used to climb up on my shoulders, always trying to see things from my hight.
And now, here I stand, about to destroy him. If he survives this, my son will never forgive me. He'll hate me.
What am I doing?
Anna would hate me. She said herself that Cruxis was corrupt, that Mithos was insane. I can still see her face, that smile she had when she saw me. And that smile she had when she first held our son. She would hate me if she could see what I am doing now.
I can't do this.
Even as I look at Lloyd, all I can see is Anna. Her eyes, her face, her smile. Her laughter is ringing in my ears. It's her who kneels before me, waiting for death. How can I do this to my son? How can I do this... to Anna?
If I don't Mithos will come here and do it himself. And as much as I love my son and believe in his strength, Lloyd is no match for Mithos.
Poor, mad Mithos, who will not let Martel die.