CHAPTER THREE: INTO ISOLATION (continued3)

"How could you let the humans do such things to you!?" Knives asked, horrified, towards both his brother and Vanessa.

"They didn't know any better," Vash answered. "They were misleading themselves."

"But you shot them back, did you not?"

Vash nodded. "But we can't kill them, we shouldn't. I never meant to kill anyone…"

"And yet you destroyed them by the thousands," Knives reminded with a smirk. "And justly so…"

Vash frowned, holding back tears and anger. "That wasn't my fault! You made me…Just look at Vanessa – her angel arm has never been used, and she managed to survive without killing the humans!"

Knives interrupted, looking to an obviously uncomfortable Vanessa. "Wouldn't you have used your angel arm, if you had known to? They covered you in scars, and you bore them…"

"No…I…no…" Vanessa stammered.

"Huh?" Vash asked, perplexed. "What did you do, then?"

"I've done…terrible things…" Vanessa said sadly, her face drawn into her knees. "There are ways to kill a person….through medical manipulation…I should never have…"

"That man in the marketplace," Vash reminded seriously. "He was telling the truth. You killed his friends."

Vanessa nodded slightly. "I couldn't get away from them…They were so cruel…"

"You see? Killing the spider to save the butterfly," Knives offered. "Perfect example. They earned their punishment."

"Knives, do you know what cancer is?" Vanessa asked in an emotional, shaking voice. "Sickle-cell anemia? Diseases I could manifest in them with such a simple formula, a tiny tweak of the cell…and they died so slowly, so painfully…"

Vash's own eyes filled with tears. "And you lied about it?"

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Vanessa mumbled, "I think I'm sorry, I was desperate…"

Knives moved to her, holding her gently and cooing reassurance into her pointed ear. "Don't cry; don't apologize. You did what you had to do."

Vanessa made no move to shove him away, perhaps because she had lost the will to protect herself in her deep grief. "No! No! I was wrong! My brain hurts from it…I was wrong…" She lifted her head and turned to Vash with a face twisted in anguish. "Please don't hate me…"

Vash frowned. "I can't hate you for it. We're all guilty."

"Shut up!" Knives yelled at his brother, clutching Vanessa closer into his chest, his words almost catching in a tightening throat. "Don't say that! Vanessa, you were right, you were right…" He held back his own tears; seeing Vanessa in such a state ripped his heart in an entirely foreign direction.

Vash grabbed Knives around the chest and pulled him from her. "Let her go," he asked in broken words as well, "Leave her alone, it's hers to deal with." It hurt him to say it, but he remembered his own realizations and the utter isolation that the horror had given him. Vanessa seemed in need of comfort, but as Knives was proving, this support was unfounded. "She was wrong. Let it sink in for her." He wrenched Knives away with great effort, and ushered a reluctant Knives from the cave top.

As he descended, he glanced at Vanessa.

     She was laying on her side, curled up in fetal style. She squinted through her tears, voice broken with sobs. "Vash…Vash…" she stammered plaintively.

     But with all his will, he turned from her and left her to know the wrongs she had committed. It would be too easy for her to see comfort as forgiveness at this state, and such an error could lead to her not fully taking the responsibility. The pain of grief was heartbreaking, but necessary.

As he dropped into the sand, he found Knives, fist raised, glaring angrily. "You've become heartless to your race. You only seem to give compassion to the humans these days, you fool…"

Vash's face betrayed his desolation. "Whatever you want to think, Knives. Go ahead; hit me, if you think that'll fix everything. I doubt it, though."

Knives growled and stamped off into the depths of the cave, muttering about loyalty and superiority of the race.

Vash wiped the sweat from his brow and leaned against the cool rock. He closed his eyes in contemplation as he listened to the muffled sobs above.

Night came, and Vanessa still had not joined them in the cave. Vash donned a warm coat and carried a bundle of thick blankets to the cave top.

There he found her, still curled into a tight ball, shivering. The weeping had subsided and Vash took her for sleeping. He knelt behind her and draped the blankets about her, patting them close around her.

As he smoothed the cover around her chin, she suddenly grabbed hold of his hand in both of hers, icy cold as they were. She gripped him fiercely, tucking her face behind his palm.

"I'm sorry, I am," she muttered desperately.

"That's good. It's better than denying it."

They remained in a long pause, until Vash felt hot tears fall onto the hand she held. He leaned forward to see her sullen expression.

"They were right; I'm a demon…I am repulsive, a horrendous creature," she hissed, releasing his hand and sitting up, still balled up tightly. "You were right; I don't deserve your kindness," she stated, holding her hand over her face. She made no move to catch the blankets as they fell from her.

Vash frowned. Picking up the blankets from around her, he encircled her with them and his arms. He held his hand over hers, trying to warm the icy fingers. Her chin and nose were so cold, too… "I never said that, I just wanted to let you think things through alone," he replied, dropping himself to lay behind her, wrapping his arm about her for warmth.

"You know there were other options," Vash murmured softly as he clasped her. "You didn't have to kill them, you just didn't try hard enough to escape them."

"I was weak," she whispered hoarsely. "How can I atone for this?"

"You should do all the good you can for the humans. Of course, you're going to lose the hermit lifestyle. Cure their diseases, invent plant theories – something you can apply your talents to. I'm no good at the scholarly stuff, so I try to keep peace and protect people; that's my penance."

Vanessa cringed and gritted her teeth in frustration. "You're above me, though…I did this on purpose, you didn't mean to…"

"You can't compare yourself to me, or anyone, really," Vash offered. "You make your own decisions, walk your own path."

A strong shiver coursed through her. "Yes, like she told you…"

"You're going to make yourself sick, it's so cold out tonight," Vash said in a more cheery tone. "Let's get inside, okay?"

Vanessa continued in an awed tone. "Do you think there could be an Eden for our kind? Could we deserve to live in peace?"

"I think so. We just have to try harder than most," he replied, lifting her in his arms and bringing her slowly to her feet. "We were born with a great capacity to inflict agony and also to benefit everyone. If we were meant to just destroy, we wouldn't be so intelligent or loving, you know?"

Vanessa reached up and tousled his hair. "How'd you get so clever all the sudden?"

Vash chuckled as he gradually led her down to the sand and into the somber cave. "Hey, I've always been perceptive! Nobody ever seems to notice, though…" he murmured softly, laying her on her mat. He ignored Knives' snicker, and retired to his own bed with a pained smile.

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