CHAPTER FIVE: COUNTERFIET SMILES

Vash and Knives awoke to the soft, wafting sound of Vanessa singing, deeper in the cave. (Sarah McLachlan's "Angel")

Spend all your time waiting

for that second chance

for a break that would make it okay

there's always one reason

to feel not good enough

and it's hard at the end of the day

I need some distraction

oh beautiful release

memory seeps from my veins

let me be empty

and weightless and maybe

I'll find some peace tonight

in the arms of an angel

fly away from here

from this dark cold hotel room

and the endlessness that you fear

you are pulled from the wreckage

of your silent reverie

you're in the arms of the angel

may you find some comfort there

so tired of the straight line

and everywhere you turn

there's vultures and thieves at your back

and the storm keeps on twisting

you keep on building the lie

that you make up for all that you lack

it don't make no difference

escaping one last time

it's easier to believe in this sweet madness oh

this glorious sadness that brings me to my knees

in the arms of an angel

fly away from here

from this dark cold hotel room

and the endlessness that you fear

you are pulled from the wreckage

of your silent reverie

you're in the arms of the angel

may you find some comfort there

you're in the arms of the angel

may you find some comfort here

Vanessa walked into the main room after she had finished, smiling with her eyes shut again.

Vash wiped away a tear and sniffed. "That's such a sad song," he commented.

"I disagree," Knives snapped, smiling. His face then melted into concern. "But you're still too weak to be up and about, Vanessa…"

"I'll be fine," she replied. "Vash, why don't you fill the tub? I really need a bath," she asked, not turning to face him.

Vash hesitated, his shoulders limp in frustration and confusion. "Vanessa, I…"

"C'mon, Vash, please," she asked again.

Vash cast his brother a 'you behave' look and grabbed the buckets. He filled them quickly and turned to leave the cave to see Vanessa walking towards him.

She brushed past him and stood at her carving table in the back, next to the water filter. "It's okay, Vash," she muttered.

Vash's look of concern went unnoticed as he went to the tub outside. But he could've sworn that when he left her she had reached for the book at her belt.

And as he walked past his brother towards the cave exit, Knives seemed to sigh heavily.

"Knives, could I ask you something?" Vanessa asked as she sat strangely close to him.

Knives' eyes quivered as though he was upset, and he nodded.

"You loved Rem, didn't you," Vanessa stated more than asked. "As much as you want to hate her, she was your loving mother, you know."

He shook his head. "No, she wasn't…I didn't love her, how could I, after what she did to Tessla, and…"

"She wanted to save Tessla," Vanessa snapped softly, reaching out to place her hands on the sides of his neck, "And she wanted you two as her sons, no matter the conflict."

Knives' eyes met hers and began to well over with tears. "She was afraid, that's why…"

"No, you were afraid," Vanessa again interrupted. "And jealous that Vash loved her so much. But he didn't love her more than you, he loved you both."

Instead of arguing, Knives slumped down into an early defeat, looking down as a tear broke free.

Vanessa ran a hand through his hair softly as she continued. "Killing your own mother…Knives…"

Simultaneously, Vash reentered the cave to refill his buckets. He stopped, mouth agape, at the sight of his brother, but Vanessa narrowed her eyes to usher him along. Vash obeyed, disappearing into the back.

"Why am I," Knives muttered between sobs, "I don't…why…but I…"

"It's the guilt, finally hitting you," Vanessa coaxed, running her hands along his back, drawing him closer to her. "Admit you were wrong and you'll feel better," she suggested, resting her chin on his forehead.

"I'm…sorry…" Knives hesitantly replied, as his brother reentered the room. "Rem…I shouldn't have…"

Vash dropped his buckets, the blood gone from his amazed face.

Vanessa glanced to him, and lifted Knives' face to look into his eyes. "You hurt Vash when you did it; you need to ask him to forgive you," she softly recommended.

Hesitating from confusion, Knives turned to Vash. His voice was broken. "Vash…I'm sorry…I…"

Vash bit his lip as the tears rolled down his own face now. Unable to reply, his own emotions began to wrench forth painfully. Before his mind collapsed into sorrow, he took up the buckets and rushed from the cave.

Burying his face into Vanessa's shoulder, Knives' sobs became heavier.

"Give him time," she cooed. "He'll accept it once he thinks it over." She continued to run her hands across his back slowly until he calmed.

Vash shuffled briskly into the cave to avoid the sounds of Knives' sobbing from the cave top. At the distance, he couldn't hear Vanessa's low, soft mutterings, but still he knew they were being said. And it was creeping him out.

'This is the fourth time,' Vash thought to himself. 'Each day for four days, he's cried in her arms. She goes off by herself, and he's fine and all, and then she goes to him and he immediately seems to break down – every time. It's downright bizarre.'

Vash reclined onto his bed and picked up a novel. Thumbing it open at his bookmark, he stared at the pages, lower lip projected.

Sighing, he snapped the book closed and leaned against his pillow. 'I ought to be happy,' he thought. 'Knives has apologized to me three days in a row, and when she's done with him today, he'll probably apologize to me again. First for Rem, second for making me use my angel arm, and yesterday for sending the Gung-Ho Guns to me…What today? All these years - she makes them seem so simple. She just cuddles him a little and he melts. He's sorry for it all because she tells him that's why he's crying. But is it?'

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