Creedy just wasn't the same after that day, after Stephanie. He barely talked to anyone. Worse even, he avoided Ben and May. He would get a look on his face between horror and desperation when they did managed to climb into his lap. He usually didn't come to bed until Ali and the little ones were asleep. It had been that way for nearly a month and it didn't look like anything would change anytime soon. When she did wake up and Creedy was there, it didn't even seem like the same man. His forehead had deep lines and the happy twitch in his lips was gone. They were only a few feet apart on the bed but miles away from each other. He had shut himself up and had thrown away the key. Sometimes she found herself wondering if it would get better, and if it would it be the same as before? She briefly wondered if all of this was even worth it before she scolded herself of thinking that. 'Of course it is, I love him.' She told herself.
Quinn bumped into Ali as she came out of the door to the bathroom one morning, slightly paler than usual.
"You alright?" She nodded and gave him an overly bright smile while some of her color returned.
"Of course, why wouldn't I be?"
"I just thought I would ask, you look pale." She playfully slapped his arm.
"Of course I look pale. I've been inside for forever." He smiled, stupid Quinn always worrying over nothing.
"I'll see you later ok? I'm already late, Isa will have my head." He nodded and watched her walk off down the stairs before he turned back to his business.
"Creedy still hasn't changed?" Isa asked while the three women were scurrying around the kitchen.
"Nope." Ali replied.
"Shame. You alright with everything?"
"I'm managing." Isa gave her a look of sympathy and set down her pot on the burner.
"If you need anything at all, we're here to help."
"I know." She took a deep breath, feeling a lump rising in her throat, she swallowed it down.
"Sometimes I find myself wondering if I will ever get my Creedy back. It's been so long. I-I don't know what to do."
"Of course you do, but he'll wake up one day and be back to his old self like nothing happened. You'll see." Ali wanted to believe that so badly but just couldn't convince herself to believe what Isa said.
"We've barely had a conversation over the last month. He doesn't talk about it, but I know it has to do with Stephanie, why he is how he is. It breaks my heart to see him around Ben and May, he looks so afraid to touch them."
"Some men never recover from traumatic experiences." Mattie said softly. 'Great. Of course I just had to pick the special one that never recovers.' They dropped the subject.
Ben and May, bless their hearts, did not understand why in the world Creedy wasn't around like he used to be. He had nearly run out of the room every time they arrived, and they noticed. That evening when they crawled into bed and curled up next to her, Ben asked the question she dreaded to answer.
"Mommy is daddy mad at us?" Ali forced a smile and smoothed down Ben's hair.
"No daddy isn't mad at you, he's just really busy and doesn't have time to be with you. He misses you though."
"We miss him too. When will he quit being busy?"
"I don't know Ben." As they drifted off Ali thought back to earlier that day, she had seen Ben and May tumble over themselves in excitement when Creedy walked into the room. They clamped themselves around his legs in a 'jaws of life' move. Ali could still see their sad expressions when he'd made a lame excuse and left as soon as they let go of him.
Creedy shut himself up in his room, missing dinner and avoiding all human contact. Isa handed Ali a plate of food after dinner ended and gave a small smile.
"Why don't you go and give this to Creedy. We don't want him wasting away."
"Thanks Isa." She said half heartedly. Isa shooed her off, and she took the warm plate up to Creedy's lair. Entering quietly she saw him sitting at the desk slouched back in the chair. He had dark circles under his eyes and hadn't shaved in days. She set the food down in front of him and wrapped her arms around his neck, resting her chin on his shoulder.
"Isa sent some food since you missed dinner."
"I'm not hungry." She sighed and stood up behind him, pacing around the room.
"Fine. Sorry for even wasting breath seeing as you were busy and all." She said sarcastically. She winced, she really hadn't meant to say something like that. She'd just been really strung out lately. Lately she'd had a short tether and right now she was reaching the end point.
"You wouldn't understand what it was like, what it is like." She stopped pacing and faced him.
"You're right I don't understand because you won't tell me! I do know that I want the old Creedy back. Ben and May want their daddy back and you ignore them like they didn't exist! Why?"
"I can't explain it." Such a simple answer, if only they were talking about the weather.
"Can't or wont? Creedy I've made up lies for you to explain why you aren't there when they come at night. All they want is their daddy, and in case you missed the memo that's you! Why don't you quit slinking around avoiding them and being a father!" He stood up towering over her, his fists balled tightly into fists. His eyes paled considerably in anger with a dark ring around the iris to give him a fearsome look. She didn't back down.
"I've tried to be there for you, to give you time but every time I do, you ignore me and push me away! Maybe I might have something to say but you won't listen to me!"
"If you have something to say then say it!" She shook her head.
"Not like this."
"You won't tell me and that's alright but I won't tell you and you get mad is that it?"
"Don't try and turn this around to me Dave Creedy!" She spat.
"Why not? It's the same thing."
"I have my reasons, I don't want to tell you now."
"Maybe that's how I feel."
"Creedy it's been almost month. Ben and May want you back, I want you back."
"You think I want to stay like this? To have nightmares every night? I don't like it anymore than you do!" He turned away from her, running his hands through his hair in frustration.
"Then do something about it and move on! We want you back with us!"
"God dammit Ali!" He whipped around, fire burning in his eyes.
"Can't you see I just want to be left the hell alone? I don't want you or Ben or May around me!" Creedy instantly regretted his words as soon as he realized what he had said. He saw the hurt in Ali's eyes and he wanted to run to her and get on his hands and knees and ask for forgiveness. He might as well have grown branches and leaves because he was rooted to the spot and did no such thing. Ali just stood there for a second or two in disbelief. She spoke quietly, her voice wavering but she would not cry in front of him.
"Alright then. If that is what you want, you have it. Talk to yourself for all I care." She left him sitting there. He looked at the plate of food and pushed it roughly away. He had definitely made a mess of things. Why hadn't he just told her how afraid he was of losing Ben and May the same way? He couldn't even take care of someone else's child, how did they think he would manage with his own? He should have told her how everytime he closed his eyes it wasn't Stephanie burning, it was his Ben and May, it was Ali. He was helpless to protect them against a fire breathing dragon, and they all deserved so much better than what he could offer.
Ali was in tears by the time she exited the room. She leaned back against the door and took a deep shaky breath. She clutched her stomach and went to the only place she could think of. Blinded from her waterworks she ran down the hall to Isa and Mattie's door. She knocked and it opened a few seconds later. Mattie took one look at the pitiful creature in front of her, her face becoming an expression of pity.
"Oh honey, come here." She opened up her arms and Ali threw herself into them sobbing.
Oh it get's better...maybe.