Scene 7
Moon:Wow, that last scene was short! We're making good time!
Reno: Come on out, Billy! No one will recognize you now!
Billy:(offstage) I don't wanna!
Reno:BILLY! You come out here right now, mister, or I'll put you in a time-out!
Billy:Aww! (comes out dressed in a sparkly pink dress) Guys! Do I have to wear this? It's so embarrassing!
Moon:Come on, dude! Like Reno said, no one will recognize you!
Hope:Billy! What are you wearing?
Billy:(to Moon and Reno) No one will recognize me, eh? (they shrug apologetically)
Hope: I don't think I can love a man who wears women's clothes, Billy. (starts to exit)
Billy:Wait! What if I put on some pants?
Hope:(considers this, then) Meet me at the lifeboat in half an hour. (slinks off. Billy does a victory move)
Reno:So you've got your girl, eh?
Billy:No thanks to you.
Moon:But what about her fiancée, Ruth?
Evie:(pops in from some random place) Evelyn, please! (exits)
Moon:Yeah, sure. Whatever. What about him?
Reno:(seductively) Leave him to me. (adjusts her bosom seductively)
Billy:Aw thanks, Reno! Y'know, I feel a song coming on!
"Friendship"
Moon:(music starts up, then) Crap. Guys, I don't know this song. (whips out his script and studies the lines)
Reno:(shrugs) Me neither.
Billy:Why the hell not? Didn't you guys go to rehearsals?
Reno:I was busy.
Moon:There were rehearsals?
Billy:(sighs heavily) Okay. You guys share a script. And do it right! This is the only good song in the show. (Moon and Reno mock him until he turns to look at them, glaring)
"Friendship" (for real, this time)
Reno:If you're ever in a jam, here I am!
Moon:What kind of jam?
Reno:Raspberry! (both giggle)
Billy:(whiny) Guys! Take this seriously!
Moon:If they ever shoot you in the head, I'll…well, honestly, I'll run away screaming and hide in Venezuela.
All:That's friendship! Friendship! Just the perfect…
Billy:Blendship! Hey guys, why'd you stop singing?
Reno:Blendship isn't a word.
Moon:This says I have to shake my butt. I'll have you know that Moonface Martin shakes his butt for no man!
Reno:No, really. Billy, did you write this?
Cole:No, I did.
All:(gasp and cower in fear) Cole Porter!
Cole:Damn straight! I'm sick a y'all messing with my song! I did not resist criticism of my peers and survive being crushed by a horse to watch you imbeciles destroy my greatest work! Now, do it right, or I'll beat you with my cane!
Billy:Mr. Porter! I tried to tell them, but…
Cole:Silence! You are just as bad, Mr…Mr…Mr. What's-his-face! Are you wearing a dress?
Billy:(dejected) Yes, sir.
Reno:(proudly) It's my dress!
Cole:Keep up the good work, son. And stop whining! (exits)
Moon:Okay, uh (trying to get the beat) uh, re-mem-ber! (other two join in)
All:A man's best friend is his, man's best friend is his, man's best friend is his…(piles of snow fall on all three. They stop singing, look at each other, and slink offstage)
Reno:I hate snow! (blackout)