Scene 3
Ching:Konnichi-wa, American-type people! We in jail!
Ling:Why? We not know.
Ching:Has something to do with gambling the pants off everybody on ship!
Ling:Not our fault no one else can play Blackjack!
Ching:Word!
Ling:This next scene our scene! We decide to sing a song for you before criminal guys steal spotlight!
Ching:They always do that!
Ling:So here the Chinese song! Go!
"The Chinese Song"
Both:La la la…we are from Indochina!
Ling:Indoor China?
Ching:Indochina!
Ling:Outdoor China?
Ching:Vietnam!
Both:We eat rice with chopsticks, but we're not stereotypes.
Ling:I am short!
Ching:And I am tall!
Both:La la la la la! The End !
Moon :Hey, Chinese kids! We're gonna gamble to steal your clothes!
Chinese:Okay.
Billy:But we're going to do it all subtle-like so you won't realize we're gambling your clothes away.
Chinese:Okay. (Moon shuffles cards)
Moon:And we're going to cheat, too.
Chinese:Okay. (Moon deals the cards, dealing from the bottom and looking at every card before he gives it to the Chinese. He picks which cards he wants and gives the Chinese "junk". The Chinese win the hand. Deal again. Chinese win again.)
…Later…
(Moon and Billy are in their underwear and hats. Chinese are wearing random bits of their clothing all in the wrong way. Think pants on the head or something)
Billy:All right, we forfeit!
Ching:We lose?
Ling:We no lose; we win! $300!
Billy:But we really need your clothes!
Ching:You no fit in our clothes!
Ling:You too fat!
Moon:Hey!
Chinese:(run off laughing)
Moon:How did they get out of here?
Billy:(shrugs) Magic?
Moon:(seriously considers this, then) Nah. Where'd they find the Twinkies to generate the magical escape force field?
Billy:What!
Hope:Billy, I love you!
Moon:Hey, where'd you come from?
Hope:Uh…somewhere else?
Moon:Okay. (plays with his cards)
Billy:Hope! I love you, too! Let's sing a song about it!
"All Through the Night"
Billy:Lalalala!
Hope:Mimimi!
Moon:Sosososo!
Billy & Hope:Hey!
Moon:Sorry
Billy:I think about you all the time because I'm an obsessed stalker!
Hope:Oh, Billy! Really?
Billy:A-yup! (they kiss)
Moon:(watches them, making faces)
Billy & Hope:(still kissing)
Moon:All right, you have to leave now. (gets up and pushes Hope away)
Hope:Wait, why?
Moon:It's time for my solo!
Billy & Hope:Oh, God!
Moon:Shut up! (gives Hope one last shove and she skids offstage. SFX: shattering glass and yowling cat)
Hope:(offstage) I think I broke something important! Like my head! Ouchies!
Billy:Moon! You broke my girlfriend!
Moon:Ah, she'll get over it. (clears throat) Everything may seem like it sucks right now, but just be like the bluebird and don't worry and it'll be all good! Tra-la-la-la-la-laaaaaaa!
Billy:What are you saying? That I'm a bird? And you call that singing?
Moon:You got anything else to say?
Billy:Yeah. How're we gonna get out of jail?
Ching:Hey, fat gangster man! You in jail! We not!
Moon:You…I'm gonna get you!
Ling:You no get us! You stuck in jail!
Billy:Hey, you guys! We're pals, right?
Ching:Wrong! We no like you!
Billy:Yeah, but my girlfriend's gonna marry that dweeby British guy! Can you help us?
Chinese:(confer in whispers)
Ling:Maybe. What you give us?
Moon:What do you want?
Ching:We want cash! Fork it over!
Moon:We don't have any cash! You guys took it all!
Ling:Too bad for you! (exit)
Billy:Look, this scene is going on too long and I've got to go marry Hope before Stephanie does.
Evie:(popping out from behind scenery) Evelyn, chaps!
Billy:Whatever. Moon, we've got to do something.
Moon:Okay, I've got an idea. It's crazy, but it just might work. Ready for it?
Billy:Yeah.
Moon:Follow me. (he hesitantly steps over the scenery for the jail and is in another spotlight. Billy does the same.) Ha! It worked!
Billy:You mean it was that easy? Why didn't we do that before?
Bonnie:Because you're stupid! Now hurry up before Hope marries Evelyn and the world explodes!
Billy:Explodes?
Moon:Don't question it. Let's go! (run off one side, then come back sheepishly and exit the other way)