A/N: I am, unfortunately, not around to watch GG anymore, so I'm working from notes given to me by my friend buddy Fizzy! I love you! So if this sucks…well…blame it on my a capella rehearsals…

Rudy Can't Fail #14

"Jesus Christ," Jess grumbled as he tumbled out of his bed at three in the morning. "Not again…Swear if it's Rory I'm gonna kill her…" He stumbled out of his bedroom and to the front door. He swung it open, ready to kill whomever it was on the other side.

When he realized it was Luke, his angry expression melted quickly into confusion. "Luke…?"

The older man wobbled a little. "Hi."

Jess wrinkled his nose. "You're drunk."

"No, 'm not," Luke grumbled, pushing past Jess into the apartment.

Jess squinted tiredly. "What's going on…"

Luke shook his head. "Nadia here?"

"No," Jess replied. "She's at her place tonight. Apparently her roommate was having a quarter-life crisis…What are you doing here?"

"Just needed someone to talk to," Luke slurred.

"It's three in the morning," Jess snapped. "And you're drunk."

"I 'm no' drunk!" Luke hissed. "Now stop yelling…you'll wake up th' birdies 'er somethin'…"

Jess watched his uncle slump down onto the couch. "Luke…what happened?"

Luke sighed. "I broke up with Lor'lai…"

"What!"

"I did it!" Luke yelled. "I…broke up with Lor'lai Gilmore!"

Jess collapsed onto the floor with a thud and stared at Luke in confusion. "Why?"

"Because she lied to me!" Luke cried. "She lied! And her mother is the devil!"

"What did she lie about?" Jess asked.

"She went and go' drunk with Chris, an' she lied to me 'bout it," Luke told him. "She tol' me she had a headache, when she was out th' night before drinkin' with Chris. And she didn' tell me 'til Chris showed up at that stupid vow….thingy."

"Rory's dad was at the vow renewal?" Jess asked.

Luke nodded. "I didn' even wanna go, but she wante' be t' go, so I did. I hate that stuff…they made a total fool outta me…"

Jess nodded back. "Gilmores are good at that…So…why did you break up with Lorelai?"

"Because! I can' deal with it!" Luke replied. "I can'…God! She stole my message tape, and…"

Jess sighed. "You're not making sense anymore."

"Figures," Luke grumbled. "It's all Lorelai's fault!"

"Okay," Jess nodded again. He got to his feet and ran his fingers through his disheveled hair. "I'm gonna get you some blankets. You're not…Jesus, how did you get here? You didn't drive, did you?"

"Maybe…"

"Luke! You're drunk as hell! You don't drive when you're this drunk!"

"Whatever."

"I'm getting you stuff. Swear to god, if you ever do anything this stupid ever again, I'll kick your ass."

"Like t' see you try!" Luke spat.

Jess shook his head and grabbed a few extra blankets.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Luke groaned and struggled to turn over on the couch. "Where the hell am I?" he grumbled, cracking his eyes open.

"My sofa," Jess replied, sitting down on the coffee table. "I made you some tea."

Luke sat up slowly, and grabbed his forehead. "Jeez…dizzy."

Jess sighed. "Yeah, well…"

"I really made an ass outta myself last night, huh?" Luke asked, taking the hot mug of tea.

"Pretty much," Jess nodded.

"Jeez," Luke groaned.

"It's okay," Jess replied. "Just…don't…do the driving drunk thing again..."

The two men stared at each other for a long moment, before Luke nodded.

"So, where's Nadia?" Luke asked.

Jess shrugged. "Around. Probably at work. We're supposed to have dinner tonight, but…if you need-"

"No," Luke cut him off. "I've gotta get back."

"Things sound pretty bad," Jess remarked. "If you wanna lay low…"

"Things are bad," Luke confirmed. "The town has ribbons…pink for people on Lorelai's side…blue for people on my side…"

Jess snorted. "Amazing. They make everything about them."

"Yeah," Luke sighed. "Yeah, they do."

"You should move," Jess told him.

"I've been telling myself that for years," Luke grinned. He took a sip of tea and shook his head. "Never gonna happen."

"You love Lorelai," Jess said quietly.

Luke's jaw tightened.

"She seems to feel the same way," Jess went on. "Why not try and work things out?"

"Because it'd fail," Luke said. "Nobody wants us together."

Jess shrugged fluidly.

"Christopher…her parents…"

"They're all assholes," Jess said. "What do you care?"

"The town…"

"More assholes," Jess pointed out. "Get a clue, Luke."

Luke merely took another sip of his tea.